# The Grieving Corner - a place where we can express our grief



## TinysMom

I have been debating about this thread for several weeks - off and on. I wondered if it was needed or appropriate - after all - we have the Rainbow Bridge area where we can remember our pets.

But sometimes we need more than remembrance - we need to reach out to someone else who understands - we need to have someone listen - or to talk with.

This thread is a place where I hope we can go when we're having a hard time dealing with the grief- some place where we can be open when we're having a bad time - or even if we feel we're doing better and healing - a place where we can say "I have hope".

This message - as the first message - is to share some things about grief. I'm including bits and pieces from websites - along with their address - so you can check them out yourself.

First of all - the "Stages of Grief". Here is what one website says:Four Stages of Grief Anyone that loses a loved one, including their pet, will eventually go through four stages of grief. Denial, Awareness, Sadness and Acceptance. Most of us love our pets as we love any family member. So it is normal for us to greive in the same manner we would grieve for any family member. Here is an explanation of the four stages of grief. (Remember - everyone is unique and will experience grief in different ways)

*Denial* - (Also known as the "shock" or "disbelief"), this initial phase, which may last from a mere few seconds or up to 6 weeks, is marked by numbness, disbelief, and often, alienation from others. The loss may be intellectualized and dealt with on a "rational" level, as opposed to a "feeling" level. This is the stage many people are in at the time of a funeral or service.

*Awareness* - (Also known as the "anger" stage), is an emotional and suffering phase that resides in the heart. At the same time that the chemicals (eg, adrenaline) released in response to the stress of our pet's death are beginning to decrease, and the support of friends is lessening, the impact of our pet's loss is beginning to be truly realized: the empty pet bed, your pet is not there to greet you when coming home from work. The onset of this stage occurs 2-4 weeks after death, and the pain we experience continues to increase until it peaks about 3-4 months after the death. Typically, this is the longest phase. Strong emotions, such as anger, fear, and guilt, may be experienced.
Individuals may experience uncontrolled bouts of weeping.

The full recognition of the implications of our loss can take years.

*Sadness or Depression* - We desperately want everything to be the same as it was before the loss. This unachievable desire, simultaneously so natural and so understandable, may elicit depression at around 6 months.

*Acceptance/Reconciliation and recovery*: The final stage resides in the gut. For most of us, it is several months before we overcome the most severe emotional stress, and it takes at least a year to work through the grieving process. We must weather the "first" everything (ie, birthdays, holidays, date of our pet's death) without our animal who has died.
As time passes, and as we allow ourselves to work through our grief, we begin to reconcile the loss and to engage in rebuilding our lives. The swings of emotion slow, and a scar is formed, lessening the pain. Our focus shifts from the death, and life begins anew. This is about the time we may even consider looking at pets at pet stores or shelters. Reaching this stage does not mean we will never grieve again but that the grieving feelings no longer disrupt our lives or block our capacity for growth, discovery, and joy.

_A caution, however. After a significant loss, we are changed forever; thus, the "new normal" is not like the "old normal." It has been suggested that we should attempt to reach an accommodation with our loss, rather than an "acceptance" or an effort to "recover." _(I am italicizing this because I think it is important for us to realize - Peg)_

_*How grief is expressed*
In the book, _The Human-Animal Bond and Grief_, the authors describe five manifestations of grief.
Physical: Crying, nausea and loss of appetite, inability to sleep, fatigue, restlessness, and body aches and stiffness are typical manifestations of grief.
Intellectual: When grieving, people often experience an inability to concentrate, confusion, and a sense that time is passing very slowly.
Emotional: As described above, many emotions can be expressed in the course of the grieving process. Irritability, a lowered sense of self-worth, resentment, and embarrassment are also common feelings.
Social: Some grieving people often withdraw, may be reluctant to ask for help, and feel rejected by others. Others may show an increased dependency on other people, or an increased need to 'keep busy' and overcommit to activities.
Spiritual: The death of a pet may result in a person bargaining or feeling angry with God. The grieving person may try to find some meaningful interpretation of the death, and question what happens to pets after they die and whether pets have souls.

_
http://petdreamsmemorial.blogspot.com/2007/05/four-stages-of-grief.html

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_​But what do we do with our grief once we realize what stage(s) we're in? Do we just sit and cry all the time? Do we never look at pictures of our pet? Always look at pictures? I think it is important for all of us to remember that we will each deal with our grief differently - and if we've lost more than one bunny - we may grieve for each one differently. For instance, if you lose a bunny that had been ill for a while - the grief may not be as bad as if you lost your bunny suddenly - OR - it could be worse. 

So let's talk about how to handle the grief. âHow shall I grieve?â is a question to be answered differently by each person. Here are some suggestions which might be helpful: 
* Pay attention to your feelings*, even if you donât understand them. Write about your feelings and talk with others about them.
* Donât assume that the current grief will be like previous ones.* You are not the same person who grieved before (though old griefs may definitely come alive in new sorrows).
* Listen to music*, especially instrumental music that helps express your sorrow and move through it.
* Create your own art, music and poetry* to express your feelings. Donât worry whether it is âgood.â Just do it.
* Move your body.* Walk in the woods, exercise or take a yoga class. Anything that gets you moving for at least a short time during the day can help lift your spirits.
* Spend some time with others who have lost pets.* Check out the message boards and pet loss support groups at the end of this article. If your own therapist or clergy does not work well with the grief of pet loss, find someone who does.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grieving_pets.htm

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*What Is the Grief Process?*
The grief process is as individual as the person, lasting days for one person or years for another. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss. 
Some caregivers may try bargaining with a higher power, themselves, or even their pet to restore life. Some feel anger, which may be directed at anyone involved with the pet, including family, friends, and veterinarians. Caregivers may also feel guilt about what they did or did not do, and may feel that it is inappropriate to be so upset. 
After these feelings subside, caregivers may experience true sadness or grief. They may become withdrawn or depressed. Acceptance occurs when they accept the reality of their loss and remember their animal companion with decreasing sadness. 
[align=center]*Five Ways to Remember Your Pet* *1. Hold a memorial service
2. Find a special place for your pet's ashes
3. Create a living memorial
4. Make a scrapbook
5. Write down your feelings*[/align] *Read more >>*
*How Can I Cope with My Grief?*
While grief is a personal experience, you need not face loss alone. Many forms of support are available, including pet bereavement counseling services, pet-loss support hotlines, local or online Internet bereavement groups, books, videos, and magazine articles. 
Here are a few suggestions to help you cope:
 Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.
 Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear. The Delta Society offers a list of pet loss hotlinesfor those grieving over the death of a pet.
 Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem.
 Call your local humane society to see whether it offers a pet loss support group or can refer you to one. 

You may also want to ask your veterinarian or local animal shelter about available pet loss hotlines.
 Explore the Internet for pet loss support groups and coping information.
 Prepare a memorial for your pet.
http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_care/coping_with_the_death_of_your_pet/

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*HEALING *
*Given time, healing will occur for the bereaved owner. 
However, there are several things that the grief-stricken owner can do to help speed up the healing process: *
*1. Give yourself permission to grieve. 
- only YOU know what your pet meant to you. *

*2. Memorialize your pet. 
- makes the loss real and helps with closure. 
- allows the bereaved to express their feelings, pay tribute and reflect. 
- draws in social support. *

*3. Get lots of rest, good nutrition and exercise. *

*4. Surround yourself with people who understand your loss. 
- let others care for you. 
- take advantage of support groups for bereaved pet owners. *

*5. Learn all you can about the grief process. - helps owners realize that what they are experiencing is normal. *
*6. Accept the feelings that come with grief. 
- talk, write, sing, or draw. *

*7. Indulge yourself in small pleasures. *

*8. Be patient with yourself. 
-DON'T let society dictate how long mourning should last. *

*9. Give yourself permission to backslide. 
- it WILL end and your life WILL be normal again. 
- grief is like waves in the ocean: at first the waves come in fast and hard, but as time goes on, the waves become less intense and further apart. 
- don't be surprised if holidays, smells, sounds, or words trigger a relapse. *

*10. Don't be afraid to get help. 
- pet loss support groups 
- grief counselors. *

*11. Be sure to consult your own "Higher Power." 
- either religious or spiritual. *

*CONCLUSION *
*Grief is probably the most confusing, frustrating and emotional thing that a person can experience. It is even more so for pet owners. Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone. Luckily, more and more resources are becoming available to help the bereaved pet owner realize that they are NOT alone and that what they are feeling is entirely normal. 
*
*http://www.petloss.com/muns.htm*

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Help and healing
It has been shown that when grief can be expressed, the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the expression of grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process may take much longer.
In addition to talking with others, to do something often helps us work through our grief. By doing something positive during this time of sadness, we expand our focus by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:
Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
Making a charitable donation
Holding a funeral or memorial service
Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional)
Placing your pet's nametag on your keyring
Writing a poem, song, or story
Composing music or a song
Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
Writing a letter to your pet
Framing a photograph
Volunteering your time
http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=0+1278+1494&aid=635

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*If you have found other helpful information and would like to see it here - please PM it to me along with the website address so I can edit this post to add it and give the website credit for it.*

​


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## TinysMom

I had a list of questions for people to answer as part of an intro on the thread...but I really didn't like them - so I've decided to change things up a bit.

It would help folks on the thread if you could share a bit about your loss. Don't feel like you have to - but if you want to - that would be great.

Some of the things that might help the most are knowing more about your bunny(ies)....like how long you had them or how they passed away - or what you're missing the most about them. Perhaps you can share a favorite memory to help us "connect" with them and with you. 

It would also be really helpful if you could share (after reading the first message in the thread) - what stage of grief you feel like you're at. You may not be at any one particular stage...you may be bouncing back and forth (I did for a while).

But basically - this is your thread - so please - feel free to introduce yourself any way you want....this thread is to help anyone who is grieving...


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## TinysMom

I'll share my intro here near the top.

As many of you know - I've lost several rabbits in the last 22 months. Having a rabbitry with over 100 rabbits - loss is a part of life. But losing certain ones...wow. It really hurt.

My losses are many - I'm only going to share the top few...

*GingerSpice - *Although she died early in 2007 - her loss was devastating to me and it was the first one to hit me in a major way. GingerSpice had EC and was "bedridden" for most of her last few months....but oh, how I loved her. She loved to pee on me when I'd take her out of her basket to feed her or give her a little butt bath. I'm not sure if that's my favorite memory - what I miss the most about her - or what I miss the least. I felt so guilty because I saw Ginger's immunity system go downhill after breeding her - and I felt like if I hadn't bred her...I'd still have her. I've mostly accepted her death and I can look at her pictures and smile now. I want to have her back - but I understand she was not feeling the best for a long time and although it took me about 9 months or more to accept her loss, I've been able to move on.

*SugarBear & Puck *- These two losses devastated me in August 2007....and I lost them both within a couple of days. I got SugarBear, Puck and GingerSpice all about the same time - and they were among my first six bunnies. Sugar was Ginger's brother and he died very suddenly - I mourned him - but I was so devastated by losing Puck - who had fought wry neck for a year - that I didn't feel Sugar's death as much. At times - I still mourn Puck....he was just a unique rabbit. I finally started accepting his death in February of 2008 and was about to start ordering photos for his scrapbook - when Tiny died and rocked my world. I have too many favorite memories to pick one of these - but I do have one special memory of Sugar breaking out of his cage and then trying to figure out how to let everyone else out...he sure was a smartie - and of Puck - at about 6 weeks old - refusing to let Art use the vaccum cleaner and trying to charge Art when he used it.

