# PIN: Dealing with Grief



## naturestee

Thanks so much to Irishmist for sharing this. Her vet sent it to her after her bun Pez passed away.

* THE STAGES OF GRIEF *

There are many stages of grief, but not everyone experiences them all or in the same order. You may experience denial, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance and resolution. 

Your first reaction may be denial - denial that the animal has died or that death is imminent. Denial may begin when you first learn the seriousness of your animals illness or injuries. Often, the more sudden the death, the more difficult the loss is to accept. 

* ANGER AND GUILT* often follow denial. Your anger may be directed toward people you normally love and respect, including your family and your vetrinarian. People coping with death will often say things that they do not mean to hurt. You may feel guilty or blame others for not recognizing the illness earlier, for not doing something sooner, for not being able to afford other types or further treatment, or for being careless and allowing the animal to become sick or injured. 

* DEPRESSION* is also a part of the range of emotions experienced after the death of a special animal. The tears flow, there are knots in your stomach and you feel drained of all your energy. Day-to-day tasks seem impossible to perform. Sometimes you may even ask yourself if you can go on without the animal. The answer is yes, but there are times when special assistance may be helpful in dealing with your loss. 

* RESOLVE AND ACCEPT* Eventually you can begin to accept your animal's death. Even when you have reached resolution and acceptance, feelings of anger, denial, guilt, and depression may reapear. If this does happen, these feelings will usually be less intense and with time will be replaced with fond memories. 

Although the stages of grief apply fairly universally, grieving is always a personal process. Some people take longer to come to terms with denial, anger, guilt and depression and each loss is different.If you understand that these are normal reactions, you will be better prepared to cope with your feelings and to help others face theirs. Family and friends should be reassured that sorrow and grief are normal and natural responses to death. 

* THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND *
Sometimes well-meaning family and friends may not realize how important your animal was to you or the intensity of your grief. Comments they make my seem cruel and uncaring. Be honest with yourself and others about how you feel. If despair mounts, talk to someone who will listen to your feelings about your loss of your animal. Talk about your sorrow, but also the fun times you and the animal spent together, the activities you enjoyed and the memories that are meaningful. 

* THE HURT IS DEEP *
If you or a family member have great difficulty in accepting your animal's death and cannot resolve feelings of grief and sorrow, you may want to discuss these feelings with a person who is trained to understand the grieving process. Your veterinarian certainly understands the relationship you have lost and may be able to suggest support groups and help lines, grief counsellors, clergymen, social workers, physicians or psychologists who can help. 

* SHOULD I GET ANOTHER ANIMAL *
The death of an animal can upset you emotionally, especially when euthanasia is involved. Some people may feel they would never want another animal. For others, a new animal may help them recover from their loss more quickly. Just as grief is a personal experience, the decision of when, if ever, to bring home a new animal into your life is a personal one. If a family member is having difficulty accepting the animal's death, getting a new animal before that person has resolved his or her grief may imply that the life of the deceased animal was unworthy of the grief that is still being felt. Family members should agree on the appropriate time to acquire a new animal. Although you can never replace the animal you lost, you can obtain another to share your life. 
*
REMEMBERING YOUR ANIMAL *
The period from birth to old age is much shorter for most domesticanimals than for people. Death is part of the life cycle. It cannot be avoided, but understanding and compassion can help you, your family,and your friends manage the grief associated with it. Try to recall and treasure the good times you spent with your animal. You may also wish to establish a memorial of some type or contribute to a charity in honor of your animal. 

The bond that we form with animals is unique. The loss of an animal can have an impact on you that is as great or even greater than the loss of a family member or friend. This bond is what makes our interactions with animals rich and rewarding, but also what makes the grief process so complicated. 

After your animal has died or been lost, it is natural and normal to feel grief and sorrow. Although grief is an internal and private response, there are certain stages of grief that most people experience. By understanding the process, you will be able to manage your grief and to help other family members and friends who share your sense of loss. 


_ Taken from a brochure that was sent to me from my vet 
written by the American Veterinary Medical Association _



* BOOKS DEALING WITH PET LOSS *

*CHILDREN *

AMAZON.COM 
_ For every dog an angel_ by Christine Davis 
_For every cat an angel _by Christine Davis 
_ When a pet dies_ by Fred Rogers 
_ I'll always love you_ by Cynthia Rylant 
_ The tenth good thing about barney_ by Judith Viorst 

DOGWISE.COM 
_ Jasper's day_ by Marjorie Parker 

*ADULTS *

AMAZON.COM 
_ Losing your dog_ by Mickie Gustafson 
_ When only love remains, the pain of pet loss_ by Emily Margaret Stuparyk 

DOGWISE.COM 
_ Coping with sorrow and the loss of your pet_ by Moira Anderson 
_ Good bye friend, healing wisdom for anyone who has ever lost a pet_ by Gary Kowalski 
_ A final act of caring_ by Mary and Herb Montgomery 

*FAMILY *

AMAZON.COM 
_
Pet loss: a thoughtful guide for adults and children_ by Herbert A. Neidig


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## Haley

House Rabbit Society Pet Loss Support info:http://www.rabbit.org/faq/sections/loss.html


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## TinysMom

I am moving this thread to the Rainbow Bridge forum because so many struggle with grief when they lose a special furry friend - and they may not know to go to another section of the forum to find this information.

