# Long Distance Relationships?



## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

How do you guys feel about them ? 

I'll tell my story after


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## NorthernAutumn (Sep 13, 2010)

I think they are exceptionally hard for a relationship that has only been going for a short time. Hard to bond, and grow that trust over a long distance.

I did it in High school, and it was not do-able. I had only known the guy a few weeks. Really, too much pressure with not a lot of content there yet. It might have worked if we were about 10 years older, and had known eachother on an close personal level for a lot longer 6 mos +.

I found that I wasted a lot of time on him. I could have IDd the deal-breaking personality aspects if I had only been able to spend some close time for a month or two. What people say/type is very different from real world actions, in my experience. I could have been rid of him and moved on in a shorter period of time if it was face to face - we wasted a lot of time on a go-nowhere relationship (yes, it was a learning experience, HAHA!  )


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## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

I've known this guy for 7 years (wow, time flys by lol) we met on this kids chat thing, and exchanged MSN's and we were super good friends.
Then he 'asked me out' the day before valentines. (oh crap, I just realized it's 7 months today)
He lives in the US, Indiana I think (..they're all confusing to me :rollseyes ) 
His dad knows about me, and his brother, and cousin.
My mom knows about him.

Ugh, I lost my train of thought.. :lookaround


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## degrassi (Sep 13, 2010)

I dont' have any long distance experience but it worked out for my sister. 

She met her husband while she was away at an engineering conference. He lived in Ottawa and Natalie was here in Edmonton. They were friends over email for a while as Natalie had a boyfriend. I remember Kyle came to Edmonton for a visit once and joined us(my family, natalie, and her boyfriend at the time) for a family reunion. All my relatives thought Kyle was natalie's boyfriend, not her real boyfriend,lol. But Natalie eventually broke up with her boyfriend and started talking to Kyle more and more. He came to visit 1 more time and it was obvious to everyone that they should be together. But Kyle was in school in Ottawa and my sister moved to Holland for a year. For 3 years all they did was talk on the phone as they were in different cities or countries, with only a few face to face meetings. Only talking on the phone gave them time to discuss EVERYTHING about their relationship and really got to know each other. They eventually planned on getting married and moved to the same city after their schooling was done. They have been married now for 6 years now 

So it definitely works but its not for everyone. Its hard not having your bf/gf around and talking isn't 100% of a relationship. But if you are both committed and willing to do it then it can work out. I can also see it being harder when you are younger. My sister was in her early 20's and not one to really date much and wanted to get married, same with her husband.


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## okiron (Sep 13, 2010)

It's like anything else in this world, depends on the person. Works for some people and some couples, doesn't work for others.

Person A and Person B might be able to have one successfully but Person A and Person C wont be able to. 

The question is, ultimately,is one of you moving to another? I really don't see the point otherwise. Military families are a great example that long distance relationships do work but soldiers do eventually come home (ok not entirely true but let's not get into that)


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## fuzz16 (Sep 13, 2010)

my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 13, 2010)

Well, I met my husband on a trip to the Bahamas. We were together for 2 weeks there. I lived in Colorado and he lived in California. After we got home, we talked on the phone most every day and I visited him once for a weekend. Three months later I moved to California. We've been together for 18 years now.


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## Nancy McClelland (Sep 13, 2010)

I was going to Berkley and she got a full ride to USC. We saw each other as much as possible, but during our third year we just kind of cooled and called everything off.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

fuzz16 wrote:


> my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.


:shock: 


And yes, one of us is going to the other. Id want him to come here, ultimately, but I think it would be a lot easier for everyone if I went there, which isn't a half bad idea, not like I have much keeping me here.


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## jcottonl02 (Sep 13, 2010)

I've had a very long-distance relationship for almost 6 months- two different countries, over a year ago. It was hard, but it can work. Unfortunately for me I realised I obviously didn't love him enough to want to continue with the relationship, as it was too hard for me. It depends what the future holds for you. There wasn't really much future for us, and I didn't want to wait and see, for a long time, and then end up getting heartbroken.