*Dusty, Drew & Bun Bun - *These three were to go to another forum member - but they died suddenly - one at a time - over a period of a few weeks. Drew went first...then we lost Bun Bun and Dusty. We really thought Dusty might make it - he was almost a year old...then one night - he left us. I've reached a point of acceptance at their deaths because we believe the problem was genetic and was a heart condition. Their father died suddenly at about 3 years of age - and while their mama and one littermate remain - the symptoms they showed just before passing appeared to be a heart condition. I'll always miss these three.

*Tiny* - I think Tiny was the forum's bunny almost as much as he was my own. It is because of Tiny's passing that I'm starting this thread. Its been 10 months and I have my good days - and my bad days. Lately - I've had a lot of bad days....until this week - when I've had more good days. I think it is because I realized why I missed Tiny so much - (I shared about it in my blog) and because I realized I needed to celebrate his life instead of mourn it. I can't list a favorite memory - there are just too many to sort through. But I miss his kisses on my legs and feet when I am sitting at my desk....oh how he loved to give me kisses those last few months before he passed away. His death was fairly sudden - we had 48 hours between when we realized he was ill - and when he passed. I'm still overcome with guilt at times because now I look back and see symptoms of him being ill - but I took them as behavioral issues. 

*New Hope - *New Hope was ill for months and months before I lost him. In some ways - I felt like I was betraying Tiny with all the time I'd spend with New Hope. Then Tiny died and New Hope went through a bad spell again...and he became my buddy. When I lost him in July - I wanted to just go climb in the grave with him and Tiny and just give up.I'm more at peace now about losing him because he was ill for so long...but I miss him dearly. 


I find that I have certain triggers that set off the grieving for some of the buns. If the forum loses a lop - or a bunny with head tilt - I grieve for Puck and can cry for days (depending upon how well I "knew" the bunny). I also grieve for New Hope when the forum loses a head tilt bunny - along with missing others I've had that developed head tilt and I've lost them. (We had a point in time when several bunnies had head tilt and we used methods to help them which I've since learned are outdated and they remained tilted..) 

If we lose a flemish - I always cry for Tiny. If I have a bad day at work - or a hormonal day (since I'm in my mid-life) - I cry for Tiny because he was the one who comforted me. He "got" me. When I need to laugh - I'll sometimes look at Drew's videos/pictures and then I'll cry for her. She loved to sit on my shoulders....

I have made collages of my bunnies on the computer - but I haven't yet done a scrapbook or done much journaling other than my buns' rainbow bridge threads.

One thing that hit me recently is - other than a dog we lost about 12 years ago - I have not lost an animal I'm close to - OR a human - in those 12 years. My grandma died about 20 years ago - and that was the last person I lost and I wasn't close to her.

So Ginger's death was my first "death" in years and years and years...and I didn't know what grief could be like. When Ginger died - I had Tiny and Puck to help me. Then Puck died and I had Tiny....now that Tiny's gone...I struggle even more.

I'm open to pms of encouragement - but I'm also willing to listen if someone needs to dump on me. I have big shoulders and can take it. 

Some of the people who really helped me through my grief are: Bo Bunny (when I lost Tiny in particular and debated on getting Zeus), Bassetluv (who's Raph I loved so much and when Tiny died - I turned to her), and Flashy - who has really helped me to see how much I was still grieving and to try to figure out why. Flashy's asked me tough questions - but the answers have helped me in my grieving - so I'm so grateful for her. Since JadeIcing lost Samantha - another flemish - before I lost Tiny - she and I have been able to grieve together and she has been a source of encouragement - I've even called her a time or two crying. (A couple of other people have helped me - but they're a bit more private). And poor Zin (GoinBackToCali) - I don't know how many times I cried on the phone to her...

In addition - tons of others have posted on my RB threads - JimD, AngelNSnuffy, LuvaBun...and so many more whose names escape me at the moment. Each person who has posted - has helped me - just by knowing that they shared special thoughts of my bun. I swear that PetBunny has a gift for taking photos and making them "special" for that bun's rainbow bridge thread....


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## irishlops

i posted this some where about music, poems, scrap books, drawings......ect.

i thin this is a REALLY good idea. it helps us to remember them and love them.....

:biggrin2:


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## JadeIcing

Its hard to describe my loss. I guess I will start with these aren't my only losses, some were family losses that didn't effect me as much. Or I was not as attached. These are the ones that still effect me. I will start in order.

My Molly Marie. She was a terrier she looked like Eddy on Fraiser. I don't have any pictures of her. She was "my" first dog I was 14. Not one for the family but "mine". We were at a tag sale and the people were giving her free to a good home. She was a puppy maybe 6mnths old. I went over to her and she started licking me. I turn to my mom and said "Shes free to a good home. How do we know if she goes to a good home unless she comes home with us." I knew my mom. Molly came home that day. She was "MINE" not the families. She was something else. Such a sweet gentle girl. I adored her. I only had her a few months till the idiots next door left the gates open.She was hit by a car and I wasn't even home with her. She died instantly. This is one I still grieve for that I still don't accept. I sometimes think Ineverwill. I want her back still. I don't think I am as attached to my dog Kashi now because I can't let go of Molly.



My Honey Girl. She was a honey colored finch. I handled my finches all the time. Everyone of them was a love. Just to me though.Honey Girl was special. She would lie on her back on the palm of my hand stiff as a board. Than I would toss her up in the air and she would fly around the room. When she was done she would fly back to me. She was special just so special. One night I was sleeping and I woke up with a weird feeling. I go over to her cage and she was dying. I picked her up and held her. Just talking to her. She died in my hand. I still miss my sweet girl.



Than one of my biggest losses my Samantha "DIVA" Jane. Oh man that was blow. I talked about her to some people yesterday who understood that kind of loss and it was nice. Sam was a flemish giant who at first was aggressive. With alot of work she and I worked things out and we fell in love. She was never one I worried about because she was so strong. Where as others I had were sick alot. The day before she died. I had been running a poll of who I would post pictures of. Well what order I would take them. I took Ringos who one first but something inside made me take hers. I spent the afternoon with her taking pictures. Some of the best I ever got of her. The next night she was gone and I had a huge whole in my heart. 

*Denial* - I couldn't believe my girl was gone. How could she? She was so healthy. *Awareness* -I was angry with her. Why didn't she let me know. Why didn't shegive me a sign?I do feel that others sometimes forget that I still grieve for her. That though others have come and helped me heal it doesn't lessen the loss of her. *Sadness or Depression* -This is one that I got past but every so often it comes back kicking me so hard I want to just curl up and not ever stand again. *Acceptance/Reconciliation and recovery*: I think I have accepted it but I have not recovered. 

My last lost is hard. I feel like I failed my Mace though there isn't much I could do. He was just so sick. I did have that last day with him and I will treasure it always. 



People who have helped me. In the past I had just my mom but with the last two I have had this forum.

That first night I had an awesome person sit there on the phone and just let me babble. She let me cry, crack jokes, anything I needed. Rosie was a huge support that I can never say thank you enough. She helped me so much during the first stages. She also made the beginning of Sams RB thread because I couldn't. 

Amy has been a shoulder to cry on than and now. 

Peg oh man she and I understand each other pretty well. We share the loss of our beloved flemmies and the battles we continue to fight for our head-tilt bunnies. We grieve together for every lost flemmie, for every bunny who goes down because of their battle with tilt. 

Michelle helped by making me laugh so hard I had tears coming down. 

Crystal just talking. Just listening to each other talk when we didn't want to face the loss. 

Delusional with the drawing of Sam she captured my girl. Giving me something to hold on too.

So many others hard to name. Sorry I am crying again.


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## Flashy

I felt maybe I should be posting here. I don't normally talk about myself and I very rarely ask for support for what is going on for me, but I often do like to try and support others if I can, which is why I feel that maybe it is important for people to know about my griefs.

This is part of something I posted in my blog a bit ago.


> _Iâm not sure how to start this, but I want to talk about Flash.
> 
> We are coming up to the time of year I spent most of the year wishing it wouldnât come; the anniversary of Flashâs death. This year it will be three years.
> 
> Three years is a long time, and I have grieved hard, and am still grieving hard.
> 
> I used to be someone who loved Crhistmas. My decorations would go up at the end of November, my room/house would look like a âgrottoâ (according to those who saw it). Christmas is no longer about that for me anymore because it is just a time when I lost my best friend. Deep inside me I still love Christmas and each year find myself getting Christmassy in October and do all my shopping then. Thatâs my only way to enjoy it.
> 
> This is going to be very candid, and is about what happened to me after Flash and also when I had him, and mentions sensitive stuff. I have not ever really properly opened up about any of this, but right now for me it is very relevant because of the time of year, and the fact that soon I want to share my special boy with you all.
> 
> Flash came into my life when I really needed someone. My mental health was deteriorating severely and I was barely coping. Flash came to me at a time when I was in and out of hospital, when life was very dire for me. He was the first ever being to be there. Most people, even now, expect me to be a source of support, or the life and soul of any party, loud, gobby, funny, a general extrovert, when actually, inside, thatâs not really how I feel, itâs a front for the world, Iâm depressed, anxious, scared and many other things my outward persona does not portray. Flash was the first being to not care if I was laughing, crying, suicidal, playing, cuddling, bored, sleeping, he was there no matter what. He wanted nothing in return, other than for me to look after him, and he gave himself to me completely. He was an active guy yet was never very far from me. If I was crying or being âstupidâ he would be there. He was so in tune with my moods he knew what I needed better than me. I had a horrific summer that year, I was reported missing, had police searching for me, landed myself in hospital more times than I can count and each time, he was still there, still loved me, didnât shout, didnât cry, just there, as my friend.
> 
> When he died, things got worse. Within the space of a few weeks of his death I lost my house, my job, my therapist, my best human friend, my doctor, and any shred of hope or want to live. I gave up. I got very severely ill and was sectioned. At the point of sectioning I had done myself so much damage my heart was giving up and I was genuinely happy and proud of myself for being so close to death. The doctors said I should have been dead, and they couldnât understand how I wasnât. After they released me off my section I was no better mentally and headed straight down again. That year I planned to take my life on the anniversary of his death, but I couldnât do it. My family have gone through so much and Christmas is not the right time to do that. I carried on, day to day, worming my way closer to death. Then Moon died. Moon, one of the two buns that got me through Flashâs death, Flashâs daughter, and she died due to my absolute stupidity and that of the vets. I went for it in an even greater way then. The doctors, once again, told me I should be dead, and should be, at the very least, unconscious. I refused to be sectioned this time, so just had whatever treatment I needed (physically).
> 
> Shortly after that, I found RO, and started to REALLY learn. And boy did I learn. Shortly after I was blessed with 7 Dinkies (Angel, Star, Sunny, Lightning, Hope, Dusk and Dawn), and that took our total at the time up to 15. I am not well enough to work, and taking care of my buns is my reason to get up, and more buns I have, the more responsibility I have, and the less I can die. No one in my house has enough time, or want, to look after them to a good enough standard. If I die now I either have to take them with me, which they donât deserve, or they go to be rehomed, which they donât deserve either. They deserve a life here, a lovely life here, and I give them that.
> 
> I have two parts to me now. I have this part that will probably always grieve for Flash, that will always plan to take my life on his date, that will always blame me for him dying, and I have this other part. This other part is me. I donât want to grieve for him anymore. I donât want to cry over him. I want to remember him and laugh, remember the things he did, not suffer from flashbacks or anything.
> 
> The other night I had a dream about him. I canât remember it all, but the general gist was that it was real time (as in I hadnât seen him for nearly 3 years), and he still felt the same as before and acted the same as before, which really surprised me. When I was holding him I knew he had been there all the time, and whilst I had been looking after him, I didnât know it and hadnât seen him, and was only seeing him for the first time in a long time that day. It was very much the clichÃ©d thing that he is still here even though he has gone. I woke up that morning feeling quite peaceful because I knew that even though I hadnât seen him, he was still there and would keep showing himself to me every so often (he has done this all the way through).
> 
> It was after that that I felt able to face his videos; those we took of him. I have not looked at these videos for three years, and had no inclination to, but this week I have spent ages getting them all only disc so that I can introduce him to you all, as he was in his original form, the games, the expressions, the love, the lot.
> 
> Heâs always in my mind at the moment.
> 
> Peg made a post on one of Beccaâs threads about looking for something by getting new buns, and it made me think. I have so many, is that what I do? And itâs not. Itâs the opposite. Me and Flash were joined, one entity, and I never ever want to go through what I went through with losing someone that was such a deep part of me. When he died, I leaned on Sky and Moon, and when Moon died I broke all over again (although I was only ever fragile with how fixed I was). Now I have a whole clutch, and with the exception of Sky, I could cope without them all. Yes, I would be sad, but I would not be as desolate as I was without Flash. The more bunnies I have, the less pain I will feel when they eventually leave me.
> 
> When Moon died I switched off. At the best of times my illness prevents me from feeling emotions like a regular person, but now I barely feel them at all. I stopped loving because it hurt too much. I have stayed that way, although every now and then I get a rush of affection for somebunny, but it hurts less now, things hurt less, and thatâs what I need. I never ever want to go through what I did with Flash, again._




So from that you can summise that I lost Flash, who was my world, and it wrecked me.