In a little over 12 hours - it will be 3 weeks since GingerSpice died....and I'm only now getting to the point where I don't cry for an hour or more every day. So for those reading this - yes - it can take time - and we all grieve in different ways.

If you need to get a new bunny - we support you.

If you need time before getting a new bunny - we support you.

We look forward with you to the day when you will be able to recall memories of your furry friend with smiles and laughter instead of adull ache and pain.

Peg


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## Starina

My MIL lost her dog a couple of years ago. (I know this is a Rabbit forum, but bear with me) I didn't like this dog,she was ugly, balding, and MEAN. She died in the night and my BF had to bury her for his mom. Once she was in the ground, his mom went to work on her grave. She piled stones on top. She came in and tearfully said,"That bald a** dog was my best friend." The next summer she made her a tombstone. It was a concrete stepping stone with the name Puppy and MyBest Friend on it. It was sweetly sad. No one faulted her for loving this mean, bald, ugly dog. She still gets chocked up about Puppy, who was 11 when she died. Who knows why we love the pets we do, but we should be allowed to remeber and greive for them in our own way.



~Star~


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## Flashy

Not sure if this is the right place, but nevermind

ThePetBereavement Support Service is a UK run service that helps,obviously, bereaved pet owners.

They run a telephone helpline that people can call, and they also operate an e-mail support service (so those outside the UK could also access this). They are really good and offer a nonjudgemental outlet.

They also have aMemorialpart to the site that you can place a tribute to your pet.


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## NancysWorlds

What a wonderful post. I lost my baby bunnies quite a while ago and most people other than my husband did not realize the grief I felt. I am soon to complete my MA in Counseling with my BA in psychology and one topic that is never touched on in any of my classes is the grief that we feel when we lose a pet. I would like to share this with my class mates and hopefully they will learn from it and remember it when they are treating their clients. 

Thank You So Much for Sharing this Wonderful Post.

Nancy


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## trixieismyfunnybunny

This is a wonderful post! I lost my dog awhile back(1 year ago) and i didn't know how to heal my grief. This is excellent and everyone should read it! God bless!


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## The Turtle

I am new here, but old and wise in the ways they escape us over the years.

The main thing I try to tell people is, don't fear the grief. Don't run from it, don't minimize it, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Most of us, unless we breed tortoises or elephants, will outlive our boys and girls. If we've done our jobs, they've had the best lives they can have, even if their time here is short, and we will see them again someday.

Don't hide from what you feel. Stand up to the pain, walk all around it, look it in the eye and say, "yes, it hurts. I know it hurts. And I know I'll go through it again."

We will lose them all someday.

But we can also say, "they had the best life anybody could have."

Turtle


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## sdellin

My best friend, Simba, left me on May 8th of this year. Although it has been more than four months, it feels like it was yesterday. Thanks, I needed to read this post.


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## Becca

*The Turtle wrote: *


> I am new here, but old and wise in the ways they escape us over the years.
> 
> The main thing I try to tell people is, don't fear the grief. Don't run from it, don't minimize it, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Most of us, unless we breed tortoises or elephants, will outlive our boys and girls. If we've done our jobs, they've had the best lives they can have, even if their time here is short, and we will see them again someday.
> 
> Don't hide from what you feel. Stand up to the pain, walk all around it, look it in the eye and say, "yes, it hurts. I know it hurts. And I know I'll go through it again."
> 
> We will lose them all someday.
> 
> But we can also say, "they had the best life anybody could have."
> 
> Turtle


Thats true :rainbow:


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## irishlops

this helped me alot..

but i still feel guiltly. :help

u can see my rainbow post in the rainbow thread.......:rainbow:


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## The Turtle

And now we find we have to learn these lessons all over again. Suzette delivered her litter of kits yesterday afternoon, and this morning she died in my arms. I have to tend now to getting the kits fed and warm, and put off feeling the sadness about losing Suzette for another day.


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## irishlops

sorry 2 hear that.

my bunny was slowly dying in my arms,.... but died alone in the nite..u can read it in rainbow...

no named bunny died in sleep


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## NorthernAutumn

Pet Bereavement Services through phone/email etc.

http://www.petloss.com/phones.htm

Primarily US locations.


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