# I see this forum differently now from how I ever have before.



## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

I'm trying to work out of this is just my perception, or a wider perception.

The forum isn't what it used to be, for me. I used to think of this as a friendly, caring, supprtive place.

Now I'm seeing it as cold, hard, isolated, fakeand untrustworthy.

That might be because I know more about the forum than I did a few months ago, know more about how things are handled (through observation), know more about the fakeness of people on here, seen what peoplethink is appropriate behaviourand I've been able to observe from a far what happens here.

That's not to say all the people in it are cold, hard, isolated, fake, untrustworthy, or anything, I know some incredible people on here, people who genuinely care and will take the time to find out how you are (Polly is forefront in my mind there, pumpkinandwhiskersmom also comes to mind), people who are very forgiving despite what you have done (Penny and Peg come to mind for that), and other lovely people too.

Maybe I'm just disillusioned right now. I've always got disillusioned with forums in the past, but normally when I've been modded, not when I'm a regular member, which makes me think this is different somehow.

I made a post a few months ago about how people felt on the forum, and loads of people came out of the woodwork and said they found it lonely. That's not how a forum like this should be, in my opinion, but of course, I may be wrong. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's lonely or not a nice place to be because we don't come for ourselves, we come for our bunnies? I don't know, to be honest.

Whatever I might think about the forum as a whole, I can say that the knowledge on here is second to none, which is why I keep coming back, and why I give out leaflets advertising the forum, and try to get rabbit owners here, because it IS a great bunny resource. Is that all it should be or should it be a friendly place for us too?

I also just want to say that this has not been driven by any one person, situation, circumstance, because that would be over dramatic and ridiculous, this is my view, as a whole, based on what I think of the forum as a whole.

This is very waffly, and there isn't really a point to it other than to gain opinions from other people on what they think. Most likely, people will differ from me, that's ok, it's your opinion, so don't be scared to say what you think.


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## Leaf (Apr 12, 2008)

I think personalperception plays a lot into how people feel about everything in life, in general.

Online forums constantly evolve as members leave, new members join - staffing changes and member actions overall have to be reviewed and discussed.

People continuously suprise me. My eyes are "opened" to things I wouldn't imagine coming from individuals I think I "know" online, both in positive and negative aspects.

The best anyone can do (IMHO) is be true to yourself and true to others. Every individual is just that, an individual.

Acceptance (or the ability to distancemyself from certian senerios), gentle persuasion, support and direct answers throughout ordeals presented online always seem the best route for me to go on forums. 

"Educate, don't alienate" isa forethought while I'monline but at the same time I feel that I have to be open to accept THAT from others who choose to share their opinions and thoughts with me.


Most have heard the expression "it takes a village to raise a child"... I think it nicely applies to internet communities as well.


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## Gabby (Apr 12, 2008)

being true to one's self is always good idea, but also treating others as you would expect others to treat yourself. I think alot of people in general in the world have a hard time with that one. They act one way and yet expect to be treated in a different manner..

My my fav sayings 

"Friend: One who knows all about you and likes you just the same"

If you are true and they like you, and behave towards you as a friend then they are a good friend.


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## TinysMom (Apr 12, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> This is very waffly, and there isn't really a point to it other than to gain opinions from other people on what they think. Most likely, people will differ from me, that's ok, it's your opinion, so don't be scared to say what you think.


*WARNING --- WARNING ---- WARNING --- WARNING --- WARNING ---

*[align=center]*LONG RESPONSE AHEAD....

:biggrin2:

*[align=left]I've been thinking about this post for a bit and trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. As a mod, part of me wanted to come on here with a smile and "hugs for all" and be happy and just smooth over everything. Ya know....I wanted to make everything feel right....

But the fact is ... that isn't always so. Art & I were figuring out the other day that we have actively been on the internet since 1988 or 1990 at the latest....and I've actually been a member of several forums (now that I think about it - I was a major part of three homeschool forums on AOL back in the early 90's). 

I say all this to say - I've been on the internet and on forums for about 20 years....off and on. It actually wasn't until Art and I talked about it that I really remembered the other forums I'd been on - they seemed like a lifetime ago.

Our discussion was prompted by my sharing with Art that I had my 3 year anniversary on this forum....and how some things had changed (we're bigger - have a different feel to it) and how some things have stayed the same.

The thing is - out of all the 20 years I've been on the internet and all the relationships I've had.....probably my greatest sorrow - has come from this forum and relationships on it .... and my greatest joy - has come from this forum and the relationships on it. I've drawn close to many - made some friends - lost some - made others. Somehow, this forum is more a part of my life than the others I've been a part of.

I'd love to smile and say, "everything will be alright"....but the fact is .... there are times when it hurts to be here. There are "toxic people" I have to learn to ignore for my own sake ~ and there are times when I feel like my emotional bank is empty and I have nothing left to give.

Because I struggle with depression frequently and on an ongoing basis....I have to watch myself. Am I getting enough rest? (Right now....not really :shock Am I getting involved in threads I should just back away from? 

