# I'm not sure what to do...



## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

My mom met this guy, a few weeks ago. They've been talking 24/7. I go sleep over at my brothers Friday night and come home Saturday morning and he's here. He looked at me and gave me an evil, mean look. My mom asked me erlier ' Are you okay with him ' I hesitated and said '.. Yeah I guess ' she said back ' Well sometimes we just have to take what were given to make others happy' Well why did you ask if you won't consider my answer. 

10 minutes ago he said to me ' I want to watcha movie ' and I said ' Okay, just wait 5 minutes my show is almost over' he said ' Fine but you can't watch the movie' I looked at him ' Why' He said ' Because all you do is watch TV and play on you're phone and laptop, you can watch if you put the laptop and cell phone in you're room' Well EXCUUUSEEE me, this is my house.. not you'res.

Then I asked my mom, when I could get my acylic nails filled and he said 'When you get you're homework done she'll take you'. Well I din't know his name was 'Mom'. T

This siriously bothers me, he's telling me what to do when to do it and I only met his yesterday!. I have no choice.. I talked to my mom and she said that I can't be selfish. I'm not trying to be selfish but he's trying to take over my life and act as a father and yes, maybe so that my dad is in the clouds but no one can replace him no matter how hard thhey tried.

He plays with Sparky as if he is a pit-bull, he pushes him and stuff then Sparky yells because you can't push him, his leg hurts and he gets mad at him and holds his mouth closed. I'm going to flip if he does it again, that's not right.. you hurt him then you get mad at him. 

Sparky is now sleeping and he just clapped his hands and it woke him up. Like common dude, he doesn't feel good let him sleeep!. 

I don't know what to do, I can't talk to my brothers about it because they only saw his nice side and think im crazy and trying to be selfish.


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## Flashy (Nov 30, 2008)

I am sorry and I can completely see why you are not feeling so great about this.

I would suggest trying to talk to your mum. If you can explain to her that its not about being selfish or wanting him to go, its just about him not telling you what to do, that might help. Maybe she can talk to him and explain that him telling you what to do is not good and ask him not to do it.

If you don't think you can talk to her, maybe try writing her a letter.

It does sound like he is trying to be your dad. If he has his own kids then maybe that is how he is with them but doesn't realise that this won't work because you already have a dad and even though he is not able to be around, he is still your dad and no one can ever take his place. Maybe with time you and he might get a better relationship but I think it's very harsh for him to make himself that much at home in YOUR house and treat you like that, so quick.


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## Bo B Bunny (Nov 30, 2008)

Has he moved in???

I would talk to your mom about this. He has no right telling you what you can or cannot do.... he is not your father/stepfather/babysitter. 

Your mom needs to say "Excuse me, but that's not your place, JERK!" 

ok, she doesn't have to call him jerk but I can!


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

I can't talk to my mom, I never could. She jumps to conclusions fast or gets mad and walks away. 

I was never able to talk to her. Ever. I usually talked to my Dad on the phone.. but that's no longer something I can do.


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## Bo B Bunny (Nov 30, 2008)

Why can't you talk to your father?

Was your mom in the room when he said those things?

How old are you? and you really should tell her. Maybe you could write her a note and be very careful how you word it. Keep it on YOU not them.

Say things like: I feel weird when he acts like he's in charge. My feelings are hurt when someone says something like that.

If you say YOU make me feel weird - it's too much of an attack.


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## pinksalamander (Nov 30, 2008)

I know your pain. Having had a single mother since I was 3, I'm pretty open to her having a boyfriend. Infact I'd love it because then maybe she would get off my back and have someone else to nag at. Anyway, I don't feel bad about other people 'trying to be my Dad' because I hardly ever see my Dad anyway, and I don't remember my parents ever being together so the idea of them being kissy and lovey-dovey freaks the hell out of me :?

But anyway, when I was about ten my Mum got this boyfriend called Bruce. He was this big greasy bike mechanic from some remote place in America. He was so bossy and rude and I hated him. He used to 'play rough' with me and really hurt me. Plus he had really bad hearing and used to turn up the TV so loud I couldn't sleep. I hated him and my Mum used to say that I had to be nice to him because she loved him, but I couldn't stand him.

So its my tenth birthday, and I have all my friends round until about 8 o'clock. My sort of Godmother stays later to help my Mum clear up. I want to stay up late and watch TV (Its a Saturday) and he says to me 'go to bed'. I pleaded with him saying could I stay up and finish watching something and my Mum said I could stay up as a treat, but he keeps telling me to go to bed. I got really upset and we started argueing. Basically I stormed off and later my Mum came up and started having a go at me for chatting back to him. I was so angry.

So then all I can hear is screaming and shouting between the two of them, then he walks out. 

After that he never came back. I didn't find out until recently that he had come back but she told him to leave. Her friend (my sort of Godmother) had seen the whole thing and just told her that if anyone could talk to her Daughter like that he wasn't worth it.

