# RIP Beloved Tiny aka "The BunFather"



## TinysMom

[align=center]*CHAPTER ONE 
HOW TINY BECAME "The BunFather"*
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People have told me that I have a way of writing that makes my bunnies "come to life" for them. Trust me - if I could write this in such a way as to make Tiny come to life - I would do so in a heartbeat. 

This is probably going to be one in about 3 or 4 posts because I simply can't say it all in one post......of course - I could fill the forum with thousands of messages and I would never be able to say it all.

Last week I contacted an artist about doing a portrait of Tiny and Miss Bea. I thought it would be nice to have for when the day came that Tiny were to pass away....I never thought it would be so soon. I sent him photos of the two (because I was debating on having them done together or separately) and he wrote back:

[align=center]And, if Miss Bea and Tiny are bondmates, then why not paint them in the way they actually live and love.

[/align][align=left]I thought that was so neat - he really understood how I felt about them and their relationship.

But truly - talking about Miss Bea is like picking up a good novel and reading the end before you even start the beginning. So that is where I must start...the beginning...

I have struggled with cyclical depression all of my adult life. When I finally went for counseling (and got on medication for it) I realized that out of the then 26 years I'd been married to Art (will be 29 in August)....I had a major depressive bout lasting 6 weeks or more for 13 of those years. Sometimes they were caused by external things (bad finances, etc) - many times by internal things.

During March of '05, Art came in one day (before heading out for work) and said, "There is a white rabbit outside in the road..". He left for work and Robin and I went and "rescued" it. That night he slept in our bathroom and the next morning - Art let him out when he got up from bed (he's an early riser....I'm not). Well - the rabbit came in and bounced on the bed (on top of me) and started kissing me and stuff and then continued to bounce all around the room.

I started laughing....you know the very natural laughter that comes up from deep inside of you - just starts bubbling up because of watching your rabbit's antics? 

Art walked into the room with a big smile and said, "I haven't heard you laugh like that in years. What's up?"

The rabbit lived with us for about 10 days...but stupid me - I put an ad in the paper and the owners heard about it and claimed him/her. 

I wound up doing some research - I was so darn lonely - and on either 3/22 or 3/23 I wound up driving something like 3 hours to pick up a flemish giant rabbit. I'd done research - I wanted a rabbit that would be big enough to live with our cats and that wouldn't be afraid of the dog. I think if I remember right - I might have contacted BlueGiants at that time to see about shipping a rabbit here - but she pointed me to rabbit breeders in Texas since she didn't ship.

When I got in touch w/ the breeders - I was desperate. I missed the rabbit so much that we'd "rescued"....I needed another bunny like that. *Lesson to pass on to others: Never look for a bun to have the same personality as one you loved and lost. Each rabbit is unique. Learn to appreciate them for who THEY are and they will become special in their own way.

*All I knew as I drove up to pick up my rabbit is that it was a male and she thought it was black (her husband raised the flemish). Many names went through my mind..."Jack"and "Magic" and stuff like that. But our family has a weird sense of humor - and the thought of a large rabbit named "Tiny" was just too good to not use. 

What I didn't plan on during the trip - was having the breeder show me two little Netherland Dwarf males....twins. They were 'pet' quality and only $10 each. (Eric happened to have $20 on him - I'd only come with the $20 for Tiny).

So we came home with Tiny - and Tio and Kyo. The breeder had assured me, "Oh - I'm sure they'll live together just fine - they've been together since birth" about Tio and Kyo. People on this forum warned me....they will fight. But how would they fight...they were brothers...right?

Here are some pictures from those early days...









To show his relationship with Tio and Kyo at that time...





























Then the boys started fighting....and Tiny still cared about them both...





In the midst of all this - we still had our lighthearted moments...





Art was gone for a month and he'd bought me a magazine on rabbits and sent it home to me. In it, I read about lionheads....and started researching them.

I added GingerSpice and SugarBear and they got along so well with Tiny...

















The lionhead breeder told me, "If you love lionheads - you'll LOVE lops too". We wound up getting Puck flown to Ohio (from California) for Lionhead Nationals in '05 and then driven home to San Antonio where we picked him up right away.

Puck was fearless - he knew no bounds.









It was during this time that Tiny got his nickname of "The BunFather".

It happened like this....Puck had been chasing GingerSpice and she didn't like it. The next day (I've learned that lionheads have LONG memories) - she went after Puck and he went and got beside Tiny. You see -earlier in the week Tiny had stood between a cat and one of the other bunnies....and wouldn't let them fight. Now Tiny MADE GingerSpice submit (If I remember right - he pressed her head to the ground). 

After that - he was known for not letting rabbits fight and became known as "The BunFather" because he would make them an offer they couldn't refuse.

I think that also became the start of his love-affair with GingerSpice - but alas...that my friends is another chapter....


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## timetowaste

We love you Peg....

ink iris:For Tiny.

Tracy


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## mambo101

Peg: I just read in the lionhead group about Tiny's passing. This puts me at a loss for words. Please know that Tiny will live forever in ours hearts as the one and only BUNFATHER. :rose:


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## TinysMom

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[align=left]*One of the upcoming chapters that is in my heart (as I sit here and study my baby on the floor still) is that I want to do "Tiny's First Day Across the Bridge" and Puck and Ginger and Sugar will figure heavily in it. Shortly after my boy passed (literally minutes) - the story started coming to me and I could almost picture it in my mind....so I'm going to include this chapter because so many folks loved it when I wrote it.*
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Chapter Two
"*A Day In The Life of Puck"*


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[align=center]*A Day In the Life of Puck*[/align]
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[align=center]*Early Summer -2005*[/align]7am - wake up to the sound of Tiny rattling his cage doors. Think about my plans for today again - I want to explore the bedrooms and behind the tv at least three times 


9:15 am - Mom finally lets me out. Tiny takes me to the side and reminds me to stay in the bunny room. 


9:17 am - I jump the barricade when Tiny turns his back to answer another bunny's question. 


9:18 am - Mom sees me. I drink water out of the dog's bowl to make sure she thinks that is why I jumped the fence. When she walks towards me -I jump back inside the barricade. Mom tries to fix the barricade. 


9:24 am - I jump the barricade and take off running for Eric's bedroom. 


9:25 am - I make it to Eric's bedroom and start exploring 


9:47 am - I accidentally jump on Eric 


9:52 am - Eric returns me to the bunny room 


10:17 am - I jump the barricade again 


10:18 am - I run for Eric's room 


10:22 am - Eric picks me up and puts me in my cage. Tiny lectures mefrom the floor about how to be a good bunny 


11:14 am - Mom sees in my cage and says, "Puck...what did you do NOW?".I look so pitiful and sad she picks me up and puts me down on thefloor. 


11:29 am - I jump the barricade 


11:33 am - I hide behind the tv (which is in the fireplace) 


11:47 am - Mom asks where I am 


11:54 am - Robin sees me behind the tv and puts me in the bunny room 


12:02 pm - I eat hay mom brings in and Tiny glares at me. 


12:13 pm - I decide to show GingerSpice I'm becoming a BIG boy bunny and chase her and try to play house 


12:15 pm - Tiny chases me across the room and tells me to settle down or HE'S pushing me out the barricade 


12:26 pm - I chase Roary and tell him I'm bigger and badder than he is 


12:42 pm - I jump the barricade 'cause Tiny's about to thrash me 


12:55 pm - I accidentally run across Eric's foot as he plays XBox. He puts me back in the bunny room. 


1:19 pm - Yeah, yeah, yeah - I've heard these lectures before. I flick off Tiny and jump the barricade again. 


1:42 pm - Robin takes me from the bathroom and puts me back in my cage 


2:16 pm - Mom brings in hay and snacks. I beg her to let me out but she says "no Puck...not now". She does give me two craisins. I nap. 


2:59 pm - I shake my cage door when mom goes to let the dog out. She lets me out of my cage. 


3:21 pm - Eric chases me out of his room and when he finally catches me(behind the tv) he puts me back in the bunny room 


3:24 pm - Tiny and the other bunnies start approaching me with mean looks on their faces 


3:25 pm - I jumped the barricade again - only this time - SugarBear follows. 


3:37 pm - Mom sees SugarBear & I behind the tv (trying to climbthe fireplace walls). She puts us in the bunny room again. 


3:38 pm - I lay down in a corner and tell Tiny I'm going to take a nap 


3:47 pm - Tiny's asleep. I jump the barricade again. 


4:12 pm - Eric catches me sleeping on his bed. He puts me in my cage. 


5:45 pm - Mom cleans cages and lets me out to play "in the bunny room". 


5:54 pm - Mom leaves the bunny room - and so do I. 


6:30 pm - Mom starts rustling up our food. I hop back in the bunny room and wait for her to put it down. 


7:00 pm - Mom picks me up and says "bedtime". She puts me in my cage -and I hadn't even done anything wrong! NO FAIR!


These photos come from this time era..









































At that point in time - we were having an open house party and one of Art's friends liked to tease about making Tiny into stew or a roast....so I had this sign on the door..









Peg





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## TinysMom

[align=center]Chapter Three
"Tiny's First Love: GingerSpice"

[align=left]I worked really hard to win Tiny's trust and love - and I guess I can be big enough and mature enough now to admit it - I was jealous when he bonded.....not to me....but to GingerSpice.

I was the one who wanted bunnies - I wanted him to love ME....(and he eventually did)....but somehow - GingerSpice won his heart.

I'll let the photos tell the story..

















Even after he had his freedom - he spent a lot of time in her cage - even if she wasn't in it...





























But Tiny had a bit of a problem....he didn't know what the word "faithful" meant...









Somewhere - I have pictures of him with a couple of other does also. Basically, Tiny saw himself as an "equal opportunity lover"....he loved to snuggle with any doe who wantd attention.....and since he was um....well....lets say that he visited a vet and came home feeling like a different buck...he was "safe" for the girls to be around....

Here is a song in Tiny's blog about Ginger...

"To all the does I've loved before...
Who wandered in and out my bedroom door...
I dedicate this song...to the only one who belonged...
From all the does I've loved before...

I may have snoozed with them a bit
But you were always my first pick...
I loved you GingerSpice
You livened up my life..

....You were the only doe I loved before.."

(Ok - so I "borrowed" it from Willie Nelson....it still tells about my girl!)

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## TinysMom

Chapter Four
"Tiny's Mid-Life Crisis"

Much of this comes from his blog....

[align=left]2/11/2006

Dear Diary,

Now that I'm over a year old, I thought that perhaps I should try different things to see what I want to do with the rest of my life....besides being the BunFather that is. After all - didn't the GodFather run a business or something?

Well...I tried my hand at song-writing (I'll copy it below from an earlier post I made and share it). Dad said I'm not that good.

So I thought I'd try my hand at fashion design. I picked mom's FAVORITE dress to work with because I knew it was good quality ( she said it was "dry clean only"). 

Mom is mad at me now. She says I can't try out for "Project Bun-way" where bunnies redesign their owners' clothes. I think she's kicking me out of my closet.

Well....here's my design...I felt like mom's skirt was too long and the pattern wasn't "bold enough"...like she needed more fur (skin?) to show through....



LuvaBun wrote: [/b]


> . And boy, are you trying!!
> 
> Jan



Jan,

You must know my mom real well! That seems to be what she says to me....but its usually used with another word...

like..

"Tiny...you're trying my patience" (followed by a big sigh)

or 

"Tiny...are you trying to get in trouble?" (usually followed by a smile and a sigh)

or 

"Tiny....are you trying to get on my last nerve?" (I always wait to see if she's gonna thump me off on that one - it means I'm almost in trouble).

But funny thing is - when I keep hopping in front of her as she's going to the door to let the dog out (I'm showing her where the dog wants to go - and getting in her footsteps so she can follow me) - she never says, "Thank you Tiny for TRYING to help!"....well...she did do it one time when she tripped. But it didn't sound like a happy form of "trying"...

Today I'm stuck inside...but that's ok. I've been looking at the closet walls and thinking about how I could practice some carpentry to redesign mom's closet....

