# 6 Weeks Pregnant at 17 Years Old



## kirstin (Feb 24, 2011)

I'm 6 weeks pregnant at 17 years old. The pregnancy was a mistake (obviously), and abortion is out of the question -- I would never resort to such a thing. My 20 y.o. boyfriend got me pregnant, and he's leaving for basic training in the Army in August. I'm due in late October, so he'll still be gone by the time I have the baby. My boyfriend and I are "unofficially engaged", meaning we are planning on getting married, but don't have the money to pay for marital expenses. That, and I'm a bit young... my parents are stressed enough, but they are supportive.

So here's the question... adoption or keep? 

There are pros and cons to each that I've found. Emotionally, I want to keep the baby, but logically, I don't. It would be better for the baby to grow up in a home with a mother and father that can easily support them... but part of me believes that I need to take full and complete responsibility for the baby, meaning I should sacrafice going to college or living my life as a young adult. I'd probably finish high school online (and sadly only get a GED). What should I do? I've got quite a bit of time to think about whether to give up for adoption or keep, but many are asking, and I want to be able to prepare for whichever my decision may be. My boyfriend is leaning more towards adoption just because he feels horrible that I'd have to spend my days as a single mom (because he'll be gone so much for the Army, supporting me). I'm just not sure what to do. Help?


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## jujub793 (Feb 24, 2011)

first of all you don't have to give up your life because you made a mistake. you can still go to high school and college. lots of girls/women do. but you need very strong family and friend support. it would be better for you and your child if you had education on your side because if you do decide to keep it you will need to support it and you will be better able to support it with better education. but that is only if your family is willing to help you through all that. i would highly recommend you do not drop out of school just because youre pregnant. unless your school makes you, but there are things you can do if that happens... your situation is far from ideal but if you really wanted to make it work you will find a way.


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## Nancy McClelland (Feb 24, 2011)

:yeahthat:


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## TinysMom (Feb 25, 2011)

I am 50 years old....and adopted. In addition - I got married at 18 (almost 19) ... and my husband was military and I did the whole "Single mom" thing for a few months. (I hated it).

With all that said - here is my input...such as it is worth.

I know that you love your boyfriend and he loves you - but you are both so young. Even when I was 20 or 22 - I wasn't the same person that I was at 18. We're still married - don't get me wrong - and we love each other dearly and we're one of the few couples who beat the odds that are against couples who marry young. But at the age you're at - you both change and to lock yourself into a marriage at this young age....is something that worries me - particularly if you do it for the sake of a child.

I would consider contacting a couple of pastors and seeing if there are any couples in their churches who are wanting to do a private adoption - and then see about getting an "open adoption" where you can continue to find out about your child as they grow and maybe even be a part of their life at some point in time. That way....your options are sorta open as far as not wondering about your child all the time - and it gives you a chance to help pick their parents. So many people are wanting to adopt but can't (within the system) due to their age or other factors....this would be the perfect way for you to have a say on where your child goes.

As an adoptee, I found my mom in my 20's and I am so glad that I did. I find that there is a lot of things that are in our genetics that we probably had no idea about. For instance - my adopted mom always thought I was rebellious because I hated wearing shoes....when my birthmom walked into her house and kicked them off and said, "I hate shoes" as she hung them on antlers over the door of the den...I knew I'd found a lot of answers to my questions. My adopted mom thought that because I didn't like her style of decorating - I was rebellious. When I walked into my birthmom's house and saw the same figurines I had....and pictures I'd circled in the Home Interiors catalog to buy...it was like WOW. We have the same body type (we had a couple of the same shirts from Walmart)....we both talk with our hands.

My point is - at some point, I think your child will probably want to know you (even if they don't want an ongoing relationship). An open adoption allows for this.

Anyway - if you were my daughter, my advice to you would be to either go with an open adoption - or stay home for a while and attend college locally and let us help you raise your child until both you and your fiancee are older (at least a couple of years) and know more about what you want from your lives. 

My pm box is always open if you need someone.

Peg


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## irishbunny (Feb 25, 2011)

Like someone else said, if you really want to keep it you'll find a way to make it work. It is possible. Sounds like your parents are supportive too. My Mam had my older sister at 17 and my Sister is now a Psychologist. So it is possible for young Mothers to raise their kids to be successful people.

That being said it just isn't for some people, and if you feel like adoption is somwthing you might want to do there is no harm in at least looking into it. It is extremely hard to do, but it is very selfless.

One thing I want to say is don't let ANYONE try and make you do something you don't want to do. Unless it is the right decision for you, don't do it. I know a girl who was pressured by her Boyfriend to have an abortion and regrets it everyday. When my Mam had my Sister nuns were trying to force her to give her up for adoption and she is so thankful she didn't.

Good luck and I hope everything works out ok!


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## Mrs. PBJ (Feb 25, 2011)

Being 22 and living the wife role sense 17. I have only been married a year but we played house sense I was 17. 

I say played house cause your way to young to get married. Your going to change as a person a lot over the next couple of years. 