In addition to that I lost Ozzy six months later (June 06), due to my own ignorance. Then Feb 07 I lost Tubby to a broken leg and old age, Boofa, also to ignorance and March 07 I lost my beloved Moon to my ignorance and vet error. Sunshine died in Oct 07 also down to me.

Out of those I still grieve heavily for Moon and Flash, but with the exception of Tubby, all the others haunt me because their deaths could have been prevented.

Sweep died in May 08, and like Tubby, I feel no guilt for losing him because we did everything we could for him and he had a marvellous time before his death.

I am not someone who talks about my grief. I turn it inwards and I can confidently say that there is not any one person who has helped me in anyway with me grief. By the time I met Polly I had gone through most of the worst times. I have done my grieving, alone, in my room, normally cuddling Sky. Sky has been my support through all this, everyone else pretty much abandoned me, lol.

I have learnt a lot through my grief, and I spend a lot of time supporting others with their problems. I can't always promise to support people, but I do always support as and when I can. If I'm not supporting, then there is a good reason for it. It's something I have been told I am good at, and if I can support people on here and help them through their grief, then I would like to be able to do that. I think this post is a great idea and I hope it helps people


----------



## irishlops

i dont no weather i want to write this but here it goes.... 

i got joesph- fransic in my local farmshop. with his sister caramel. one day abou 2 weeks lter i saw him look out of his hutch. he looked sad, so i pulled on my wellies and coat and went out on bunny needs hug mission. i lifted him up. he stared at me.... his bottom was wet with a cold googy substnce.. i called my mum, she said he will be ok, but i ran in to the house and got luke warm water and wetted cotton wool balls. i wiped him, gave him a cuddle and extra bedding.

the next 3 dys he was out side. i sat for hours at a time. staring in to his eyes. thinking why, why him, i wonder what he is thinkin.. him- why is she heaar, wt am i doin? i need to eat, or even sleep. why is my sister staying away? why is my world falling part? why do i get these teriable pains in my tummy? why o why..

. one day i heared him grind. that was the last straw, he was coming in to the house.i got a box, cardbored one, and put in things like straw, wter, hot water bottle, food. caramel cme in aswell for company for both of them.

him- why is she lifting me, and my sister? GRIND GRIND, o the pain i shut my eyes tight. my owner always crys every time i grind. the pain, bubbles up in side, un-explainble sore. all i can do is grind, hunger eats away at me...

soon caramel is becoming to bad, and is put away in the hutch. but the day before she was pushing his head up....

him- i get lifted up and cuddled. my belly rubed. but the to day she put this thing in my mouth! it had water, but it tasted funny,.. it filled me up, but i dont like the way i have to get it.

soon he seemed to be getting better less goo...., taking the mixture out of the siringe. i got texts every2 hours in school.

soon he had like a cow pat. it smelled and looked "lovely"but i could see the look in his eyes, a sign of relief..

him- how is my sister? i hope she is ok.... i am in less pain, i get baths every day. i just lie here, when i gring it is bad. 

i came home one day. he was dying.he could nott lift his head. or any thing. i gave hm the siringe. but he had no power.........he could not seem to swallow....

thatafternoon i did not eat. he did not either. i sat on he chair, hot water bottle in blankets on my lap, and him........t 9 o clock my mum saidgo and get in 2 your pjs.

he got lifted on the blanket and hot water bottle by my mum. he then struggled, like a fish out of waterto stay with me......

i m getting weaker. i no it. my owner the one i love like my mother, was with me all night. she tried to go but i struggled to her. i got 2 stay with her. she cried from her heart, and i cried in my heart... i could not move.

soon after 10 my mum said it was time to let him go to bed, and me as well......i cried in my sorrow to his little heart. he new i loved him...i said my good byes,....

she is gone! help me, i wanted to cry, help, but no 1 heard me.... i lay there. slowly thinking of my short life my mother, the breeder,my sisterand elena, my owner..... then the time came.... i closed my eyes one last time,,,,,, and spread my wings...


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## Becca

*Nibbles*.......*MY Nibbles

:bigtears: 

Nibbles *was my first pet, and my first pet death experience - apart from fish but they don't really count.
I begged and begged my parents to get my a bunny ( I know careless as it was I was only 4 or 5)
Then one day, Mum said "We're going out," I asked 'Where?' the answer was "Wait and see"
Somehow I guess we were going to get a rabbit, don't ask me how...

Before I tell the rest of the story I want to tell you something else. Before I got Nibbles we had an old rabbit cage we were keeping for my Uncle becuase he didn't have room and I put a model rabbit in it and every morning and night I used to go and feed him and pretend he was my real bunny. Thats how much I wanted one!

Anyway back to the story, I can't remember being in the car on the way to get Nibbles, all I remember is a lady that looked like Miss Honey from 'Matilda' (the film) showing us the bunnies.
There were grey buns and brown buns, forgive me I couldn't read how was I supposed to know what breed they were.
We were looking for a 'small' or 'medium' sized bun that I could pick up. I wanted a 'grey' one. Though 'Miss Honey' said they would grow too big so they were a no-no even though they were incredibly cute!
So we went and picked out a 'brown' one, my mum and dad obviously didn't know _Chinchilla _rabbits grew so big.
Another thing I remember about that best day ever was Nibbles sliding around in box on the way home, I had him on my lap. 
Though to begin with I _insisted_ he was a she and named _her_ 'Twinkle Toes' :headsmack
Stupid name I know, please remeber I was 4 :whistling

Whenever my Grampy called him a 'he' I shouted and said 'SHE'..... it was only later we realised he was a boy.
Becuase he peed on dads feet and humped footballs :lookaround
So of course the name 'Twinkle Toes' only lasted for a while until I renamed him 'Nibbles!'

The great thing about him was becuase he was so big he couldn't fit under the fence so we let him run around the WHOLE garden all day! It was so great, no wonder he was so healthy and never had any problems with his muscles or anything.
I remember one day we had a childs play tent up and he went in pooped everywhere and my nan had too clear it all up :sweep

Also, in the summer when we used to have the back door open sometimes Nibbles used to come in and poop under the table again, Nan had to clear it up :sweep
I just laughed and stroked him as always et:
And also because we used to have gates and stuff at the front we had to put up a sign saying 'Beware of the rabbit' and a picture of him so people would be careful. He used to wait by the gate and then when we got home from school I had to climb over and distract him so he wouldn't escape :brownbunny 

Nibbles only escaped once, I was so scared!
He went *up* the road which is very lucky, if he went down we would of lost him. Luckily the nice man up the street brought him back for us :bow 

He never bit me, the only time he tried was when we were giving him a butt bath earlier this year, which was acceptable - it can't have been comfortable!

There's a box in the Summer house with Nibbles brush and his bowl (still with the pellets that he would of eaten if he didn't die, I kept them in his bowl). I will NEVER use his bowl for any other bunny. And his old cage has been named 'Nibbles' Lettuce Lounge' in his honour.

I just love this quote from Nibbles's thread, 

_'Becca, last night I dreamed about you and Nibbles! I dreamed I was walking through a neighborhood in France and I saw two girls playing with a lot of bunnies in front of a house, one looked just like Nibbles and one sorta looked like Dippy. As I was walking past, your little sister called out to me and asked if I was Shiloh from Rabbits Online. I went to join you two, you had a litter of baby bunnies you were playing with, I guess they were Dippy's babies. Just thought I'd share!'_
* -SnowyShiloh
*
That was a great dream and I wish I had it.

Am I supposed to be saying this?

Is this what the threads about??

Please tell me then I will shut up... if not I have more to say :tears2:


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## Flashy

Becca you can say whatever you feel you need to


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## Becca

Can I go on please?.............

Ages ago when Nibbles was still with me I made this video on youtube and I came across it recently and wanted to share..

[ame=http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgteLS721A] Here [/ame]

Whenever I hear the song now it makes me cry, it probably always will now 

This Christmas is gonna be hard, usually I get him a stocking and cram it full of great pressies. This year... well 

I am still going to write him a christmas card, I have decided and I'm going to bury it next to him.

I'm gonna have to stop, my laptop's about to die... :grumpy:


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## Becca

*Flashy wrote: *


> Becca you can say whatever you feel you need to


Okay thanks


----------



## JadeIcing

*Becca wrote: *


> *Flashy wrote: *
> 
> 
> 
> Becca you can say whatever you feel you need to
> 
> 
> 
> Okay thanks
Click to expand...

Thats what this is for.


----------



## Becca

*JadeIcing wrote: *


> *Becca wrote: *
> 
> 
> 
> *Flashy wrote: *
> 
> 
> 
> Becca you can say whatever you feel you need to
> 
> 
> 
> Okay thanks
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Thats what this is for.
Click to expand...

Oh, I wasn't sure


----------



## Becca

Here is Nibbles's poem:

[align=center]Nibbles you were my very first pet[/align] [align=center]The only bunny I could get[/align] [align=center]I loved and watched you everyday[/align] [align=center]Missed you when I was away[/align] [align=center]Now please just grant me one last wish[/align] [align=center]Then you can have a giant dish[/align] [align=center]Of pellets to fill your warm round tummy[/align] [align=center]Your whiskers tickled it was so funny[/align] [align=center]All the times when you would pee[/align] [align=center]When you were sat upon my knee[/align] [align=center]You only wanted to get down[/align] [align=center]Even thought it made me frown[/align] [align=center]Nibbles I love you very very much[/align] [align=center]I love your soft warm gentle touch[/align] [align=center]All I hope is you binky free[/align] [align=center]And keep a warm spot in heaven for me[/align] [align=center][/align] [align=center]By Becca 
[/align][align=center]
[/align][align=left]I always wonder that maybe if I had found this forum sooner he would still be with me.[/align][align=left]As a kid your never really 'dedicated' to looking after something, now I am maybe half way there, Dippy, Fluffball and Benjamin dare I say it probably will get a better life than Nibbles care wise, not just becuase of RO but becuase I am older and have more sense.[/align][align=left]On Christmas I am going to light a candle for him, my Christingle isn't going to represent everything they say it is, it is going to represent my life with Nibbles and I don't care who disagrees.[/align][align=left]The night he died I got the picnic blanket and lay down on the grass by his cage with his stuff sobbing.[/align][align=left]Dad cleaned his cage out which I was un happy about. I wasn't ready.[/align][align=left]
[/align]


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## ec

Grief and grieving: they're complex, and complicated. The grieving process pulls on so many different emotions, and touches on so many parts of us... The "stages" idea isn't used nearly as much in grief counseling as it used to be, probably because so many people find it to be an oversimplification. I know that's been true for me personally. 