When my emotional bank is depleted - I pull away from people.....and it almost never fails that someone from the forum (frequently Polly) will drop me a PM and say, "Hey gal....you're very quiet...are you ok?".....and by doing that - she pulls me out of my shell. After all...who could NOT respond to Polly....:biggrin2: (Polly - you mean the world to me and I mean that in a nice way).

Something I've learned just recently (although I think I've known it for a while) is that sometimes - life just sucks and you gotta live with what you've got. So when it feels like life sucks and Polly or someone else has given me that wake-up call.....I do something that helps me in a big way. 

I start PM'ing folks...folks I haven't heard from in a while .... folks who I notice are doing things on the forum - maybe I see they're welcoming new members and so I drop them a note and say thanks....or I see they've made a picture for someone or done something nice - so I drop them a note. 

And I find that the more I invest myself into others - by letting them know I care....the better I start feeling about myself - and about the forum in general.

In many ways - this forum reminds me of my marriage of over 28 years now....let me explain.

This week - I love my husband. He is my best friend...my soulmate...my most wonderful companion. A couple of weeks ago? Well....lets just say things weren't so great - we were barely speaking to each other at times (his work schedule didn't help 'cause he was working the midnight shift). If someone saw us then - and saw us now - (especially with my makeover I'm doing) - you'd think we were two different couples.

What we've learned - and this is only for our marriage - I'm not saying that other marriages are like this....but for us - we go in cycles. We have good periods (like now) when we could talk all the time - almost like we're newlyweds again....and then we have times when its "hi..how are you?" and that's about it. We both go our separate ways.

But we're truly committed to each other (or perhaps we should be committed??) And so we put up with the bad times - in order to enjoy the good times. We have found that the bad times somehow get shorter and shorter as we hold on and enjoy the good times - which are longer and longer.....

That's the way this forum feels to me sometimes. There are days when I log on and there are lots of posts and its oh so much fun to read and write....and then there are days when I sit here and refresh the screen every 2 minutes and think, "Come on someone...post..". 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that many times - I've been where you are. I imagine I'll be there again .... who knows - it may even be today?

But I'm learning that when I get to that point - I need to pull my head out of my shell and open my PM box and start giving back to others.....cause when I do that - suddenly the forum becomes more "fun" for me again.

And with that - I best go get my bunnies some food...

Peg
[/align][/align]


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## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

Thanks for the replies guys.

Peg, I'm going to reply to what you do when you feel like this.

I do that anyway. I PM someone if they have lost someone, are having a hard time, haven't been about for a while, just to send a quick message or just a random check up after something. I PM loads of people that way. It actually goes with the philosophy of what Gabby said about treat people how you would like to be treated yourself. 

I try to reach out to people for several reasons, firstly, I care, second, if someone is hurting or struggling, then I don't want them to feel alone, and lasty, I don't want anyone to feel as isolated as I do, so by reaching out I am letting them know they are not as isolated as they may feel, or as alone as they might feel.

Maybe that's part of my problem, I make an effort with people, yet, when I wasn't around, when I was in hospital recently, when I've been awful, no one bothered (apart from Polly mainly, and one or two people really early on) to drop me a PM to see how I was. That's ok, I'm not a big part of this forum so I don't see why people would notice if I was here or not, but that is part of the reason that it feels fake and cold and hard, I think. Definitely not the whole lot, nor even a large part, but something that has been on my mind.

That sounds so attention seeky, and it's not meant to because I didn't ever expect anything like that and I certainly didn't stop coming here to get people to PM me, but I try to give a lot on this forum, to people and such, and people seem to take, and that's it. I didn't even realise until I started PMing people again, and then it dawned on me.

So whilst what you say is a good idea and works for you, I already do that, so I can't take advantage of your bright idea, lol.


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## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

What did you say Haley? where did your post go?


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## Haley (Apr 12, 2008)

I posted something and then deleted it. I'll give you a summary:

Sometimes the mods and admins are so drained just dealing with everyday RO responsibilities and housekeeping. We do our best to make this a friendly and loving forum where everyone can feel welcome. But sometimes we are just so overwhelmed with things we cant reach out as much as we would like. 

I know personally I have been treading water this semester trying to keep up with an extremely hectic and stressful school and work load (Im supposed to be writing a ten page paper right now! lol) and that when a situation arises I deal with it as quickly and efficiently as possible and move on.

So one thing to keep in mind is that we're all just human and we do what we can. With a forum of 5000+ members its difficult to make everyone happy. We try our best and thats all we can do I guess. 

Haley


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## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

Haley, I haven't critised anyone, I'm sorry you took it as an attack because that was not my intention.

I know all the mods/admin are human and have their own lives and do it all voluntary, BELIEVE me, I do know. Yes, I disagree with some things you have done, but thats probably because, in some cases, I have more experience with stuff like that, than you. On other things, I think you have all done marvellously. 