So, I don't know if that makes you feel much better, but just be aware that maybe your Mum is just wanting to be with someone and he probably isn't good enough for her. Its a tricky situation for you to comment on, but if you really think he is not a nice person (for your Mum) then maybe after a while you could say something to her. Tell her she is better than him and she doesn't need someone like that to make her feel happy. I wish I had known that was how my Mum felt back then and I could have told her how much I hated him and how much I could see he was using her just to have a warm house to come back to every night so he could watch our TV at extortionate volume and eat our food...



By the way he still has no girl friend. He has a dog now called Alice, and of course she always does what he says 

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*Bo B Bunny wrote: *


> Why can't you talk to your father?He passed away last year





> Was your mom in the room when he said those things? Yeah She was.





> How old are you?14 and a half.





> and you really should tell her. Maybe you could write her a note and be very careful how you word it. Keep it on YOU not them.
> 
> Say things like: I feel weird when he acts like he's in charge. My feelings are hurt when someone says something like that.
> 
> If you say YOU make me feel weird - it's too much of an attack.


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## Bo B Bunny (Nov 30, 2008)

Oh, I'm sorry about your father 

Do you have a grandparent or counselor at school that you could talk to?


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

Here's my opinion... 
This sucks, and its not right. :hug: 

The only thing I can think of is to point-blank ignore this person when he talks to you. If he's getting out of hand, all you can really say is, "don't talk to me like that, or leave" and keep doing whatever it is you are doing.

The lawyerish part of me wants to record everything he is doing (camera-phone), how he treats Sparky, how he talks to you. Then send it to your mom. Actions speak louder than words. When people are in "love", they only see the good side of that person, no matter how awful they are... Stupid, I know..

I guess the game is for you to keep cool and reasonable enough, and him to act psycho and immature enough that your mom gets a reality snap. At some point, she's going to wake up and realize that you're right, he's awful. Until then, don't react to anything he says or does.

I would keep Sparky with you, and don't let this guy near him. I would put Sparky in your bedroom, as there is no reason for this guy to be anywhere near your bedroom.

*If* he lays his hands on you in any way, scream and get your mom immediately to deal with him. If she doesn't, I would call the cops immediately.

I'm not trying to scare you Brandy. That isn't my idea here, but this guy sounds like bad news. Like Bo said, it is important for other adults to know what is going on here, so that they can get on your mom's case about it, and be able to support you.

:hug1Just my opinion. Maybe you can spend more itme over at your brother's? Take Sparky with you.

ETA: I've never been in this situation, but I know what I was like when in love with my first cocaine-addicted boyfriend. I was so stupid, and he was so cruel. I really wish a friend had done something like taking video of him being nasty to me, or someone I loved. 
I'm so sorry that you are having to endure this right now. Fran sounds like she might have some strategies...


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## NZminilops (Nov 30, 2008)

I HATE this sort of situation and I think this guy is being way out of line. if he's this bossy and controlling now, just wait until a few weeks have gone by :?.

No adult should try to boss someone elses kids around. If it's going to be a serious relationship between the parents, there needs to be serious talks between you, your mum and this guy. There needs to be rules and boundaries and he needs to know he's not your dad, he's not in control of you, and answering on your mums behalf IS very controlling.

A lifetime of having men around my mum that hated me even when i tried to be good and love them has made me really annoyed at this sort of situation. Obviously your mum deserves to find love and someone that makes her happy, but you need to be happy with the situation too, while you are in her care and living under her roof.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*Bo B Bunny wrote: *


> Oh, I'm sorry about your father
> 
> Do you have a grandparent or counselor at school that you could talk to?


I'd rather not talk to my grandma because she wouldn't be quiet.. lol she forgets alot. 

I have a psyciatrist because i'm out of school (homeschooled) but my mom comes in the office with me all the time.


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

Psychiatrists must have patient confidentiality. As you are the patient, you have the right for your mom not to be in the room. Make an appointment/ or at your next one, and request that you see the psychiatrist alone.

OR
If you bring it up with your mom there, the psychiatrist will obviously question her about the situation. Stick to your guns; the psychiatrist;s job is to help *you*.
Be as adult as you can about this, so they can't say, "oh, she's just being a brat"
:hug:


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*NorthernAutumn wrote: *


> I would keep Sparky with you, and don't let this guy near him. I would put Sparky in your bedroom, as there is no reason for this guy to be anywhere near your bedroom.


I don't think I should have to keep Sparky in my room.He hasn't done anything wrong and thats where I put him when he's bad. He's tried to go in my room , He wanted to see Babii. I told him not to, That sparky gets teritorial. Which he does. If he were to go even an inch from my door knob I'd hear it.


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm saying that if he is hurting Sparky, then you need to take Sparky away from him, and put him somewhere so the guy can't hurt him. You can explain that Sparky's leg is very badly hurt, (and give him a chance to be nice); but he should not be hurting Sparky.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

I told him about his leg but he doesn`t notice, leg problem or not.. you can`t play with a 8 pound dog like that ( Yeah I know, hes over weight ).