There are a number of different descriptions and lists of stages - and I've found all of them helpful in some way. Something that's been pointed out to me: there's not a linear progression "through" any of the stages; they're more like descriptions of things that you feel. (I'd hate to see anyone getting down on themselves for "Not being at Stage [pick a number] yet," or else thinking that their emotions are somehow "wrong," or... well, I guess you can see what I'm getting at.)

All that said, I'd like to recommend a book. The title is a bit misleading, as it's great for anyone who is grieving over any loss, whether it's a missed opportunity, the death of a loved one (human or animal), the loss of a job - even that empty feeling people often have after they've accomplished a major goal or task. 

It's not a "fix-it" manual by any means, but I think folks will find much to relate to in its pages.







It's available via all the major online booksellers, and there are lots of used copies out there, too, on Half.com and other sites.

I hope people find it helpful. I know that I have.


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## TinysMom

EC - thanks so much for the book recommendation - that is exactly what this thread is for - a place for us to share that we're having a rough day - or to share what we're feeling like or what is helping us. I know we each have our own threads for our particular losses to share in also. 

One thing that really helped me is when Flashy asked me a couple of things- like what is it about Tiny that I missed...and what my triggers were. I'd already thought about the triggers some - but I'd never dealt with what it was that I missed. She also reminded me that sometimes we tend to put our bunnies on a pedestal after they pass away and only remember the good things- almost making them a demigod - which can't fail or do anything wrong. She was right - I forgot all the times Tiny would nip me 'cause I smelled like cranberries, etc. Or the times he'd pull on my clothes to get my attention.

Anyway - I'll have to look into getting that book!


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## Flashy

I'm good at pertinent questions  That's one of the reasons people tell me I should be a counsellor, lol.


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## NZminilops

I'm feeling a bit miserable today and no one wants to talk to me so I'll use this thread.

I lost so many in such a short time, that everyone thinks I must be ok with it, because I'm used to it, and I HATE that and it makes me so angry. Belittling my loss because it was many is awefull.

I miss each and every pet that I have lost and think about them every day. Because of those who wouldn't let me be sad, now I refuse to be. I don't and wont cry for the lost pets. I just can't now because I've conditioned myself not to. It's hard though as it all gets bottled up and turns into anger. It's all inwards anger at myself though.

The people in my life who think that because they lost one special pet, and I lost many, that it's ok for me but not for them, are so so wrong. Just because I have lots of experience doesn't mean it's any easier for me.

Just had to get that out.


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## TinysMom

Oh Michelle - do I ever understand what you mean - about losing so many and stuff.

It isn't fair that people don't understand.

It just about kills me when Art says something like, 'Well..you know that according to the statistics...you'll probably outlive them all anyway.."

I mean - he's not trying to hurt me- but he does. He's trying to prepare me for the fact that I will lose them....

What is hard for me is that people don't understand my relationships with the rabbits I lost. New Hope & GingerSpice were like children to me - I spent HOURS all the time to feed them, bathe them, handle them, etc. They NEEDED me - and it got to the point where I NEEDED them also. Hyacinth was the same way - during the last couple of weeks of her life - she slept in my arms most nights....so I could hold her and keep her from rolling. When she passed - my arms were so empty!

Tiny was not my "child" - he was my "Friend". I cried in his fur when I was sad - I held him every day those last few months of his life. He was my companion and I spent more hours per day with him than with Art & Robin. Literally - he was at my feet 12-18 hours per day and probably not an hour went by without me petting him, getting a kiss from him on my legs - or having him pull on my clothes for attention. He was my companion.

So it really hurts when people are like "they're only rabbits" or when they're like, "Well...it isn't as if they're gonna live that long" or as you said "it shouldn't be so hard since you've lost so many..".

I have tried to get to the point I don't cry - I can't get there. I'm too much of a teary person I guess. 

But even with the tears - I find myself angry. I'm angry at Art for not understanding - I'm angry at God for taking some of my rabbits - I'm angry at New Hope and GingerSpice for giving up - and sometimes - I'm angry at the rabbits left behind...like...why couldn't they have gone (some of my lesser favorites)....

and then I feel guilty for the anger.

I've thought about you a lot though - and some others who have had a number of losses over the last couple of years. Whenever I see one of y'all post in the RB area - I just cringe..thinking "If I were in her shoes right now - I'd be curled up in the fetal position just bawling and unable to do anything...".

The thing is - I think you're a good bunny parent...I really do Michelle. I wish I knew the "whys" of your losses - because they have seemed so unfair.


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## Flashy

*NZminilops wrote: *


> I'm feeling a bit miserable today and no one wants to talk to me so I'll use this thread.
> 
> I lost so many in such a short time, that everyone thinks I must be ok with it, because I'm used to it, and I HATE that and it makes me so angry. Belittling my loss because it was many is awefull.
> 
> I miss each and every pet that I have lost and think about them every day. Because of those who wouldn't let me be sad, now I refuse to be. I don't and wont cry for the lost pets. I just can't now because I've conditioned myself not to. It's hard though as it all gets bottled up and turns into anger. It's all inwards anger at myself though.
> 
> The people in my life who think that because they lost one special pet, and I lost many, that it's ok for me but not for them, are so so wrong. Just because I have lots of experience doesn't mean it's any easier for me.
> 
> Just had to get that out.



Just because I can't easilytalk to you, doesn't mean you can't still vent in my direction. It's far worse to surpress your grief, as you know, than to let it out. Those that forced you to surpress it are ignorant, and, to be honest, not worth even thinking about. Those that really care will hear how much you are hurting and hear how much you need love and care and support while you go through this grieving process.

Hopefully soon you will be able to open up to 'someone' and talk about all these things to heal the hurt that you feel inside.

Grief builds and builds. Ease loss just adds more loss, it doesn't cancel each other out, it actually relights the grief from lost bunnies too, so you are then dealing with many griefs. Anyone who doesn't understand that has probably not deal with many griefs in a short amount of time (or maybe in any amount of time).


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## NZminilops

Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .


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## TinysMom

*NZminilops wrote: *


> Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .


I probably could -and should maybe - post this in all of my various Rainbow Bridge threads along with my blog - and any number of places. I think I'll post it here.

One thing I hate hate hate (did I mention HATE?) about both depression and grief - is that I think they can take us away from the very support systems we need the most - and that is - the love and compassion of others.

I mean - when a person is grieving - so often someone who cares about them - may not know what to say. Or they may try saying something - and the person isn't yet ready to hear it. (I'm talking about the people who actually will care and will listen - not those who say "its only a rabbit"). 

I know when GingerSpice first passed - if anyone said to me "at least she isn't in any more pain"...I would have - and did - brush them aside. I KNEW she wasn't in pain - but that didn't comfort me. I didn't want her to not be in pain - I wanted her to be WITH ME - STILL. 

Now - I can understand and accept her death and it is easier because I know she was ill - but I had to get to that place of acceptance.

So sometimes - I think that even those who want to listen and want to comfort us - sometimes can't say the right things - because we're not ready to hear it. Does that make any sense?

Its like when people post in the RB area here - its hard for me to post sometimes because I don't know if anything can help them in those first initial stages...they're in shock - or they're angry. Sometimes - I think the RB area is so much more effective when people come back to their posts - after time - and share how they're doing and maybe they're more ready to hear things - or to heal. At least - that is the case for me...I'm not saying it is the case for others.

But it seems to me that grief - and depression - both push us away from people (if we're not careful) and so we wind up bottling inside that which we need to get out....and its like a cycle that goes on and on but its going on and on because we're pulling away from others.

I also think that there are two responses to our grief that can cause us to clam up. One can be the "its was only a bunny" - and the other one can be the response of wanting to "fix it". You know...they want us to be ok .. now...so they try to use empty answers.

One night sometime shortly after Tiny died - Art tried to comfort me. I asked him to just "shut up and hold me". I think he was shocked - he wanted to fix me - to fix the pain. I just wanted a safe place to cry. 

My "shut up and hold me" was the best and most honest response I could give though - and it worked. For the next several days - if he'd see me start to tear up - he'd just hold me. He'd learned.

Anyway - just my thoughts...feedback anyone?


----------



## ec

One of the thoughts I have about getting through the grieving process concerns the way intense emotions can come up out of nowhere (seemingly). 

It's a bit like a storm at sea - ships that are out in the ocean, far from land, can't "run away" from storms. they have to ride them out.

Attempts to flee from grief really don't work... Attempts to live _with_ it and _through_ it do. 

Although I'd rather not go into details here in public, I've been dealing with ongoing grief for some time now. (Not about an animal, though.) I don't expect anyone to have answers, though sometimes I sure wish they did! Just being there and listening is usually what helps most.


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## irishlops

this sounds stupid.

i only started to remember that little Joesph-francsi died!

i only started to grieve.

i only started to rember his binky on his firist day home.

i only started to rember his fur, his loving manner.

i only strted to rember his grave, cold. dead. like him.,.....

i only started to remmber i loved him.

i only strted to rember his eyes, and the little flash bove his head.

i only started to rember his joy, his life, my lovely bunny.



i really only started 2 grieve him. i cried my sorrow in to his little heart when his was slowly dying in my arms.... nd that was it. when ws uried then that was that.

i really cried till no tears were left..

i really love you.

i have not forgotten you.


----------



## Becca

I have more to say.....

I wish Nibbles that I could of held you on last time. I wasn't allowed to touch you. I wanted too.

Writing that one sentance has mad me cry.

Wednesdays have always been hard since you passed.


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## irishlops

thursdays have all ways been hard 4 me...


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## TinysMom

*ec wrote: *


> One of the thoughts I have about getting through the grieving process concerns the way intense emotions can come up out of nowhere (seemingly).
> 
> *You know when it will come out of the blue and hit me the most? At the grocery store...when I go to get Cheerios (New Hope's nickname was Cheerio cause he ate them all the time)...or when I go to get something that I knew a particular bunny loved. If I am in the pet section and see yogurt chips - I'll cry because they were Tiny's favorite and he was always trying to find the bag to get into it.*
> 
> It's a bit like a storm at sea - ships that are out in the ocean, far from land, can't "run away" from storms. they have to ride them out.
> 
> *oh...that is so comforting....NOT. Its a good word picture - but there are times when the waves are tiny and there are times when they feel overwhelming - know what I mean? I picture the boat from the movie "The Perfect Storm" when you see that HUGE wave about to go over it...*
> 
> Attempts to flee from grief really don't work... Attempts to live _with_ it and _through_ it do.
> 
> 
> Although I'd rather not go into details here in public, I've been dealing with ongoing grief for some time now. (Not about an animal, though.) I don't expect anyone to have answers, though sometimes I sure wish they did! Just being there and listening is usually what helps most.
> 
> *Do you have someone who will listen to you? If so - what a help. Art and Robin will listen for brief periods of time - but not for long...*


----------



## TinysMom

*NZminilops wrote: *


> Thanks, I just needed to vent that. I hope more people can post about how they feel. It made me feel better .