I have tried to make a fair post with pros and cons about the forum because nothing is all good nor all bad (although I am very guilty of thinking it is, which is why I am learning to balance things). 

There are good things about the forum, the mods often do an ace job, but there are bad things, and because the mods are human, there are bad decisions and comments from them too. Same as any other members.

This was never meant as an attack at the mods, or the forum, or anything. It was just how I feel and wondered if anyone else felt the same. I don't like asking things from this forum, so maybe I was wrong to post, so if you want to delete it, by then all means do. I literally just wanted to feel less alone and isolated. I'm sorry for that.


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## lagadvocate (Apr 12, 2008)

I just wanted to chime in here because this thread makes me think of one person in particular who always made me feel welcome and "valued" here on the forum.

Crystal aka Angelnsnuffy, you are awesome girl! 

Even though I'm not that active on the forum right now since losing my last boy, I still check in here because I love buns and this is definitely the right place for bun lovin'. The forum has grown leaps and bounds since I joined, lots of new names and buns. That's really great because it keeps things fresh and brings more ideas, thoughts andsuggestions to the table. While there are times when I've followed threads that were angry or tense, that is definitely not the norm here. And those types ofdiscussions are to be expected when you have a large group of people in one place under any circumstance. Especially on the net. Just like with most things in life...take the good with the bad when the good is worth it!

Anyway, that's all for my :twocents

Thanks for the good topic Tracey


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## Haley (Apr 12, 2008)

No theres no need to pull this thread, its a great discussion. 

I just wanted to point out that its often difficult to keep everyone happy. One way to make this forum even better is for all of us to make a conscious effort to reach out to others and be good to eachother. 

We cant help that there are going to be people who like to cause trouble and drama, those kind of people are all around us online and in everyday life,what we can do is try to remember that we all have something beautiful in common- we're all here because we want to make life better for our furried friends. 

:hug1


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## trailsend (Apr 12, 2008)

I agree with Haley - this is a good discussion. I have read it a few times and wasn't really sure if I had anything to say or add lol - and I'm still not.

I wanted to say, although I haven't been here terribly long (actively only since January or Feb.) I have for the most part really enjoyed RO and the people here. I live a very isolated life (especially this time of year) we live miles away from anyone and often get even get out our lane for weeks sometimes longer at a time, and then when we can we often don't bother! Not that we are unsocial or I don't have real life friends lol - but I work on our farm and spend all of my time here, so I have enjoyed having a place to share pictures and stories about my furkids, and also learn about everyone elses and learn more about rabbits and just chat. I was kind of surpised to find some people pretending to be something theyare not or causing drama but like Haley says, those people are everywhere. Since I don't pretend to be anyone I'm not, I guess expect everyone else to be the same lol, which is kind of silly. 

I've found that there are some really nice, responsible rabbit guardians and people on RO - and I've made a couple friends. When Tracy recently sent me a PM to see how I was feeling (because I'd been ill) I couldn't believe it! It was such a nice thing to do, and it warmed my heart. I'm not part of any other forums, I'm only on a few email lists, and I stay here because I thinks it's a great place and I also enjoy most of the people here. 

Now that I've written all this, I'm really not sure if it is relevent to this thread, but I just wanted to share.


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## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

This is true that we are here for our furry friends. Maybe that means that it doesn't matter how we feel about the forum ourselves, provided that we learn here.


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## XxMontanaxX (Apr 12, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> Maybe that's part of my problem, I make an effort with people, yet, when I wasn't around, when I was in hospital recently, when I've been awful, no one bothered (apart from Polly mainly, and one or two people really early on) to drop me a PM to see how I was. That's ok, I'm not a big part of this forum so I don't see why people would notice if I was here or not, but that is part of the reason that it feels fake and cold and hard, I think. Definitely not the whole lot, nor even a large part, but something that has been on my mind.
> 
> That sounds so attention seeky, and it's not meant to because I didn't ever expect anything like that and I certainly didn't stop coming here to get people to PM me, but I try to give a lot on this forum, to people and such, and people seem to take, and that's it. I didn't even realise until I started PMing people again, and then it dawned on me.
> 
> So whilst what you say is a good idea and works for you, I already do that, so I can't take advantage of your bright idea, lol.


Honestly, sometimes I forget people and their problems. It's not that I don't care, it's just...I forget. With work, school, rabbits, and everything, it's hard for me. But I try to read as many threads as I can and I do check back on them if I remember, I just don't reply sometimes...and sometimes I do. Most of the time, I feel like everybody else replied and said everything I would have said, so I don't reply, but I guess I should to show that I care, which I really do. Sorry to everyone. I'll do better! I really should reply more though and PM people more about it because I don't want other people, including you, to feel lonely. I care about everyone on RO, and all their bunnies, and all their others pets, and everything. 

And I appreciate everyone who cares for me and my bunnies.