I am pregnant now and let me tell you, If i could go back and meet my husband 4 years later we would have never got married we work now but it has taken a lot. For a long time we would say to anyone who asked we made a lot better friends. Now to your new bundle of joy. Do what is best for you. My sister is raising four kids going to school full time and working full time. She has state aide with daycare so she is able to do it. I watch her youngest two for the first year of their life. 

At 17 I will tell you this anything is possible for you. If you keep him/her you can finish school go to college and still know your son or daughter loves you. Well mommy had me and made it so I can do anything. In five years you will be a totally different person. 

Your 6 weeks which makes you do around Oct? Look into advance learning in school while you are pregnant talk to your counselor and see if they can get you on the fast track to graduate in Dec. Take summer classes this year. See is you can take half day next year so you only need someone to watch him/her for a few hours a day. I know its not ideal to have a baby and turn around and go back but if you don't go back you won't. 

I know your scared at 22 married with hubby in a set job I am scared. Check out craigslist by used see if any family has anything. For the first couple of years your baby is not going to know her toys are used. And you got a hole box of toys for 5 bucks that would have cost you over 100 at the store.


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## JadeIcing (Feb 26, 2011)

What everyone said is very true. Be open with your family, your bf and his family. Sit down you may find that the whole family is willing to chip in someone way to make this work. Or you may find that you all find out that adoption is best.


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## pamnock (Feb 26, 2011)

I was also pregnant at 17 and would never have changed a thing. 4 kids and 30 years later - no regrets and finally at nearly 50 going to nursing school. 


Good luck with your decision - you are in my prayers that you will find the right decision for you and your baby. ray:


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## Colorguarder08 (Feb 26, 2011)

well being 20 and not having a kid but watching my brother struggle with his who he had at 19 and she is almost 4 now I would have to say it IS possible to do a good job if you put the work into it. Fourantely my brother and the babies mom broke up when she was 8 months old.I think it's a good thing because they just weren't a good match. Now my brother has his daughter every week from monday at 10am through wednesday at 10 am then the next week it's sunday at 10am through wednesday at 10am. He pays a boat load in child support though and my grandmother provides free babysitting when he's at work (he was just recently laid off) However he is a good daddy and she knows she is loved by both parents. It is possible to be a good parent a former best friend of mine had a baby right after we graduated high school she said the baby motivated her to finish highschool she is now in beauty school as she had always planned to be and was a single mom for the first two years of the babies life the dad and her are now back together and the baby will be three in september. So really it is all about how hard are you willing to fight against odds to make it work for you and your family


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## kirstin (Feb 26, 2011)

Thank you all for the advice.


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## wordstoasong (Feb 26, 2011)

Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.

I also have a GED. I got it in 2008, before getting together with my BF. With this, I can still get into colleges I want to, get a future career in the area I want (working with horses). Hope you look into all your options, and don't give up on anything. You can do it.  Best wishes to you!


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## kirstin (Feb 27, 2011)

*wordstoasong wrote: *


> Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.
> 
> I also have a GED. I got it in 2008, before getting together with my BF. With this, I can still get into colleges I want to, get a future career in the area I want (working with horses). Hope you look into all your options, and don't give up on anything. You can do it.  Best wishes to you!




If I were to keep the baby... I wouldn't be able to have insurance for them, and by the timeI have the kid, my boyfriend won't be out of basic training, so benefits would have to wait. It's all quite confusing. =/


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## wordstoasong (Feb 27, 2011)

*kirstin wrote: *


> *wordstoasong wrote: *
> 
> 
> > Hey Kristen, just read this now. I am 34 weeks along with my first, and my BF is in the army himself (went Reg Force just last April). When our little surprise came up, we were in such a tight spot, it was very hard on us, we didn't know what to do. Our apartment at the time was moldy, and I wasn't working and with so much stress in our relationship, we laid out our options. He suggested abortion, but with my mental health record, I said no (it would kill me iinside). We spent a few months looking into adoption, what we can do and how does it work. In the end, at around 15-20 weeks, we decided to keep Baby Surprise. We have our life now on a roll, myself finding a great support ring in having this baby, and we are both taking steps to improve our relationship.
> ...


I just noticed you're in the states, and I'm in Canada, so I'm guessing its different. Sorry about that! But I wish you the best in finding a good supportive choice.


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## Colorguarder08 (Feb 27, 2011)

*kirstin wrote: *If I were to keep the baby... I wouldn't be able to have insurance for them, and by the timeI have the kid, my boyfriend won't be out of basic training, so benefits would have to wait. It's all quite confusing. =/

Well I'm not sure how things work in colorado but I know that here in washington the state automatically provides insurance for children and babies and therefore pregnant mothers too you may want to look into it.


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## Mrs. PBJ (Feb 27, 2011)

I would look into your state health like Color said every state tends to have health care especially for young moms low income moms and children. 

I get medicaid and WIC which one is health care and one provides everything the baby eats for the first year. 

With daddy being in military your baby should get free health care from jump. All military personal and there children get health care.