The vet told us that rice was good to give. So we made rice with dinner and I gave sparky some and he tried telling me it was bad for them and can give them stomach problems and kidney failure. Like gosh darnet do you think the vet is an idiot or something ?


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## Cove (Nov 30, 2008)

I agree to the getting everything on video or something and then showing your mother. 

Like what has been said already your mom is "in love" with him and right now can only see one side of things. You really need to sit down with each other and really talk this over. You are her daughter, you will always be her daughter, her flesh and blood. This guy? Who the hell knows how long he'll stick around, it could be a week, or two months. She needs to understand her child comes before anyone.

Your mother was divorced from your father (from what I understand) and the father of her child is now passed on (I'm sorry to hear). Right now its understandable for her to be desperate for affection and afraid of being alone, its common. They oftenoften get into relationships with men who show them even the least amount of affection no matter how horrid they really are. But she needs to understand you are her family, her own bloodhe is not.

Have you tried at all to talk to him about this? Sometimes they just don't understand how far they are crossing the line of the father role. 

Ask your mom to stay out of the room when you go see your psychiatrist, if she refsues bring it to the attention of the psychiatrist. You have a right to be in there alone with him/her seeing as you are their patient, and they won't tell your mother anything that youve said unless it is something serious (like suicide)or you give them the OK to. Or like NA just said bring it up there with your mother in the room.

If things get to the point you can't handle it anymore and your mother refuses to listen to you and the boyfriend continues to boss you about and abuse (yes I am going that far) your animals is there anyway you can move in with your brother?

Be as adult as possible, mother's usually listen a little better when their kids are acting adult about things such as this.


Rice for dogs is just fine, plain rice of course ithelps with tummy problems and won't kill them good god tell him to pickup a bookand do some research before he opens his mouth about things.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

She's been seperated from my dad since I was 4.. She just finnally decides to date. When I have no one to talk to. Except you guys


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## Cove (Nov 30, 2008)

She still probably feels a little desperate for affection though and even after being divorced for so long still probably fears being alone. This guy has shown her affection so she's clinging to him. You need to show her she deserves better.


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## Sabine (Nov 30, 2008)

This guy definately overstepped the line in loads of respects. I sometimes have issues with David (who's only my baby's dad and not the others of making rules without consulting me. We have been together for quite a few years but I still feel that when it comes to my other kids I'm the person in charge unless I'm not around and than he acts on my behalf.
Even if you say you can't talk to your mum,still try, you have nothing to loose


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*Sabine wrote: *


> This guy definately overstepped the line in loads of respects. I sometimes have issues with David (who's only my baby's dad and not the others of making rules without consulting me. We have been together for quite a few years but I still feel that when it comes to my other kids I'm the person in charge unless I'm not around and than he acts on my behalf.
> Even if you say you can't talk to your mum,still try, you have nothing to loose


While he was in the washroom I tried... she got mad and locked herself in her room until he came out.


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## Sabine (Nov 30, 2008)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> *Sabine wrote: *
> 
> 
> > This guy definately overstepped the line in loads of respects. I sometimes have issues with David (who's only my baby's dad and not the others of making rules without consulting me. We have been together for quite a few years but I still feel that when it comes to my other kids I'm the person in charge unless I'm not around and than he acts on my behalf.
> ...


Sounds like the roles are reversed and your mum is acting the child. Is he around all the time? Do you ever get a break and time alone with your mum.


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

No offense, but your mom is being a brat. Who locks themselves in their room???? LAME!
All the more reason to bring it up with the psychiatrist while she HAS to sit there.


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## Sabine (Nov 30, 2008)

*NorthernAutumn wrote: *


> No offense, but your mom is being a brat. Who locks themselves in their room???? LAME!
> All the more reason to bring it up with the psychiatrist while she HAS to sit there.


That's actually a brilliant idea and there's also someone neutral around


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

I am confident that the psychiatrist will take Brandy's side. 

No offense meant towards you, Brandy... but you are already coping with some psychological issues. Your psychiatrist will see this guy as a horrible stressor in your life, and advise your mom to either straighten him out, or get him gone so that you can get mentally better.

The other thing this does is put it on medical record that he is causing problems. Legal documents to prove harassment.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*Sabine wrote: *


> *NorthernAutumn wrote: *
> 
> 
> > No offense, but your mom is being a brat. Who locks themselves in their room???? LAME!
> ...


Oh i'd hear about it later..


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm sure you would hear about it, because she's not going to like it.
However, if she's being a baby and running away to her room instead of talking about it like a grownup, then this is probably the only way to get yourself heard.

As long as you talk to the doctor, and NOT to your mom, she will listen. I wouldn't talk to her directly, because she will feel like you are attacking her. Just tell the doctor that this is how YOU feel about it.


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## Cove (Nov 30, 2008)

Agreed!


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

I'll try.