The BunFather

Mom says I'm in a mid-life crisis? GingerSpice says its a "soon to die" crisis if I keep it up. Me? No crisis at all...just figuring out what to do with my time besides sleep...

~~~~~~~

Finally - on 2/21/2006

Well diary, I've decided that for at least a little while - I'm just gonna be a lazy bunny.

I try my attempts at songwriting - I get laughed at.

I try fashion design.....I get in trouble.

Interior design gets dad upset with me.

Landscape design is great for bunnies - till dad fills in the holes.

Librarian is out...the books need some salt or something.

The only thing I seem to be able to do (because mom is groggy and slow) is to be her alarm clock....you know - jump her on with full force (15 pounds) because I heard a noise outside and she needs to know about it. Then I have to take off running - but at least she's awake.

Still yet - you know - the life of a lazy bun isn't too bad. I do still have to spend time practicing "the butt" and being available for the harem to groom me properly. I go in the rabbitry to remind the bucks that I am STILL the boss....

So it isn't as if I'm wasting my life away - right?

Well - its getting late and I better go wake up mom again. I'll tell her I was dreaming of craisins and wanted to see if she knew where there are any....

*The ONE*

* The ONLY (doesn't that mean the same as one?)*

* The ORIGINAL*

* BUNFATHER


*
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## cheryl

:sad:Oh gosh,i just got home myself and i see this devestatinfg news...i'm so very sorry Peg.

Cheryl


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## TinysMom

I've written all I can for tonight....but I hope that some of y'all enjoy reading about The BunFather...

probably only another 3-4 chapters left...

Peg


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## 

Oh...I'm crying as I write this. And I know my heartbreak isn't even a fraction of the pain you're feeling...

Peg, I must say, you've given me such a gift - Tiny has given me such a gift - in allowing me to be a part of his life. I've never been a person who could feel through others. That's not to say I'm not loving or caring, but it is to say that I sometimes struggle with allowing myself to feel emotions. Tonight, I feel...I feel sad...

I am saddened that you're going through this. And I'm sad that Tiny's lost his battle and his life. I'm feeling sad for Miss Bea, for the others, and for everyone on this forum and elsewhere who've had their hearts touched through Tiny. And, yet, I'm grateful too.

I'm grateful that you, Peg, found the key to your heart in Tiny. I'm grateful for knowing, learning, and loving. I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to meet everyone on this forum and to have shared in happiness, sadness, love, and grief. And I'm grateful that even in his passing, Tiny has provided us all with a gift. He has given us the a reminder: to love one another and our animals (family) and cherish each moment we have together. I, for one, will be taking that lesson to heart.

I have already dedicated a snuggle with each of my buns tonight to Tiny's memory. And I've shared with them (because I feel they can hear me through my words, actions, and heart) Tiny's story and what you've written so far. Tiny will live on in my heart and in my actions...and while that may not bring you comfort, Peg, I hope it can bring you strength.

Binky free, sweet Tiny. I will say a prayer that you've been reuinited with those you loved and lost and I know you'll bring comfort, love, and faith to us all...as you've done so in life...

Peg, you're in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. I know we don't know one another well, but please know I'm here for you regardless of that fact. And, though you live quite a distance, know that we're all together in heart and spirit - and that we'll help to carry you through this time.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. But there's an angel up there shining brightly tonight and forever more...I pray that light helps to guide you to peace.

<3 Alexah


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## TinysMom

An Intermission

[align=left]I can't make myself go to bed yet....I know when I get up....I'll have to walk into the office and find my best friend gone. Yes - I have to sleep. I keep telling myself soon...

I wrote most of a novel back in 2006 and Tiny was one of the "comic relief" characters (along with Miss Bea).

Here are some of their scenes...

[line]In this passage, Kate (main female) is going tothe pet shelter to adopt a CAT. Her grandmother's 18 year old cat,Punky, died two months earlier. Kate lives alone and realizes she'dlike some company. Stan is the one who will become her loveinterest - he has decided to adopt a dog.

Peg


Kate walked into the shelterand was overcome by the smell. Yes, this was definitely a place whereanimals lived. Still yet, she would be able to get a cat or maybe akitten and give it a good home. Perhaps she'd find an older cat no one else wanted. Then again, a kitten would be fun too. Either way, she wasn't going home without a cat and she had Punky's cat carrier with her.
A young woman approached herwith a smile. "Hi, I'm Abby. It looks like you came prepared to adoptsomeone. Can I help you?"
Kate smiled, "Yes, thanks. Iwant to adopt a cat. My cat died two months ago and I'm very lonely."
Abby beckoned to a door andsaid, "Right this way. We keep the cats and other small animals on thisside of the building so they aren't bothered by dogs."
The women chatted as they walked through the door. Kate explained how Punky had passed away in his sleep and Abby expressed her sympathies. They talked about Punky's personality and relationship with Kate as Abby tried to get a sense ofwhat Kate was looking for in a pet.
Kate was shocked when they walked into the pet room. They were surrounded by cages on three sides.The animals were stacked three and four high. Some of them ducked to the back of the cage when they heard people enter, while others raced to the door for pets and possibly a treat. 
There were cats of all colors and sizes. Black cats, calico cats, brown cats and more. There were Maine Coon Cats, tabby cats and even a litter of Manx. How was she going to decide? She almost wanted them all.
As she wandered around the room, a tall black pile of fur in the largest cage stood and stretched. She looked at those ears as they stood tall. This was no cat. It looked like a rabbit but it was the size of a monster. She backed away from the cage.
Watching her reaction, Abby laughed and said, "Don't mind him. That's Tiny."
"Tiny? He must weigh 25 pounds!"
"Actually, he weighed 17pounds when he came in here three weeks ago but he's down to a littleover 14 pounds. His owner passed away and he's still grieving for her.He will eat and drink some but he's very unhappy."
Hearing his name, Tiny stood and pressed himself against the door with all of his weight. Kate backed away a couple more steps. Still yet, she found him fascinating. 
Abby had a keen awareness about people and she sensed that Kate might be the right owner forTiny. Tiny had not acted this lively since he came in and he really seemed to be fascinated by Kate's voice. Perhaps she reminded him of his former owner. Abby had to find a way for the two to interact.
"Would you like to meet Tiny?He's a flemish giant and he's very gentle. In fact, this breed ofrabbit is bred specifically for their gentleness."
"Will he bite me?"
"He's really very gentle.He's actually pretty affectionate and tame for a rabbit too. Why don'tyou let me bring him out of the cage. He's too big for the playpen, so I'll just shut the door and let him run around the room so you can see him."
Kate hesitantly agreed. She had always wanted a rabbit but a little rabbit, not some monster rabbit. Still yet, his eyes seemed to plead with her to at least give him a chance to get to meet her.
Abby opened the cage and Tiny sniffed the door and then bounded out onto the floor. He hopped aroundthe room for a moment or two and sniffed their feet and then rubbed his chin on his cage. Abby explained that he was marking his cage with his scent so others would know it was his. 
"Come, sit on the floor withTiny. I have a few yogurt chips you can give him when he comes to you."
At the word "yogurt', Tinycame running over to Abby and started pawing at her clothes. She laughed and said, "Busted. I sneak in here to give Tiny a chance to get some exercise and get some treats. I've been worried about him."
Kate and Abby sat on the floor together. Tiny crawled on Abby's lap and started hunting for his treats. She gave him one and then handed the rest to Kate. Before Kate knew it, Tiny was in HER lap and nudging her with his nose. When she didn't immediately offer a treat, he went looking for them in her handand tried to paw at it. 
"I'm scared. He'll bite me."
Abby replied, "Just open yourhand and let him pick it out of your hand. He won't hurt you."
Kate held out her hand with the yogurt chip in the middle of it. Tiny sniffed it and then grabbed the treat and hopped away. He almost seemed as scared of her as she was of him.
Abby and Kate watched as Tiny ran around the room a bit more and then suddenly made a mad dash for his cage. Kate asked, "What is he doing? I thought he wanted the exercise." 
After watching Tiny for amoment, Abby replied, "He ran for his litter box. He realized he had togo to the bathroom and that is where he knows to go."
"You mean he's litter box trained? Like a cat?"
"Yes. If I didn't already have five rabbits, I'd take him myself. I've never seen a rabbit so tame and well-trained come into the shelter. But I'm worried that if he doesn't stop grieving, we'll lose him."
"Well, I don't think I can take him. He's just too big and I really did come for a cat."
Abby sighed softly and said, "Ok" as she shut Tiny's door. Together the two women turned to the cats when a loud sound filled the room. Turning to his cage, Abby said,"Tiny, stop it." She explained to Kate that Tiny was thumping his back feet to get their attention. He continued thumping while Kate looked at a kitten. She put the kitten back in the cage and was looking at a tabby when a rattling noise filled the room. Both women turned to see Tiny rattling his cage doors with his teeth. "He's never done that before. He's having a temper tantrum."
Abby walked over to Tiny andtalked to him quietly, "We'll find you a home buddy. I promise. But youhave to behave."
"I'll take him." Kate spoke up.
Abby paused a moment and smiled at the big rabbit. She knew Kate was the right person for Tiny but she wanted to make sure that Kate knew she was the right person. She needed to press her just a little bit and make Kate realize that she wanted Tiny and wasn't just taking him out of pity.
"Kate, I don't think you understand. You can't just take Tiny because you feel sorry for him or because he's having a temper tantrum. He's going to be a big responsibility for you. Not only will he need to be fed and have hislitter box changed, he's going to need time outside in the sun sometimes. At least I find that my rabbits thrive with outside time.But what he really needs is love. He's lost a beloved mistress and was found next to her body from when she collapsed. Can you give him love and wait for him to grieve before he can love you back?"
Kate walked over to Tiny's cage and stared at him. He'd laid back down and was in the back corner of his cage now. He stared back at her and twitched his ears. He was scary looking. He was huge. She knew nothing about rabbits. But reflected in his eyes was the loneliness she felt in her heart. She whispered his name softly and he came over to the door and tried to nudge her hand through the bars. She whispered his name again and realized that they needed each other.
"Can I give him love? I don't know. He's huge and he scares me. I know nothing about rabbits eventhough I always wanted one as a kid. But I know that he needs me and I need him. We've both lost people we love and we can help each other through the pain. I want him. I know I'll grow to love him once I learn to trust him."
Abby smiled because she knew that Kate had made the commitment in her heart to Tiny and she would not abandon him. She loved it when she was able to match up an animalwith the right person. It gave her a feeling of peace.
"I have one problem though, "Kate said. "Will he fit in my cat carrier?"
"We'll make him fit." Abby said.

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This is Kate's first morning w/ Tiny...

Kate woke up at daybreak on Sunday morning. She didn't want to wake up that early but it is hard to stay asleep when a 14 pound bunny lands on your belly as he leaps on the bed. The leap was only the start of his fun though as he ran laps around the room at a pace that made her dizzy. How could something that large move so fast? By the third leap on the bed, she'd learned to moveout of his way. She had observed that with every other lap of the roomhe took a shortcut across the bed for the other side.
What Kate didn't understandwas what Tiny was doing in her room. She'd made him a bed last nightout of a cardboard box and an old towel of her grandmother's. He was supposed to be sleeping in the kitchen. 
She tried to make sense of his presence in her room but she couldn't help falling back to sleep once he stopped running around. She wasn't worried about him getting into trouble because he jumped up on the bed and settled down by her feetfor a nap. She could live with a pet like this.
When the alarm woke Kate three hours later, Tiny was still by her feet. He appeared to be asleep but as she snuck out of bed, she noticed him sit up and yawn. Man, he was a big rabbit. She still was scared of him but so far he had been very gentle and kept out of trouble.
Kate walked out to the kitchen with a bit of trepidation. Had Tiny destroyed the carpet? Had he used his litter box? What had he done all night?
She learned the answer as she entered the kitchen. Tiny had used the litter box alright. Almost everything was in it although you could see where he must have had his rear end over the corner once when he used it. She made a mental note to buy him a larger litter box when she went to the store next time. The rest of the kitchen seemed fine, except for his box and towel. The stinker had knocked over his box, chewed on the towel enough to put multiple holes in it and then chewed on the box too. It looked like she better add some sort of chew toy to her shopping list.
Kate made herself some tea and grabbed a banana while she thought about what to have for breakfast. As she peeled the banana, she heard the thwump thwump of Tiny running from the living room into the kitchen. She got out of his way in case he needed to use the litter box again. Her eyes opened wide as he headed straight for her instead of the litter box. He was supposed to be gentle but she could see the headlines flash before her eyes, "Mysteryshopper killed by giant angry rabbit". Then Tiny braked to a halt directly in front of her and stood up on his hind legs. He pulled on her right shirt sleeve and tried to lower her arm. She moved the banana to her left hand and he let go of her right shirt sleeve and grabbed the left one. He became frantic to pull her arm down and as she lowered her arm, he knocked the top half of the banana onto the floor and started eating it.
"Thief!" she yelled, without even thinking. At her loud voice, Tiny grabbed the banana and retreated around the corner into the living room. She didn't mean to scare him but he'd startled her and then stolen her breakfast. It looked like she better add bananas to her shopping list also.
She snuck into the living room and stretched out her hand to Tiny. It held the last of the banana and was a peace offering. He looked at her and twitched his nose and then grabbed the banana and headed for her bedroom. Perhaps they would learn to trust each other soon. Until then, she got another banana and started writing out her shopping list.

*(I wrote this before Amy came for a visit - and Tiny once went running (thwumping?) into her room pretty darn fast when he smelled a banana. I'll never forget watching her try to "shoo" him out. You never "shooed" Tiny...you picked him up and moved him...).*
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## undergunfire

*TinysMom wrote: *


> *(I wrote this before Amy came for a visit - and Tiny once went running (thwumping?) into her room pretty darn fast when he smelled a banana. I'll never forget watching her try to "shoo" him out. You never "shooed" Tiny...you picked him up and moved him...).*



I have to say, I was quite scared. I thought it was the doggie trotting along, but then I looked down the hall to see a massive 14 pound black banana eating machine charging towards me. I mean, what do you do when you see a 14 pound rabbit romping in your direction? I froze.

I am still amazed as to how he smelled that darn banana from across the house within seconds of opening it.

Even thought I tried to shoo him out of the room, he still got his way and left with a mouthful of banana.


p.s....I am not sure I will sleep much tonight either. I keep bringing myself back to your house in my memory, Peg....trying to remember everything that I can about Tiny.


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## Flashy

I've never been so gutted over a bun I never met.

Peg, you are in my thoughts so much. I'm very glad you are currently putting your energy into Tiny's story because that's a beautiful way to honour his memory. Think about everything he has done for you, the legacys he has left you, and all those rabbits you have too (not Tiny's relatives but I'm sure inspired by him and the way he loves you). 

Draw comfort from them, draw comfort from Miss Bea, cuddle and cuddle and cuddle them. They won't lessen the pain but they can ease the total loneliness.