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## slavetoabunny (Apr 12, 2008)

I just wanted to add that I really enjoy belonging to RO. Making friends online isn't easy. I will say that I have personally met 20+ people that I first met online. Every one of them was as nice as they were online. For instance, I have personally met Ann (seniorcats) and she is exactly the same person that she comes across as in her posts.

I am a very non-confrontational person and shy away from any "tense" threads. That just isn't me. I don't always post as much as I should, but I have been making an effort to be more involved.


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## Flashy (Apr 12, 2008)

Montana, don't feel bad, you have your own life. You don't need to feel sorry, or feel you need to do better. I wasn't having a dig or a go or anything at all. Please don't feel you need to change what you do.


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## XxMontanaxX (Apr 12, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> Montana, don't feel bad, you have your own life. You don't need to feel sorry, or feel you need to do better. I wasn't having a dig or a go or anything at all. Please don't feel you need to change what you do.



Just know that I do care and that you shouldn'tfeel solonely. :hug:


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## Jenson (Apr 12, 2008)

I don't have much to add, I think everyone has said the important points, but this is an interesting discussion. Personally I think RO is about as good as it can get for an online community, everyone can only do their best, and everyone has life outside of RO to deal with, but they come here to share, help, chat and make RO what it is whenever they can. It has it's flaws, it has it's fair share of nasty people, but try and find an online community the size of RO that doesn't. I guess I just think it's as good and as caring a community as is fair to expect. I know that if any of us asked for help there are people here who would do their very best.

Also, I think polly should get a special award for being so awesome. I know if I was having a hard time she'd be there, and if that's only one person out of the 6,000 or so members here, it's enough for me. I luff her!


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## Bunnys_rule63 (Apr 12, 2008)

Hmmm, I've been thinking about this thread and how to reply (or even if I should reply) and the only way I could find to explain how I see this forum is this:

This forum (or any forum for that matter) isalmost like a mini country. We have our government who set the rules (admins and senior mods) people in society who enforce these rules and try to keep things running smoothly (mods) and normal (but still very important) members of the community (members).

Now - I know we all live all over the world - but think of where you live and how you think of it. You may not like your government, your leaders, the rules you have to live under, the people you have to live with. Similarly you may love all these things - although I'm betting it's a healthy mix of the two. It's totally ok to feel this way about the forum, however just as in society we must make an effort to try and get along as best we can. 

I've been a member of this forum for quitea long time and can remember when we only had one admin (Carolyn) and only one part of the forum. This forum has changed such a lot over the last few years - some changes I love, some I'm not so keen on. But in all I do love this forum. The advice is brilliant and the support and friendship of some of you guys has helped me through some really tough times. I know I never could have gotten through Ruby's death if it weren't for all the wonderful posts, PMs, emails and msn chats with people on here. You guys are amazing, and for that I will always love this forum.



OK...I'm babbling (I do that a lot) but what I'm trying to say is (to everyone) - its ok to like things about this forum, it's ok to dislike things about this forum. We all just have to bear in mind what other members are feeling and try tosupport people and create as best an atmosphere and community as we can. Just think of it as spreading a little joy around your local 'community'. I know I'm a smiley person and always try to smile at people I see - even people I don't really know! I always find they smile back.Spread the joy.


:hug: ((hugs Flashy))


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## GoinBackToCali (Apr 12, 2008)

I don't have alot to add myself, just a few lil snippets I wanna throw in.

I see this forum differently myself.. but for many different reasons. I enjoy my time here, I really do, but the flip side of the enjoyment is the backstabbing, the gossiping, the he said/she said stuff.

I have had to defend myself and my character against at least 3 people here, when frankly.. how I live my life is none of their business. They think they are qualified to dissect my persona and my motives. With that being said, I wrote an open letter in my blog.. a painfully honest letter, to answer some questions that people like to gossip about. In the span of less than a month, I have been called a snob, stuck up, hateful, that I am not who I say I am (they are right, I am really Wonder Woman) and my new personal fav, that I am mean and ugly and hateful in every post I make and I need to start being nicer to people. (That made me laugh most heartily)Apparently there isn't enough room for me and their ego. 

I have had to deal with brats, with know it alls, people why try REALLY hard to get some Mana points to the point they are obnoxious-not helpful (Why is it that people who can't take advice always insist on giving it?), with people who don't even take responsibility for the stuff they start,people who like to make snide childish comments and mask it with goodwill, people who let their own emotions carry them away, and most importantly I HATE dealing with people who make their decision whether or not they like you based on info from someone they have never met in person. You don't do that in real life, why do it on the net. Form your own opinions. Arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand.

Sometimes the range of emotions I get from here goes from anger.. to love and joy. Someone I originally could not stand..I now think the world of and would not EVER be without.. Peg-asus. She is part of the joy.. The anger.. well we won't dissect that.. but yeah, it had me in tears. The reality is.. this forum is alot like my husband in the respect of when we argue and he throws *You don't love me* up at me.. I tell him.. *If I didn't love you, you wouldn't be able to affect my emotions the way you do.*

If I didn't love the forum.. I wouldn't get so affected when one of you loses a bun, or you are experiencing personal tragedy. I have come to think of you people as an extension of my real world inner circle.. Yeah.. bottomline.. I give a sh*t about you people.

