# How can people be so disrespectful?



## Boz (Feb 3, 2009)

I cannot believe how some kids talk to their parents! It's unbelievable! They will get mad at their parents so quickly over stupid things. Why don't you at least LISTEN to them? A lot of teens always say "They don't know and don't understand." And actually, they do. I used to say that myself but I've realized they DO understand and most of time they do KNOW! Can't you have some respect for them? Seriously! :grumpy:

Ugh, it just bugs me sometimes.


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## naturestee (Feb 4, 2009)

Isn't that part of being a teen? It doesn't help that my teenage nephew and nieces have every reason to disrespect their mother. Heck, I disrespect their mother.

When I was a teen I respected my mom, still do. She's awesome. My dad, on the other hand...


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## Flashy (Feb 4, 2009)

I guess sometimes there is also a reason why the person is not getting respect/may be some sort of issue that might cause behaviour like hat and that's not necessarily clear to anyone on the outside.

Having said that though, it can be hard to witness something like that.


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## Elf Mommy (Feb 4, 2009)

At this point, very few television programs model respectful behavior toward adults. If they also aren't seeing their parents respect others, then they have nothing to go by. It's age-old though...this lament that the kids coming up are disrespectful.  You can find it in ancient writings, too! hehe


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## Epic_win (Feb 4, 2009)

My boyfriend's brother is disrespectful to his mother.

But, sadly, at the same time, she is very disrespectful to him.

It by no means justifies the way he talks to her, but his mom only communicates by yelling at everyone. So people yell back.

I got so sick of it one time that I told them all that they have no idea how to communicate with each other and nobody respects one another.

Sigh, I don't get it sometimes :/


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## irishbunny (Feb 4, 2009)

I'm not very respectful to my parents when I'm mad, like I'll then them to f off and I'll give back cheek but it's their fault for making me mad, when I'm not mad I don't disrespect them.


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## Flashy (Feb 4, 2009)

Do they act like that with you Grace, when you make them mad at you?


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## irishbunny (Feb 4, 2009)

They wouldn't tell me to f off but they would give cheek to me too lol.


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## Becca (Feb 4, 2009)

I have something to add to this:

My History teacher has gone on maternity leave and she was one of the best teachers we ever had, even all the naughty people in our class respected her and talked to her like she was one of us and she talks to us like adults. She really was very nice, but now becuase shes gone to have her baby we have this other teacher - she is also nice but everyone is so horrid to her!! I really just want to tell everyone to shut up and leave her alone, obviously I wouldn't but I wish I could!! Everyone has just completley changed their attitude! Also this teacher doesn't have a tv - I don't mind that in fact I think its great!! But other kids just dont seem to understand that she isn't a wierdo for not having a tv and that she bikes to school. Also she was off the other day so we had a sub and today this really annoying stupid boy called Martin said 'it was so much better last lesson when miss wasn't here' and i wanted to go and thump him. How can someone be so mean? To be honest our class isn't the best (its mixed abiltiy) they are rude and alot of them do drugs and have sex etc which is scary at my age I know. I just don't understand how they can be so disprespectful to a teacher!!


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## irishbunny (Feb 4, 2009)

*Becca wrote: *


> I have something to add to this:
> 
> My History teacher has gone on maternity leave and she was one of the best teachers we ever had, even all the naughty people in our class respected her and talked to her like she was one of us and she talks to us like adults. She really was very nice, but now becuase shes gone to have her baby we have this other teacher - she is also nice but everyone is so horrid to her!! I really just want to tell everyone to shut up and leave her alone, obviously I wouldn't but I wish I could!! Everyone has just completley changed their attitude! Also this teacher doesn't have a tv - I don't mind that in fact I think its great!! But other kids just dont seem to understand that she isn't a wierdo for not having a tv and that she bikes to school. Also she was off the other day so we had a sub and today this really annoying stupid boy called Martin said 'it was so much better last lesson when miss wasn't here' and i wanted to go and thump him. How can someone be so mean? To be honest our class isn't the best (its mixed abiltiy) they are rude and alot of them do drugs and have sex etc which is scary at my age I know. I just don't understand how they can be so disprespectful to a teacher!!


It's the same in our school too, we had this business teacher thay loads of people were really mean to and then the teacher started to go really weird, and then one day she was gone, they won't tell us what happened to her or anything, we are just being past from sub teacher to sub teacher for the last three months.