How are you doing now? I hope you're having a better week than the way it started....


----------



## TinysMom

Right now I'm really missing Tiny and struggling. I've done good for over a week now - but I got some really disappointing news today and what I really want to do is sit on the floor and have him crawl up in my lap. He loved me so much - even when I was sad and I could cry and he didn't get irritated with me for being so emotional.

I'm going to go grab another bunny and cry for a bit and see if it helps.


----------



## ec

Peg, I don't mean to be *un*comforting in that description, and I've never seen "The Perfect Storm." The description (and my reason for avoiding the movie) has a lot to do with my late dad's profession. He was a merchant seaman. That's why I don't want to see the realistic special effects in the film. 

"Riding it out" implies survival, I think. And the weather *does* clear up eventually. If you're going to ride something out, there's a certain amount of preparation and ongoing work involved. For me, in this case, it's the awareness of grief overtaking me like a sudden storm; that it *is* going to happen whether I want it to or not - so what's the most helpful way of dealing with it? One thing I have to remind myself of constantly is that this is normal, and it is a *process*. 

As for someone to talk with, yes, but not all the time. And there are some feelings I have that aren't socially acceptable, so I can only mention them to 1-2 "safe" people.... (I'm grieving the death of an estranged sibling - long, complicated, weird story, but I'm sure you can imagine some of it.)

I don't feel comfortable being any more specific in a public forum right now - hope you all understand.


----------



## JadeIcing

I think each person deals with grief in their own way. 

Me? I hate this week it is the week that to me killed my family. We are still close to degrees but 18 years ago Monday my great-grandma died. I was 8 but sadly it wasn't the first death I had faced. I had already faced two others. I went to her burial and have never been to one again.

I refuse to go see people at the hospital, if they die they die. I won't go. I won't go to wakes, or burials. I went once about 2 years ago to support my friend. Her granddad passed. I honestly don't handle it well. 

I am one who lets it build till I make myself ill. I sometimes explode and honestly Rob must love me. I have exploded three or four times the last two weeks.

I sometimes think I bring animals into my life this time of year to make up for all the loss I have suffered during these months.


----------



## JadeIcing

I am sitting here crying. As most know I have been looking for a friend for Elvis. A few were mentioned. They were still in shelters so I went looking to see if I could find them...

This is my Sam







This isArtis


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## JadeIcing

So tomorrow I go meet Artis. I am not sure how I feel about all this.

I am listening to a song that always some how makes me feel alittle better. 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_l_A6-7td0]You raise me up -- Josh Groban[/ame]


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## TinysMom

I'm sorry I can't write much right now - that's a beautiful song and he has a great voice.

Today would've been Tiny's 4th birthday. It hit me hard when I kept getting messages on Bunspace - I logged in to see what they were and they were birthday wishes for him.

So tonight I'm a bit of a basketcase....


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## JadeIcing

*I am sure he is having a party up there. He must be surrounded by does.*

*TinysMom wrote: *


> I'm sorry I can't write much right now - that's a beautiful song and he has a great voice.
> 
> Today would've been Tiny's 4th birthday. It hit me hard when I kept getting messages on Bunspace - I logged in to see what they were and they were birthday wishes for him.
> 
> So tonight I'm a bit of a basketcase....


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## TinysMom

It figures - he'd go to the bridge where he could be surrounded by does....instead of being here in my lap.

Sorry...not lighthearted I know.

I'm struggling right now - not as much as normal - but some. I think its partly cause there are some other stresses right now...I know I'll be doing better in a day or two.


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## Becca

Thats what this place is for Peg 

Hope you feel better soon


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## ec

Same here, Peg.

Holidays are hard in lots of ways... thinking of you (and Tiny) at this time.

Take care, OK?


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## irishlops

77 days since he is gone from my heart..
i on started to cry and grive for him about a week ago......
last night i cried my eyes out. on christmas eve......


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## MyLOVEABLES!!

is it okay if i share about a dog that's gone when i was 6?
I dnt remeber much about him, no one except my family liekd him, he went though a lot.. trust me.. he got beaten up by neighbours etc tec.. i really would like to.. would taht be okay?


x


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## MyLOVEABLES!!

Peg:

I knwo you may not know me well, but reading your thread on Tiny etc i knwo that you loved him dearly and he did too, and im sure he still does.
He's probably up there watching you, taking care of you. 

I wish you all the best Peg.

Tiny, Rest in peace hun, please take care of your mum, she loves you to pieces. 

Lots of Love Prisca


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## MyLOVEABLES!!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccH7ffwpMuw&feature=related[/ame]

This made me cry, but it reassured me that everything is okay and that someday we'll all meet again.

xx


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## ilovetoeatchocolate

I never thought I would feel such sadness over losing an animal I cared about but I can't seem to stop crying right now. 

And right now I cannot get this anger out of my heart. I am so angry for not noticing whether or not something was wrong sooner and I am so angry at God for taking my bunny. I am so angry I want to hate him so much. Why did he have to so something so senseless? Why make Angel's time with us so short. I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I hate it so much. I can't explain it.


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## TinysMom

*ilovetoeatchocolate wrote: *


> I never thought I would feel such sadness over losing an animal I cared about but I can't seem to stop crying right now.
> 
> And right now I cannot get this anger out of my heart. I am so angry for not noticing whether or not something was wrong sooner and I am so angry at God for taking my bunny. I am so angry I want to hate him so much. Why did he have to so something so senseless? Why make Angel's time with us so short. I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I hate it so much. I can't explain it.


Anger is a very natural and very real response to any death of a pet (or anyone else). It doesn't matter if we had the pet 20 minutes or 20 years - it was never enough time. 

I've gone through having anger at God - anger at myself (for not seeing the signs that Tiny was ill) - anger at the fact my family was still alive (I spent more hours per day with Tiny than with Art or Robin and in some ways - I had more in common with him too). I was angry that my other less-favorite bunnies were still alive - and I've just been angry at the world.

So I'm not going to say "don't be angry" because anger is a very real emotion and it is one you're going to feel for a time. I'm not going to tell you its wrong to be angry - because anger is just a natural emotion to feel - its a valid reflection of what is going on in our hearts and lives.

I guess what I'm saying is - its ok to be angry. It will pass in time - but don't try to rush it.... Just don't beat yourself up over the fact you are angry...because it is a very natural part of the grief process.

We're here for you if you need to chat....


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## ec

The grief counselor that I've talked with has recommended writing down all the angry thoughts/feelings and just letting them all come out on paper... not trying to edit or censor them. Then, if I feel like it, just destroy everything that I've put down. (I don't feel any need to look over it; the point is getting it out. Ripping up all those pages has been very freeing for me.)

That's one of the best suggestions I've ever gotten about _anything_. It allows me to get it out of my system with absolutely *no* worries about hurting anybody else... 

I've also spent some time writing about different situations related to grief and people that I've lost in a more organized, non-venting way. That's helped a lot, too.

As Peg said, the anger is a big part of it all, and it doesn't help to bottle it up. Finding ways to let it out constructively are really important. (I've thought about getting a small punching bag and boxing gloves, too.)


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## Ringer

I don't know where or how to begin. This is such an unbelievable story.

My son moved back home after college and bought me a bunny whom I named Ringer. He bought her for me because I ad been sick. I simply fell in love with her. 

He decded to get one for himself andwent back to the same place. He came home with Brownie, who he kept in his room. I used to sneak in during the day and bring him lettuce and carots and just see that he was OK. I never had any bond with him though.

Eventually my son bought his own home and decided to leave Brownie with me because he loved to run on the porch and was comfy in our home. I moved Brownie out to the family room and became his new parent. 

I don't know when I fell in love with this sweet baby or what triggered it. Maybe it was the way he would jump out of his cage when I came home and bound up to me and chase me as I walked into the kitchen. Maybeit was after the day I accidently stepped on his foot out on the porch as he was running along beside me. He yelped really loud.Theonly time he ever made a sound! I felt terrible and pluked him up and kissed him. He hated to be picked up but I just had to make sure he was OK.

Or maybe it was when I would lay on the rug and he would jump over me,back and forth and then hop up to my face and kiss me. 

The way he jumped up in his cage with glee when I would bring him his parsley or his fruit, he loved watermelon.

Whatever and whenever it happened or for what exact reason I don't know but that little guy just tore into my heart. 

When I found he had passed away I was screaming and sobbing for a good hour. He had sometimes been sick to his tummy but it had always gotten btter. This time he was weak and lethargic. I knew it was different but I told myself I would take him to the vets the next morning if he wasn't better then. If it hadn't been Christmastime I would have paid more attentiion and noticed just how sick he had become. The thing is he had ralliec on Christmas day and was drinking and pooing better too. He died three days later, so you never know. 

If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.

Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt. 

It has both surprised me and struck me down. A little bunny rabbit....I wouldn't have believed it. But what animal is as soft, sweet and loving as a bunny"? Few know


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## Ringer

I understand how you feel about losing Angel, ILoveChocolate.I feel the smae about Brownie. We lost our bunnies at the same time.

It's not fair and not to me but to him. He was onlu 3! I treated him like a prince and that still wasn't good enough. He enjoyed life so much, running with his ball all over the porch and he loved to eat.Adored to eat!

Why it happened, I don't inderstand the reasoning either. All I have done is cry for 3 days and nights. His loss is plain devastating and it's a testament to how precious these bunnies are.

How else to explain why they touch us so deeply?


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## Flashy

It's really horrible to lose someone you love so much, add to that it was a early death, and then add the guilt that you feel, and it can become even worse.

It does sound like you think if you had gotten him to a vet sooner the outcome might have been different, but remember that it also may not have been. Grief is a lot about 'what ifs' and guilt, but that does not mean that the guilt is founded, or that you have anything to feel guilty about.

Grief is incredibly wretched, and like I said to someone before, I don't know if it actually ever gets better, or if you get used to it, however, with time I have noticed a transition in how I feel about losing my Flash. Try not to expect too much of yourself though, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, be it sadness, anger, whatever, because they are all ok to feel.

Also remember that if you struggle to deal with this grief alone there are lots of ways and places you can go to to get some support.


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## irishlops

i put on caramels lead and harness. my dad was going to clean out his bit of the hutch. (im just out of hospital, so i an cant) 
it was her first time in the actual garden bit , she was alwasy in the shed. or "the bunny den" 
she ran for Joesph fransci grave and started to dig at it. 
he is gone for 2months. i lifed her up. she had her eyes cloudyed over with grief.
i should of been there for her.,....


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## TinysMom

*Ringer wrote: *


> If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.
> 
> Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt.


The "if onlys".....wow. I think they are one of the hardest things about grief (for me)....because its one way we beat ourselves up again and again and again.

When Tiny died - I was struck with grief and angry and all that stuff - but not so much at myself. It was weeks later when I was talking to someone on the phone and I realized (with their help) that Tiny had been giving me signs that he was ill for a while - but I took them to be behavioral problems and not health problems. Oh wow - the "if onlys" and "I should" struck big time. I was devastated (all over again) for days.

What I found though - and this applies to me but it may not apply to others - I don't know - I'll share it just in case it helps....is that if I would take that "I should" or the "If only.." and apply it to the future....to other rabbits...then I could take my loss - turn it into a lesson and feel somewhat better about it.

Will it bring back Tiny? No. Will it ease his suffering? No.

But the lessons I learned (we think he had a bladder infection for a long time but because he wasn't great about using the litterbox - so we didn't catch it till it had gone too far) - will help other bunnies to not suffer and it taught me to watch and try to prevent this from happening again.