I hope she don't walk out of the room though


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

If she walks out of the room, or dismisses your feelings in front of the psychiatrist, it will prove how unloving and immature she is being right now.

The psychiatrist would likely have a personal talk with her.


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## FallingStar (Nov 30, 2008)

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. :hug:Sounds like he is trying to take over, just because he _thinks_ he is the "man" in your house. 

I wonder why your mom would be like that? I agree with NorthernAutumn, your mom is being a little on the bratty side. But no offense. 

I think that talking to a psychiatrist would be good, and then maybe your mom would understand on where you are coming from and all.

I hope this all clears up! The best of luck!:goodluck



Karlee


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Thanks, 

Last time I checked Sparky was the only male who lived here so..


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## PepnFluff (Nov 30, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel! I'm in your situation right now, with "Keith" he totally uses my mum EVERY SAturday he dumps his kids for the whole day on mum and usually me. She thinks he's just gods gift to the world, he tries to tell me what to do, not to tell his kids what to do when they were in MY ROOM, squeezing MY (expensive) makeup all over MY mirror, desk and bed and scribbling over an english essay. And your mum just completly ignores you when you try to tell her and you have to be the parent doing groceries etc :grumpy: Sorry for the complete thread hijack but If you need to talk/rant etc feel free to PM me


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Do you have msn?


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## PepnFluff (Nov 30, 2008)

I have a hotmail account....Can I turn that into msn??


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Yep. Do you already have msn on you're computer ?


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## BSAR (Nov 30, 2008)

I am sorry to hear that. You should really stand up for your self if he does anything more. Tell him he is not allowed to tell you what to do, and tell him to leave your things (Sparky included) alone. If he or your mom yells at ya than just explain that you are tired of him bossing you around and tell your mom she needs to listen to what you have to say.

Is he still at your house?


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

He left an hour or so ago and will be back tommorow, next weekend I get to meet his son.. yay :X


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Oh lovely, he's coming back. I meet him and he never leaves..:grumpy:


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## BSAR (Nov 30, 2008)

That sucks, is he bringing his son tonight? What time is it even at your place?


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

No, His son wants to wait to see my mom. I wish I had that option :X

What do you mean ?


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## PepnFluff (Dec 1, 2008)

BSAR wrote:


> I am sorry to hear that. You should really stand up for your self if he does anything more. Tell him he is not allowed to tell you what to do, and tell him to leave your things (Sparky included) alone. If he or your mom yells at ya than just explain that you are tired of him bossing you around and tell your mom she needs to listen to what you have to say.
> 
> Is he still at your house?



I can see were your coming from BSAR but honestly as good as it may feel to stand up to him and have a go, don't. If your mum's already not listening to you this is going to make her not even give you a chance. As tough as it is not to respond to it and however much you feel your mums acting like a child yelling doesn't achieve anything (Tried it lol). I'll try figure out the msn thing tonight. When his son and him come round just say a polite hi then go to your room and come on RO hehe who cares if your mum thinks your rude or withdrawn just say you have "aunt flow" cramps.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 1, 2008)

I used that excuse today, although it was tru


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## BSAR (Dec 1, 2008)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> No, His son wants to wait to see my mom. I wish I had that option :X
> 
> What do you mean ?


I mean like what time is it when he got there earlier tonight? If he gets there late than it must be hard for you to get sleep if he is blaring the tv and all that.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 1, 2008)

He got here about an hour ago.. it's 12 midnight now. 

I'm going to try and go to bed and if it doesnt work out I shall be back


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## Flashy (Dec 1, 2008)

A psych may not have patient confidentiality as Brandy is under 18, however, I definitely think bringing it up in the sessions is a great idea. You may have to deal with it later, but again, you can then bring that up in the session, or the next session. Using a psych session for this would be making very good use of the time and could easily benefit you, and he will be able to help your mum see what you are saying, and not make it about her, because it is about you.

Also, if there is ever anything you want to talk to your psych about but you don't want your mum to be there, or something, you can write him a note and either say you want to see him alone, or else tell him on that piece of paper and give it to him as you leave.

I'm not sure how strict the rules of confidentiality are, and he will probably have to break them if you are a danger to yourself or others, but not necessarily anything else (although that might depend on the psych).


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## Brandy456 (Dec 1, 2008)

Ugh he's coming baack aftter work today, I meet him and he doesnt leave

I WAN T A BREAK


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

Awwh hun, he sounds like a horrible horrible man


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## Brandy456 (Dec 1, 2008)

It's just, I don't feel good so I want to rest and I usually lay on the couch but then the'll want to watch tv so i'm off to my room and the tv is on the other side of the wall for where my bed is ( condo appt ) So.. 

I'm going to try and cancle my teacher coming so I can rest.


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## Sabine (Dec 1, 2008)

It may be a good idea though to keep your mind occupied and not to dwell to much on your mum and her boyfriend right now. Unfortunately while he's around there's very little you can do at the moment, maybe if you catch your mother alone it may be possible to have another word with her in a non confrontational way. Make her aware how little it says about her self esteem if she allows a stranger to come into the house and boss her daughter around....