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## Flashy (Feb 4, 2009)

Teachers have to earn respect, they REALLY have to earn it and work hard to get it and keep it. Subs don't have that time or chance to earn that respect or get it, and it would take a lot for any sub to be able to actually work through that and gain respect when the class are up in the air and unruly.

Some teachers do just not have good behaviour management or presence, but others do. I know I did, it was a strength of mine (identified by my tutors), but the reason it was a strength was because I respected each pupil, and I was consistent, and they knew exactly where they stood with me.

There's no way in thr world that would be a strength of mine in secondary school though (and yes, I did do some secondary teaching) because that takes a whole different outlook, but with primary, some are excellent, and some are just not.

I often feel sorry for teachers with classes like that, but only when they haven't brought it on themselves.


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## irishbunny (Feb 4, 2009)

My business teacher that went missing is the type of teacher that when the new class comes into her classroom, they just know that can take the mickey and get away with it, when I first started in secondary school and walked into her class everyone started straight away.


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## Flashy (Feb 4, 2009)

Unfortunately, I don't think kids realise what they do to teachers when they behave like that. I know we never did. Although I was definitely not one of the worst culprits, I had my moments in biology (because he seemed to have some sort of vendetta against me, and I reacted to that by causing almighty chaos, lol).


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## TinysMom (Feb 4, 2009)

I guess I'm really really lucky after reading this discussion. My twins were never disrespectful to us when they were teens. We had disagreements at times - yes. We still do to this day.

But they always treated us with respect as their parents and I've got to say that my twins (who are now 24) are among my best friends and we love to be together.

I loved the teenage years (mostly). We could talk about adult things on a more mature level.

I think it is rude and disrepsectful to "f off" to anyone and it builds bad habits for later in life - like what if you have an employer who tells you what to do and you don't want to.

I have a lot of other thoughts but they're way way too conservative to put on this board.

By the way - I have seen parents I don't have respect for - and I know parents aren't perfect. I know Art & I weren't perfect. 

But if I could go back to the teenage years again with my kids - I'd do it in a heartbeat - they were among my favorite years.


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## irishbunny (Feb 4, 2009)

I only say it to them when I'm really annoyed and angry with them, and that's not very often, other then that I get on good with my parents, it's not like I'm constantly telling them to f off all the time lol.


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## Bo B Bunny (Feb 5, 2009)

*irishbunny wrote: *


> I only say it to them when I'm really annoyed and angry with them, and that's not very often, other then that I get on good with my parents, it's not like I'm constantly telling them to f off all the time lol.




Honestly, you should never tell them that. Even when you are really mad! that's not only disrespectful and rude - it's very immature. Bad words don't make anyone look tougher/smarter. I actually think a teen using that type of language seems very ignorant.

I know kids smart off.... it's part of life.... but it doesn't have to be so rude! 

If my kids said that to me, I'd have a hard time not smacking them (which isn't right either) and I guarantee they'd lose everything other than their bed, clothes, food, and schoolbooks!


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## Leaf (Feb 5, 2009)

*Elf Mommy wrote: *


> At this point, very few television programs model respectful behavior toward adults.



I walked into Subway the other day and their TV was cussing away. It's saddening - TV has gone to the extreme, and even worse (IMO) that it is allowed in public places.

I am far from perfect in my speech, but still!


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## mouse_chalk (Feb 5, 2009)

*Leaf wrote: *


> I am far from perfect in my speech, but still!


Me either lol! 

But, there's a big difference between swearing in general, and swearing AT people. I mean, I might say something bad if I was to drop something, etc etc, but I would just never use it as verbal abuse to someone. I wouldn't take it if it was said to me, so I wouldn't say it to someone else. 

I certainly was no angel (well, not really lol) when I was a kid but I would never ever have spoken to my parents like that. Not even now. And we have had some almighty rows in the past as well. It wasn't because I was scared of what they woud do to me either- it was because they're my parents and they don't deserve to be spoken to like that.... (Even if I did find my dad VERY difficult to get on with- and he admits he's very stubborn and flies off the handle sometimes lol)

I think that it's quite often used by people in a temper/argument to try and look clever or something, but I think that people don't often realise that it doesn't get them anywhere- doesn't get the point across or get people to understand where you're coming from- it just makes them mad/upset etc....