However, my friend was in a long-distance relationship, and a few years later her boyfriend moved from the US, to England to live with her, and they are still together now. My sister's boyfriend's brother also met his now wife on the internet. She lived in New Zealand, he lived in England. Now they both live in New Zealand, happily married and she is pregnant with their first child .

So, again, it really depends on your future, and how you feel about eachother. 

Jen


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## degrassi (Sep 13, 2010)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> fuzz16 wrote:
> 
> 
> > my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.
> ...


Since you are in 2 different countries you'll also have to take into account getting the proper paper work to live/work in the states, not an easy task even if you are married to an American. Same for him if he comes to Canada. My friend just tried to bring her boyfriend over from France and they weren't able to do it. He had to go back once his travel visa expired.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

Yeah, but I had a temporary american visa when I was younger (I lived there, remember ?  ) and I was told because I had that, i'd have an easier time getting my full visa when time comes. 
(Especially the fact my brother is a police here in Ottawa, and we're canadian.. I was told it would help)


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## aquamoonbeam (Sep 13, 2010)

I never believed in it until it happened to me. I met my boyfriend over facebook, he was a friend of a friends and he added me. He was going to college in Florida while I was going to college in WI, we started talking for two months and when he came back to WI for winter break we hung out and went on dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend like two weeks later and we have been together ever since.

It is really tough. But if he is worth it that makes it easier. He is my bestfriend and I really can't imagine not having him in my life. 

I went to visit him twice, for one week visits, and he came home for one week, but besides that we did long distance for a little under a year, maybe around 7 or 8 months? Phone calls and instant messaging and video chats and writing old fashioned letters make it easier. I moved down to live with him in Florida for around a year and now we are both back in WI happy as ever and our relationship is better and stronger than ever.

In my opinion long distance can strengthen your relationship because you really need to develop that trust and friendship with each other and work on that, it also makes you appreciate the time you do have with him even more.

Good luck to you two


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## JadeIcing (Sep 13, 2010)

I think that it is possible but very very hard.


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## Rabbit Hero (Sep 13, 2010)

After a 5 year relationship, 3 of which were long distance, I sat down one day and realized it had been three months since I had seen my boyfriend. And I had no interest in seeing him again. I had been trying to "fix" things for about two years and got no effort from him. I called him that evening to break it off. It made me wish I had done it years ago before I had wasted all my time. I don't think I would do it again.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

aquamoonbeam wrote:


> I never believed in it until it happened to me. I met my boyfriend over facebook, he was a friend of a friends and he added me. He was going to college in Florida while I was going to college in WI, we started talking for two months and when he came back to WI for winter break we hung out and went on dates. He asked me to be his girlfriend like two weeks later and we have been together ever since.
> 
> It is really tough. But if he is worth it that makes it easier. He is my bestfriend and I really can't imagine not having him in my life.
> 
> ...


Thats so cute!
Thank you!
It's cute.. he patiently helps me with my homework (Im no math pro.. hehe)


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## missyscove (Sep 13, 2010)

I'm from Los Angeles but go to school in NY. My boyfriend is from NY. I met him my freshman year when I baked a cake with some friends in another dorm and advertised "free cake in exchange for friendship." One of the RA's found out that we were from the all-girls dorm and his floor was all-guys so we met a big group of guys that way, two of whom I'm still really close to. We all hung out together quite a bit but both he and I realized we wanted to be more than just friends with each other. Our first "date" was just before winter break of my freshman year. Yes, I do go to school a good 8 months or so of the year, so for the most part we're together and our schedules allow us to see each other a few times a week, but we're also split up for winter and summer breaks (though he did come visit me in LA the summer after freshman year, I didn't see him at all this past summer).
We talk every day (that I'm not in a foreign country, like this summer when I vacationed in Germany) and more than anything else he's one of my best friends. That said, I have no idea what'll happen (assuming of course that we're still together) after graduation. We both have grad school in mind but he's an engineer and I'm pre-vet so for now I'm just enjoying what I have without being too concerned about that aspect.
With all that in mind, personally I can't imagine calling someone my boyfriend that I'd never met in person. Even with all the advances in technology, there's something to be said for really knowing someone that incorporates their little mannerisms, how they smell (research has shown that smell actually plays a part in how we humans choose our mates, http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html ), how they walk, where they're ticklish, etc.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 14, 2010)

I know where he's ticklish!
I also know he eats everything with a fork (Even watermelon!) Which makes me feel like a slob, lol.