P.s. sorry I just realised it's the middle of the night where you are?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 1, 2008)

My room, My stomach wont let me sleep. It hurts soo bad.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (Dec 2, 2008)

awwh, brandy!

I dont like "him"... I think everyone on RO should fly to your house and when he's over to beat him up... tecah him a lesson and even hurt him like he hurts sparky. Sorry i just HATE HATE HATE people like like that, going into someone's privacy/home and then intruding ugh..



*Flashy*:
A psych may not have patient confidentiality as Brandy is under 18, however


^

My 17 year old sister has a psychiatrist and her psychiatrist asks her if she's more confortable by her self or with someone accompanying here (my older/other sis) and my sister is always going there by her self, the lady is really unedrstanding with her problems and if my sister is having problems with someone in our family and say the person wont listen to the othe side of the problem then the whole family gets brougth in and then we have a family meeting there. she on both the sides (but really of course she's on my sister's side more) but doing htings like that makes the people in my house open their mind really.. well just sharing, so i guess if u maybe can call ur psychiatrist and explains whats happening she will understand.




I hope you're feeling better! my PM box (or if im online on msn) is open for you



Lotsa love from : Prisca


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## Flashy (Dec 2, 2008)

It's just that every psych, every patient, every country and pretty much every thing differs for every person, which is why I said we can't be sure, that's all


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## Brandy456 (Dec 2, 2008)

He's coming this afternoon to my Psyc. Appointment. :grumpy:

ETA: He got me a pair of darts.. One problem..We don't have a dart board..:?


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## naturestee (Dec 2, 2008)

He's going to your Psych appointment? Wah??? He should absolutely not be allowed to sit in the room with you if he tries. Total breach of confidentiality. Even if he was actually your stepdad it probably wouldn't be allowed unless he was your legal guardian.

My thought would be to ask to see your psych alone, without your mother. Tell him about all this stuff and see if he can talk to her (and maybe him too) and work things out. This guy is definitely crossing boundaries that he shouldn't. He's still really a stranger to you.

:hug:


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## Flashy (Dec 2, 2008)

This is really odd Brandy. I think your mum needs a reality check. Please bring it up at the appointment. If he is decent he will understand even if your mum doesn't.


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## Sabine (Dec 2, 2008)

This sounds totally bizzare. Why on earth would he want to be in those sessions. I understood your mom has been seeing him for merely a few weeks. No offense meant but maybe it's your mom who needs a few sessions with a councillor herself


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## Brandy456 (Dec 2, 2008)

*Sabine wrote: *


> This sounds totally bizzare. Why on earth would he want to be in those sessions. I understood your mom has been seeing him for merely a few weeks. No offense meant but maybe it's your *mom who needs a few sessions with a councillor herself
> *


Excatly what the psyc. suggested. He left the house right before we left to go to the doctors. He din't come but he will be back later. She came in the room and totally wouldn't let me talk and kept saying ' Oh yeah I agree' then said to the Psyc. that I hang out with people who do drugs alot. LOL. I know ONE friend who does drugs and I havent seen him in over a month.


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## Sabine (Dec 2, 2008)

I thought those sesions were for you. How come your mum wouldn't let you talk. How come your psych let her take over? Is there anyway you could have those sessions by yourself? If you're not the most important person for that hour what's the point?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 2, 2008)

My mom doesn't trust me to go in by myself.


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## Sabine (Dec 2, 2008)

Because she is afraid you may say something she won't like? Sounds to me these sessions are a wasted exercise if you are not able to build a relationship of trust with your psych. Probably better she goes in by herself without you....
Have you any say in it at all? Sorry about all those questions, I don't mean to be nosy and I don't know the circumstances btut the whole set up seems rather strange


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## irishbunny (Dec 2, 2008)

Uh sounds like your in a bad situation right now. If he does go to the appointment then I would say to the pysch that you don't feel comfortable having him in the room because you've only known him a few weeks.


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## NorthernAutumn (Dec 2, 2008)

OMG girl! 
First off, there is no way in hell that he should be anywhere near your psych appointment.
Second, the appointments are about you. Not your mom.
It is my opinion that you are going to have to be pretty direct about this with the psych. There is no way that your mother should be taking over your psych session. 

I don't know your problems with school, Brandy, but I can't imagine that school would be much more stressful than being homeschooled by someone who obviously isn't listening to you. 
I think that homeschooling can work, but only if the relationship between parent and kid is excellent. If your home is getting way too stressful with your mom not listening to your issues, and this boorish guy horning in all the time, going to school may be a good escape.

Just wanted to throw that out there... I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you.
:hug:


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## Brandy456 (Dec 2, 2008)

I have a phobia of school so no, that wont work.

Plus, School time is the only time I can have with my mom with him not around. While he works.