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## Bo B Bunny (Feb 5, 2009)

Oh, my mouth can turn a cussword, but the fact that people are so uncaring as to what they say and do anymore!


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## Aina (Feb 6, 2009)

I think that things can go two ways. I have always respected my parents, but they have always respected me and treated me like an adult. I think I have maybe got into a fight with them once in the past two or three years, and that was during finals when I was stressing.
However, when parents don't trust their kids or are not choosing their battles, then things can get out of hand. On the other hand when the parents try to "act cool" then they also lose respect. It is a balancing act.
It is for kids too. You respect your parents and they will be more likely to respect you.
I think that I am the one in control of my actions so even if someone isn't deserving of my respect I can show them respect even if I don't feel like it. It generally doesn't faze them, but it makes me feel better about myself because then I am being the bigger person.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (Feb 6, 2009)

uuugggggggggh i posted on this last night!
wait the night b4 i tink... uuuuurgh


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## Pekoe (Feb 6, 2009)

I've noticed this quite a bit, even among my friends... for instance, my friend's mother would be telling her daughter something helpful such as "There's some laundry down here for you when you get a chance," and my friend would just say, "OKAY MOM" in a really annoyed voice and not even give her the time of day. Also some people at my riding are not very nice to their parents. It just seems like a waste to me - you have this relationship from the time you are born and then for a very, very long time. I would NEVER say "F you" to my parents. So disrespectful. I'm astonished at the disrespect some teenagers show to their parents.


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## Numbat (Feb 6, 2009)

It's bad that some kids are disrespectful to their parents but it's also bad when parents disrespect their kids! I don't believe in the 'kids should be seen not heard' saying. Some people underestimate kids.

It's awful how badly some teens treat their parents though. I can't understand it. My mum and I have quite regular arguments because of our clashing personalities but they're not major or anything. We love and respect each other.

Our class is pretty well-behaved but I know some kids can be horrible to teachers. My friends in another class said their class made a teacher cry and walk out! That's awful! We have that teacher now and she's awesome. Everyone in our class likes her.


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## PepnFluff (Feb 6, 2009)

Our school is shocking with teachers esp relievers (subs) we have people swearing F-ing this etc, when we were jnrs we did the whole swapping names things and were generally more rowdy but now that were snrs you'd expect it to be better but we still have a few and they are generally alot worse than they were in jnr school. I mean come on your 16/17 grow up man. 
Apparently I disrespect my mum, don't ask me how I don't swear at her, I don't leave my stuff everywhere, I'm not smart to her, I'm home at my curfew, don't get trash faced etc. But apparently us having a non-existence relationship majorally disrespects her???


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## XxMontanaxX (Feb 7, 2009)

I have this cousin, and when she as younger, she would always scream at her parents and told them she hated them. She had this wooden bookshelf in her closet, and on it she had carved I hate mommy and daddy on it. She was a very angry child. 

But I could never imagine telling my parents that I hated them. And if I ever disrespect them slightly, I get yelled at for it.


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## Raspberry82 (Feb 7, 2009)

*naturestee wrote: *


> Isn't that part of being a teen? It doesn't help that my teenage nephew and nieces have every reason to disrespect their mother. Heck, I disrespect their mother.
> 
> When I was a teen I respected my mom, still do. She's awesome. My dad, on the other hand...



Ditto! When I was 12-14 though I was a hormonal meanie to my mom. By 16 though I was back to normal and love her to pieces. I respect her more than anyone. My dad is another matter..


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 7, 2009)

I was in Chicago today at the aquarium, and I heard a little kid tell his mum, "Go to Hell!" while stomping his feet and having a fit. This kid had to have still been in elementary school. I think people should be able to beat their kids when necessary. My parents smacked me when I was bad. I don't think that I'm too terrible of a person. *gasp* I hold doors open for people and give up my seat for pregnant women and people with kids and/or heavy objects! I am such a bad person! 

Note the slight sarcasm. :twitch:


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## Boz (Feb 7, 2009)

I admit I will get grumpy with my mom or dad sometimes but nothing over the top. I would never tell my parents I hate them (because that would be a lie!) or swear at them! 

I have a cousin who when he was like 8 years old was throwing these swear words around at his dad and his dad didn't do much because is sort of a pushover. He's a nice kid but some of the things he'd say to his dad (or even other adults and kids) are unbelievable for a kid his age!