He may have physically gone, but he will always be with you, you will always be his mum, you will always have his memories, his funny stories, his love. Maybe, if you believe in that, he will pop back and see you every now and then. The Invisible Bunny poem (in the thread for those we have loved and lost, that is stickied at the top of the forum) explains it perfectly. I didn't want to post it here incase you didn't want that.

Just imagine what the Bunfather is now doing up in Rainbow Bridge. I bet, as well as whatever you know he is doing with your crew up there, he is also organising everyone else and sorting them out. I wish him good luck with my Moon *nods*.

I love his story and will keep reading about him as and when you post more. It's a lovely tribute.

Please know I'm about if you want to chat or anything.

Take care of yourself

x

RIP Bunfather, this world has lost a great, but the next world has gained a great.


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## slavetoabunny

I'm so sorry Peg. Tiny was a special boy and I always enjoyed his stories. I'll always remember him.

:rip: Rest in Peace Tiny.


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## TinysMom

From Tiny's blog:

[line]



Middle Aged?

I'm 14 months old...uh..young! 

I work out daily in my yard...it takes time to go around every day and mark all my favorite places.:run: Then I have to do some digging in my hole...to make sure the dog hasn't closed it up. 

Once that is done - I have rose bushes to water (check on) and a tree to sit under while I take my "checking my eyes for light leak break" (mom calls it a "nap" for brevity). :sleep:



[line]


The big boy loves to be outside....even in this heat. He goes in and out fairly often and we try to bring him in during the daytime - only to have him sulk and beg to go back outside. He has three or four favorite places where he stays cool when it is hot out (like a hole he's dug in one garden patch).

[line]

Dear Diary,

BunDate: 1 March 2007
Time: Who cares?

Well, this is my third night outside in the back yard. I am currentlyplaying the role of "Explorer Bun". I've thought about making it a fiveyear mission - but let's face it - it can get pretty darn hot here inSW Texas in the summer. I think this will be a limited run of "ExplorerBun". In fact, in spite of the fact that I keep finding nuggets ofrabbit food on the porch....I'm seriously considering turning myself into BunMother....maybe. 

But first - to tell my tale. 

I have been outside for THREE days now. Mom and Dad feel its safe forme to be in the back yard....I have several hiding places and the wholeyard is fenced in and has cement under the fencing. 

At first, mom put me outside for just the day. She made me promise I'dcome inside that night - but she didn't know I'd crossed my back pawsunder my tummy and twitched my tail too. Ha.....and she thought sheknew a lot about rabbits.

So the first night came and I didn't want to come in. Yes...I heard thesupper call. Yes, I heard the bribes of "but I'll give you a banana...".

But I was exploring "strange new terrigtory". I was seeking out newlife and new civiilzations of ant colonies, etc. that I hadn't noticedbefore. 

I also had a full stomach from eating grass.

So I thumped her off and went in my hidey hole that the dog and I share. (Yuck..it smelled like dog).

[line]

I shared all that to say that Art asked me tonight if it would be ok for him to bury Tiny in his hole that he loved so much.

I guess Art is going to cover it up really well and then put some bricks or something on it so the dog won't be digging in that area again.

Tiny loved his hole so much......I was so touched that Art thought to bury him there.



Peg


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## Flashy

That's a lovely place for him to be buried  He will forever be in a place he loved.


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## Bassetluv

Right now I can't even bring myself to read what you wrote about Tiny, Peg...I will do so later today, when the emotions have settled down.

The world has lost a precious soul, and Rainbow Bridge is now shining even brighter.



Sweet dreams to you Tiny, and binky free, sweet one...

Love from Di, and Yofi and Anna...and Raph


----------



## mouse_chalk

It's justsuch a terrible shame that you've lost such a special bunny...

I know I haven't been on the forum for very long, therefore I don't know you or Tiny very well, but I've always seen him as one of the 'main bunnies' of RO. If I think of this site, he's one of the buns I think of first. He seemed like such a character and a joy to have around, and I'm sorry to think that I will not get to hear more stories about him. I can tell that he was a very much loved and well cared for bun, and that you are a fantastic bun mum. 

Your tribute to Tiny, sad as it is, is very beautiful and touching, and has brought me to tears several times already. I look forward to reading the rest of the chapters as you write them. 

You and your family, and Miss Bea are in my thoughts today.

Binky free Tiny, with all the bananas you can eat! :rainbow:

Lots of love, Jen xxx


----------



## Carolyn

:sad:Oh God....:in tears:I'm in tears, Peg. I can't even read this story. I'm too broken up. Tiny was such a good baby. God, what a horrible thing to come to the room to see. 

This day is just the worst. I hate hate Hate it!


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## bat42072

I am so sorry to hear about Tiny... My heart is breaking.. it feels like loosing a close friend even though we never met. I loved reading about him. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts...

Rip Tiny ... you will be missed greatlyink iris:


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## MsBinky

[align=center]I'm so sorry :bigtears:I'm quite shocked by it. He was so special...[/align]


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## Bramblerose

So sad for you and your other buns, its so hard to lose a beloved little friend. Really enjoying your stories.


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## Luvmyzoocrew

:sad:I am so upset and so sorry for your loss. He will be missed by alot of people. 



I am so sorry


----------



## JimD

:bigtears:


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## HoneyPot

He is such a big bunny, with such big personality. I've always loved his diary and his stories. This is a great tribute, I will keep reading as you keep adding. 

Tiny is a mascot bunny in my head. He's one of the first bunnies I think of if I have to start a list of all the bunnies on RO. I'm sad to come here knowing he is not here.

My favorite picture is of course the one with him sitting between the two fluffy bedroom slippers.

Tiny is in my heart.

__________
Nadia


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## tonyshuman

I'm so sorry. Tiny had such personality. Binky free~~

edit: I went back and looked at the Infirmary thread and the pictures of Miss Bea with him made me cry. What a special rabbit. We will all miss him, and maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that this special rabbit has touched so many. Thank you for sharing his stories with us.


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## Brandy456

ink iris:Oh gosh,

I havent met tiny and I'm sad too, He was well known and well loved around here.

R.I.P:tears2:


----------



## Bunnys_rule63

Omg...I just logged on and saw Tiny's name here and my heart dropped to my feet. Not Tiny!:bigtears:

Peg - I'm so so very sorry. Thinking of you at this difficult time.ink iris:


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## jordiwes

Oh no, Peg. My heart is with you. I'll never forget Tiny.

:sad:


----------



## stargazerLily

I am so sorry to hear about Tiny's passing. I loved reading about his antics, and loved to see his pictures, thinking that was how my little Neb would be when he was bigger. We are all going to miss Tiny on here.


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## TinysMom

*Flashy wrote: *


> Just imagine what the Bunfather is now doing up in Rainbow Bridge. I bet, as well as whatever you know he is doing with your crew up there, he is also organising everyone else and sorting them out. I wish him good luck with my Moon *nods*.


I have already started "Tiny's First Day in Heaven". It needs a bit of tweaking but it will be the final chapter...

Yesterday when I was holding him and screaming at God and asking "Why" (I still have no answers) - I had a picture come to me - a picture of Tiny binkying in heaven - and it hit me ... he's pain free. He'd hurt so much those last 48 hours...but now he was pain free. He also wasn't limited by his size anymore...he could binky even as fast as a small rabbit. I also had a picture of him w/ Ginger and others (in my mind)....and the story was born. 

I hope to have it finished later today...

Peg


----------



## Ivory

Tiny?!

I'm so sorry...

:rip:


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## Thumpers_Mom

:tears2eg, I'm so very sorry for your loss. :hug:

I just did a double take when I read the title to this thread. Tiny was such a beautiful and sweet bun. I am truly enjoying reading about this special rabbit. Thank you.

Binky Free sweet Tiny. :rainbow:


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## tundrakatiebean

I woke up and started crying today....I've only been on the forum for a few month and I haven't heard most of the Tiny/bunfather stories, but I still miss him...


----------



## SOOOSKA

Oh Peg, I don't even know what to say except I am so sorry. I'm sitting here the tears are flowing. I can't even get through your stories, i will go back later to read them.

He was the most precious bunny, he brought you and you family so much joy. As a matter of fact her brought all of us on here so much joy.

Dear Dear Tiny, we will all miss you.

Binky Free at the Bridge:rainbow:. I'm sure you have met up with Buck already and he is showing you the ropes.

Please take care of yourself Peg.

All my love to you and you family.

Susan:angelandbunny:


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## seniorcats

My heart is breaking for you Peg. I am so sorry for this enormous loss.

Ann


----------



## TinysMom

*Chapter Five
Favorite Photos - Just some more about Tiny*

[align=left]Its so hard this morning to think of what to share next.....Miss Bea is a big part of it - but there is so much more to share about Tiny. 

First of all - his final resting place - it is right outside my office window in the backyard...here are a couple of photos...

He loved this area of the yard




His hole is right behind/beneath the big bush in this photo...




I think Tiny knew he was special....I think he knew he had a special role in our family.

One morning I got up during the middle of the night to check on rabbits and this is what I found...









He was so good with the younger bunnies too when they would have playtime...

















The thing about Tiny was....as gentle as he was - he had no problems assuming that anything of mine - was his.

Like last Friday night when we pulled the dog bed in here so I could sleep beside him...









Oh - and of course I HAD to keep petting him - as soon as I stopped he'd nudge me and then almost nip at me....kept me awake half the night....but that was ok. After all - he needed me.

One thing Tiny hated - was costumes. I bought him a Santa costume on a whim and showed it to the forum....but then I never could bring myself to put it on him. He just hated to be messed with....and when he got ill Friday night - I promised him that if he made it through - I would NEVER EVER make him wear a costume again. Not even the Santa one.

But he did have one thing he wore once....his Easter hat. (Thanks Susan - these pictures are priceless to me now - and Lisa sent them back to me in email last night to remember happier times).









Of course...Miss Bea had a hat too...













One of my favorite videos was taken around that time...





He was in a molt then too....and he certainly could be stubborn...but I loved him.


[/align][align=left]
[/align]


----------



## stephiemarie78




----------



## TinysMom

Chapter Six
His Final Love: Miss Bea

When I think about it - it amazes me how much Tiny and Miss Bea would have an on again/off again relationship. 

I have pictures going back about 2 years where they're snuggling in our bedroom....

Miss Bea and Ginger were friends early on...





Miss Bea would set her up to get into trouble and then wander away and look innocent..









At one point in time, Ginger and Miss Bea shared Tiny when the threesome lived in our bedroom...I wish I'd gotten a picture of the three of them side by side.

Now for those who don't know - Miss Bea is a bit of a "diva". She has a temper problem sometimes....well....take a look and you'll understand...


















But with Tiny's easygoing personality (for female rabbits) .... he put up with her and they were a great match. I moved her in with him a few months ago and that was the best thing I ever did - I'm not sure if she ever left my office once she moved in here (except to go lay by Tiny in the hallway yesterday).

Here are a number of photos of them together - sorry for so many - but it is so hard to pick and choose...


































































On January 28th, they went outside to play for a while. Someone commented later how bad Tiny looked - but he'd been going through a horrid molt....we thought that was all it was...


















A day or so later...we did a photo shoot for the Valentine's contest...what y'all saw was this....





What you didn't see (unless you read my blog) was this....as Miss Diva bunny was NOT in the mood to cooperate...





































I'm so glad that in his last days - Tiny had Miss Bea by his side....


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## TinysMom

Chapter Seven:
His Final 48 hours

On Friday night I got off work around 7 pm and did a couple of things here to destress. Then I sat down to write a note to the artist who is going to do Tiny & Miss Bea's painting. You see - Susan had written a post about having a painting done of her rabbit and after looking at the artist's work - I contacted him. We were in the midst of discussing some paintings I want him to do for me....(I was about to start paying him towards the deposit).

The first painting was going to be of Dusty, Drew & Bun Bun binkying at Rainbow Bridge - as a gift for Rosie. That one will still be done - but that might be the second one done.....because I know I'm going to need Tiny's first in order to help me heal.

The next painting was going to be of Tiny at first - then we decided to make it Tiny & Miss Bea. It was decided that since they lived and loved each other so well - they should be painted that way also.

Another one will be of Tiny & Sugar & Ginger eating their salad - but Tiny will be in the middle...

I think the last one (which was not originally going to have Tiny in it because it was Bridge bunnies) is going to be of Tiny and Puck and Ginger and Sugar....not sure how to have it done yet...I'm leaning towards a collage maybe with Tiny in the middle.

Anyway - enough about the paintings - I was emailing the artist about Tiny....when I happened to look over at him and saw he was sick....very sick. He was having problems holding his head up....and it was almost like he was seizing because his head would drop down - then he'd bring it up - then it would go down again.

You can read the rest of the thread here...

http://www.rabbitsonline.net/view_topic.php?id=32619&forum_id=16

Here are some photos during those last 48 hours...

Tiny grabbing the dog bed we were going to make up for me....we slept together on Friday night...









Tiny's "carrier" for the 3+ hour drive to the emergency vet...








Tiny & Miss Bea once he got home:









[line]Ok - time to be honest here - I think I knew when I got up on Sunday morning and looked at Tiny that we were going to lose him. He'd failed a lot - he spent most of the day in almost a coma....hard to explain. He didn't appear to be in pain and was sleeping - but he felt so cool to the touch and he just felt "different". I spent time petting him and loving on him - and then went out to the living room to talk to Robin and Art and eat and try to destress.

Tiny could barely move. I could see it with my own eyes....and honestly, I didn't want to face it - I couldn't face it. If I had it to do over again - I would have sat and put him in my lap....and stayed there all day. But hindsight is always 20/20.

Around 2:00 pm - Robin & I were heading to the store to buy Tiny some fruits and stuff to try and get him eating - and as we walked to the front door - we thought Tiny was dead. He was laying in front of the front door - barely breathing. 

I kept telling myself, "He can pull out of this - he can do it. He's a strong bunny. Randy thinks he's going to get well - the vet did not seem to think he was going to die...this is just a stage while we wait for the meds to kick in..."

I just went and walked the tiles and counted them. They're 12 X 12. Unable to use his hind legs to stand well - he dragged himself 13 feet to be closer to me - closer to my voice.

And what did I do? I picked him up - loved on him - put him back in the office....and headed out the door.

In my defense - I was going to get him what I thought would make him stronger....help him get better. 

All the time we were in the store - I kept thinking, "I've got to get back to Tiny...I've got to hurry...".

We got home and my first action was to check on him....