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## NorthernAutumn (Dec 3, 2008)

Your mom is pretty lucky to have an understanding kid like you... I am so impressed that you are coping so well. This is hard to do, I'm sure...
I hope that your time with your mom is positive and productive


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

How was your appointment?


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## Becca (Dec 3, 2008)

How did it go hun?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 3, 2008)

We talked about how my doctor wants to put me on a low fat diet. While my doctor said that I shouldn't lose weight anymore because I lost alot in the past 2 months. She told me to stay away from fatty foods.. HUH. he said not to lose weight, not , not to gain weight. 

We talked about my mom's life as a kid and how she's trying to live through me. We talked about her not trusting me and my doctor said ' Well you have to gain trust ' . Okay so if me going out with my friends, getting in some trouble with people I don't know and calling her doesn't show her i'm responsible then I don't know what will. 

We talked about Sparky, and my lack of going out with friends. I don't feel comfterble going out without my mom, or my brothers. We talked how i'm resorting to friendship through Sparky and Babii. Well I feel comfterble with them.. they love me no matter what I look like, or what I do. She said I need to take time away from them. I said no, It would be like taking a baby from thier mom.. I need them and they need me. She said ' Well their not you're baby's and you can't make you'reself think that they can go a few hours without interaction' Yeah well I can't. 

Their the only ones I can really talk to.. it sounds stupid I know but it's true. Sparky and I are attached, I bring him when I sleep over at my brothers, I buy him stuff I bring him to the pet store so he could 'Choose' a stuffie. She told me that I was just waisting my money and that he din't need that. Well I know he don't NEED it, but I like buying it for him. He in no waygets babiedwhen he does something wrong. He has consequences but I don't think she got that. 

The doctor asked my mom if when she goes out, if I call her. My mom said 'well, yeah' because I do. It's not like I call her every five minutes but I will call her if something happens or something like that. She told the doctor I called her Saturday night about my toe. She said ' Well, If I would of know it wasn't that bad I would'nt of given my tickets away and I would of just left' Oh, well.. thanks ? 

I have pictures.. MY NAIL WAS BLACK. The doctor said 'You don't need to call you're mom unless it's super sirious and theres blood. Even at that you don't need to call her you know how to call 911' .. well...are you stupid ? Yeah if I hurt myself I will call her to tell her. I told her that ( not the part where I asked if she was stupid ) and she said 'Fine if you wont stop calling then you're mom should leave her cell phone at home'.

I told her that Eric's fiance is due in 3 weeks and if she goes into labour and their out somewhere my mom has to go pick up the suitcase at their house and even if they were at home we still want to be there. She told me ' Well why do youneedto be there, You're Moms the Grandma but you have no buisness to be there' I told her that Eric and I were very close and that I was the aunt, and the god mother and she wouldn't get over the fact that I had no buisness being there. Which to me, Is totally unfair since they both asked me to bethere. She said ' You're not going'. That pushed me over the edge because Eric and I were unseperable and she and I are getting close too and they invited me to be there in that special time and she's saying no!. 

I walked out of the room and waited outside until my mom came out...


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

Now, I've seen my fair share of psychs, therapists, and general mental health people, so this is based on a lot of knowledge, and well, your psych sucks!

Your psych (she?) has not listened, nor tried to understand, nor tried to work through your problems, just tried to tell you different behaviour. You probably already know that some of your behaviours are not healthy, so that doesn't help. Has anyone mentioned different therapies to you like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)? Or any other type of therapy? Art therapy? Cognitive Analytical Therapy (CAT)?

Brandy that sucks, I'm so sorry. You need someone to help you work through all this, not make you feelworse and not listen to what you say.


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## Lover_Of_Lopz (Dec 3, 2008)

so sorry for you!!!!!


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## Brandy456 (Dec 3, 2008)

I have a little problem with eating. I hate eating unless I have to. Or unless I get a headache because I cannot stand pain like headaches. She said to me ' Well you need to eat three meals and thats it.. no if ands or buts about it' .. well.. uhm.. it don't work like that


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

No hun, it doesn't work like that at all. Eating issues are actually very rarely about eating, but about something behind them, and what iscausing them, and that is what needs to be addressed. The eating habits, and the anxiety and separation anxiety are all symptoms of something bigger, and that is what needs to eb addressed,not the symptoms.

In terms of eating, I don't know if you have a diagnosis or a particular mindset or anything, but in your heart of hearts can you see that your eating habits are not healthy? 

Brandy, are you scared to lose them (being your mum and brothers)too?

Can you ask to see someone else? Like a counsellor or someone like that?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 3, 2008)

Yeah..