This is rambling.. I think it may be due to paint fumes....

I want to add.. don't believe everything you hear about people.. work from your own feelings, and don't let others dictate what you think about people, even subconsciously.

Oh.. yeah.. I notice when Flashy is missing...lol...I like to read her posts.. I scan for them most times..

Be excellent to each other!


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## Marietta (Apr 12, 2008)

I'm a member to 4 rabbit forums (1 is Greek). The reason I initially registered in RO was my love for rabbits, my interest in learning more things about them and exchanging knowledge, mainly in medical issues, as I've written several times that we don't have rabbit savvy vets in my country and this makes me feel extremely insecure. However, when I started reading threads and posting myself, I discovered that RO is much more than that, it's the most friendly and caring forum in comparison to the other 3 I'm a member to. From the time I became a member (about 4-5 months ago) since today, I became fond of people and rabbits, got to know a bit better -as much as internet and the distance allows me to- persons that I really like (Tracy is one of them and she knows it), learned that I canthink of amember who has personal troubles,feel worried about a bun that's ill or cry for a bunny that has crossed the bridge, no matter if they are hundreds of thousands of miles away. I also felt that I can -and want to- contribute in my own small way to this forum by participating, trying to helpthe forum's human and furry family as much as I can, i.e. as much as my very restricted free time allows me to.RO is a community with its rights and wrongs, as all communities are.It's a small part of an international society and this is how it should be viewed, nothing more or less.

I'd hate to see Tracy orany other memberfeeling lonely in RO or believing that RO is a cold, unfriendly forum, because, to my opinion, here one can find people who really care,are compationate, sensitive and lovingand, taking into consideration that we all come from different parts of the world, different cultures, different backgrounds and that this is only an indirectcommunication via a computer, I find this fact very extraordinary. Opening this discussion is very useful, because this may be a chance of correcting things and behaviours to the benefit of the forum, so I believe that as many members as possible should express their opinion on the subject.

Marietta

P.S: I edited to add that whenever Tracy is off the forum, the lack of her presence never goes unnoticed!!!!:inlove:


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## EileenH (Apr 12, 2008)

I know I haven't been around very long, so maybe what I say won't hold much credence.

Flashy, I'm sorry you feel like that. I kinda know what you mean from how I feel about another forum; I'm not here long enough here to feel it. Onthat forum I'm on, it used to be a small group of people who were really knowledgable, and it was a really closely knit community. It has grown a lot and in one way, that is good. But it makes me long for the days when "everybody knew my name", and the level ofexpertise was high. So many times on forums, people ask a serious care question and gets 0 replies, yet a silly survey gets 39 million replies. That always makes me feel sad for the initiator of the thread.

For the most part, I feel pretty good here. Sometimes, I still don't feel like I belong (ie I *STILL* don't have any mana even though I think I'm sometimes helpful, and I felt pretty left out in the BunnyKwestyun Gamesome months back - I tried to play and nobody picked me or answered my questions)...but, I am new and figured it was that. 
Mostly, I've found it to be a nice place to be, and I have learned a LOT about bunnies.

As far as remembering what is going on in everybody's life, I really don't think it's a lack of caring. I run a wildlife hospital; we have about 50 volunteers & 4 staff members. I care about all of them, and I see them in person every day. Yet, I have people made at me all the time because I didn't remember different things in their lives. It doesn't mean I don't care about them. I do; but as Haley said, it's just really hard to try to remember how to be everything to everybody.

I do think this is a very good thread. I hope that it helps some people to feel a little better, because I think this is a very nice place to be.


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## polly (Apr 12, 2008)

I wouldn't worry about the mana Eileen I dont think anyone is meant to have it at the moment we were all meant to clear them but I think some people havent yet 

Well I don't see much difference since I joined obviously new faces and that ANd I would be the first to hold my hands up and say I am not the best person at posting to everyone but i get in on a night sit down and sometimes I am just dotting in or out so I hope no one takes offense if I miss things  I can be pretty badjust keeping myself to myself but I am always happy to help if someone needs me or I can help with a question. If i feel a post has been answered really well I won't reply doesnt mean im not thinking about you just that You have had fab answers from other foum members


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## Bo B Bunny (Apr 12, 2008)

*Haley - this is very true. There are times when I want to sit and just talk to someone or post but I have too much to do here and in my own life that I don't get that chance. *

*ALSO I have to say that there will always be personality conflicts, and not everyone will be happy all the time.*

*THANK GOD for that! cause if we were all the same I'd be bored stiff!*

*Haley wrote: *


> Sometimes the mods and admins are so drained just dealing with everyday RO responsibilities and housekeeping. We do our best to make this a friendly and loving forum where everyone can feel welcome. But sometimes we are just so overwhelmed with things we cant reach out as much as we would like.