When I gave him his pain meds around 5 pm - he started to feel better - he started lifting his head and looking around. He didn't want to eat or drink anything - and he didn't fight Art when he got his sub-q fluids....I started to have hope.

I stayed with him for an hour or so - just petting him - he loved it when I rubbed his nose and his forehead and he loved it when I petted his cheeks. We had a special time together and I told him over and over again how much I loved him - how proud I was of him for fighting this infection - and how pleased I was to see he was doing better....

About 7 pm I told him that I needed to get up and eat something quickly and that I'd be right back. I came in and ate and talked to him - and at about 7:30 I told him I had to leave him again to go feed the other bunnies - that I was needed. I told him I'd be right back.....

It was about 10 minutes later when I heard a noise in here - the "music" I was playing had switched from Babbling Brook sounds to the Rainforest track. The birds were annoying - so I came in to turn it down.

I turned away from the computer - and that was when I saw it. He was on his side - opening his mouth and gasping for breath and giving off little cries. I was holding him and crying out, "No Tiny....No..You can't do this. NO!!!" and Art came running in. He held his head and shoulders in his arms and I rushed to the computer to post we were losing him. I rushed back and petted him twice more....and he was gone. It was that quick.

If you read the other thread about his illness - you can see how I kept going back to it to find out what to do about Miss Bea.....she spent the next four hours around his body most of the time. She groomed him a LOT...she took food from her food bowl and carried it over by his head and then ate beside him and kept nudging him. Finally - after four hours.....we took him away.

About 20 minutes ago, she left this room for the first time in months to go exploring. For now - I'm going to give her the option of leaving the room and trying to watch to see what she wants.

My only other "safe" option is to let her have my other neutered buck "Tio" as a bondmate (he's a Netherland dwarf - not sure they'd get along) - let her pick a doe as a friend....or let her be alone ... for now. I will watch her and try to decide what to do.

Here are the pictures of her grieving for Tiny.....I also took a short video - but I don't think I can bring myself to post it here - I haven't even looked at it yet myself...





























I'm finishing up my "Tiny's First Day in Heaven" post and that will be the final chapter....for now. I will post it later today.

Peg


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## Flashy

:hug2:I hope you don't mind me posting again.

I wanted to say, that you don't need to defend your actions (RE moving Tiny back into the office when he had crawled to the door). You were going out to get him what he needed at that time, that's how much you loved him.

You did what you thought was best, and that never needs to be defended. I dida similar thing with Moon, and also with Floppy (my very first bun). I thought I was doing them a favour by putting them back, they needed quiet. With hinsight, I think they already knew they were dying, and they wanted company. That's what Tiny got from you, he got your company and love in his last hours, and I think that's what he wanted, the same as any child. You were there for him when he needed you, but you also did all he needed, and more so please don't defend an act of love, you have no need to.

x


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## PepnFluff

Im sitting here reading this and cryiing. He sounded like an awesome bun. I am really really sorry for your loss.:cry4:


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## Just Jack

I'm so sorry Peg to hear about Tiny. I haven't been around for a long time but whenever I thought about you guys here I would always remember Tiny. He always struck me as the king of all bunnies. He really was The BunFather.


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## polly

Peg i have no words i am so sorry. 

Tiny a gentle giant with a giantheart ink iris:you were loved by so many but none more so than Peg.


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## TinysMom

I don't know if others can see it - I have to keep hitting refresh...but thank you Flashy for the beautiful new avatar...it means a lot.

Peg


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## Flashy

Try hitting F5, or logging out and in, or closing the internet altogether and starting again. I'm glad you like it


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## tundrakatiebean

for Tiny


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## TinysMom

*tundrakatiebean wrote: *


> for Tiny


Thank you - that was beautiful.

Peg


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## GoinBackToCali

It truly saddens me that Tiny lost his wee little life, but his spirit will live on..
Such a beautiful lad..

Binky free and hard.. ..

ink iris:

Zin


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## maherwoman

Oh Peg...I wish I had words...

The world feels so empty today without him...I can't believe he's gone...

I secretly had hoped that we could get him and Teeny together for a picture one day...I can't believe how quickly this has happened. It feels so wrong and unfair...

Remember that I'm here if you need to talk, ok?

Oh, Tiny...you're so loved and missed, Hunny...binky free, big guy...and tell all our buns we love them and miss them...

:hug: :hearts


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## LuvaBun

I'm sorry Peg, it's taken me all day to post a comment here. I wanted to write something about how much Tiny meant to me, and how I've cried all day - and still am crying. But, I can't find any words ..... only tears.

God Bless, Tiny. I am so going to miss you.

Jan


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## Haley

Oh Peg, this is just so difficult to deal with. I cant believe your beautiful boy is gone. I wonder if he and Ginger Spice are snuggling together somewhere right now (but dont tell Miss Bea I said that). 

Thank you for sharing your beautiful stories and photos. Tiny meant a lot to all of us here. We will all remember him and miss him so much.

We're here for you, Peg. ink iris: Rest in peace, special boy.:bunnyangel:

Haley


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## Starina

I am so sorry Peg. We all have lost Tiny, and grieve with you. :hug2:My heart dropped when I saw Tiny's name.

~Star~

"My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today."


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## TinysMom

I want to thank you all for your words of love and comfort since Tiny let me know he was ill on Friday night. They have truly meant a lot to me and while right now - words still seem empty because what I want is my boy in my arms...kissing me...I realize I can't have that. It blesses me to know that he touched so many in his very short life.

I can't help thinking about how a week ago we did photos outside and I was thinking, "Tiny looks ragged - this is a horrid molt....I should wait till he looks better"....and now...he's gone. He won't look better. Ever.

When the vet looked at him, she could tell he'd been going through a molt - but she did not see anything which made her suspect (from his coat) how ill he was.

Anyway - thank you for all you've done - for your care and support and PMs and IMs and emails, etc.

I appreciate it.

Peg


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## PixieStixxxx

Peg, when I saw this title, my heart dropped. 

I am so sorry for your loss - Tiny was such a special boy, and he had an amazing life with you. I truly am sorry and wished you and him had 10 more years of love ahead.

We have lossed too many of our love buns this years =[

RIP Tiny :rainbow:


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## TreasuredFriend

Dear Peg, it also has taken a while to stop crying from the computer desk in Wisconsin.... Your post of Miss Bea grieving and all the photos kept the stream of tears running down my cheeks. I was silenced to the *mourning cave* when you posted of Miss Bea taking food over to Tiny shortly after he passed. The picture of Bea not wanting to leave him as he was swaddled in the towel. I cried, then went upstairs to sit with our disabled girl Karla and her husbun Barry (Karla's mobility has worsened in the last 6 months), remembering a previous post of undergunfire's about spending time "WITH" and taking pics of your beloved bun/s.
- You've taught us so much about loving our companions. Tiny has a special place in everyone's heart; he reminded me of our big black Kareena (RIP) who was guided from her pain last October. 
Please post more chapters and photos as you can. Tears will fall and tissue will be wadded up on the desk here, and smiles will stretch my facial muscles. I will spend more time hugging each and every bun in our home, those I trim nails for, rescue, foster, et al. 

Tiny's happy memories, his life with you and his girl (from these few pages I could grab time to read), AND all your kids' antics and priceless moments will inspire ~ 

Love and kindness to you and yours as you take time to heal and commemorate.


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## TinysMom

Thank you to all who have posted. For those who might have missed my message in the main forum - I am taking a short break. I will post Tiny's First Day in Heaven later this week - possibly today. I'm finishing it up and it is almost done.

For those who wish to contact me - you can reach me at [email protected] and I ask that you put your screen name somewhere in the email so I know who you are.

I feel like my heart is broken right now - I got up in the morning and came into the office to be greeted by kisses as Tiny settled down at my feet. For 12 or more hours today he was never more than 3 or 4 feet from me....and for at least half that time - he was ON my feet or right beside them.

It is hard to sit at my desk or even be in my office right now. It is hard to even come on the internet since this was my homepage.

I first came to this forum because I'd adopted Tiny & Tio & Kyo. This forum taught me how to love Tiny for who he was - not for who I wanted him to be. Funny thing....after I learned to love him for who he was - he became the rabbit I'd always dreamed he'd be....giving me kisses all the time - sometimes he'd kiss my ankles and legs for 5 minutes at a time...

I want to share a story - maybe because it will help y'all picture another side of Tiny...and also explain my feelings.

When Mallory & Madilyn went to live with Zin, Tiny and Miss Bea were placed in their pen - because I wanted him to relearn his litter box habits. Tiny did NOT like that at all....never mind that their pen was bigger than the area he tended to spend 99% of his day in. 

He stood up on his hind legs and used his teeth and shook the NIC pen for about 2 hours. He'd stand up and grab a piece and shake it - then lay back down for a couple of minutes and then grab it and shake it again. 

Someone told me that Tiny saw me as his mother...and as much as he loved Miss Bea - he did NOT want to be separated from me and that the separation was too much for him. Indeed - I did become worried and I decided to just enjoy him and retrain him without having him be locked up (I think he was locked up a total of 2 days at most). 

Now I want to go to the gates of Rainbow Bridge and shake the bars and say "You have to let him out....You have to let me take him back."

We weren't supposed to be separated this soon folks......we really weren't.

Peg


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## Saffy

Oh! 



I am so, so sorry .. He'll be missed - but his stories will go on and on.

(hug)


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## TinysMom

I have finished "Tinys First Day In Heaven". I hope you enjoy it - but I need to share a few things...


Pow Wow loved being a mother once she was finally able to have babies and not lose them.....she was one of the best mothers I ever had....so I had to find a way to have babies in heaven without trying to imply there was breeding going on
I couldn't possibly begin to name all of the forum bunnies that have passed...so I picked the ones that had touched me the most this last year. If I missed a bunny (and I know I missed many many of them) - I'm so sorry. I mainly went with ones where I'd read blogs or infirmary threads for a while.
[align=center]*The Final Chapter
Tiny's First Day In Heaven

(Please do not post on other forums or email groups, etc. without my prior permission - as it was really written mostly for this forum and those who loved Tiny and are grieving with me).
*
[align=left]I feel so lousy...I hurt and hurt...I love mama...but I hurt so bad.....I'm sitting here crying about hurting and feeling mama pet my head. She wants me to stay....I know she wants me to stay...but I feel so bad....and there is a light up ahead.

I cry again and give out a sigh and I feel different. Someone's still touching my head....but it doesn't feel like mama. I don't hurt so bad. I lay here and enjoy it. Then something NIPS me..I know it nips me. I open my eyes ....and there is GingerSpice. She's grooming me. She's back.

Or am I gone?

I don't care...its warm and the sun is out and I'm not in my bedroom anymore â Iâm laying in the grass. Ginger keeps bumping me on the head and saying, "Come on you big oaf and wake up.....I've got a whole bunch of stuff to show you...".

I look around for a moment and shake my head to clear it. I donât hurt anymore but Iâm not quite sure what is happening. Am I dreaming? 

"But mama?"

Ginger nips me again....âCome on Tiny. I'll show you mama...but you have to come with me. You can't just lay around all the time now- come on - we've got important stuff to do now. Youâre at the bridgeâ¦get moving buddy!".

I get up off the ground and before I know it- I'm in the air. I look at GingerSpice and I can't help myself -I do it again. I run in circles and look at her as she sits on her haunches and laughs.

"I BINKIED!"

"Yes...you did. We do that a lot here.."

"But I haven't binkied in a LONG time... I got so big and it took so much energy to binky. But now it is so easy. I have so much energy!"

"That's ok .... you'll get lots of practice. Now come on with me...".

Together we hop to this "river" or "stream" or whatever...its water. I heard lots of running water when I was with mama last time...she said it was called "babbling brook" cd. It makes me miss her.

GingerSpice says, "Now close your eyes...think of mama and look in the water."

I do. Wait - there's mama...she's in the water...and she's crying. She's screaming and yelling at God and Miss Bea is sitting off to the side watching her. 

"Mama" I yell, "I can binky. WATCH ME". 

(Ok - so I didn't know that you couldn't binky on water....and I got wet when I landed). 

GingerSpice laughs again, "Tiny, whenever you want to see mama - you can come here and see her. This water is made up from all the tears that we bunnies shed for our humans - and the tears they shed for us. They connect us together and we can see them - even if they can't see us.â

I stare at herâ¦âI can see mama? Whenever I want?â

"Yes Tiny - now lets go have FUN....you have friends to see again.."

So first we sneak up on Pow Wow....but waitâ¦sheâs busyâ¦..with BABIES? I thought we were in heaven?
âAsk herâ¦.â Ginger whispers. âAsk her what sheâs doing?â

Pow Wow comes up to see me and gives me a hug and asks about Mama. She explains she hasnât been to the river yet today so she didnât know I was coming so soon. She keeps getting interrupted by babies coming up to her and going, âMamaâ¦Mamaâ¦.â. But she looks so trim and youthfulâ¦.and umâ¦no signs ofâ¦.wellâ¦you know. How is she nursing these babies?

She smiles at me. âTiny â I loved being a mama and it was what I do best. Now Iâm a mama to all of the babies that come here because of âemergency spaysâ or who are taken away from their mamas in shelters. They still had life even before they were bornâ¦and I take care of them.â

A big Californian comes up behind Pow Wow and gives her a hug. âMamaâ¦.some of us boys are gonna go to the clover patch. Weâll be home by supper time..â 

She laughs at my raised eyebrowsâ¦

âTiny, I can take care of all the babies â not just lionheads. Iâll have you know Iâve already mothered a dozen flemish giant babiesâ¦and theyâre all doing great.â

âBut feeding them?â

âTiny â this is rainbow bridge â I donât have to feed themâ¦just like you wonât have to eat (but youâll want to). They come here crying for loveâ¦for their mama. So I clean them and nurture them with love and before you know it â theyâre off binkying to find friends. Itâs the best kind of mothering Iâve done so far.â

A crying noise hits my earâ¦.and Pow Wow gave me one last look and hug. âGotta run Tinyâ¦.another new litter was just deliveredâ¦.and these first few minutes are so crucial so they know theyâre lovedâ¦â

As I watch Pow Wow turn away and hop the fastest Iâve ever seen a girl go â I get jumped from behind and almost knocked over. A big cream furry face stares at me. âSugarBear?â

Ginger thumps at him and he says, âSorry sisâ¦.I got sidetracked and forgot to meet you two at the entrance. I knew Iâd find you here âcause we know how much Tiny loves the little ones.â

SugarBear and I chase each other for a bit and once she stops thumping at us, Ginger joins in on the fun.. Ginger and Sugar and I sit around talking about old stories and pictures mom took of us ... like the time we were all eating a salad and had lettuce hanging out of our mouths.

Finally - GingerSpice looks at me with a sparkle in her eyes - and I know what she's thinking. Am I ready? Sure....