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## Raspberry82 (Feb 8, 2009)

I totally agree with you Kherrmann! I think a big problem with why so many little kids are disrespectful is lack of proper firm discipline from the parents. When we were little my parents would NEVER tolerate that kind of behavior what so ever. We were spanked when really bad, but mostly they found clever ways to get across disciplining us. I plan to raise my kids that way too. Not strict, just lots of discipline. So many parents seem to let their kids run them instead of the other way around ever since the kid was a little tot. Then when they hit teen years, they like the kid from hell.


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 8, 2009)

I am a firm believer in spanking a kid when necessary. Mostly when they do something dangerous (like run out into a street). It shows that you mean business when you tell them to never do it again. It's like an exclamation mark!  

I've "hit" my nephew before when he slapped me across the face (on purpose). I grabbed his hand and "smacked" the back of his hand. This was not a hard slap, but just enough so he knew what it felt like. He hit me again, and I did it again. After about three rounds of this, he stopped slapping me and went crying to Mommy. Granted, he's only two, but guess what? He doesn't slap anymore! My 29-year old sister was amazed that her 21-year old half-sister can control her son better than her! She tries to discipline him with smiles and nice words. *eye roll*


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## irishbunny (Feb 8, 2009)

I know a woman who used to beat her kids whn they were small...now both of them are in jail for beating people up, one of them bit a persons ear off.


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 8, 2009)

I should probably clarify my post. I have no problem with certain discipline techniques, such as spanking and light slapping on the hand, as long as people don't go overboard. Most of the kids I've seen who had that kind of upbringing are more polite than ones who weren't. I am not saying that no-physical-punishment kids are all nuts and disrespectful, but I see a good amount of kids who have never been spanked and are little Hellions for it.


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## NorthernAutumn (Feb 8, 2009)

I can remember every single time I was smacked or spanked. I deserved it every single time. My parents used an excellent mix of physical punishment, hard labour, and really understanding, enlightening conversations.

I hate to see moms and dads whining at their kids to make them stop. Talk about children parenting children. They whine away, then make empty threats. You tell the child that here will be a penalty if they choose to disobey, and you carry out that penalty when they purposely disobey.

If you want me to be really honest, I feel that you need to put the same level of effort AND discipline into training a child as you would a dog. A well trained dog knows its boundaries, and respects the owner. A well-brought up child knows his/her limitations, and will behave respectfully towards the parent.

The sad part is that unless you catch your training mistakes at the time, you will wind up with a spoiled, aggressive dog that won't listen.
Poor parenting = spoiled, aggressive, self-absorbed brat.

Mind you, cognitive development theory indicates that children are able to think independently and make strong connections by the age 11-12. At that point, they understand the ramifications of their actions, and make choices with independent thought.

That means they are now accountable for their choices, and cannot excuse themselves with lame, "oh, I didn't know..." responses. They are also accountable for maintaining a respectful relationship. 
If the parent has not parented effectively, the kid is not going to police their own actions. If parenting has been done effectively, there shouldn't be any issues with respect. It is OK to have disagreements, but it is not OK to disrespect.


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## TinysMom (Feb 8, 2009)

I think when my kids were young - spankings were harder on me than it was on them. 

I was a horrible parent the first two years of our twins' life...I spanked over everything and anything. It seemed like that was the way I was raised (and Art was raised) and Art wasn't home a lot of the time - so much of the discipline fell on me.

I was talking to the woman who I had asked to mentor me about being a better mother - she got me Dr. James Dobson's book *Dare to Discipline* and wow - our life turned around.

We still spanked the kids - sometimes. But I never spanked them for something if they didn't know in advance that it was a spankable offense. For instance - if we're walking to the store and you're holding my hand and you let go to run forward - that is spank-able. Why? Because a child may not see the oncoming car whereby a parent can. 

We were very careful about what was spankable - being caught in a lie was ALWAYS something you'd get a spanking for. No ifs ands or buts. We didn't lie to our kids (or we tried our hardest not to) - we expected them to treat us the same way.

But we also had other punishments we used - withholding things - or sometimes - even just sitting down and talking about what they did - why it was wrong and why we were upset. 

Most "first-offenses" of something did not get spanked - instaed I tried to see if they understood the rule and if I could help them understand the WHY behind the rule.