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## MsBinky (Apr 13, 2008)

Meh... I think I need to respond because wellI dunno,I want to.

I must say that I have had run ins with people myself. However, it has taught me that I am rather really weak, sensitive, paranoid, and down right annoying I mean, I am so scared to cause problems, that I always think I am a problem and then end up causing problems just because I always think I am the problem. Did you all understand that?

This past year had been really hard on me. There have been a whole lot of things happening with having pneumonia twice, then being told something could be wrong with my heart, my lungs, Mario leaving for 9 months, having to go back to work, fighting with my best friend and having to quit, the financial stress, the hospital appointments, Wiggles, my sister, Ashton, and everything else in between. I admit that I have not been the friend I usually am.

This year I felt the need to just shut down, clam up. I felt the need to run from people instead of running towards them. I haven't been chatting with members here as much as I normally would. I know I am edgy these days and can burst into tears at any point, so I just don't want to make others feel my moods. I havent inquired about people nearly as much as I wanted to, not because I didn't want to, but rather because when I feel like this,I tend to get on people's nerves and I don't want to. Sometimes, I will look at someone and want to scream at them for complaining about something that seems so dumbcompared towhat I am going through, yet I know it is wrong, just like another person would feel the same regarding me.

There are some people I just don't know how to approach. When I am told that this person doesn't feel much like talking, or takes off, I don't chase. I hate when people don't give me my space when I clearly ask it and I don't want to push and make things worse for the other person. Often that person will snap, and with the way I am feeling I will burst into tears and I just dont have the energy for it. I also try not to encourage behavior that comes off as childish and attention-seeking just because i know it's not right. I love to give it when I feel the moment is right instead.

Some people will basically do anything to start up a fight. You know, before I use to sit in my corner and cry and say "What did i ever do for so and so to dislike me so much?" but now I say "Ok so and so doesn't like me, let's steer clear and not waste energy on this."

In the end, this forum has thousands of members. These members bring in thousands of personality, as well as their own personal weaknesses, experiences, opinions, etc. It's just like in high school. Some people will get along, and some won't. It will always be like that because we have a hard time separating things. I admit, I want to be Miss Congeniality, the girl loved by one and all, the happy face in the forum etc. But I am faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from it and I just won't ever be it. Not everyone will like me, and if it came to that, then there would be lots of liars in the group 

I think we all just need to stop setting criteria for ourselves thinkingthat we have tofit itin order to be happy. It doesn't matter if this person, or that person, doesn't reply to my thread. There are so many reasons why people may not have posted. People have lives, have issues, have insecurities, and doubts. 

In the end it really comes down to not taking thing personally and taking what we can, and leaving what we can. I am still learning it, but I have been doing much better, and I am happier here now that I have stopped demanding so much. 

Instead of asking what this forum should be doing for me, I liketo wonder what I can do for the forum. I feel better that way.

:rose:

Oh and I really do feel for the mods, who must seriously feel like they are babysitters at times :tongue


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## Bassetluv (Apr 13, 2008)

There will probably be as many perspectives on this forum as there are members.  Personally, it has been my experience that this forum is one of the most easygoing, congenial ones I've known. There have been flareups at time, but then that is true of pretty much every other forum as well. And (again, speaking only of my experience) I've found that my part of my overall view of any particular forum tends to go hand-in-hand with my own emotional state at the time. There are forums I've walked away from because of constant bickering, those I've not returned to because of lack of interest (on my part), and forums I tend to frequent periodically. As for participation, getting involved, getting to know other members and/or reaching out...I tend to keep an arm's length (translation: I rarely contact anyone privately or become personal friends with another forum member). This is simply a part of my particular makeup. It doesn't mean I don't empathize or care about the other members, because I do...it is simply a default 'thing' I've been doing for most of my life...keeping a bit of distance so as not to get hurt. 

While I don't take part in this forum all that often, I do like it here very much...and I must say that to me, it seems to comprise of some of the most empathetic, caring people I've run across online. So that, in a nutshell, is my experience.


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## naturestee (Apr 13, 2008)

I have nothing useful to add to this, other than don't worry about the mana. Like Polly said, it's not actually supposed to be there. Pipp was playing with something and ended up leaving it on, but really from what I understand the mana system is broken. That's what we get when Pipp has the keys to the forum and her computer is broken, LOL!

I'll go back to hiding in the Infirmary now. Hmm, no wonder I get depressed easily.


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

I'm thinking that maybe I expect too much of RO.

I started coming here because I liked bunnies, now I come to try and help bunny owners and bunnies and, occassionally, make use of RB or ask questions. So I don't think it matter what I think about some of the people here, the cliques, the loneliness and stuff, because that's not about rabbit's so it's not why I came.

Now I just need to believe it, lol.

It's great to hear peoples views on the forum, both privately and in this thread.


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## pamnock (Apr 13, 2008)

The forum is what each individual makes it. The more each individual contributes, the more they will get out of it. The choice is each individual's.