We hunt and hunt and talk to a ton of does and no one knows where he is.... till suddenly one doe points behind some bushes and says, "He's flirting with a doe back there..."

Ginger peeks through the bushes and sure enough - he is...

I pull out my biggest .... most bunfatherish voice and say, "Puck....you get back in your cage NOW before mama finds you out here..."

The next thing I know I'm flat on my back with Puck binkying on top of my belly, "You're here Tiny? You're really here? Tell me....how's mama? And the does? How's Miss Bea? Its so GOOD to have you here." I try to answer him but its hard to answer when heâs jumping up and down on my belly. 

âSTOP ITâ I yell at him. âGet off me or Iâll thwump you hard.â He backs off.

Puck thumps at Ginger and says, âWhy didnât you tell me to meet you at the entrance? You never told me Tiny was comingâ¦.â

She smiles and actually laughs and says, âCause I wanted him to surprise youâ¦it was so much fun to see you jump in the air and look behind your shoulder for him. Isnât it great to have BunFather back with us again?â

I can't believe it - instead of being upset with Puck for being the mischief maker he always was - suddenly - I like him.....and I understand him.

We all jump around and play chase and "who can binky the highest" and stuff like that. I canât believe it â its almost like a âone size fits allâ for binkies because I can binky as good as they can. No longer am I held back by my big old bodyâ¦my spirit can jump for joy. Puckenny even comes and joins us and Puckâs face lights up as he says, âLook at my daughterâ¦isnât she beautiful? She sure reminds me of her mama, my Jenny girlâ

As Iâm sitting there resting â I feel somethingâ¦.or someoneâ¦ nipping my butt. HOW DARE THEY? I turn around to see Drew laughing at me. âI sneakses up on you Tinyâ¦. I sneaksesâ¦.Iâze sneaskier than you..â. I groan. Of all the does Iâve ever metâ¦.Drewsome was the most â¦. I canât even find the words for it. She was the only doe I never wanted to snuggle with. She laughs again and Dusty and Bun Bun come up behind herâ¦.theyâre all out of breath. 

âSee boysâ¦I told you I could sneaks up on Tinyâ¦.â We all groan. 

âWell boyzâ¦Iâm off to sneaks some moreâ¦â and off she went. I gave a little sigh of relief and then stare as Dusty and Bun Bun follow her. 

âWhat are they doing?â I ask Ginger. She laughsâ¦.âSomeone has to keep an eye on Drew or else sheâs gonna get herself into trouble. Thatâs why Bun Bun sent for Dusty to come up so soonâ¦he couldnât keep up with Drew..â. 

We all laughâ¦

Then I get a sad look on my face. Ginger says "Mama?" and I say, "Yeah...and the forum....I'm a moderator you know..".

Ginger and Puck and Sugar and so many of my new friends escort me over to a bench .... and there sits this man with bunnies. He almost looks like Santa or something. Ginger says, "Jump up on the bench and introduce yourself to him...".

So I jump up on the bench...and I say, "I'm Tiny. I'm the..." and before I can finish it - he says, "The BunFather....yes I know."

I look at him - I'm amazed. My mouth drops open...and I'm like, "How can you understand me? I have a voice to talk to you?"

He shakes his head â and looks at me with a big smile and such compassion in his eyes. He rubs me on the top of the head just like I love to be petted...and he says to me, "Welcome to the Rainbow Bridge dear friend. Someday you will see your mama again here...but till then...you can see her in the water and you can come here and talk to me when you're lonely. My name is Buck Jones....and I'm the "big kahuna" bunny."

As I sit there looking at this man and enjoy relaxing in his presenceâ¦he crooks his finger and bunnies come and surround the bench â as far as I can see. So many bunnies are here that mom has read about and loved. I hear the crowd as the words, âItâs the BunFatherâ is passed from bun to bun to bun. 
There off to the side is the regal flemish doe I always looked at â Samantha. She shyly bows her head and winks at me. In front of me sits Raphaelâ¦his long ears hitting the ground. He shouts, âHey watch this BunFatherâ and binkies as high as he can. âTop that,â he says as he lands. Heâs healthy and has a big smile on his face. Sprite is here with a smile on her face and a handsome buck sits beside her. Domino pushes Puck aside as he thumps and greets me. Funnyâ¦he doesnât look as old as mama always said he was. Flash is here and I swear he has a British accent as he says âWelcomeâ. Beside him sits Moon and she tilts her head and says to me, 'If you dare try and 'BunFather' me, mate, I'll Phwap you'. 

I look around and thereâs Ruby and Marshmallow and Pebble and Cooper and Snuggles and Butterfinger and Qingqing and BK and Herman and Cricket andâ¦

Buck interrupts my musings as he claps his hands and says, âOk bunsâ¦forum timeâ¦.â Before I know it â weâre all at the water â staring into it as the forum posts come alive for us. We laugh at Yofiâs antics and ooh and aah over Marilyn Bunroeâs babiesâ pictures. We check out photos of our favorite bunnies and people as the blogs get updated and we remind each other of stories weâve heard our people talk about. We send healing thoughts and wishes Chippyâs way.

And then â its hard to explain â but I notice â each bun sort of goes off alone and looks down at their own person. Ginger and Puck and Sugar and I stare at mama and I canât help but laugh as Drew has two images going - one of our mama and one of her California mama. I gotta figure out how to do that. I watch mama sleep and shed a tear. 

âI wish I could talk to mama again. She slept with me in her arms all night and she petted me and petted me when I felt so bad. I want her to know I love her.â 

Ginger sheds a tear as she grooms me and says, âTiny, Iâll teach you how to talk to her in her dreamsâ¦.but it will have to be later. Letâs let her sleep for now..â

âAnd Miss Bea? Can I send a message to her too?â

Ginger nods her head and says âlater Tiny. Let mama help her firstâ¦.â

So I look around at Ginger and Puck and Sugar and all of my other friends.... and I realize - I didn't leave mama forever...I just have a "new home" for now. Sheâll be here someday.

Till thenâ¦Iâll go do some binkiesâ¦.and maybe even learn how to sneakzâ¦..*




*
[/align][/align]


----------



## Flashy

:tears2:That's so beautiful.


----------



## JadeIcing

Oh man that made me cry. I miss my girl.


----------



## TinysMom

I mailed it to Art....and his response?

I don't know how you did that, but this message made my alergies act up
so bad I had to go to the Bathroom to clear my runny nose, wipe my watery eyes and get some composure before going back to my desk.

Art asked me today if I wanted us to go for a drive and get another flemish - he didn't know if it would help.

What do I say? I always said I can't picture myself living without a flemish - but I don't know now if I can picture myself living with ANOTHER flemish?

With that said....I am seriously considering taking him up on his offer.....I don't know if it would lessen the pain. I know some will say, "You have so many lionheads..." and that is true....but you'd have to be owned by a flemmie to understand why the loss is such that you almost want another flemmie right away...

Peg


----------



## Flashy

I keep coming back to this, I think it's really lovely. It's so lovely to think of them all so happy up there. And free from their pain.

Peg, with regards to Art's comment, go with your heart. It won't replace Tiny, and that is not the reason to get another, the reason to get another would be to have a friend to help you through this time. Basically, what I said you earlier.

If you don't want to take him up on the offer now, then I am sure the offer will still remain open for the future. You will always have the option for another Big guy, or girl, even if you don't feel now is the right time.


----------



## maherwoman

Wow...that was absolutely wonderful to read, Peg...I bet they're all having so much fun, too...and Buck...*sigh*

That was so beautifully written...I just love what you write, Peg...

And, like Flashy said, you'll know when the time is right. And she's right, he wouldn't be a replacement for Tiny...but he would be another one of his brothers. 

How neat, to grow up hearing about your big brother...


----------



## JadeIcing

*TinysMom wrote: *


> With that said....I am seriously considering taking him up on his offer.....I don't know if it would lessen the pain. I know some will say, "You have so many lionheads..." and that is true....but you'd have to be owned by a flemmie to understand why the loss is such that you almost want another flemmie right away...
> 
> Peg




I know what you mean. I would love to have one soon but it is not in my cards. I will have one eventually.


----------



## RAL Rabbitry

Peg,

That was a beautiful story. You should write for a living!

We lost both of our dogs last year that we had for 14 years. I was heartbroken

and didn't want another dog. My wife got one anyway and I fell in love immediately.

She didn't replace the other dogs but she helped fill the void that they left. I think

a new flemish would do the same for you.

Roger


----------



## Pipp

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Art asked me today if I wanted us to go for a drive and get another flemish - he didn't know if it would help.


Peg, you have more love in you than anyone I know. I wantso much to see this happen. I know that whenI first got Pipp and realized what I would face if I ever lost her, I had to find a buffer.I started fostering more bunnies because I knew I'd need the support,the consolation and the distraction. 

Even though Tiny wasn't my rabbit, he was THE forum rabbit, so I'm feeling a little like it's my loss, too. And personally, I would really want to immerse myself in more Flemish storiesfrom a new little big guy (or girl)comingthrough thatbig bunny door opened by Tiny. 

And thanks so much for yourwritings, this is such a happy/sadthread. :cry4:



sas


----------



## mouse_chalk

I just wanted to pop in again and say, that last chapter was so beautiful, and sad at the same time. I cried and cried reading it

I know you must feel hesitant about getting a new Flemish right now,and it would never bea replacement of Tiny, and a new friend might be good to help you through this difficult time... But only you know whether its the right thing to do.

I'll be thinking of you whilst you take a break, and hoping for your return soon... :hug1xx


----------



## SOOOSKA

Oh Peg that was so Beautiful. I just cannot imagine what you are going through right now.

My thoughts are with you Art, Tiny's sister and all his four legged furry friends.

Hugs to all of you.:hug:

Susan:hug1


----------



## JadeIcing

I sent Peg this but wanted to share. The picture is less than 30mins old.


----------



## TinysMom

Several people have expressed an interest in this video - it is less than a minute long.

I took it approx. 1 hour after Tiny passed away and was in the process of videotaping Miss Bea when I realized that I could barely stand to watch her grieve then - let alone watch her grieve later on. I also felt like I was "intruding" on her grief. I wanted to document her love for Tiny...but I just felt wrong taping more than this little bit.

This however is what she did off and on for about 4 hours after he died...along with taking the food over near him and nudging him and then eating it herself...





I am so amazed at their love for each other - I even found a picture of the two of them I'd taken with my cell phone a few days earlier.

[line]
Thank you Ali for the picture - I appreciate it very much. I'm sorry I can't say more - I guess I'm all talked out...

[line]
If I said this before (and I probably did) then I apologize for repeating it here. But I wanted y'all to understand one of the many reasons this is so hard.

I work in my office a minimum of 5 hours per day Tuesday through Saturday - being a computer-holic I am - I am probably in here 12 hours per day..

When I would come in my office in the mornings - Tiny would either be by the door waiting for me - or under my desk. Once I was seated - I would get kisses on my feet and legs. Sometimes it was one or two kisses - sometimes it could be 5 minutes or more of kisses. At times, Miss Bea would thump at him to come pay attention to her.

Many many times during the day - I would get more kisses. Tiny might move away from me - but not more than 2-3 feet...and then he would frequently come over to see me and give me MORE kisses. 

In addition to kisses, I got nudges and sometimes slight nips for nose rubs, treats and petting his forehead and cheeks. These came at least once an hour unless he was in a deep nap - in which case he'd wake up - go to the bathroom- and then try for attention.

If I was on the phone with a difficult customer - he'd come over and give me kisses. If I was laughing at the forum - he'd come over and give me kisses.

After I moved into HIS bedroom - he started showing me the love I think he had pent up for me - but he didn't like being in the living room as much.

Because of that - it is almost impossible for me to walk in this room - sit in this chair - or come near the computer without feeling the loss. Since Miss Bea seems to want to live back in the living room - I do not have her for comfort either.

I don't know why I'm sharing all that - maybe just to help folks understand why I might overreact sometimes....

[line]
As far as getting another flemish - I recognize that I can't go through life without one. I think folks who have a flemish or have had a flemish can understand that (I'm sure other breeds are the same way...please don't take me wrong). 

I think getting another flemish would help me to heal - my familiy to heal - and possibly...even help this forum to heal from the loss of Tiny. I told several people today that if I could - I would climb right down that hole and just be beside him...the ache is just so great (please - do NOT take that to mean I'm suicidal). 

In many ways - Tiny healed parts of my heart that needed healing - then he broke my heart by leaving too soon. However, there is still part of my heart left - and I believe he left it so I could love another.

Have I contacted breeders already? Yes. Have I made a decision? No. I don't know what to do...what to think...

I know that right now my marriage is suffering because of my grief. Art wants to "fix things" but he can't fix this....and that hurts him. We've been married almost 29 years now - and when I hurt - he hurts too. I think if he had his way - we'd be out the door this minute to get another flemmie - so he could hear me laugh again and love again. 

It isn't that I don't love my lionheads....and it isn't that lionheads aren't special. Its just that...well...there's something about flemmies that we love them.

Right now I'm praying that God will show me the right answer for this. There will be another flemmie in my life....I'm pretty sure of that. And I already know that he will never ever take Tiny's place...or Tiny's love...but he'll benefit from the lessons Tiny taught me.

Thanks for caring so much folks.

Peg


----------



## maherwoman

I have to confess that I couldn't watch the video just yet...I'm trying to do my crying at night. I haven't yet told Em about Tiny...again, like I told you a little bit ago, I'm trying to let her get through her grieving for Bun Bun before I tell her. She loves Tiny very much, too...so I know it'll hurt.

One thing I forgot to mention...you'd mentioned to me about changing things around in your office...you might also consider getting a scented candle to burn, or something of the sort, so it even smells different...if that makes sense. I'm just thinking of the senses...changing sight isn't the only thing that would help, I think. Just a thought...

My love to you...and my full support in whatever you decide.:hug:


----------



## EileenH

I know I haven't been around here long, and you might not know me...but I read all of Tiny's blogs & posts and my stomach fell to my feet when I read this title.

As all of the other posts said, Tiny was the forum bunny. How one bunny can reach so many people, all over the world, who have never met him...well, that is an attestment to what a wonderful boy he was.

I am so very sad right now. My heart goes out to you and please know you're in my thoughts & prayers. *hugs*


----------



## irishmist

I agree with Rosie... burn some sage. It will cleanse the room


----------



## chinmom

I'm sitting here with tears runnning down my face. The "First Day in Heaven" really touched me. I'm really active on a chinchilla forum, and while reading this, I kept thinking of all of the chinchillas on that board that I'd grown so fond of that passed on recently. 

I know Tiny is looking down on you, and I'm sure that his first day was exactly like that. 

***HUGS***


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## TinysMom

I'm adding two poems to this thread because of what they mean to me.

I honestly don't think Tiny wanted to leave me. I've talked to some folks about the last few hours of his life - and even the last few days - and I'm convinced that he hid his illness to keep from causing me pain - and I'm convinced that he tried to wait and pass away after I left the room to keep me from seeing him like that. I can't explain it all here.
[line]
So from Tiny's perspective I share....a poem that meant so much to me when it was on GingerSpice's thread..

_:bunny5*If Tomorrow Starts Without Me*_:bunny5
From _[url]http://angel-on-my-shoulder.com/tomorrow.html_[/url]
_Author Believed to be David Romano

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,_
If the sun should rise
and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;

_I wish so much you wouldn't cry_
_the way you did today,_
_While thinking of the many things,_
_we didn't get to say._

_I know how much you love me,_