In addition - while we did use a wooden spoon (vs. our hand) - we used it sparingly and we tried to never spank while we were angry. There were several times when I had to tell one of the kids, "I am going to spank you for this - but I need a few moments..." and I got my own anger or disappointment under control.

Looking back - sometimes I think we spanked too much. My son says we spanked too little. I don't know if I want to ask Robin...

I think the spankings stopped around age 10 or 11 - possibly a bit earlier than that.

Once I learned to train the kids before spanking them and to remove my anger from the process - spanking became very hard for me to do. I could do it - yes. I hated doing it. Many times I would spank lighter than normal because I felt like the lesson had already been learned - yet I had to keep my word about the fact they would be spanked.

I don't agree with beating a child and I don't agree with hitting a child with your hand, fist or something else - especially when it is done out of anger. 

I've seen spankings done where I disagreed with the spanking - the parent was simply showing the child their own anger and frustration. To me - that was wrong also.

Am I a "fan" of spanking? No. I recognize that it is one method of discipline that can be effective - along with other methods too.

But I will say this - there are times when I see teenagers and even younger than teens - talking to their parents in the store and I see the disrespect...and it breaks my heart....for both the parents and the kids. 

You see - the kids I know personally (besides my own) who have learned to respect their own parents - have gone on to respect other adults as they've grown up. They're usually fairly well-adjusted at work and have good relationships (although not perfect) with their 'superiors'. 

So I grieve for the parents - who have lost the respect they should have - and I grieve for the future of those kids....because their life is going to be much harder than it has to be...

Just my very wordy .02


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## Elf Mommy (Feb 9, 2009)

*TinysMom wrote:*


> In addition - while we did use a wooden spoon (vs. our hand) - we used it sparingly and we tried to never spank while we were angry.
> 
> ...
> 
> I don't agree with beating a child and I don't agree with hitting a child with your hand, fist or something else - especially when it is done out of anger.


My ex, when he knew I was going to bring him back to court to re-do our custody agreement, had his brother call HRS on us, saying my son's stepfather and I were beating our son. 

We did spank him occasionally for anything beyond the limits. It wasn't more than 10 times TOTAL within that time (he was 5 years old then), and it was always open hand, only the number of times that he was years. It's been less than 10 times since then. 

The interrogation was awful. They took him out of class without letting us know. They interviewed him. He passed with flying colors, talking cheerfully about his stepfather and the wonderful things they did together. They took me out of my classroom to interview me. They went home to my husband who was home folding laundry with my 2 year old daughter, who was cheerfully climbing all over Daddy.

The thing is...if we had hit him with anything OTHER than an open hand, we would've been further investigated. That really made me think. 

Oddly enough, I had a parent come in last month because her daughter can't focus in class. She brought a switch with her and laid it on the table next to her daughter. Every time she saw her lose focus, she'd lift it up and smack it gently against the table top. Even so, she had to do it every couple of minutes.

Again...just making me think.

I wouldn't have talked back to my parents as a child. They only hit me twice that I remember, although I know there were some butt swats here or there, according to them. 

I just don't buy into the "you have to earn respect" frame of mind. You are older than I am. You have my respect. You have been through more in your lifetime than I have. I respect that. You may lose my respect, you may earn my disdain, but that never means that I should treat you less respectfully than I would want to be treated myself. You have that from the start.


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## TinysMom (Feb 9, 2009)

Thanks for sharing Minda....in my case - my mom thought nothing of reaching out and swatting me across the face without warning. I was never sure how to feel about her hand coming close to me....plus Art had been what some might call "abused" by his dad in the fact that you'd never know when you were going to get bonked on the head by a spoon or fork (if at the table) or if you were in a discussion. It wasn't all the time - but far more often than it should have been.

That is why we chose ONE wooden spoon - had it in a set place - where we had to deliberately go and get it. It wasn't like we could just grab it and hit a child because of some whim.

It came about partly because up until Eric was two (Eric in particular) - it was easy for me to get mad at him and slap him with my open hand - out of my temper. I didn't want him to associate my hand with pain. (Fortunately, he doesn't seem to remember those times at all - but I do).

There is a funny story that I will tell though...it happened maybe a month or so after we switched to using a wooden spoon.