When I was younger my brother wanted to join the army. Siriously, I was scared for him. It makes you sick... not physically but mentally. Heck, look at my dad. He was a soldier and look what happend to him. This was long before my dad did that but still, when you go into a depression like that you can pretty much see it coming. I din't want him to go 'crazy' and have that happen to him. He eventually changed his mind. Him and I are close and I knew I could change his mind. I don't think I was being selfish but I think I was before more.. cautious. I din't want him to go through that. It wasn't my idea or my buisness to do that but I din't want to lose him. He was the only person I could talk to. Now he's paired with my Mom :X

Right after my Dad passed I almost, rebeld I guess. I wouldn't listen and all that fun stuff and my mom and my brother were always talking how I would be better in some sort of care. That scared the poop out of me. 

I guess.. Everyone seems to be giving up - Litterally - and it's making me really mad.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 3, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> No hun, it doesn't work like that at all. Eating issues are actually very rarely about eating, but about something behind them, and what iscausing them, and that is what needs to be addressed. The eating habits, and the anxiety and separation anxiety are all symptoms of something bigger, and that is what needs to eb addressed,not the symptoms.



I used to be, Chubby. I was 5'3 and almost 170 pounds when I was .. 12/13. Everyone would make little jokes and comments. One time.. my mom had her friend over and I mentioned that I wanted to model and he told me ' Well you're going to have to stop eating so much.. No one wants a fat model '. Thats when I started to lose weight pretty much. Because not that I wanted to model but that I din't want people to view me as 'Fat' not that it matters what people think but people respect you more when you're comfterble and I wasnt, being told I needed to lose weight when i'd try on the same shirt as my mom and it din't fit me. 

I guess braces also helped. Like when I got them tightend it hurt so much all I could eat was soup and well, therres so much soup a girl can eat.


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

I don't have words right now (mainly because I have to be quick because I'm on my brothers computer) but I just wanted to give you a massive *Cuddle* I really feel for you and can see a lot of what you say, and also take it on board. I'll try and reply tomorrow when I'm not in a rush.

x


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## Brandy456 (Dec 3, 2008)

Thank you. :hug:


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## BSAR (Dec 3, 2008)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> She told me ' Well why do youneedto be there, You're Moms the Grandma but you have no buisness to be there' I told her that Eric and I were very close and that I was the aunt, and the god mother and she wouldn't get over the fact that I had no buisness being there. Which to me, Is totally unfair since they both asked me to bethere. She said ' You're not going'. That pushed me over the edge because Eric and I were unseperable and she and I are getting close too and they invited me to be there in that special time and she's saying no!.


Wow! She should have no right to tell you that you aren't allowed to bethere to see your new family member be born! After all its your family!!! You have every right to be there.


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## Flashy (Dec 4, 2008)

I'm back, lol.

Right, the first thing I want to tell you is that 'fat' is a word that means absolutely nothing. It is banded around as an insult, but it doesn't actually mean anything. Everyone (even those who are severaly emaciated) has fat on them somewhere, so really, if 'no one wants a fat model' then no one would be a model.

The only words you should be going by are underweight, healthy andoverweight. Those are words that are used in the medical world and can be very useful. Those words are used when working out your BMI and they mean you are a healthy weight, you are under healthy weight, you are over healthy weight. They are useful because they can help you to get into the healthy bracket, and to find a good healthy weight for your body. If you strive to not be 'fat' you will kill yourself before you succeed.

If you weren't comfortable being overweight, then it's good that you did something about it, however, you are doing it in an unhealthy way, and strangely enough, that actually makes you more inclined to put on weight because it completely screws up your metabolism. If you want to become a healthy weight then you need to do moderate exercise and you need to eat a healthy balanced diet of probably around 2000 cals a day. Anything under 1200 will put you into starvation mode which will screw with your metabolism.

I do agree about needing to feel comfortable with yourself, but do you? Changing your weight actually doesn't do that, especially if you develop an eating disorder. What will make you feel more comfortable, is more self esteem and mnore confidance. This can come hand in hand with losing weight, but it doesn't sound like it is doing, because you are withdrawing from society, which shows lack of confidence, as well as self esteem (and also maybe self worth?), so therefore losing weight hasn't actually changed much for you, by the sounds of it. Also, when does your weightloss stop Brandy? Do you have a 'target'? 

I think it's very natural that you are petrified to lose the other members of your family and I guess them thinking about putting you into care actually made things worse because maybe you felt like they were abadoning you too, like your dad did?

When things happen in our lives those around us do the best they can, but sometimes they feel their best is not good enough and so they have to look at other options. When your dad died and you rebelled I suspect that they tried to do the best for you, and didn't feel they did their best, so they looked at other options, one being care. Why? Because sometimes being somewhere else, with people trained to support people who have been through the things you have been through, can be more beneficial than staying at home, or so they thought. It sounds like they were very scared, to be honest. I can completely see why you felt they were giving up though, but maybe actually what they were doing was looking for more hope for you?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 4, 2008)

I spend alot of time at my cottage during the summer so i'd like to be able to be confident enough to wear my baithing suit around like everyone else.


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## Flashy (Dec 4, 2008)

Unfortunately, you may not find that confidence as you get smaller unless you can find other ways to build confidence.