I try to do my best to help others and my community and I try not to complain. 

*"To Make the Best Better"*

To me, this forum is a special place to share information and experiences on the common ground we all have - rabbits.

Do not put the responsibility on us to cater to you. This isn't about about pointing fingers and blaming others because you feel they are not making this experience special for you or spending enough time catering to your needs. 

*You* make a difference - *You* make it better.

Flashy - you have a choice. Bottom line - Do *you* want to be here or don't you?

If you don't want to be here - then leave. Don't complain and ruin the experience of everyone else.




Pam


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

*pamnock wrote: *


> The forum is what each individual makes it. The more each individual contributes, the more they will get out of it. The choice is each individual's.
> 
> 
> I try to do my best to help others and my community and I try not to complain.
> ...



Don't you think that's a bit harsh?

Yes, I know you dislike me, fair enough. I'm not sure why, but I'll get over that. I haven't complained, and I haven't tried to ruin anything for anyone else. I have merely stated my opinion. 

When I am about, I try to give as much as I can to this forum, and I don't expect anything back, I don't even like asking things about me or my rabbits from here, I just like to try and help.

I have to be honest, I do think that was incredibly harsh, and I don't understand why you had to be so rude.


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## timetowaste (Apr 13, 2008)

Woof. That's all I have to say about this is woof.

I love you Flashy 

T2


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## pamnock (Apr 13, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> Don't you think that's a bit harsh?
> 
> Yes, I know you dislike me, fair enough. I'm not sure why, but I'll get over that. I haven't complained, and I haven't tried to ruin anything for anyone else. I have merely stated my opinion.
> 
> ...



I have never, ever expressed dislike towards you. That is completely fabricated by you. I have always liked having you here.

However,

You are not a baby, this is not a baby sitting service. If you don't want to be here, then leave. 

Pam


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

I actually can't recall where I said that I didn't like it here. If you read carefully you will see I have said there are pros and cons to this place, like everywhere else. I have mentioned both pros and cons, but you seem to have twisted what I said into me not wanting to be here. I made another thread in this forum asking why people come here. That alone, should tell you why I come here. It's not to be babysat, or anything else that you think I want from this place.

I have CERTAINLY not asked anyone to cater to my needs. Why would I? That would be ridiculous.

You've got me all wrong Pam. Totally wrong. I've made mistakes on this forum, just like everyone else. Yes, maybe coming back was one of them, yes, maybe I shouldn't have bothered. However, to those people I have wronged, I have apologised and then tried to make amends, big style, and genuine amends, as hopefully they will be able to testify.

I made this thread to get opinion on what everyone else felt about the forum. It's not perfect, there is room for improvement, like anywhere. It was not a personal attack on anyone, and I have no idea why you attacked me for making the thread. I said it could be deleted if it was thought to be inappropriate, but everyone else said it was a good debate, apart from you, who took it upon yourself to tear me apart.

Since coming back, I have made every effort to be the best member I could, maybe Alexah would like to testify that given that I tried and tried to reach out to her. I personally don't think anything I posted warranted what you said. You felt it did, fair enough, but I still think it was harsh.


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## pamnock (Apr 13, 2008)

Flashy - Do you want to be here?

Pam


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.

If I didn't want to be here then wouldn't I just be lurking like before?


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## pamnock (Apr 13, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.
> 
> If I didn't want to be here then wouldn't I just be lurking like before?




Why do you want to be here if you are describing the forum as "_cold, hard, isolated, fakeand untrustworthy_" ?

These are not the words of someone who wants to be here.

What can *you* do to make it better? These choices and responsibilities are your own. It is neither rude nor harsh to point this out. Itisthe reality of life.



Pam


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## mouse_chalk (Apr 13, 2008)

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, because I don't know that I've been here long enough to have a strong opinion, and also I don't really want to say some things publicly, because I have a habit of not being able to put these things properly and it'll end up coming across bad or something, but I feel like I should reply now.

I have to say, that I love this forum. Since I've joined I've gained so much knowledge about rabbits, and so much help from the experienced people here. I also love hearing about everyone elses rabbits and looking at all their pictures. 

What I didn't expect when I joined was to find friends. I haven't made many friends, mainly because I'm very shy, even online and will never approach people, for fear of rejection/bothering them. I care about a lot of people here, but I would never PM someone unless I felt really REALLY brave, because I'm just too scared. I think I did pm someone once, and didn't get a reply, and that's ok, I wasn't mad or anything, just mortified that I might have upset them or something. I know it sounds silly, but it's just the person I am. So the friends that I have made here have been the ones that have reached out to me, and it's been unexpected and nice. I really, honestly don't know what I would have done the past few months if it wasn't for the people here that have supported me with my operations and things, and the people that have sent me pms, and chatted to me on msn. (SnowyShiloh, Flashy and Mezeta, you rock!). Even just to post a picture of my potential new house and people reply wishing me luck getting it means a lot to me, it's the little things, and that's why I love this place, it's so friendly, and supportive and caring.