I still hurt. I still feel pain. It still grieves me to think that he died because I didn't catch the signs.

But the fact is....I'm only human. I didn't recognize the signs - no one who knew me and Tiny (like if I mentioned his behavioral issues) thought to say "is he sick?". It just never entered our heads - and I have to let go of the blame and move on.

What I found for me is that the "Its my fault" and the "I should have done this" and the "If I had it to do over again" - wound up keeping me from other people who could help me through the pain. I was afraid - what if they figured it out? What if they hated me if they knew I was at fault? Would they think me a bad person?

I shared it with a few close friends - and to my shock - they embraced me anyway. It wasn't that they didn't care about Tiny - but they cared about the "me" that he left behind...and they wanted to see me whole.

I guess I say all that rambling stuff to say - don't continue to blame yourself. Yes - maybe you could have done things differently. But if you have another bunny or get another bunny - tell yourself that you will take the lesson you learned from this - and use it in the future. 

One of the things that keeps some people from a vet is the cost - so perhaps one way you could help prepare for a future need is to set aside some money now in a vet emergency fund. Even $1 per week or so is a start...know what I mean? 

I'm sorry for your loss - I was in tears reading what you wrote. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I don't know that it will ever go away completely....but you will learn to make it through the day without crying a lot. 

It just takes time. Then again - healing anything takes time. It just seems like healing a broken heart takes FOREVER...


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## TinysMom

*ec wrote: *


> The grief counselor that I've talked with has recommended writing down all the angry thoughts/feelings and just letting them all come out on paper... not trying to edit or censor them. Then, if I feel like it, just destroy everything that I've put down. (I don't feel any need to look over it; the point is getting it out. Ripping up all those pages has been very freeing for me.)


I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea. I will remember it the next time I feel overwhelmed by angry feelings about the grief.​


> That's one of the best suggestions I've ever gotten about _anything_. It allows me to get it out of my system with absolutely *no* worries about hurting anybody else...


I think that is what I like about this idea - it doesn't hurt anyone else. Now that I think about it - I've done stuff like this before when I've been angry at someone and didn't want to attack them....I just never thought to do it when I'm dealing with the anger of grief!​


> I've also spent some time writing about different situations related to grief and people that I've lost in a more organized, non-venting way. That's helped a lot, too.


What has helped me significantly - was having Tiny's thread to go back into and write when I needed. It helps me that people will let me talk about him sometimes when I need to....and that I can share his pictures sometimes with people. I think having a place to write down these things and having someone we can talk to and share - really is a help. I also think that everytime I know I've helped someone else - it helps me heal a bit too....but I can't explain that.
​


> As Peg said, the anger is a big part of it all, and it doesn't help to bottle it up. Finding ways to let it out constructively are really important. (I've thought about getting a small punching bag and boxing gloves, too.)


I like the punching bag idea - I've never thought about that. I can't really punch things....I just like to curl up and cry. I have to find it again - but Art bought me this huge stuffed animal that I could curl up and cry with....I think I may get it and put it at the foot of the bed when I redo our room later this weekend....that way whenever I need to cry - it will be right there.​


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## TinysMom

*irishlops wrote: *


> i put on caramels lead and harness. my dad was going to clean out his bit of the hutch. (im just out of hospital, so i an cant)
> it was her first time in the actual garden bit , she was alwasy in the shed. or "the bunny den"
> she ran for Joesph fransci grave and started to dig at it.
> he is gone for 2months. i lifed her up. she had her eyes cloudyed over with grief.
> i should of been there for her.,....


You can be there for her now though - since you recognize that she is still grieving.

I think its important to remember that our bunnies need help with their grief also. Its never too late to help them....


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## TinysMom

I know this may sound stupid/crazy...but here goes. 

Does anyone find that after a bit of time - you fear losing the memory of what the bunny looked like/felt like....etc.?

The other night I was in bed resting and I frequently try to think of Tiny- but I was soooo exhausted that for the life of me - I couldn't picture him in my mind or anything about him. I mean - I couldn't picture his big ears - or his face. It was like - for about a minute or so - he was a blur to me.

I grabbed a picture and stared at it and reminded myself of what he looked like - but that was the first time that had happened...and it bothered me.

As I said though - I was really exhausted....and it isn't like I always try to think of him when I go to sleep...but sometimes I do. I guess I just wanted to think of him right then because I was so tired and it had been a long day....and I've gotten to the point where I find thoughts of him to be comforting sometimes...


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## irishlops

yes i forgeot what my bunny looked like, my brother delted the pics by accident. 
and caramel is getting extra cuddles now, and kisses


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## pla725

Memories fade so I look at the pictures from time to time. Not long ago I found all my old Polaroid pictures of my rabbits from the past. That is Starbuck,Opie, Clover and Toy. I miss them all. I made a New Year's toast to Petey and Monty last night.


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## AngelnSnuffy

*Ringer wrote: *


> When I found he had passed away I was screaming and sobbing for a good hour. He had sometimes been sick to his tummy but it had always gotten btter. This time he was weak and lethargic. I knew it was different but I told myself I would take him to the vets the next morning if he wasn't better then. If it hadn't been Christmastime I would have paid more attentiion and noticed just how sick he had become. The thing is he had ralliec on Christmas day and was drinking and pooing better too. He died three days later, so you never know.
> 
> If I could go back I would have taken him to the vet at the first sign that he was getting really ill. I will always kick myself for not acting sooner. I just thought he would snap out of as he had done before. Let that be a lesson to everyone. Run don't walk to the vet.
> 
> Anyway, the pain I feel upon losing him is so sharp and wretched. I have never felt this way after a loss. I never expected him to die at 3 years and I never knew how much it would hurt.
> 
> It has both surprised me and struck me down. A little bunny rabbit....I wouldn't have believed it. But what animal is as soft, sweet and loving as a bunny"? Few know


I know what you mean and great point to make. If just....

I am so sorry for your loss, I had one myself last November out of nowhere, it was so devastating and heartbreaking. These little things just entangle your heart.:hug:

And you're right, you just never know... Which is why it's so important to spend lots of time with the little loves of your life when you can.:bunnybutt:


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## TinysMom

I've been really struggling with missing Tiny for the last couple of days. I think its because I've known Dawn's Sekura had cancer and was going to be pts - and I've been struggling with memories of holding GingerSpice and knowing my time with her is limited...and then holding Tiny those last few seconds before he passed....and other bunnies too - but especially Tiny & Ginger & Puck too.

GOD....it just hurts so much right now. Why is it that the bunnies I care about on the forum - that I've known about for a long time - have to go? I mean - isn't it bad enough that I lost MY bunnies? Does the forum have to continue to suffer losses?

I don't mean to say that the bunnies of people who haven't been here as long don't matter - please don't take it that way. 

But I remember when Dawn lost Wildfire...it seemed so sudden to me. Then Pipp lost Dill (Sekura's son)....and now - for Dawn to lose Sekura....it just...breaks my heart. The people involved have been "in my life" for years here on this forum...

And I don't know why I'm pouring all this out here right now - I know so many others are grieving over their losses.

But I'm tired of death - I'm tired of losing bunnies. Sometimes it feels like I've lost enough for the whole forum - I hate reliving it again through the losses of bunnies I've grown to care about.

I find myself constantly worrying about other bunnies - especially the older ones or the ones who have been ill....like Ali's Ringo or Sooska's Buttercup or JimD's Chippy. When I see their names appear in the infirmary section - I almost don't want to open the thread (and sometimes I don't open it right away).

Now I guess I've worked myself into not so much missing Tiny and my others (although I do miss him) as much as being angry at the very thought that we as a forum will continue to lose bunnies....that death is a part of life.

Its just no fair.

I'm gonna go have a cup of tea and cry into it...


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## Flashy

How are you now Peg?

I don't have any words of wisdom, all I can say is that when you have a heart as big as yours, and let in so many people and animals, it will hurt when you lose them, or people you love lose their animals. It's one of those risks about letting anyone in, and whilst it brings bad times, it normally brings far more good times than bad. But no, it's not fair that we can only have good times with the proviso there will also be bad times when the good times end. That seems very harsh, but maybe in time it allows us to enjoy the good times even more, and to really appreciate the buns when they are with us (or allow us to appreciate the stories more).

I remember when Wildfire died. I was just new to the forum then and didn't know her or Aurora, but that was a really significant death in a lot of ways, and for that to be significant to me, who didn't know them, I can see how it would have really hit those that did know her really hard.

I just wish I had something wisdomous to say, but more than anything I wanted you to know I had read what you said.


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## irishlops

i just want to say that when sauka, ws sick. it remindered me of joesph fransic..

when i saw the post about V-E-T i cried out in my ict lesson, and started to cry....

i thought that it was mine and then i filled with grief for sakura.... and her owner.....i feel the way you do tinys mom..... when i got home, i look out at his grave, i ran out to my other live bunnys, i lifted he male up and hugged him tight crying. i realise how lucky i was to have them. and treasure them. i dont even know sakura. but i feel sad for them... i dont know what to say, to comfort u peg..... sorry.

i dont know why i posted..


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## Ivory

Just thought I'd share...

I was really devastated after Holly died. We had just neutered him, and I was thinking of a new name for him, as I had been told he was female when I purchased him . I don't think he died because of the neuter- he did fine afterwards. I'm pretty sure that he electrocuted himself, but it didn't fry his brain directly. In all honesty, I truly wish I'd gotten a necropsy done on him before we buried him, because it would have allowed me to find an answer to what he died from.

But sometimes what makes me sadder is Merry. About three weeks after Holly died, I adopted Merry, and about three weeks later we put her down. Merry was said to be about three- four years old by her previous owner, and I really have no idea if she was or not. But she was a smaller Mini-Rex that weighed ten pounds. The poor baby could hardly move, because she was so obese. She should have been four-five pounds. And then, because she was so fat, she broke her leg right before I got her. She was struggling, trying to get out of the carrier when the rescue brought her home, and she snapped it.

I tried really hard to save Merry. I know I can't save them all, obviously. I'm used to the death of animals- I would see it weekly, if not daily. I know that everything was stacked up against poor Merry but I just so wanted to save her. She was five pounds overweight, had some of the WORST urine scald I'd ever seen, and in all honesty...

I remember when we adopted her, my father, in his extremely blunt manner, turned to me when we got into the car and said, "I don't think that rabbit is going to last a month. Be prepared to make the decision to put her down." So I did- and I was prepared to put her down. I knew that the choice was right when we did it- and it was really peaceful. I was in the room when dad did it; she went very quietly and I'm pretty sure that right before she passed, I saw relief overcome her little body. She was gone in 20 seconds and I'd never seen an animal more ready to go. I guess that's what made me really sad- she had given up and just was waiting, very sweetly, for me to send her off to the Bridge.

She had been in a lot of pain. Still she was probably the sweetest rabbit I'd ever met. She would have been so wonderful if she would have been healthy! She LOVED hay of all sorts. She LOVED to be petted and ya know, a few days before she passed, she was actually beginning to really looked forward to me coming int he room. She learned to love me in those three weeks I had her, which truly amazed me. Her little nose would really wiggle and her ears would prick forward curiously and she would actually try and struggle to walk to me. I guess that was what was really upsetting- she couldn't really walk but she really wanted to greet me. 

The only time I saw her actually really move much was when Erik got into the room and tried to attack her...which I felt pretty bad about lol. She got up and tried to run, and almost ate floor when she did it. I had to catch her. Unfortunately that isn't the best method of motivation for her to move so it didn't work.

There were other things internally wrong with her- Dad suspects problems with her uterus, whether it be cysts or masses or whatnot.