Eric was fussing about something and I had told him to stop doing whatever it was he was doing - I honestly forget now what it was. I was in the kitchen making supper. I grabbed the cheese board - which I understand now looked like a HUGE wooden spoon to a child I'm sure - and was about to cut some cheese when Eric did something. I walked out of the kitchen - without even thinking about it - with the cheese board in my hand - to see what was happening.

He took one look at the cheeseboard and went running to his room - screaming like he was about to die. I couldn't figure out what was wrong - so I followed him - cheese board in hand.

Poor kid....Once I realized what was wrong - I showed him the cheeseboard and we talked about how I use it to cut things, etc. 

After that incident - I was careful to never have even a wooden spoon in my hand if the kids made a noise or something and I needed to check on them. I realized that even though they came to recognize THE SPOON...that still yet - it would make them nervous to see another wooden spoon in mom's hands if she was upset.

I understand spanking isn't for everyone and it certainly shouldn't be done all the time. I'm not saying there aren't other methods of discipline - for there are.

But in our case - Art & I chose a wooden spoon because of our memories of being slapped and being nervous about being around our parents if we disagreed with them since they'd think nothing of slapping us....


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 10, 2009)

*TinysMom wrote:*


> That is why we chose ONE wooden spoon - had it in a set place - where we had to deliberately go and get it. It wasn't like we could just grab it and hit a child because of some whim.


My mum had one spoon, too! It had a happy face on it... I never got "the spoon", though. I watched my older sister get whacked with it, and I never misbehaved! We knew when mum was getting close to giving someone a whack with it, because her first warning was verbal, then the second warning was her taking the spoon out and slamming it on the counter. That normally stopped our shenanigans right then and there!


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## Elf Mommy (Feb 10, 2009)

I'm not opposed to corporal punishment. I think parents need to know what works for their own children, and for them. 

I guess what I was trying to say is that I was shocked that using something other than your hand would get you in trouble with state services. I know tons of people who use switches or spoons or whatnot, and I didn't think anything of it.


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## BethM (Feb 10, 2009)

Once I was held up in line at Kohls for so long they had to call another cashier. I must have been standing in line for at least 15 minutes before the other cashier came and checked everyone out.

The customer at the very front of the line had a small child who was throwing a big tantrum because he wanted some toy. For some reason, the woman just kept standing there, asking him to be quiet, pleading with him, and generally making a fool of herself. Every time the toy was taken off the counter, the kid would go back to bawling, and run over and yank it out of his mom's or the cashier's hand and hold it tightly. All the while, the mom is begging and pleading for her spoiled brat to shut up. (And everyone in the line behind her watching in astonishment at how ridiculous she was, and conversing about the situation.)

In the end, she did buy the toy for the kid. And asked him to "please" not do that again. If the kid didn't know it already, he had learned right then how to get exactly what he wanted. If I were that woman, I would have paid for everything (not the toy) and gotten out of there, away from all the gawkers, as fast as possible. What a fool!


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 10, 2009)

I don't know why some parents are like that. Granted, I don't have kids, but I can guarantee that I won't do _that. _In all honesty, I hate kids. Well, I hate most kids. They're cute until I see them being little brats. Will hates going out in public where there are going to be kids (about Kindergarten age). 

A good example happens while at the aquarium in Chicago. Will hates going because every time we go, we will be standing in front of a display and watching something, some little rude kid will shove us out of the way, and Will normally gets hit in his "no-no-touchable" region. I have seen kids actually hit him on purpose. The parents just sit back and pretend that nothing happened. I will admit, most of the time it is on accident, but you would still think that the parents would do something. *eye roll*

Even with people my age, I notice something "rude" about them. I am not saying all of them, but the people who are a few years older than me and the people younger than me are jerks. There are a lot of nice ones, but the bad ones ruin it for everyone else. Why do I get stared at when I hold a door open for someone? I have given my seat up waiting somewhere for a pregnant woman with a kid climbing all over her. I get stared at like I am a psycho. I just think that society is getting more rude. It's sad.


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## irishbunny (Feb 10, 2009)

I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good. When a kid does something good, it can often be overlooked, whereas if they do something bad then they get slapped or shouted at or stuff taken away from them etc.

If a kid is praised alot when they do something good, they will associate being good with good attention and praise, like ''Oh, well done'' or ''Good boy/girl'' with a hug, a kiss or a big smile.

