# My Ronnie is gone....help.



## Bunnyfluffs (Jan 9, 2016)

I am really lost at the moment...Ronnie started getting unbalanced near the end of November. I took him to his rabbit vet which was 1hour away bus and subway commute. He was on a lot of meds and antibiotics...he had nystagmus too...he would get better for a week and then some symptoms would show up again. He was tilting a little to his left 6 months ago he had an partial ear ablation surgery to remove the big infection in his ear. It was all clean even when the symptoms showed up, his doctor thought it was odd that he was leaning on the ear that was totally clean...

Again, I would noticed he was a tiny bit off balance so i locked him in his cage mostly when i was away so he wouldnt hurt himself. I kept going to his rechecks and the doctor just kept saying we will treat it symptomatically and it was the holiday week now christmas coming up so we had booked xrays and possible surgery after the new year.

He was doing so well during christmas week...but the day after boxing day, in the middle of the night he started to get very unbalanced...within 15 mins he started rolling violently and me and my bf had to hold him to his left side to stabilize him. If we let go he would roll so much! I took him to emergency it was a Sunday! I dont drive but my brother took me to emerg right away..

emerg just gave me more meds. And this emerg specializes with rabbits too. it was 40 minutes away by car.

So me and my bf had barely any sleep trying to keep him stable, padding his cage...keep his head lifted....

He would want to clean himself but the moment his head tilted to the left he would roll and with the cage and the rolled towel he would roll on top of them and i was so afraid of him hurting his back... 

I took him to the vet and they said his condition is complex and chronic...supportive care is the only way and we wont be able to do any MRI or CT scans (which are very expensive) until he stopped rolling and it was risky...That's when i decided to put him to sleep.... I asked for them to give him SQ fluids at least to keep him comfortable because he was getting so dehydrated even if i syringed fed water..

He was always out of breath, he could never rest, his eyes were darting so much like into his head....

I couldnt see him like this. He was only 6 years and 9 months. 

After the 2nd day he wanted to eat so badly i had to hand feed him critical care and he ALWAYS hated it! and i had to be so careful or else he would roll whenever he moved his head and tried to clean or lick off the food from the towels. 

I tried so much, but i could see he was in so much pain, he had severe ulcers, especially in his left "down" eye...

So i spent my last day with him petting him and talking to him, had my mom say goodbye. 

I work at a vet clinic but my boss doesnt specialize in rabbits...

When the moment came he kissed my fingers....my boss couldnt get to his vein because their veins are so thin and she only had needles for cats and dogs...

Ronnie moved a bit...this is was traumatized me...he was also still breathing and his heart was rapid too even after the first dose of the euth. my boss had to go out 2 times to get more....she asked me to turn him to the other way to try his vein on his front paw...
When i picked him up he made a sound..

and then he was gone after the 3rd needle....


I didnt cry that moment because i knew what i did was right.

but it keeps haunting me...i feel like maybe i shouldve waited and see my boss said i could take him to work but how am i supposed to do anything when he could roll and hurt himself? I was so scared he was on meds for so long and his heart was beating fast constantly i didnt want him to suffer. 

...i feel so guilty so ashamed so alone. i miss him so much. i am questioning if i did the right thing or not.. I miss him terribly.

I went to see him again for a viewing and visitation before he was cremated. He looked so peaceful...

Please someone help me ease this pain...did I do the right thing? I feel like I cannot go on anymore. I feel suicidal too no one in my family knows my pain. My boyfriend isn't here too because we are long distance...

I want another bunny in my life but i know it is too soon my mom says i cant get one anymore at least not until we move but i know it will take a long time. I feel so lonely in my room he used to wake me up and sleep beside me every night.

I just feel so guilty, i hope he knows i love him so much...


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## Azerane (Jan 9, 2016)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Had the vet provided you with a more recent diagnosis at all? It sounds like it could have been E. cuniculi but you haven't mentioned that anywhere. Treatment at such a late stage can be difficult and severe tilts can't always be corrected in any case.

It sounds like Ronnie had been battling for a very long time, and you did all that you could for him. I understand questioning whether you did the right thing or not, just last week my Bandit passed away because of an injury that I accidentally caused, while I was trying to prevent him from getting injured. I know in my head I did the absolute right thing, but it's difficult to overcome.

Do not feel guilty, it sounds like you did all that you could for him.


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## Bunnyfluffs (Jan 10, 2016)

The symptoms started showing up near the end of November. He had ear surgery on his left ear 6 months prior. So since his ear was clean they thought it was something deeper within the bula, and said xrays cannot guarantee a diagnosis...I did not get him tested for EC as he was already on panacur. They said it may be a lession or something. I dont know all I know is that he was in alot of pain he wasn't able to move without rolling. It is going to be a tough year he was my first pet.

Thank you


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## Nancy McClelland (Jan 10, 2016)

We're so sorry for your loss. No matter how hard we try, sometimes, we still lose. Rest in peace little man and binky free.


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