I know how he interacts with people when he's mad. (incident with his cousin while we were on cam) and it made me giggle at how gentle and nice he was, because looking at him you don't expect that.


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## aquamoonbeam (Sep 14, 2010)

lol. It is amazing how if you really work at it, what a great relationship can grow from something so many people are skeptical about. My family and friends were so confused about how I could date someone so far away after only spending about a week face to face time with him. 

The funny thing was I already knew him better than most of my friends knew their boyfriends who were in the same city as them. I always wonder how our relationship would have turned out if I hadn't had to do long distance those first few months and I honestly wouldn't go back and change it because I think the distance made us get to know each other better from the start.


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## jessicalovesjesse (Sep 14, 2010)

I really feel like long distance only works if there is already a good backbone to the relationship. My boyfriend and I had to do the long distance thing for 5-6 months, But we had been dating over a year before that.
I don't believe that meeting someone off the internet, not really knowing them, and dating them is a good idea though.


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## irishbunny (Sep 14, 2010)

I personally wouldn't date someone off the internet that I hadn't met face to face. You have no way of knowing what they are like or who they truly are. I think it is a different story when you met the person, started dating, and then carried on the relationship long distance for awhile. Or if you met the person online, met up with them a few times, and then decided to date.


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## JadeIcing (Sep 14, 2010)

Ok to elaborate.... I met my husband my senior year in highschool...online. We met while chatting in the old yahoo chatrooms. We slowly got to know each other. Put it this way we started chatting every night in May 02...We met in person in May 04...Said yes we wanted to be married in Aug 04... Bought ring in Nov 04...Engaged Dec 04... Married Oct 05. 

Yea I do believe that things can be harder but very possible if it is the right thing. I also believe that only the people involved know if it will work out or not. You are still young and have a lot of things to get in order before making huge choices like this one.


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## Nela (Sep 15, 2010)

I met my ex-fiance online. We met up, got engaged, he moved in with me etc etc. Unfortunately, he was not someone I could trust (not cheatin, but other lies) and his going and coming was always very very difficult to deal with. Anyway, we did it for 5 years. I broke off the engagement for too many reasons to list.

However, I met Jeff (my current boyfriend) online as well. To be honest, I was quite annoyed with myself. I really really did NOT want to do the same thing again. Well... Being me, I was extremely straight forward about it and told him if we did this is was to try for something long term. Anything less would simply be a waste of time. I also told him I didn't want to have a boyfriend without having one. Meaning, I didn't want to go to family gatherings etc. without ever being accompanied. I didn't want to have a crappy day and not be able to have a hug...

He was good. He was determined. He spent a ton of money. You know, finances play a huge part in these types of relationships I think. If you can't afford to get to each other to be together, it becomes a major problem. Luckily it worked out great with Jeff and we decided it simply was too hard and too expensive so he asked me to move in with him since we both felt ready. I'm here now and I could not be happier.

Thing is, if you think long-term, there are lots of things to consider. Moving to another country isn't just a small thing. As much as you can love a person, sometimes outside factors can be pretty important as well. I know with my ex-fiance, I hated the country I was supposed to move to. I was terrified of moving there and even though I loved him, I was not looking forward to leaving Canada. Holland on the other hand is very much like Canada in many ways so that was much smoother.