_As much as I love you! ,_
_And each time that you think of me,_
_I know you'll miss me too;_

_But when tomorrow starts without me,_
_Please try to understand,_
_That an angel came and called my name,_
_And took me by the hand,_
_And said my place was ready,_
_In heaven far above,_
_And that I'd have to leave behind;_
_All those I dearly love._

_But as I turned to walk away,_
_A tear fell from my eye_
_For all my life,_
_I'd always thought,_

_I didn't want to die._
_I had so much to live for,_
_So much left yet to do,_
_It seemed almost impossible,_

_That I was leaving you._
_I thought of all the yesterdays,_
_The good ones and the bad,_
_I thought of all the love we shared,_

_And all the fun we had._
_If I could relive yesterday,_
_Just even for a while,_
_I'd say good-bye and kiss you,_

_And maybe see you smile._
_But then I fully realized,_
_That this could never be,_
_For emptiness and memories,_

_Would take the place of me._
_And when I thought of worldly things,_
_I might miss come tomorrow,_
_I thought of you, and when I did,_

_My heart was filled with sorrow._
_But when I walked through heaven's gates,_
_I felt so much at home._
_When God looked down and smiled at me,_
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
_Today your life on earth is past,_
_But here life starts anew._

_I promise no tomorrow,_
_But today will always last,_
_And since each day's the same way,_
_There's no longing for the past._

_You have been so faithful,_
_So trusting and so true._
_Though there were times you did some things,_
_You knew you shouldn't do._

_But you have been forgiven,_
_and now at last you're free._
_So won't you come and take my hand,_
_and share my life with me?_

_So when tomorrow starts without me,_
_don't think we're far apart,_
_For every time you think of me,_
_I'm right here, in your heart

[line]_Here are my feelings about Tiny...

[align=center]_:heartbeat:*I Only Wanted You*:heartbeat:_
From _[url]http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/onlyyou.htm_[/url]
_Author Unknown_[/align]


[align=center]_They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again._[/align]


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

Peg, those are beautiful and sad, and here's me :bigtears:. (I tried reading that first one to my son, I couldn't do it without getting choked up...)

Thanks for sharing for Dear Tiny...and many others you've lost and so have we.

Oh man...Peg, let me just give you a giant hug right now, cuz you need one or two, or three.:hug:

Tiny, we'll miss you sweetie, binky free love with your friends:rainbow:


----------



## TinysMom

From this website:

http://www.specialtypetproducts.com...?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=MDT&Category_Code=PTB

[font="Arial, Helvetica"][size="-1"]A heart of gold stopped beating,
Two shining eyes at rest.
God broke my heart to prove,
He only takes the best.
God knows you had to leave me,
But you did not go alone.
For part of me went with you
The day he took you home.[/size][/font]


----------



## TinysMom

I am thinking about saving up to buy this...maybe this summer...

http://www.specialtypetproducts.com...t_Code=NPGB356&Category_Code=Garden_Memorials

Peg


----------



## cheryl

:bigtears:


----------



## LuvaBun

Oh Peg, 'Tiny's First Day in Heaven' was so beautiful. It is just what I want it to be!

I was so moved by the video. How is Miss Bea doing now?

I still can't really believe that Tiny has gone. Look at how many lives he touched - man, that takes a special bunny!

Thinking of you all

Jan


----------



## Snuggys Mom

I'm so very sorry, Peg. There are just no words.

He was such a special boy.

:bigtears:


----------



## TinysMom

Miss Bea has moved herself back into the rabbitry on her own (she jumped the gate). I really don't want her there - but it is what she wanted and I need to think of her wishes right now. 

Today I'm going to clean up my office - get Tiny's litterboxes, food bowl, water bowl, etc. out of here. Its hard to believe that he isn't going to be here to leave poops around anymore.

I have spoken to two breeders here in Texas. One said she had babies due last night and I can call her in two weeks to see what she has. Another one (Tiny's breeder - who I swore I would never buy from again) - has nothing at this time. Two breeders have recommended another person here in Texas and I've emailed him and may call him in a bit. There is another breeder who doesn't ship who might possibly make an exception but they had babies due last night also - so I'm still looking at 8 weeks waiting as they have nothing at this time.

To be very very honest with you - I've thought about trying to adopt from a shelter. I went on petfinder.com and looked and saw a couple I was interested in (younger flemish) - one was in Louisiana and one was in Florida. 

There is a flemish giant doe I fell in love with months ago - but she is at Midwest Rabbit Rescue and she's already spent 3 years as a homeless bunny - which means my time with her would be limited. The only reason I did not try to get her (I talked to Haley about it months ago - back in October) is because I knew her personality would not mesh with Tiny's. You can read about her here:

http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=5594888

Unfortunately - the awesome slide show they had up of her is gone. She is smaller than Tiny was and is a flemish giant mix.

I also don't believe they would adopt to me because I am out of state AND I am a breeder (bad bad Peggy...how could I). Plus we would have to get her shipped to us. Her age scares me a lot - he was 3 and I just lost him....she is 3....how much longer would I have? So I have mixed feelings and am trying to pray about all of this and figure out what is best for us.

Truth be told, Art & I are really leaning towards getting a buck that is 8-10 weeks old. This way, the rabbit will be young enough to bond with us and get litter box trained, etc. etc. Our time with Tiny was so short...we would hate to get another flemish and lose them in a year or so...then again - we would have had that year with them....so its just so tough.

Karen Kingsbury (one of my favorite authors) wrote a book titled *A Thousand Tomorrows.* In it, a young bull rider falls in love with a gal who needs a lung transplant in order to live. Donating his lung to her - means giving up his career and his life as he knows it. He wants to donate his lung anyway and her mother says to him something along the lines of, "You don't understand. She may only live another three years...you'll still have your life ahead of you..." and he replies, "Three years is a lifetime to me. 8 seconds (on a bull) is what I measure my life by. But three years....that's a thousand tomorrows with her. I want that." (I have VERY LOOSELY put it here because the book has been loaned out).

I say this to say that I had about that with Tiny - a thousand days....actually....1048 days. The pain I'm suffering right now - the grief - is immense. I can't begin to explain the way I'm feeling.

But I'd go through it all over again for the chance at a thousand tomorrows (or more) with another flemish. No - the flemish would NOT be Tiny....no one can ever replace him. But in a way - the Flemish Giant would be Tiny's ... legacy (not really the right word) for me - my family - and I think - the forum. 

I keep thinking of Bassetluv who lost Raphael (that was one of the hardest losses for me on this board - I just loved that rabbit so much) - and now - we are all encouraged by Yofi and his antics. We know he isn't Raph....he never could be Raph - and she wouldn't want him to be Raph. But still yet - he helps bring laughter and love to a broken heart - to many broken hearts really. 

I shared this with a few people yesterday and I'm going to put it here too. I'm sorta angry at Tiny (not overly angry) - because he hid his illness so dang well. Then - when he died - I honestly believe he tried to hold on until I left the room because when I left he looked ok - just tired - and when I came back - it was obvious he had let go and was not going to make it. Just as he tried to make it to my voice earlier in the day and dragged himself 13 feet to get to me....I believe he tried his hardest to make sure I wasn't there at the end....I think he wanted me to not see him pass. 

But so many of the things he did - he did for me......as if he was trying to put me first - as if he was worried at how I'd take things. When GingerSpice died - I think Tiny saw my grief and he didn't want me to go through it again.

So the people who knew him best - and know me best...believe he would want me to have another flemish to help me through the pain. Its just a matter of finding the one that is meant to be. 

Anyway - I probably should close this. I can't seem to say what I want to say - I can't seem to find my way to the words I want to write. 

I will say that I am so amazed to know that Tiny touched so many lives in his short lifespan. I think he would be so surprised to know that - and yet so pleased.

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

For those who I know are going to ask - this is the rabbit I was most drawn to from the shelter in Florida - but Art says we can't afford a drive to Florida and I have no idea if they would let me adopt...

http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=9639599

Plus we have a dog (although she almost never comes in the office)....and he is afraid of dogs...

Peg


----------



## Ivory

I'm so sorry about Tiny...


----------



## TinysMom

I realized I didn't share about the rabbit from Louisiana...

http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10024605

It sounds like he's going to be 2 soon or is 2....

Peg


----------



## Ivory

Lol, Peg, check your inbox. I see Zeus on an almost weekly basis.


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## beccashell

:bigtearseg,

Me and my daughter have only been here for a little while, but we both loved reading about Tiny. We both send you a big hug, sorry for your loss.

Becca

:bigtears:


----------



## Saffy

*Ivory wrote: *


> Lol, Peg, check your inbox. I see Zeus on an almost weekly basis.


I'm hanging here, in anticipation, for some reason.


----------



## TinysMom

I shouldn't post this here - because I don't want to cause anyone pain if things do not work out.

Then again - I laughed today. I smiled. Art smiled back because he knew he was going to get his wife back...sooner than last time.

I'm going to share this - because I feel like Tiny's loss devastated so many on the forum. I've heard from PMs and IMs and emails how many loved Tiny....and how many are grieving. 

Since making the decision we've made - we're still grieving - but we can also smile. We feel like Tiny (and Bo B Bunny) helped to point us in a certain direction. 

BUT I want everyone to know that NOTHING is definite....ok?

You have to agree to understand that before I go any further....

[line]
Earlier today we applied to adopt Zeus. At this point in time, we are first in line for him. There are still things that need to be resolved...like we need to get approved for the adoption (we think that will happen) and we need to arrange transportation.

http://search.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=10024605

However - things take time to work out...and if and when there is an annoucement - I'll post it in the main RO forum.....

I will share here what I put at the end of the application...

I would like to add something here and I hope it comes out ok.

My grief at losing Tiny is still so fresh. We had him less than 3 years and if he had not hidden his illness from us so well â we would still have him. He was truly my âheart bunnyâ and the âlove of my lifeâ as far as bunnies go.

When I got Tiny, I read about other bunnies who were so loving and affectionate and I was disappointed in him. He had not been socialized by his breeders and it took us probably a year or so to bond somewhat because I resented that he wasnât like other rabbits Iâd read about. Then I decided to do something â¦ to love him for himself â as he wasâ¦ even if he never loved me.

Along the way, Tiny grew to love me and I grew to love him more than I knew was possible. I moved my office into âhisâ bedroom a few months ago and our relationship changed so much. I would walk and he would greet me with kisses at my feet. He spent hours every day laying at my feet and if he moved â he was almost never more than 5â away from me at most â usually within 3â. When he wanted attention â he came and nudged me. IF he wanted treats.. he got my attention.

As I told friends after I lost him â I spent more time with him than my husband and my daughter â I was closer to him than anyone else.

It has been less than 72 hours since Iâve lost Tiny. My grief is so strong â it comes over me in waves. I know some say it is âtoo soonâ for me to adopt â that I need to wait. But right now- the grief is tearing me up inside â it is tearing at my marriage and my husband says that he would like to get me another flemish for Valentineâs Day because he canât think of anything that I would cherish more. He is so right.

Our family believes that adding another flemish to our house (which I always planned to do IF Tiny ever passed) â is the right thing to do â and that by adding another flemish now â it wonât take Tinyâs place (Zeus will create a place of his own in our hearts) â but it will help make the journey through our grief much easier. 

Last night I looked at petfinder for a long time. I had been determined to get a baby flemish (8-10 weeks old) because I wanted to have a LONG LIFE with itâ¦I didnât want to risk losing out on time by getting an older one.

The more I thought about it though â the more I realized every day is preciousâ¦and every rabbit is precious. I will take however long I can have with the rabbit we adopt ~ no matter how old it is. 

I only had a little over 1,000 days with Tiny. I think it would honor his memory if our next flemish giant was a rescue.

Thanks for reading this.

Peg


----------



## polly

:hugeg the only person who knows if and when it is time is you. I will cross my fingers for you.


----------



## maherwoman

What a wonderful bun Zeus is...you can see something special about him in his pictures.

As I always say, I back you 100% no matter how this goes. You are so loving and so wonderful a mama (to both humans and animals), and I know that your heart could certainly use somebun Flemish to dote on...but it you wind up deciding that it's too soon, I can understand that, too.

It's so neat, though how you can feel your heart grow a new part for each bun...and with how many sweet buns you have, your heart is certainly quite large, and so wonderful!

My, does my heart ache for you...you are so special to me, and it aches in your pain, and in my own (which I know doesn't compare) in losing Tiny. It's so hard to read things about him...he was so much a part of my life, too, which sounds so silly when I read it here...but it's so true. I start crying everytime I say Teeny's name...and I hate to say that because it sounds so incredibly selfish when you're going through so much. But I just wanted to let you know that if I'm quiet, it's just because sometimes it's hard to talk about...but know that I am excited for you, and know that I think this is a wonderful step you're taking.

So much love to you, Peg...

Rosie*


----------



## JimD

*TinysMom wrote: *


> BUT I want everyone to know that NOTHING is definite....ok?
> 
> You have to agree to understand that before I go any further....



:lalalala:















:biggrin2:


----------



## TinysMom

I just wanted to add that I've moved Miss Bea back into the office with me. I told her that if it didn't work out - I would personally put her back in the rabbitry - but I held her close and explained to her that he loved us both and he wouldn't want to see us grieving separately. I think it helped that I was giving her treats as I was talking.

So she is back in the office and has chinned the litter box and the food bowl and some of her favorite spots. 

I'm going to wash Tiny's bed ... but I'll put a couple of his poops on it at first when I put it down for her.....she really LOVED the bed (but it got peed on several times before he seemed to be ill).

Now here's hoping that she and I can help each other through our grief. Fortunately, we both like fruit loops and bananas and we can have our "crying into the ice cream" type of talks by crying together over a bowl of fruit loops...a small one.

Peg


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## BratBunny

R.I.P Tiny :cry4:

We all loved you so much. Cross the bridge in happiness. 

:rainbow:ink iris:


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## Bo B Bunny

I think Zeus is so cute! I am really pulling for this guy for you. It's so right.


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## JimD

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Now here's hoping that she and I can help each other through our grief. Fortunately, we both like fruit loops and bananas and we can have our "crying into the ice cream" type of talks by crying together over a bowl of fruit loops...a small one.
> 
> Peg


I think I'm going to name my next bunny Froot Loop.


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## TinysMom

Jim - I had two that lived side by side.

Their names?

Captain 

and

Crunch

:biggrin2:


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## AngelnSnuffy

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Jim - I had two that lived side by side.
> 
> Their names?
> 
> Captain
> 
> and
> 
> Crunch
> 
> :biggrin2:



That is so cute, Peg! Aw. So, when we can't think of names, let's go to cereal, lol.

I really hope this works out for you, Peg. How awesome, I think it really would help you right now, and for a long time to come.