When you restrict and don't allow your brain enough calories to function it actually warps your body image so you won't see yourself as you really look. Can you maybe ask for a dietician so that you can do this healthily and become healthy?


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## Brandy456 (Dec 4, 2008)

Ok.. I guess.

We planned to order Chinese food for dinner. Well 'he' gets off work at 11 and mom says it's inpolite to eat without someone ( Yet they do it to me ). 

So i'm starving..

it's 9.

I asked to order something from the menu I loveee and she said no. Then I said 'well, i'll pay for it'. Still no. I asked why ' Because I can't eat spicy food', yeah well.. i can. And he asked her to order something spicy and she said yea.

Not fair.:grumpy:


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## Brandy456 (Dec 4, 2008)

I din't know it was actually possible but I just got introuble for something someone else did.

Like I said, we're ordering chinese- I don't know why, I could of madedinner .. - because HE wanted it. I asked for my spicy thing and she said no. Then I said, 'Well i'll pay for it' and she said no again. She said ' you don't have money '. I told her I had my christmas money.. and she said okay. Okay, they all got to chose what they wanted. I dont eat all that 'Wonton' crap. It discusts me. So I asked for that , it's a 5$ thing and I have to pay for it. It's not my fault I don't eat their look on food. Their mad that I ' Can't accept it and be happy'. 

:grumpy:

Oh and, thanks guys for letting me just rant. 

ETA : If it was his idea, shouldn't HE be paying.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 7, 2008)

I'm going CRAZY.

Since he got here with his son all his son does is play his Wii on my tv. With volume at 80%. Okay so that was okay yesterday afternoon. Then we were going to watch indianna jones the new one. Okay, I wanted to see it and the son had alrready seen it. It comes on and it's french. I don't understand french. I asked them if they could change it and they said no, thats how the son wanted to watch it. He already watched it and I din't. I went to bed after I stomped around and bickerd. 

This morning, I woke up and it smelled like Mcdonalds. I look around and no bag so I thought it was just the pie in the oven and I was to tired to smell. Well it kept smelling like it so I asked why it did. They said they ate McDonalds for breakfast. I checked in the fridge then said ' Wheres mine ? ' and he (moms bf) said ' You snooze you lose ' :X

I Have a horrible headache, sitting on the couch with my laptop because when i'm in my room they call me anti-social. Even though I do have a headache and want to lay down. He's playing his Wii... it was at 10% volume and you can hear it clearly.. and he grabbed the remote from the table and put it up, alot. After saying I had a migraine. I said ' Can you turn it down'. ' No, I can't hear it' Well I wonder why you cant hear.. you're going freaking deaf from it being so danm loud.

So i'm sitting here, bad migraine...TV blaring..

Oh, 

Forgot to mention. Since erlier.. Sparky has had his Muzzle and leash on. My mom's bf's son moves fast and keeps poking him while he sleeps , so sparky turns around and bites. He moves quick in any insatance and it scares sparky who was kicked by a kid the same size as him . 

I feel bad for him, I want to bring him in my room but i'll just be anti-social..


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## Becca (Dec 7, 2008)

He is ahorrible horrible man :X

I want to come and physically hurt him for what he's doing to you and your family.

I'm so sorry Brandy.

Hopefully others on here will come by soon and post something that may be helpful.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 7, 2008)

After crying she asked me what I wanted for dinner.

OMG

HELL FROZE OVER.


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## JadeIcing (Dec 7, 2008)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> After crying she asked me what I wanted for dinner.
> 
> OMG
> 
> HELL FROZE OVER.


Sorry that made me laugh.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 7, 2008)

*JadeIcing wrote: *


> *Brandy456 wrote: *
> 
> 
> > After crying she asked me what I wanted for dinner.
> ...


It's okay


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## Sabine (Dec 7, 2008)

Oh Brandy I'm so sorry about what is happening to you and your home. It sounds like a total invasion. Does your mum ever go around to them and behaves as if she owned the place. Maybe you should suggest it and hang out in their place and watch the TV programmes YOU want. Would be fair wouldn't it. It sounds to me your mum is desperately trying to please this guy and he's taking total advantage


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## NorthernAutumn (Dec 7, 2008)

Who cares if they think you are anti-social?

Take the movie, and watch it on your laptop, and bring Sparky (poor guy) with you to your room. Seriously, these people sound stupid and frustrating. 

Maybe you should ask your brother if you can stay with him for a while? Just to give yourself a break?


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## Flashy (Dec 7, 2008)

I'm so sorry Brandy. Can you write your psych a letter telling her what's going on? Maybe even just printing off some of these posts? If you can't give it to your psych could you give it to your brother? they need to see how unhappy you are.


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## Brandy456 (Dec 8, 2008)

I tried talking to my brother but he's on my moms side, he doesnt see anything wrong with the man. I'd go over to his house but his gf is due in like 2 weeks and i'd rather not be around with a screaming baby. 

I've never seen his house, I don't even know where he lives.


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