They can work. To be honest though, I do not believe in 'love conquers all' so lots of things need to be taken into cosideration. Finances play a major part. It's quite hard to deal with not actually feeling, seeing, and hearing your partner in person. There are nice ways to somewhat compensate but it's never the same. Having had experienced it for quite some years, I can say it gets tiring. Love will make you want to persevere but if you cannot advance, it gets too draining.

It all depends on how much you want and can put in. In the end though, I am very grateful I gave Jeff a shot. But then again, he came to me, I went to him... So we weren't apart for too too long. (Though anyone who has experience can tell you that once you meet and fall in love with someone, time apart, no matter how small, seems quite enormous!) It was a year in July since we met in person but we are already living together. That's how badly the distance was taking a toll on us 

Best of luck if you choose to embark fully!


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## Brandy456 (Sep 15, 2010)

Thank you Nela 
Makes a lot of sense.


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## Flirtycuddle (Oct 6, 2010)

I met my fiance online on a chat program called IMVU in March this year and spent every day/night on cam or talking on the phone even texting while he was at work. End of May he bought my tickets to move to Indiana to be with him (was living in AZ). I packed up everything I could fit and flew out in the afternoon with my 2 children. 
Granted it was kinda fast to meet someone and move half way across the country (a few days shy of 3 months)but my children are happier then I have ever seen them and he treats me better then anyone I have ever dated in my life so for my family it was the right choice and March 2011 we are getting married.


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## Nela (Oct 6, 2010)

Lmao, I met my partner on IMVU too. Who'd have thought... Congrats :biggrin2:

*Meant to add: I moved from Montreal to Holland Oh the things we do for men


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## JadeIcing (Oct 6, 2010)

Ugh my brother met a real nutso on IMVU.


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## GorbyJobRabbits (Oct 6, 2010)

I wouldn't personally start a relationship being online. But I need to physical as well as the emotional part of the relationship.

That said, a month after I met my boyfriend I was offered a high paying job across country in Wyoming....and I am from Ohio. It was only 3 and a half months and it was pretty hard but we made it....and we'll do it again this spring... 

Any time one of my field biologist positions are offered I'll take it, but I'm limiting myself to 4 months and under.


and all that being said, we met via Craigslist. I look at the personals for a laugh and had tried it before myself... one day while I was filling out job apps for the wildlife stuff I wanted a laugh and looked at the local personals. Generally they're all 50 year old men looking for a one night stand basically......and the ONLY one that was my age and who wasn't a pervert is now my boyfriend. But still different then a relationship only being online.


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## AquaticRex (Oct 6, 2010)

i dated long distance a few times.
this recent time i think i finally managed to pull it off lol. i moved in with him and sure were having a bit of a hard time right now with money, but i can actually say i'm happy


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## AquaticRex (Oct 6, 2010)

*fuzz16 wrote: *


> my experiance doesnt work...not at this age...while their telling you sweet nothings they are also out partying flirting with other girls or cheating. its to hard to tell unless like previously said there is a long relationship before where you could trust the person...otherwise its just a pretend bf that gives you comfort and listens and then you can say you have a bf.


dont let that discourage you though ^^^^^^^. it's not always the case. sure a lot of men are idiots (and some females to. it's not just in the male genetics), but there are some really good loyal guys out there too. if the person you want is _*mature*_ enough and can stand the strain of distance (and family trying to change your mind... i hate that >.<) then it shouldn't be a problem. i'm still rather young and it's working out great for me. and i know my cousin who is a lot older then me did long distance starting at a really young age and she's still with the guy and now they're married with kids. and the way they look at each other is so adorable. so that kinda stuff isn't always the case. though fuzz does have a point...make sure you can trust them before growing strings to the person.


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## Flirtycuddle (Oct 13, 2010)

Lmao Nela that is to funny and I do have to say I met a lot of nuts on IMVU and had looked at it more like something to kill time then thinking I'd meet someone but that definatly changed in March when I met my other half lol.


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## Nela (Oct 13, 2010)

Lmbo yep, I had those exact thoughts. I was not at all looking or anything. Too crazy how many nuts are on there though :expressionless


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