Every day for those three weeks I'd clean her butt free of the smelly stuff- she smelled really bad. I'd really dote on her, and I really tried to save her, but she eventually passed away. She was still one of the most beautiful rabbits I'd ever seen and she's the reason Mini-Rexes are so near and dear to my heart.

Sorry for that rambling...I just wanted to share...I may write some on Holly a bit later.


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## irishlops

this is wht it is for,,, post about holly or any one. it has helpped me a bit better.......

im sorry to hear about your bunnies and merry...... you tyed your bst. and she loved you....

so ost all you want. it will help.

my PM box is open for any one, eve if i dont know ay words of wisdom...:dude:


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## Flashy

Some rabbits (or any other animal or person) just touch us. I think that Merry was a very lucky girl because whatever had gone before she knew love for that last part of her life. I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom though.


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## Ivory

All righty I will post some on Holly.

I bought Holly when he was far too young to be bought- four weeks old about. Hardly ready to be away from his mom. And he was sick when I bought him- I nursed him through, in all of my inexperience, and he was doing really well for a few months. When I bought him I thought he was a girl, and when he bonded with Erik I also assumed such. Of course after Dad inspected him and announced that the area looked a lot more like a scrotum, I began to wonder. And of course when he dropped it became pretty obvious! We snipped him and a few weeks later he passed away.

I was doped up on antidepressants at the time- it's really hard to describe that feeling. But Holly's death is partly my fault, if not all. I was so sleepy all the time, I couldn't function. At this point I was sleeping about 15-18 hours a day, getting up to play with the animals, perhaps finishing some school work, and going back to bed. It was a dark time in my life. I had my printer hooked up and I vaguely noticed that the cord was within the rabbit's reach. But I was between sleep and consciousness so I didn't get up to do anything. A little later I noticed he was springing his back legs back oddly, twitching oddly and acting off. I talked to Dad about him, but when I brought him to Dad he wasn't acting badly. I put him in his cage with extra food and treats and went to sleep. This was about a 7 PM. I woke up later at midnight and he was gone.

The sad part is that even though I cried, it didn't really process what had happened until a few weeks later, when I got off of medicine despite what my doctor wanted. Yeah, I went off of Zoloft and Wellbutrin completely cold turkey, high doses too. That was trauma unto itself. But you know what? I began to get my life back. Unfortunately after getting it back...I really started to think about what happened. And three months later I sobbed as though it were only a day afterwards because I realized what truly happened...maybe that's horrible and I'd be judged for it.

Nowadays I don't really cry over it anymore but I do still miss them. It was really hard getting through those times. They were very dark, horrible times, but I've moved on and I'm truly happy now. Still I wish I could have shared that happiness with them.


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## Flashy

I'm so sorry about what happened with Holly. I know that what I say won't change how you feel (and will also probably mean that you find reasons why you disagree with me) but I don't believe it was your fault. We all do the best we can, at any one time, and that's what you did. Like you said, it was an awful time for you, and yet you were still doing everything that needed to be done. The effect anti depressants have can be awful, and that feeling of being knocked out and sleeping loads is so common and very horrible, but that doesn't mean you slipped up, or did anything wrong. In an ideal world you may wish you had have moved the wire, but its very possible the wire didn't kill him (like maybe it triggered the onset of some long standing, yet hidden problem). I know that's a what if, and probably doesn't help, but sometimes adding a different perspective can make you think about it in a different way.

I also think that many, many people suffer from delayed grief and I don't think anyone can judge you for it (and if they do, they have very narrow minds). It can take a while to digest what has happened for many reasons, obviously yours was anti depressants, for some people it is just that they keep functioning and then a trigger finally triggers the grief and realisation, it certainly doesn't mean you loved him less, or didn't care, or anything. Your grief was just delayed in how it affected you.

I'm so sorry about Holly, I can imagine the guilt you feel, but I personally don't feel that guilt should be held.


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## Ivory

Thanks Flashy. Holly helped me through a lot. He liked to hop on the bed with me and sleep under the covers. He and I were really close.

I take his death as a learning experience. Part of why it was so hard- we lost our old, faithful, wonderful Labrador two months before. And I lost my favorite hamster two months after Holly and Merry. It was quite the difficult time.

I have some pics of them in my blog, I'll post some in a little bit.


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## irishlops

i just want to say this for every one who has lost a bunny. young or old, sick or not.
the breeder which i got my total of 3 rabbits, which on passed away, when he heard, he rang me and said.
*rabbits come intp your life for a reason, to show you how to love, trust and care. then when there job is done, they let you practice caring for them, loving them, untill they have to go.*
Rest In Peace all the worlds rainbow rabbits, and hugs to the owners/slave.....


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## JadeIcing

I love that!


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## irishlops

it helpped me, like he rang out of the blue and cheered me up. because i did care for him, trusted him, and cared for him, the breeder must of lost does and kits aswell and knew how i felt.


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## irishlops

well. i need to say some thing.

last night i had a dream. ok. mornuing time.

i well. i looked outr at my rabbits to fed them. eyore was not in the bottom bit of cage...... but this white rabbit was.......

wa\s it eyore. ghost?

or my passed away bun trying to mzakr it out that nothing ever happened?

g2g


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## JadeIcing

With permission from Mary Kay. I couldn't help but want to share.

"Once a bun gets a hold of your heart, it breaks when they must leave. The love you feel for your bunny will always be in your heart and if you allow another bunny to get as close, you will be even more blessed -- your heart will grow twice its size and make room for an additional love of a bunny. The old loves never die and they never go way. And you will experience the love of another bunny heart and soul. " 

Mary Kay Ferguson


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## irishlops

awhh... i was told some thing like that. thanks for sharin


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## irishbunny

Well, I've never written in here before, don't really know why, just never got around to it. So I decided I would write something about my past baby Alfie, Alfie was my first rabbit, and it is because of him I researched about rabbits and found the first rabbit forum I ever joined, it's because of him I know what I know today about rabbits and try and give them the best live I can offer.

Well I got Alfie when he was ten days old, my brother also got Alfie's brother the same day. We got them a couple of days after our birthday, while we had money. When the lady in the petshop took them out of the cage, they squealed. We knew very little about rabbits at the time. We got them a nice big hutch and a bowl, shavings, hay, water bottle, food, everything we needed to get started.

I remember the first couple of days after we got them, we would take them inside and try and try and bond with them, I had looked stuff up about them online and we were lying on the floor and gving them head massages. 

One night a couple of days after we got them, my brother noticed a clear goo around Bucky's butt and the next morning he was dead when I went out to feed them, it was only a couple of months later I found out it was probably Mucous Enteritis that killed him.

I mam went down to the petshop and got my brother another rabbit, Thumper, which we still have now obviously, but my brother never had any interest in Thumper so he became my rabbit. Thumper and Alfie lived together until they started to fight and then I separated them.

Alfie was six months old when he died, and I miss him like crazy, I went out to see them after school as usual, then I went out again a couple of hours later to feed them and he was gone, I had no idea why, their was no signs. My mam rang the vet the next day, this vet is the father of the owner of the petshop we bought the rabbits off, he said he suspected that the rabbits were inbred and had weak hearts and were just suddenly dying. He advised his son not to buy these rabbits off breeders anymore.

I miss my quiet little baby Alfie, he was so tiny and didn't grow at all since I got him a 10 weeks, and he was six months when he passed. He was my first and most important rabbit, and even though we didn't have a strong bond I think about him everyday and miss him everyday.

RIP Little Man!


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## Becca

Awwh Gracie he was gorgeous!! xxx


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## irishbunny

Thanks Becca, you can really see in the third pic how tiny he was, fitted on my hand.


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## irishlops

its m=nice to have happy memeroys.it makes me smile.

i wish i had some.

:grumpy:





xoxoxo


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## Flashy

:| I lost this. It was moooooooooooooooooooooved, but I found it again, all is ok.


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## stephiemarie78

I miss Coco so much, I'd give anything to have one more day.

I've decided that when I go home to Indiana in September I'm going to spread her ashes under the willow tree at my grandmas. That is favorite place.


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## irishlops

coco would like that i thinki would give to have one more day with my bunn aswell...


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## werecatrising

I can't believe my Luna is gone. I'll do ok for awhile, then.... Today is hard. I usually did something special with her on Mondays. I feel like I can't breathe right now.


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## Flashy

It is horrible in that in comes in fits and starts. Would you like to talk abouwhat you did on Mondays?

Has your pain eased today at all?


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## werecatrising

I am feeling a bit better today. I had to work, so it kept my mind of things. Lately, since she was slowing down, we'd lie on the couch and watch tv. I'd give her a little bunny massage and we'd share some fruit or something. Nothing big, just time spent focused on her.


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## irishlops

thats really nice.
she will remember taht.


oh, why did j.f have to go. he binky on his firist day here.
he left a void in my heart. my other rabbits try to help. but it does not.

my mum let him dye. i will not forgive her. ever


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## irishlops

why does life have to end so. ... i dont know. quickly? suddenly?


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## TinysMom

Anniversaries are so tough...tomorrow would've been Tiny's fourth Gotcha Day....I feel like its tearing me apart.

I know I'll make it through the day - I'm thinking about designing a mug and ordering it for myself - perhaps a mug with pictures of him and Tio & Kyo since I got them on the same day. I know - quite a splurge (close to $20 - which is what I paid for him)....but well worth it.

But emotionally - I suspect I may be a basket case.


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## werecatrising

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Anniversaries are so tough...tomorrow would've been Tiny's fourth Gotcha Day....I feel like its tearing me apart.
> 
> I know I'll make it through the day - I'm thinking about designing a mug and ordering it for myself - perhaps a mug with pictures of him and Tio & Kyo since I got them on the same day. I know - quite a splurge (close to $20 - which is what I paid for him)....but well worth it.
> 
> But emotionally - I suspect I may be a basket case.


So how did the day go? I always have a tough time with anniversaries too.


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## Flash

It's been 3 weeks since Flash as passed and it hurts so much that he's not around following me, begging for his applesauce with Metacam, kissing my feet, just wanting to be near me and loving every minute. 

I read all of your posts and cried thru each one. Losing a pet is beyond anything I've ever experienced. I read in a post that they never lost anyone close to them and it really made me think that I haven't either. I lost my Granma at 8 yrs old (that was over 37 yrs ago)and remember crying and feeling so lost without her. Then I guess it wasn't until my Uncle passed 9 yrs ago but it wasn't as painful knowing he was suffering from Alzheimer's and just 2 yrs ago my Aunt that I miss alot. I've lostpets over the years that have taken me along time to get over. My dogs, Saber, and Codie my soulmate and my kitten Fearless that I will always carry them with me. 

He was 16-1/2 yrs old and since I only had him for a short 5 yrs he truly made his mark with everyone who met him or knew him. I've only had 3 bunnies in my life, Rocky when I was a teen and I got Sophie when I lost Codie and was going thru a very tough Divorce. Flash came to me when a family didn't have the time for him after having him for 9 yrs. He had a previous owner who pretty much used him for her educational program bringing pets to schools and Birthdays. I knew I had to take him away from deplorable conditions. I got to know the family and they are wonderful people and they truly loved him but didn't have the time or know enough about proper diet. He survived all those years on those colored pellets, cucs, tons of carrots and an empty water bottle. Funny thing is when I took him and gave him a carrot he wouldn't eat it, he never ate another carrot again. 