If the kid does something bad they should be scolded, like ''That's very rude/bold'' ''I'm very disapointed in you'', ''Go sit on the bold step'', or take away something they like, get down to their level and look mad.

Kids aren't dumb and they'll soon decide which way they like to behave and like to be treated better, but like I said before, often they aren't praised enough and then parents wonder where they went wrong when the kid is constantly bold.


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 10, 2009)

*irishbunny wrote: *


> I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good.


I don't know what year you guys were born in, but I just got an article from my Communications in Health Care class about this. Kids who were born and raised in the 1980's and early 1990's were "over-praised" according to the article. I find that it is true. Being that I am my mum's only child, I find that I was her "golden child". My dad has three daughters, including me (his first wife passed away and he remarried). He wasn't much of a parent, but fawned all over the oldest. My mum "spoiled" the heck out of me. I am not a spoiled person, but I do not take criticism well. Everything I did was perfect as a child, and I expected that through school. It made school and work very hard. I am used to it now, but back before I could figure it all out, it made my life tough.

On a side note: I was born in October of '87.


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## irishbunny (Feb 10, 2009)

I'm getting what I said off that programme 'Nanny 911', where alot of the time the kids were really bold because the parents spent all their time giving out to the kids and not praising them when they did anything good. Plus it's the way we raise my brothers and sisters.


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## BethM (Feb 10, 2009)

*kherrmann3 wrote: *


> *irishbunny wrote: *
> 
> 
> > I think some of the reason why kids are so bold is because they aren't praised enough so do bold things to get attention, that they don't get for being good.
> ...




I know a lot of people who were praised WAY too much when they were kids. Like, praised for pretty much everything they would do, even mediocre things. Now they think they *deserve* praise for *everything* they do, even when they are not excelling at anything. They get really whiney when they are not praised or rewarded for things they should be doing as a matter of course. (Like showing up for work and doing what's in their job description.)

I am speaking here of many of the people I work with. (They are mostly in their early 20's, but the age ranges all the way up into the late 20's/early 30's.) When kids are praised for every single thing they do, real life will be a shock to them.


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## NZminilops (Feb 10, 2009)

Kids treat you how you teach them to, is all I can say.

Of course they are their own little person, and not some moldable bit of clay - but as a parent I think you need to make a strong stand right from the begining. You are the adult, the boss, the big kahuna. Parents need to show a united front when it comes to teaching children how to behave.

Here, spanking is "giving a hiding/thrashing", I don't mean to be rude but I'm kinda shocked at seeing that so many people spank! Spanking here would be getting smacked as hard as possible over and over and over again, like 20 times in a row. Please tell me spanking isn't that for you guys? A smack on the bum I think is fine, but a thrashing always makes me cringe.


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## BethM (Feb 10, 2009)

When I was a kid, a spanking was laying on my stomach (over mom's lap when I was small enough) while my mom smacked me repeatedly on my bum, with her open palm. My cousins always had to go cut a switch, which my uncle required to be as big around as the kid's thumb. (They told me later that going out to find the switch and bringing it back was worse than the actual switching with it.) Sometimes spankings were harder, sometimes softer. I never got hit in the face, or on the body anywhere else, or with a closed fist, which I would not consider "beating."

It was pretty rare for me to repeat the particular behaviour that resulted inthe spanking.


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## TinysMom (Feb 10, 2009)

*NZminilops wrote: *


> Here, spanking is "giving a hiding/thrashing", I don't mean to be rude but I'm kinda shocked at seeing that so many people spank! Spanking here would be getting smacked as hard as possible over and over and over again, like 20 times in a row. Please tell me spanking isn't that for you guys? A smack on the bum I think is fine, but a thrashing always makes me cringe.


To me - what you are describing is giving a beating - something I would not do.

I do not remember what number we used .... whether it was one per year of their age or whether we had a set number. Sorry...

Spanking was done in private by the way....not out in public and not in front of brother/sister/friends. 

Also - I never ever spanked as hard as possible. I tried to make it hard enough to sting and for them to remember - but usually the first one or two spanks were the hardest...


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## NZminilops (Feb 10, 2009)

Ahh ok, I just wanted to clarify, as words can mean something so different in different countries. I guess we don't actually say the "spank" word here so I wasn't quite sure what it meant.