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## TinysMom

I should just be good and stay away from this thread....I really should. 

I've emailed a handful of close friends some more information about him and his behavior and I'm getting their input because I feel like they can look at this with more logic than I can right now. I have some concerns about Zeus - but I suspect that its just the jitters. 

I asked Art what he thought about this - whether we should go with Zeus or a baby and his reply was....

[align=center]I think that we should get Zeus. It somehow feels right. 

There is a part of me that agrees - that says "it feels right"...and there is the part of me that says, "NO....It's NOT Tiny....How can I do this?"

So....although we have been approved to adopt him - we are going to take a couple of days to hear from various people that know me - and to pray about it - and then make OUR final decision.

Right now I'm trying to spend time with Miss Bea to get a feel for her preferences...and I'm trying to consider everything. I don't want to rush into this...and I've been told that Magic Happens Rabbit Rescue will hold him while we make our decision.....

Peg

[/align]


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## AngelnSnuffy

Sounds good, Peg. It really is best not to feel "rushed" into something like this. I'm still not sure about another and it's been 2 months, well more than that.

I'm thinking of you guys. I hope youdecide what's best soon. Take the time you need.:hug: I know, it's hard.


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## JimD

*TinysMom wrote: *


> I have some concerns about Zeus - but I suspect that its just the jitters.
> 
> I asked Art what he thought about this - whether we should go with Zeus or a baby and his reply was....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [align=center]I think that we should get Zeus. It somehow feels right.
> 
> There is a part of me that agrees - that says "it feels right"...and there is the part of me that says, "NO....It's NOT Tiny....How can I do this?"
> 
> [/align]



Things I would bring to thought if it were me....


#1) No...this is not Tiny. And I think that's why it feels right.

#2) Would I have concerns about Tiny.....if I were just now adopting him and knew all I now know about him? ***we love our buns for all of their faults....no?***

#3) Trust Art

#4) Trust that feeling inside me that says "it feels right"


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## Ivory

Lol, Peg, we are truly looking forward to your decision. We're all really excited for Zeus around here!


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## TinysMom

I was reading through old posts of mine and I came across this story...I love it. It is dated May 4th, 2005.

[line]
I want to share a flemish story for those who may be considering getting a flemish at some point in time (because I know this thread will get bumped for them).

I currently have a Flemish, 2 Netherland Dwarfs, 2 lionheads and a very young Holland Lop. I know that sometimes people may wonder about having a flemish with smaller rabbits.

A few weeks ago, one of the dwarfs was irritating the cat - and she was hissing and growling at the bunny because he'd cornered her.I went to break it up - but before I could get there - Tiny was between the dwarf and the cat...he wouldn't let her near the dwarf and when the dwarf would try to get around him for the cat...he'd put his head on the dwarf and stop him. I really think he was trying to protect the rabbit who was being too idiotic for his own good. (This cat is usually fine - but if she gets cornered..she gets scared).

Today, the female lionhead was upset at the lop because she remembered something he did last night to her (or so I think). She was chasing him when Tiny came over to her and put his head on hers and made her submit and leave the lop alone. She got away from him after a bit and tried to chase the lop again...and once again, Tiny stepped in. I was amazed because twice I watched him stop her....the second time I even told my family! 

So if you're considering getting a flemish and wondering how they do with smaller bunnies - I just want to say that from my experience -they do great once they get used to them!

Peg

P.S. Tiny does like to check out the bunnies when they're newand I do have to monitor him for a bit...but once he's used tothem...he does wonderfully!

[line]
This is why Tiny got nicknamed "The BunFather"


----------



## Bo B Bunny

I agree with all that Jim has just pointed out.

You know how they describe Zeus is almost describing my Tony to a T!! He's laid back, but a bit cage agressive if he thinks we're TAKING something instead of giving. 

He was extremely sweet when he was a baby but he and the other bunnies don't get along now and he loves to annoy Bo given the chance. We just make sure there's a barrier between them and all is fine.

Tony is absolutely hilarious when he plays.... he's like a dog/cat not a bunny! He pounces, he fetches, he chases, and he even play growls! but I know he's a sweetheart and if I go to pet him and he's playing like that..... he flattens. 

Even if Tony was not a sweetie, I would love him for him. Clover taught me that. I love her on her terms. I have that respect for each of them. THey know I am the final boss but unless it's important, I don't fight them on most things. 

Sound like kids? hubbies? yep.

Remember what I said about not doing it for you as much as for the honor of Tiny. If this bunny becomes your buddy and "shadow" and all that.... it's great. I know he'll give you smiles and laughter. Those ears alone would do it for me! LOL! 

Totally not a bunny but we had a lamb that was MEAN. He rammed the little ones, he was hateful and hard to control. He tried to hog all the feed and escaped at any given chance. 

I wanted to GIVE him away after we had him about a week!!! He cost me $150.

That lamb was Montel. Montel is our "sheepDog" now. He follows my son, LOVES to be hugged and have his head scratched and when we had him at the fair, we had a tack stall where we kept the cooler and chairs and stuff.... we let him in with us and he'd lay his head in our laps like a dog.

He can no longer be shown, he's a market lamb, he's castrated. We have no use for this whether. He should have gone to the "truck" after fair is what people said. He weighs about 150 or so and eats the "GOOD SHOW FEED" like the others and costs me a fortune! 

HA! Send him on a truck!!??not on your life. He's my son's buddy! he's a sweetheart and part of our family.

My point? You cannot judge a situation that hasn't happened. NEVER say NEVER. It always comes back to bite you! 

Zeus might not become a lovey dovey bunny, but what we know of him so far, he's a great rabbit who needs someone to love him forever without conditions.


----------



## TinysMom

I'm going through old posts and found this - Tiny first volunteered to help out on the forum on June 28th 2005 when he hijacked my account to post this on a thread about a troll we had on the forum....

[line]
Dear Forum,

I'm willing to jump on and sit on any trolls that post on this forum. Mom says that at 12 pounds of claws and teeth (with some fur)- I can do a pretty good job - particularly when I dig and bite.

My problem is that I need you people to bring the trolls to me here in Texas. Mom won't let me leave the house or yard because she says there are too many "bunnynappers" out there who want me.

So if you want to direct the trolls to my house, I'll sit on'em. In fact, I'll start eating extra rations today to put on more weight so it will hurt more. I'll also start training the lionheads to be my back-ups and we'll all sit on them at once.

I'm sorry I can't do more.

Tiny


----------



## TinysMom

For those who may be wondering - I'm going through old posts to look for answers to some of the questions I have - I'm also looking for memories to share.

Some of the posts that I read about Tiny from when I first got him- are helping me. A lot of my concern about Zeus is that I want him to be in my office - but he likes to be an "alpha bun" and that scared me. I have two bucks in here....turns out it isn't that he wants to FIGHT....but he does want to pee in front of their cages....

I think that was a lot of what I was afraid of...

Now to quote another post...from July 14, 2005

[line]You know - all bunnies are different.When I got Tiny and the "'tweebs" (Netherland dwarf littermates), theywere unsocialized and would bite and get mean sometimes. Theywere scared of us and would run from us too.

I spent hours over a month or more- just laying on the floorreading a book and watching them. This allowed them to get toknow my scent and to know me. After a while - they startedusing me like a jungle gym and while they didn't want me to touchthem....they wanted to climb all over me.

Now - when I see the 'tweebs...they want me to pet them (although they still don't like to be held). Neutering them helped some -but giving them time - without having expectations of what they"should" do...allowed them to learn to trust me...and it allowed me to accept them.

Believe it or not - at one time I questioned whether I should keep Tiny. I'd see pictures of Apollo and Nimue and other bunnies and think, "Why isn't he like them?". I wanted him to love to be picked up and held...to love me like they loved their people.

Well - I've learned that Tiny is Tiny. He wasn't socialized for the first three months of his life....and it has taken him until now(we've had him four months) to really start coming to me for affection instead of just tolerating it from me.

Good luck.

Peg
[line]
Tell me something folks - am I crazy or what? I'm the only person I can think of on RO that can take a thread about mourning the bunny of my heart - and turn it into a thread about adoption.....and while I'm still mourning my best buddy too?

I'm looney - that's all there is for it...

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

Another post from July 14th...

[line]
What continually amazes me is how gentle Tiny is with the young ones. I know he doesn't like intact males...and he likes intact females a bit too much now that he's matured a bit...

But the fact that this big bunny goes running to be with the little ones....that he lets them groom him till he almost gets a baldspot...that he lets them climb all over him and lay on top of him...

If the bunnies aren't locked up - and I offer to let him outside- he will look back at the little ones and try to decide whether or not to leave them to go get some fun....or to stay with them.Sometimes, I have to really encourage him to take the time to go and play....

I wish he wouldn't fight intact males - and even if he starts to and I say his name - he'll break from the chase and come to me - or at least stop in his place. (edited to add: Tiny never really "fought" intact males as much as tried to chase them if one got out or something. He only fought once and that was because he was mounted and trying to get loose).

I think he dislikes the males so much because he feels he needs to protect the smaller bunnies....because he has such a gentle nature and breaks off - I think he could learn to leave them alone if I made the time to work with him - but truth be told..I'm too busy loving everyone else.

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

I was going through and reading threads from when Vash & Apollo died - they were two very much beloved RO bunnies (flemish giants) that passed away at young ages. Reading their bridge threads helped me some....and I saw that m.e. posted this in Apollo's thread and I wanted to place it here.

[line]
[align=center] [align=center]_We who choose to surround ourselves with lives 
even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, 
easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps 
we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, 
never fully understanding the necessary plan._
[/align] [align=right]- Irving Townsend[/align][/align]


----------



## TinysMom

*JimD wrote:*


> Things I would bring to thought if it were me....
> 
> 
> #1) No...this is not Tiny. And I think that's why it feels right.
> I know what you're saying - just sometimes I think "How can I think about sharing Tiny's room with a bun that isn't Tiny?" Can't explain it right now...
> 
> #2) Would I have concerns about Tiny.....if I were just now adopting him and knew all I now know about him? ***we love our buns for all of their faults....no?***
> A lot of my concerns come about because of the fact that I had heard he wanted to be an "alpha bun". I have two bucks living in this room and to move them - they would have to go back in smaller cages. I didn't want them to pay the price for my bringing home another rabbit - if it meant he would be aggressive as in ...wanting to fight them. (I can handle "Pee Wars"...).
> 
> #3) Trust Art
> No comment....
> #4) Trust that feeling inside me that says "it feels right"
> It is amazing how many people say "it feels right"....and its true - I've had phenomenal support from the people I've talked to....
> 
> .....but its scary. I know more about bunnies now than I did when I got Tiny. I'm responsible for more bunnies now than when I got Tiny. I need to keep them in mind (along with my sanity in mind).
> 
> Part of the reason I'm wanting to adopt is to help heal the pain in my heart - in my family's heart - and also to help the forum heal - I'm in SHOCK at how many are hurting over "our" loss. But I have to consider Miss Bea and other rabbits too....if that makes sense.


----------



## Bo B Bunny

:tantrum:I hate when I post a long thought out reply and get some stupid ERROR


----------



## TinysMom

I just received the artist's first rendering of Tiny's painting .... I love it. We may add some clouds to the sky.

I wanted to share it here to see what y'all think. The artist works with photos that you send him plus descriptions to come up with something that you think is accurate...






Peg


----------



## timetowaste

oh peg, it's beautiful. i definitely think some wispy clouds would enhance the blue sky...

Tracy


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## TinysMom

About the picure up above...

For those who are wondering - he took photos I sent him and studied them and did a composite of those photos and adjusted them to show me the image he was thinking of...

It wasn't an actual painting...yet.


----------



## LuvaBun

Oh Peg, I love it! Yes, I do think a few clouds would look nice. Beautiful!

Jan


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## TinysMom

I can't figure out hyperlinks...sorry.....

http://www.rabbitsonline.net/view_topic.php?id=32804&forum_id=1


----------



## Pet_Bunny

I am sorry Peg, about Tiny passing on.

I haven't posted much lately, and miss Tiny as the forum favorite.

Some how I can't figure how your Nikon is shooting the way it is. Are you able to reset all the camera's setting and start with a Auto Program mode? Turn your dial from the scene modeand usethe green camera mode setting. Try this and see if the pictures turn out better.

Here are some pictures I post processed for you.










Binky free Tiny. :sad:


----------



## TinysMom

Oh my big boy....I miss you so much today. 

I finally broke down and said "yes" to Zeus. I think it is what you'd want....but I feel so bad - I feel like I betrayed you - while at the same time - I felt like you were leading me to Zeus. I don't want to love him...but I do love him...but I want to love only you. I'm so confused.

Miss Bea and I sat on the floor today and shared part of a banana. Then - shock of all shock - she let me pet her for like 20 minutes. As usual, I did all the talking...she just stared at me. I cried and she got a bit antsy - like she didn't know how to handle my tears. That's ok - I didn't know how to handle them either....

How could I have agreed to bring in another rabbit so soon? 

Yet....how could I live with such an emptiness in my life?

Did I betray you - or honor you? Did I do what you want? Why do I feel like you led me to Zeus...?

Tiny - I'm just so confused right now. Every other time I've lost a bunny....I was able to go to you and cry. I grieved...but I had you and you gave me the strength to make it through. Now - I don't know what to think anymore.

I miss you....

Mom


----------



## tundrakatiebean

:hug:


----------



## slavetoabunny

If it's any comfort, I think you made the right decision to honor Tiny's memory by rescuing Zeus. If he could, he would tell you that it's the right thing to do.


----------



## TinysMom

Tiny -

I woke up this morning and cried and cried and cried. Normally I don't cry around "breeder dad" - but I couldn't help myself.

How DARE the sun shine when you - the light of my life - are gone?

How DARE I wake up...when I ache to be with you?

How could I DARE to think of bringing another flemish into the house....?

And then something happened....dad mentioned Zeus...and he had a smile in his voice - the type of smile he reserved only for Puck.....and I realized....

You might be gone - but you weren't going to leave us alone. 

And a story came to me - "Tiny Makes a Choice".


So today - with the sun shining outside and my heart breaking on the inside...I'm going to get it written and posted. And I think - somehow - the story - though it be fiction - is going to help give me a lifeline to make it out of this deep pit of grief. When I'm done with that - I'm going to do what I started last week (only for GingerSpice). I'm going to put together your memorial album and get it ordered. This way - I'll be able to hold it in my hands as I shed tears over my loss.

I love you my big boy. You'll never know how much.

Mom


----------