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## kirstin (Feb 27, 2011)

Ok. Thanks guys; I'll look it up.


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## jujub793 (Feb 27, 2011)

yes. what they said, there is health care available for someone such as yourself so that should not be an issue.


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## kirstin (Feb 27, 2011)

I wasn't able to find info. So insurance and health care would not be a problem?


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## Colorguarder08 (Feb 27, 2011)

*kirstin wrote: *


> I wasn't able to find info. So insurance and health care would not be a problem?


No it should not be a problem at all just contact your local DSHS department and they should get you the papers to fill out and everything.


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## kirstin (Feb 27, 2011)

Ok. Thanks.


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## Mrs. PBJ (Feb 27, 2011)

http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellite/HCPF/HCPF/1251567068368

I hope this helps seem to be the place to go.


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## nermal71 (Feb 28, 2011)

I had my first child when I was barely 20y/o. While I was a bit older than you are I will be honest it was ROUGH!! My husband and I got married when we found out I was pregnant (my family's option was marriage or adoption). I missed out on alot. I missed out on the partying and socializing that my friends did. But I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes it was tough. Money was tight and we didn't have alot. But I still would not trade that time for anything. I now have three sons. That baby will be 20y/o on April 1st. My second son will be 19 in june and is going in the military and my youngest is your age. If your family is willing to help you out then let them. Get your education especially college (it's the one thing I didn't do and I regret it). And love that baby with all of your heart. And if you do go the adoption road as others have said try for an open adoption. Then not only do you know how that baby is doing and not spend your life wondering, but also someday you will be involved in that child's life 

And as to the insurance have your boyfriend talk to his recruiter. That baby should be covered from day one of its birth. As to your care if you are not married I do not think they will cover you. But your parents insurance still might as you are under 18y/o. If not apply for state coverage until you get on your feet.


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## ChocolateBunny (Feb 28, 2011)

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I'm in a very similar situation as you. I just turned 19, and got married as soon as I turned 18. I did not finish school and plan to get my GED after my baby is born. I am 7 months pregnant as of today which is 2/28/11, so I got pregnant at early 18. My husband and I are a very young couple, but we planned for the baby. My husband is also military so I know what thats like. With the benefits you guys will be getting, I can tell you, the baby WILL be taken are of if you keep it. A baby is an amazing thing and if you think you can do it, go for it! Plenty of young people like you make "mistakes" and become pregnant but in the end, they wouldnt trade their baby for the world. I have quite a few friends, all of which are moms now and had there babies between 16 and 1 years old, and believe it or not, out of all of them, Im the oldest having my baby at 19. So I know first hand, young girls CAN do it, they have to trust in themselves. If you want this baby, only you can choose his or her life. Its something to really think about. Since I chose to get pregnant, I am very exited about bringing my baby into the world. Even though your baby is small right now, he or she has a little heart beating inside you. It's beating for _you. _Moms and babies form a bond while the baby is still in the belly, even before you meet your baby, you will love him or her more than life itself, its weird to say, you will love that little baby more than you could ever love something and you havnt even met it. And Babies do not ruin lives, they add to them and make them better. You dont have to give up things in your life, dont think of it like that, rather, you get to add something to those things to make them more exciting, fun, and memorable. A baby is a blessing, and I can promise, if you and the babys dad get married, the military will be there to take care of that baby with you. The military has helped me so much threw my pregnancy and I am so grateful. Please, really think about the choices your making for your baby, he or she cant decide so it's up to you. But remember, no matter what decision you make, you are now a mom and always will be.


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## kirstin (Feb 28, 2011)

Thanks so much for the support and advice guys. It means a lot... 

My mom went through the same thing as me, and she ended up giving her baby up for adoption. I think she expects me to do that... and I'm willing, but emotionally, I want to keep the baby. I know that makes things more difficult and complicated... but it's what I'm feeling right now.


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## RandomWiktor (Feb 28, 2011)

One thing I would suggest, since you are going to carry the baby to term, is to realize that you don't have to make up your mind right now. Chances are you'll change your mind back and fourth several times, in fact. I would take full advantage of these nine months and use them to research all of your options carefully. Talk to other teen mothers. See about your options for government and non-prof assistance. See how on board your families are about both options; having a good network of support can literally be the difference between the responsible choice being adoption vs. keeping. Have other moms that you know, including relatives, help give you some realistic ideas of the good and bad of child rearing. Start investigating the costs of childcare NOW to see if it is something you can handle, and use that time to learn "baby on a budget" - there are cheaper alternatives to virtually every baby product and need out there. Basically... take your time. This is a HUGE decision and although it may be tempting to want to closure of a decision as early as possible, taking your time and really thinking it out is going to leave you with the fewest regrets.

Also remember that a LOT can change in your life in nine months. The situation you are in right now - financially, emotionally, your/the baby's health, your relationship, etc. - may not be the situation you are in by then. That is another factor in your decision making process; how things progress along with your pregnancy. Pregnancy has a habit of throwing some surprise punches, both good and bad.


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