I walked their tenant's dogon the 3rd FL of their huge Victorian house and it was about a year doing this job and one day I was walking up the porch stairs and there was a cage with a bunny he seemed half dead. I brought the empty water bottle upstairs and tried to get his attention. I was there 2x a day everyday so the next day I did the same thing and I even knocked on the door to talk to the owner. Only the babysitter was there and I told her I can help them and that his cage is really dirty. There wasn't a place for him to lay down on, no hay, no toys, nothing to chew on just poop and urine. His coat even had spots of orange on it from laying in urine.

After a few days of giving him some of Sophie's pellets, water and taking out 15 baby carrots in his cage he started to recognize me whenever I visited. I later covered the cage with hay and started to pet him. He would go crazy when I came and then I was hooked. The owner left a note with their tenant and asked if I wanted the bunny. I was thinking first to try to rehome him but when she said he's 12 then I knew I had to take him. I was leaving for vaca in a few days and would take him when I got back. Yeah know I"m on vaca worrying about that bunny, who's going to fill his bottle or pay attention to him. Geez I was totally taken by this little guy.

I took him home to a huge pen clean floor a cage, with a litterbox since he wasn't neutered. They called him 'she' for 9 yrs not knowing he was a male. My vet checked him over that week and thought he was a little underweight but his bloodwork was great. He was neutered, then his drooling started so every 3-4 months he got his spurs knocked off, had an abscess on his jaw and had surgery, had several infections, foot, eye, jaw and did fine. He was an extraordinary bunny and what a strong will he had. He was such a love and you can tell he really appreciated everything you did for him. He was pure love.

When I'd see the previous owners I'd give them a report on Flash and told them the tricks he learned and sleeping in bed with me for hours not moving an inch. They would say that doesn't sound like the same bunny. They would hug me everytime knowing I was taking good care of him and better care for that matter. 

When I contacted Guinness Book of Records in December that he's the Oldest Living Bunny in the World I was expecting to hear from them in 2-6 wks but it was 6 months. I got an email a week after Flash passed, I cried all day. I sent them a Registered letter about his passing. What terrible timing that was I couldn't concentrate all day. 

That weekend I took him to the vet to have his spurs knocked off and he was battling an eye problem for over a month, changing meds didn't help. Flash was diagnosed 1-1/2 ago with Pseudomonas and was on alot of antibiotics for almost 10 months. It kept his sneezing and runny nose at bay sometimes but I saw that it was getting too much for him so I stopped the meds in October. He was on Metcam for 2yrs for his teeth, poor guy was always on something. He was missing his litterbox and so I mentioned that to the vet about possible UTI. He wanted me to get a urine sample and I knew that was going to be impossible, he later passed on Monday night. It bothered me that he went so quickly and the vet didn't want to start on meds until he started to eat normally again. He ate some pellets that morning and is always sore after his teeth get worked on so I had to give him CC for a day or so and then he was fine. But this time was different he acted differently and I knew something was really wrong. On Memorial Day I went to a local Animal Hospital that has a rabbit vet but he wasn't there that day. The vet didn't know much and wanted to do a bunch of tests that the results would be in a few days, He didn't have a few minutes and wanted to keep him overnight, or PTS or take him home. I took him home and made him as comfortable as I could with hot water bottles in his bed with me in bed. then at midnight I couldn't keep my eyes open and went to sleep waking up every few hours checking him. Then I woke up knowing I had to check him and he took his last breathe and passed away. 

I called a friend at 3:30 am knowing she doesn't sleep at night at all and I needed to talk to someone. It was hard to believe he was gone but I knew in my heart he wasn't going to pull this one out. I had him cremated the next day and got his ashes 2 days later which was wonderful. I'm a crier and I can't help how I feel about things I'm pretty emotional and it's very difficult for me to say Goodbye. My friends some cry some I never saw or heard them cry it's weird how people deal with a loss of pet. I had a friend call me a few weeks before all this happened to tell me she ran over her dog in the driveway. She was hysterical and she said to me that I was the only person who would understand. WOW I felt really touched and I am compassionate and I'm not afraid to show my feelings. I don't make a scene or anything but I try to let it out, you have to. Just tonight a friend took me out to dinner and she was away and we've been playing phone tag and she didn't know about Flash. We sat down chatted then asked about Guinness Book of Records I started to cry not the place I wanted to cry believe me but the more she asked questions the more I cried. She felt really bad about Flash and said all the right things, you gave him a great home took care of him.....

Sometimes it does help to hear from people when they call or the beautiful cards I received or emails. But the thing is going thru this raw grief all you wantis my boy back. Flash was very special and he loved going to the park and all the kids loved to pet him. I took him everywhere I can and he just loved to be in my arms. I was at a pet parade and there must've been 100 dogs, some cats, a band playing and Flash just melted in my arms that he didn't give a hoot what was going on as long as he was with his mommy. I had a guy come up to me and asked if my bunny was dead! hehe. Nothing startled him he was content to be with me and didn't care about anything else. I spent so much more time with Flash giving him meds, cleaning him and keeping him dry due to his constant drooling. We formed an early bond and it only increased over the years. I taught him new tricks and he loved playing and just being pet. I once did the treat or pet thing with Flash and Soph. Soph went for the treat, Flash wanted to be pet all the time. He went thru so much more then Sophie boy and he really loved giving so much love to me.I miss him terribly.

It was hard to put his bowls, beds and condo's away, some things I thru out but some I kept. I can still smell him in my bedroom where he lived mostly. He had free run of the place but loved to hang out in my room. Loved to lay in the sun, loved to give me feetie kisses when I'd get out of bed in the morning, loved being with my cat Tori, loved to get treats and run to his spot to get them, loved to get a piece of banana after a cleaning session. loved to follow me all over even the bathroom, loved to be held, loved to nap on my bed, loved to be loved.

For me the hardest thing was coming home and seeing all the reminders or not giving him meds or cleaning him or constantly checking him to see if he's eating checking his litterbox. I usually don't get very many days off being a dog walker but that following weekend I had off which is very rare. My mom and sister were going to come down and shop at a sidewalk sale near me. Both canceled and I was really disappointed I really needed to get out of the house and be with someone. I was alone all week crying and the phone calls can only do so much I really needed a diversion, a hug. I took Soph to the park for awhile but I didn't look forward to going back home. It was the next Friday I drove to my parents 20 min away to store his condo's but I really needed my family to be with me. I told my sister and my mom how disappointed I was and how I felt. I know they still could've made the trip but my sister is very selfish with her time, she's always too busy and thinks a phone call will make up for that. Not so. I made another trip to my parents since I had another day off and I needed to get out. So to my friends and family for not being there when I really needed them and being there for them all the time when I'm exhausted working 7 days a week, sick or have a ton of things to do and I drop everything for my friends and family. I'm always the one you can count on being there and I know you never have a person do the same for you, but my mom has always been there but not this time. Thank You to all my bunny friends who where there for me. 

It's just hard enough to deal with this but doing it alone is extremely tough. A bunny friend lost her bunny and mentioned a pet psychic that we knew from another board. I contacted her and she helped me with alot of questions I had about Flash what he died of. I was thinking kidney failure but she said it was his immune sytem that couldn't take anymore from the meds and age. I know some people don't believe in that but there are people with this gift. I couldn't thank her enough she's an angel.

So I'm still dealing with his loss and I know it will be a long time before I start to think about all the things and memories with a smile. I love you Buddy.


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## yngmea

wow Flash;s story was amazing. I had misty for 8 years..4 months shy of 9 years. We got her when she fit in hand, probably around 6 weeks old. She did not liked to be picked up, she loved nuts and cheerios. She was spoiled rotten and she knew I think. Her last year of life she got an abscess , had surgery and just poor thing battled for that last year with us. In a way, I am relieved she is not suffering anymore, even tho I miss her so much.


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## yngmea

Misty's ashes came home today in a beautiful box with 3 grey bunnies on top. I am at peace that she is home now.


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## pOker

Oh My...

I just sat here.
I just read every post.
I just cried over all of them.

There was one pet loss that really really hurt me. And it was my Rex Bunny that we actually named-Rex.
He was white with gray markings-I was about 3 when I got him-he was about 4 years old... Oh boy did I spend every waking moment with that rabbit? I used to tell that bunny all my stories, he would come in the grass with me and sit on my chest as I looked up at all the clouds.. I remember one day specifically-I was about 7, and I took Rex out to lounge around in the grass... He never ever hopped away so we did not have to put him in the pen like we did with the others. I remember his super soft fur, his longer nose and those cute little bunny whiskers... He hopped about for an hour or so then came to a sudden hault...I didnt hear him scuffling in the grass anymore so I became very alarmed--I looked over at him and he was just staring at me... I thought something was terribly wrong, so I began to sit up from laying down in the grass a few feet away from him_but just then-HE DIVE BOMBED ME! He hopped so fast and just hopped right into my lap...and there he layed for quite awhile..I chatted with him and he would just sit there and listen... I remember that as I brought him back to his hutch-he didnt want to get down, so I sat there for another hour, just cuddling him...Finally when he went back in, I said my goodnights and walked away, turning back only to see him staring right at me--he was such a happy bunny... he lived 4 happy happy years in my life--and every morning, i woke up for him, and every night, i fell asleep as fast as possible because i knew that the next day i could be with him again... That night-I kept telling my mom what Rex and I did all day...I told her that he watched the clouds with me, and dove on me, and cuddled...she just smiled and said-"that bunny couldnt have a happier life."
I was so proud of myself...
That night I had so many dreams with him. and I woke up so many times...Something felt wrong, something felt not right. I looked out my window to see his little body hopping back and forth in his hutch..Something was going to happen that night-something I will never understand.

9 a.m. I threw on some crappy ol' play jeans and a t-shirt and mom put my hair up.. I grabbed the bag of food and ran up the hill to see my Rex boy...and there he was. buried in his hay. He had passed. I remember the image so clearly. He was gone.. and somehow-the day before, he knew that he was going, he knew that if he didnt snuggle with me and give me kisses-he may have never had the chance too--so he did, and he slept that night-never to wake up again...


I cant go on--i am just in pain and tears are rolling down my cheeks...
Rex died at 8 and a half years old...He never ever in his life had a bad day...

Binkyy Free my baby Rex..I Hope that you, Thumper, Peanut, Butter, Jelly, Oreo, and all the other bunnies are up there havinga grand ol' time..I love you bubba.


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## Nezza

We had a terrible year last year, we lost our human Nana, then four of our small animals.
We lost 2 bunnies, a guinea pig and a cat.
All animials were special members of our family.
Our first bunny to pass was Sooty, a beautiful, cheeky black mini lop, she died suddenly, at 6 months with no signs of illness. Our second baby to go was little Sunshine, a timid little guinea pig we rescued from the RSPCA. Sunshine was an older piggy, who passed away peacefully in her sleep. Then our beatiful Chincilla cat, another rescued animal that used to play chasey with the rabbits, the rabbits chased her!!!
The vets could not find an exact cause of death, but thought it was dry peritonitis. She was only just 4, and we had only had her 18 months. Then our big girl, Dusty bunny, a full sized lop, another girl who was abandoned by her owners. (They moved out and just left her). Anyway we took her in and gave her a lovely home. She developed a tooth abcess and we treated her for a couple of months with surgery and antibiotics, and all was good. Then we thought we would have her desexed and she did not make it through the anaesthetic. So many many tears flowed for our loved ones. They are layed to rest in the park next door. And we think of them often with much love and remember the joy they brought to our family. So lovely to give them a special tribute here. :angel:


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## Pipp

Thanks for sharing. :bigtears:


sas ink iris:


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## bunnychild

i lost smokey and velvet to old age. i lost coconut when she retained a kit.:in tears::rip:


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