I have no issue at all with a good hard smack or two on the bottom. My mum was still giving me a smack when I was a teenager - and glad she was too, as I was turning into a horrible, cheeky brat. Nothing more humbling than being spun around and smacked on the bum in front of a boy you're keen on dating, haha!

Last year they tried to pass an anti-smacking law - any sort of smack, light, hard, whatever, would have been illegal and child abuse. It didn't go through though and I am glad. I respect my mum for smacking my bottom and glad she did. It never made me feel abused, it taught me that there were consequences for my bad attitude or for being naughty.

I do agree with Pegs way though, where you first go and calm down, or have a primary punishment such as taking away a privilidge, or having a good talk to the child.

I'll likely never have kids so my views might be somewhat disregarded, but I do care about children.


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 10, 2009)

Yeah, spanking here is just a good swat or two on the bum. It's just enough to make a little sting, but not hitting the kid. It has to be open-palmed, too. I think the child-abuse thing factors in because a lot of parents do it when they are mad and wind up wailing on that poor kid. Kudos to the parents who calm down first before spanking.

When my mum was growing up, my Grandpa was a fireman. He was home one day, then gone two-to-three days. When they did something wrong, my grandma would not punish them. Instead, she would just tell her and my aunts that they would have to wait until their dad got home. My mum said the actual punishment wasn't so bad, it was the "waiting for dad to get home" that was the killer.

Like my cousin says (jokingly), "You need to instill the fear while they are still young!"


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## irishbunny (Feb 10, 2009)

Here if you hit a child hard enough to leave a red mark it's classed as child abuse.


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## JadeIcing (Feb 10, 2009)

It is all an equal balance, discipline, praise etc. One thing I stress is teach a child from a young age to use their words. I try (keep in mind I have a LARGE family and am the oldest. Youngest is 4. My generation that is.) to talk but my cousins and siblings know... 1) Don't talk back to their elders with attitudes. There is a polite respectful way to respond. 2) Do not curse for whatever reason in front of me. My brother who is 22 knows unless angry not to curse in front of me. I will smack him. Hehe I am 26, married 3 years and STILL can't curse in front of my mom.


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## PepnFluff (Feb 11, 2009)

Me and my brothers were receiving smacked bums up until we were 7,9,11 thats when dad left, I'm actually thankful my dad used to smack us. Kids are smart little things and they know they're not allowed to get smacked and I've seen kids as young as 4 saying I know you can't smack me and they just rub it in there parents faces. I was looking after mums boyfriends kids last week and the amount of times they REALLY missed behaved all I could do was take them to the "naughty spot" which they use as a joke. Michelle I'm pretty sure some form of anti-smacking bill was passed as a boy who I went to intermediate with had his step-father charged for smacking him. I don't think bills like that work, It was put in place to stop child abuse but kids who are repeditivly beaten this is going to do jack. I'd gladly bring back the cane into school, seriously the amount of trouble makers that would be stopped and actually learn some respect and how to behave would be fantastic.


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## kherrmann3 (Feb 11, 2009)

We had a teacher that would use scare tactics to get people to pay attention. If they were in their own little world, talking, or sleeping, he would take a yardstick (meter stick) and slam it down on their desk to make a really loud cracking noise. No one misbehaved in his class. We knew he couldn't hit us, but the noise was enough!


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## slavetoabunny (Feb 11, 2009)

I think there is somewhat of a double standard when it comes to parents disciplining children. It seems that these days if you so much as yell at your kid you get accused of child abuse. And then they ask why parents can't control their children. I don't condone beatingyour kids, but a firm swat on the butt can work wonders.

I was raised in a military family and my 3 siblings and I were very well behaved. And yes, we did have our butts swatted now and then.


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## gentle giants (Feb 11, 2009)

*irishbunny wrote: *


> I only say it to them when I'm really annoyed and angry with them, and that's not very often, other then that I get on good with my parents, it's not like I'm constantly telling them to f off all the time lol.



My kids aren't old enough to know/use that word yet, but if they ever say that to me I will slap their faces, and no light tap either. And if I had ever said that to my mom, she would have knocked me across the room, and I would have deserved it. 

*Kherrmann3-*I totally agree with you. I don't beat my kids, but I am not so silly as to think that my kids are going to have ANY respect for me if they don't get any discipline from me either. I truly believe that is a big reason that kids wind up in trouble with the law and such, if they didn't have any rules to follow at home.


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