Of course, it's not all a bed of roses, nowhere is. I agree with the people who have said that with any large community, online or otherwise, there will be people or things you don't like. One of the things I struggle with is knowing when people have posted a 'short' reply, or if its just the way that they normally talk, because on the internet if you don't put an exclamation mark after everything it can appear rude or grumpy!So I find it hard to distinguish between someone that may be a little annoyed with someone and someone who has just made an ordinary reply. That sometimes causes me to stay away from a thread...There's a few other things I don't entirely like, but I don't feel comfortable posting it here. 

On the whole though, I love this place. The bad things don't nearly outweigh the good for me, and I've never thought that I wouldn't want to be here because of it...

I also have to say, that Flashy you are one of the people that make this place what it is! For me, you were one of the first people who I ever spoke to here, and you've always beengreat to me, sending me messages etc. I know that I've not always been great at replying, or keeping in contact with you, but I do care. :hug:I've really appreciated talking to you more this past week. And, I'm glad you started this thread, I think it's good to see what people think as well 

I'm not entirely sure if any of that was relevant at all lol, but oh well I've written it now!

Jen xx


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

*pamnock wrote: *


> *Flashy wrote: *
> 
> 
> > If I didn't want to be here, why would I be trying to hard to be helpful since coming back.
> ...




What can I do? Well, I have already said what I thought the forum should be and that I'm expecting too much of it, so if I expect less, then no problems. 

If I trust no one, then it doesn't matter who is trustworthy and who isn't because they all roll into one and the same. If I don't respond to anyone who is pretending to care, then no one can be fake.

I made a good few attempts to make the forum less isolating for people, the introduce yourself thread and the hotspot thread spring to mind. I don't know where they went though.

Maybe the difference is that everyone on here has a life, and I don't, so this forum holds more extremes for me than others. I met my only friend on here. Pathetic as that is, it's true.

So I just have to not get involved with anyone on a personal level. Talk to them about themselves, fine, and that's where it stops. Talk about bunnies, fine, try to help people, fine, but not update people about mine. Maybe ask advice if necessary, but only when necessary.

Then it won't matter what it means to me because it will be about the bunnies, and nothing else.


ETA, I don't like some things about this place, but I have also said there are things I like. Same as anywhere. Just because I don't like something, doesn't mean that I don't want to be here, if you think everyone will like everything, then that's a bit misguided.


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## Leaf (Apr 13, 2008)

*Flashy wrote: *


> Maybe the difference is that everyone on here has a life, and I don't, so this forum holds more extremes for me than others. I met my only friend on here. Pathetic as that is, it's true.



Flashy, I don't know about that, when it comes down to it, life is what you make of it.

I work. Work is my life. I have two jobs. I'm friendly with the people I work with but other than one person I don't have "friends" - and even Racheal, at that - she considers me her best friend and I don't know why because I'm very driven, focused and hard to deal with. I helped her at one point in her life when she was down and out and now I wonder at times if she isn't a friend just for that, thinking she owes me.

I'm in an on and off again relationship with Eric which is great at times but stressful as well. Many people look down on us and even our families fight about us because it's a mixed match...

Eric and Racheal, both people closest to me? We work together. If it weren't for that I don't know that we'd even be "teamed up".

Between work and them, and an online forum - that sums up my life.

And my animals, naturally.

:dunno


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## Flashy (Apr 13, 2008)

All I meant was people have a life away from the computer (everybody was an exaggeration but most people). For example, you have work, at the very least. 

I can't work, I can barely leave my house. I generally don't interact with anyone other than the people I live with. The internet is my lifeline, so I put more hopes into it that maybe people who have friends, a social life, a job, hobbies, all that, because I don't have anything else to base my hopes on. This is why I need to focus on it being more about the bunnies again, and take the pressure off what I'm expecting from the forum. Take a step back and see it as 'just' a forum, not a lifeline.


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## polly (Apr 18, 2008)

YA know I can see where Tracy is coming form. I work hard and when i get on here I don't get all that much time to look at posts between work stuff and other things. I can imagine you see a lot more if you are not working and on here alot more.

I am sure if a post was started saying add your name if Flashy (Tracy ) has been on your thread or tried to help you or has pm'd you that it would be a long list!!!!!! That is not a sign that someone doesnt want to be here. And lets be honest at the end of the day YES Tracy has problems as do many other members on here. But one thing you have to respect her for is at least she doesnt come on and lie!! she comes on here to help others first and foremost and she was obviously feeling the forum had changed and was asking for other opinions as to whether anyone else felt the same. I think its safe to say a lot of people feel out of the loop just look at the mana post! 

its easy for all of us to pick up on negative things first not many people in this world are blessed with a permanently sunny glass half full personality.

When other people on here have problems there seems to be a lot of rallying around what makes it so different this time!! I think some of the comments made were a bit harsh, they don't help someone who is trying very hard with the problems she has!


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