## Bassetluv

Just a few brief thoughts...


> How could I have agreed to bring in another rabbit so soon?
> 
> Yet....how could I live with such an emptiness in my life?
> 
> Did I betray you - or honor you? Did I do what you want? Why do I feel like you led me to Zeus...?


I was asking myself the same question when I decided to get Yofi a few months after Raph had died. What was I thinking? I'd been dealing with some illness recently and was struggling to take care of myself along with the pets. My house barely has enough room to turn around in. And Anna, though I felt she could use the companionship, seemed to be getting along well enough on her own. I questioned that decision to get Yofi right to the day my sister and I drove to Toronto and picked him up. I was sick as a dog that weekend, and didn't know when I'd be feeling better. Yet at the back of my mind was the one thing that had been the driving force - the one that led me to the Yofster - Raph. As odd as it might sound to some people, Raph seemed to be able to talk to me, and I to him...a sort of telepathic communication. He told me of his wants, his needs, his aches and pains, what he liked and didn't like. The first time I had decided, in fact , to have Raph euthanized, I agonized so much over that decision that I was making myself sick. And at the last moment I cancelled the appointment. The reason I did this...Raph was telling me, through my 'gut' feelings, that he wasn't yet ready to go. Even when I took him to an emergency clinic one night when he was choking on his food the attending vet kept asking for permission to put him down; she told me he was suffering and he most likely wouldn't survive the night. But when she left the room I listened, through my tears, and I heard him...not in words, but in feelings...again telling me it wasn't time. So I took my boy home and set him down on his blankets, put a dish of food in front of him and he came to life, snarfing it all down as if he hadn't been fed in ages. And the next day he was back to his normal, loving self. That was the reassurance I'd needed, telling me that Raph really was 'talking' to me silently.

Peg, my guess is that Tiny is guiding you to take in Zeus because he knows just how much love you will give to him. Why do you feel like he is leading you to Zeus? Trust your feelings. _Trust them fully,_ for I believe that is howTiny talks to you.I suspect your agony is coming from the fact that your pain is just so fresh...having Tiny leave - in the physical sense - is a major adjustment to make. And it will probably be so for some time to come. But at the same time, I suspect that another one of the reasons Tiny is guiding Zeus to you is because he knows that this new boy will help you to heal. Of course I can only talk from my own experience, but this is what happened to me. I was hurting deeply when Raph left, and in knowing I needed help, he sent me Yofi. 

There will be times, I'm sure, when you will feel as though your heart has been completely shattered...little memories of Tiny will surface, or you will run across something of his that he liked, or recall something he did. But that too, will ease with time. There were two things for me that were hard...the first was putting away Raph's 'chair', the little wooden frame I'd built to assist him in sitting up...and the second was his bedding. I'd ordered it especially for him, to keep his body protected from developing pressure sores, and he loved it. When I went to put it away I thought, it would be such a shame to never use it again. So I decided to put it in Anna's cage. The moment I set it up in there and saw Anna using it...omigosh, the emotions. Tears streamed down my cheeks; I felt like I was somehow betraying Raph by doing this, and for a moment I considered taking it all out of Anna's cage, the feeling of betrayal felt that strong. And yet at the same time I knew it was what he would have wanted. It's funny how our emotions can be so mixed, our head and heart fighting over what we should or shouldn't be feeling, or doing. But it's all normal...it's just a sign that we're still hurting, still missing them deeply.

I didn't mean to write this much (sometimes I just don't know when to stop :?), but I wanted to say that I cannot wait to see Zeus in his new home, and I know that he is going to help you, as you will him. We all miss Tiny because he was a very special soul...an 'old soul' that people automatically recognize, often without understanding it. But he does live on through you here; his spirit lives on. 

~Di


----------



## Bassetluv




----------



## TinysMom

[align=center]*âTinyâs Choiceâ*
[/align]
[align=left] Tiny paced back and forth beside the stream as he waited for GingerSpice to join him. Sure he could binky now, but he didnât feel like it. He couldnât leave the stream long enough to binky. He was worried about mamaâ¦.and he was worried about Miss Bea. He had to do something and he had to do it quickly. 

GingerSpice binkied and sighed at Tinyâs expression Sheâd seen it so many times beforeâ¦in bunnies who had such a close tie with their soulmates that they couldnât let go yet and enjoy heaven. Many times they sat at the water and grieved for days on end, crying along with their human. It hurt her to see Tiny like this.

Tiny thumped at her. âYou didnât tell me it would be like this. You didnât tell me mama would grieve so much. Iâm worried about her heart â its broken and canât take much more. Humans are weak and they can hide illnesses. Her heart being like this might make her sick. How can I help her? How did you stand it when you crossed over? Didnât you worry about mama?â

Ginger smiled softly and said, âI did worry Tiny. But she had you.â

He thumped so hard the ground shook beneath Ginger. âShe doesnât have me now you twit. Sheâs alone. Even in the midst of bunnies â sheâs alone. I need to go back.â

He jumped in the water and tried with all his might to cross back over and be with mamaâ¦but it didnât work. He jumped and thrashed and jumped some more. He fought the water as he thumped and thumped. But all that happened is he got very wet â¦ very frustratedâ¦and very angry.

Ginger watched with tears in her eyes. She remembered how much those first few days hurt and how much she wanted to go back and pee on mama one more time. She really did understand. However, when she crossed over the bridge, Mama had Tiny and others. Now Mama had Miss Bea. Poor Mamaâ¦no wonder Tiny was upset.

âCome on Tiny, letâs go see Buck. He always has ways to help us.â

So Tiny & GingerSpice went over and sat beside their friend. He looked down at Tiny and saw the tears in his eyes. He couldnât help but see Tinyâs wet fur and he knew what had happened. He had suspected that this one would have problems with the transition and that the bond between the soulmates was just too strong for Tiny to let go and be able to enjoy heaven right off. He gave a sigh. He knew how he could comfort the bunny and the human â¦ if the bunny would work with him. Many bunnies were too selfish though to take his idea. But it was the only option he had to suggest.

For over an hour, Buck Jones sat there and explained the options to Tiny and then had to go into detail three or four times because the rabbit was so torn up by his grief over his mamaâs pain that he really wasnât listening. 

You see, as Buck told Tiny, no one knew mama like Tiny did. The only way to ease his mamaâs grief and his own grief was to send another rabbit to mama. Tiny got angry at that. âMama? Love another rabbit? NEVER.â

Buck cried as he said, âSo you want her to go on like this? Without a rabbit to love?â

Tiny wept for a long time. He thumped the ground. He turned his back on Buck and Ginger and thumped some more. It wasn't right. He didnât want to share HIS mama. She was his. She had his heart and he had hers. But still yet, she was broken inside and she wasnât doing well. She tried to help his love, Miss Bea, but mama couldnât seem to stop crying. He didnât want to see her go through life like that. Then he pictured mama weeping and Miss Bea sitting in silence, unable to comfort mama because she was so sad herself. He groomed himself while he thought and he remembered how good it felt when mama rubbed his nose and his cheeks. She had loved him so much. He needed to put her first now just as she put him first that night she slept on the floor with him and didn't get much sleep.

Finally he said, âMama has too much love and youâve said sheâll always love me. So Iâll do it â Iâll send her another bunny. But I wonât send her a baby bunny because Miss Bea needs a friend too and I donât think a baby is right for Miss Bea.â

Thatâs when Buck had Ginger escort Tiny to the books of available rescues so Tiny could make a choice. Once Tiny made a choice, they could work on sending the messages to mama and getting her help.

Tiny looked through so many books. He wasnât going to send her a flemmie. No wayâ¦he was going to be her ONLY flemmie ever. There was a book of Holland Lops and a book of Satins. Rexes filled two books and the shelves were filled with books of Florida Whites, Californians and New Zealands. Two whole shelves were filled with books of mixed breed rabbits.

GingerSpice noticed a doe sitting off to the side and crying into a book. She wandered over and looked at the picture and watched the story as it came to life. She introduced herself to the doe who said her name was Hershey. 

âAre you sending this rabbitâs story to your mama? Did you cross recently? Youâre crying so hardâ¦.â

Hershey looked up at GingerSpice and wailed from the depths of her very being. Ginger couldnât help herself â she ran over to Hersheyâs side and started grooming her and comforting her.

Between hiccups Hershey explained, âI donât have a mama. I was a shelter bunny. Zeus was my love and my life. I had to leave him suddenly and heâs been all alone for such a long time. I keep trying to send thoughts of him to people but since I donât have a soulmate with a strong connection, I canât help him get adopted. Look at him and look at how we used to playâ¦â

Ginger watched as the two of them played. She watched them go and pee around the cages of other bunnies living in the area and was shocked to realize sheâd said out loud, âWay to go Zeus! You show them who is bossâ¦â

Tiny heard Ginger laughing and came over to see what she was watching. They started back at the beginning and Hershey told them story after story after story about Zeus as they watched his antics. At first Tiny frowned. He didnât want mama to have another flemmie â even if Zeus might be a mix. No way. Anything but a flemmie. 

But then he watched Zeus some more and laughed at some of his antics. When he got to the part of Zeusâ life when he got put in a hutch in the yard at the shelterâ¦.he was in tears. He had been a free-roaming bunny most of his life. He had his own bedroom ~ even if it became mamaâs office. He watched Zeus throw his toys in the air and have them land in the cage. Oh, the cage was nice enoughâ¦.as cages go. But he saw the loneliness in Zeusâ eyes and he couldnât help but think of Miss Bea and how much she might like Zeus. Boy he was like her in some waysâ¦..stubbornâ¦.obstinateâ¦..but filled with love that he didnât know how to expressâ¦just like she didnât know how to express. 

Ginger reminded him that Miss Bea had gone to mama three times yesterday for pets and treatsâ¦.that she was learning to love. Perhaps she could teach Zeus?

Tiny hopped off to find Buckâ¦..heâd made his choice. He didnât want to send a flemmie at all. But mama needed Zeus and Miss Bea needed Zeus and Zeus needed a good home. 

Now how was he gonna send a message?

â¦

To Be Continued

â¦
[/align]


----------



## stephiemarie78




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## TinysMom

Thank you - that is Tiny's new avatar although I might add more pictures and have that be the "cover" shot...

Peg


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## JimD

Tiny's First Day In Heaven is perfect!



...ummmm..... no!....









....more than perfect
TinysMom* wrote:* 


> We send healing thoughts and wishes Chippyâs way.


:hug:


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## SOOOSKA

Oh Peg you are such a gifted writer. I LOVE reading Tiny's story.

I love the cover, Tiny in his Easter Bonnet, he looks so Regal & Handsome in it.

Susan


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## slavetoabunny

Oh my.....Tiny's Choice is such a heart-wrenching tale. Reading it, I had a visual going the entire time. I could just see the story unfolding. You are such a talented writer Peg.

I hope that Tiny's story will continue as he advises Zeus on how to reign supreme in your household!!!!


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## TinysMom

*Bassetluv wrote: *


> Just a few brief thoughts...
> 
> 
> 
> How could I have agreed to bring in another rabbit so soon?
> 
> Yet....how could I live with such an emptiness in my life?
> 
> Did I betray you - or honor you? Did I do what you want? Why do I feel like you led me to Zeus...?
> 
> 
> 
> Peg, my guess is that Tiny is guiding you to take in Zeus because he knows just how much love you will give to him. Why do you feel like he is leading you to Zeus? This is the part that really gets to me - I'd said I wouldn't adopt a black flemmie or a white flemmie - so what am I getting? (At least he is an ermine and not a REW).
> 
> The more I read about Zeus and the more I think about him (and the more I go back and read my messages about Tiny 3 years ago) - I realize that Zeus is very much like Tiny was after he lived with us a few months. Not as unsocialized as Tiny was when we first got him...(he was petrified of a hand coming near him). Maybe like 4 or 5 months later when I gave in and decided to love Tiny for who he was.
> 
> Part of me wants to scream and yell and have more time to grieve. I cry and I cry and I cry though...and nothing changes. I can't seem to run out of tears....I can't seem to run out of anger and hurt.
> 
> What is hard is I'd give ANYTHING to have him back - and yet - I'm so angry at him. HOW DARE he hid his illness from me...(I know with my head it is rabbit instinct to hide an illness). But I could have helped him if he'd let me know earlier.
> 
> Trust your feelings. _Trust them fully,_ for I believe that is howTiny talks to you.
> 
> Trust my feelings? The ones that agonize over the loss? The ones that want to smile at having another flemish? Which feelings do I trust? Which ones do I act on?
> 
> I suspect your agony is coming from the fact that your pain is just so fresh...having Tiny leave - in the physical sense - is a major adjustment to make.
> 
> Yes - it is a shock. My work was so shocked by this (and my boss has lost companion animals) that she is calling my two absences due to his death an "exception" - meaning that while I won't get paid - they won't dock my time bank of unpaid time off for it....that taking him to San Antonio was something we had to do - and that the first day after his death - there was no way I could sit at my desk and work for five hours. She understands - and she cried too.
> 
> And it will probably be so for some time to come. But at the same time, I suspect that another one of the reasons Tiny is guiding Zeus to you is because he knows that this new boy will help you to heal.
> 
> The only thing I can think of is that Tiny knows Zeus will keep me busy and I can't just sit around and miss him. I have no doubt in my mind that Tiny sent me several messages to know that Zeus is "the one". Even Art's major acceptance of him (I find myself wondering if he will become Art's heart bunny) has been a shock.
> 
> Of course I can only talk from my own experience, but this is what happened to me. I was hurting deeply when Raph left, and in knowing I needed help, he sent me Yofi.
> 
> Right now the only thing that helps me - is to write about Tiny - to read old messages about him - to think about all he meant to me.
> 
> Eric is driving down tonight to go to the movies w/ Art & Robin - and then we'll go out to supper and maybe breakfast in the morning. I mentioned to someone that Eric was coming down and they were like "that's nice!" and my first thoughts were..."I'd rather see Tiny".
> 
> Isn't that horrible of me? I love my son dearly....but...I just...I don't know. It hurts.
> 
> While they're gone to the movie (sorry - I can't get into it - not my type of movie at all) - I'm going through Tiny's photos and uploading them to the photo section of Walmart.com so I can order them and then do a scrapbook. I'm thinking that might be healing for me....to do this for myself and for Tiny. Maybe that will help....
> 
> There will be times, I'm sure, when you will feel as though your heart has been completely shattered...little memories of Tiny will surface, or you will run across something of his that he liked, or recall something he did.
> 
> We trimmed his nails earlier that Friday and Robin found two of them on the floor today - I broke down and wept like a baby. I still have them (and I've saved some of his poops in a zip lock baggy...just a few).
> 
> But that too, will ease with time. There were two things for me that were hard...the first was putting away Raph's 'chair', the little wooden frame I'd built to assist him in sitting up...and the second was his bedding. I'd ordered it especially for him, to keep his body protected from developing pressure sores, and he loved it. When I went to put it away I thought, it would be such a shame to never use it again. So I decided to put it in Anna's cage. The moment I set it up in there and saw Anna using it...omigosh, the emotions. Tears streamed down my cheeks; I felt like I was somehow betraying Raph by doing this, and for a moment I considered taking it all out of Anna's cage, the feeling of betrayal felt that strong. And yet at the same time I knew it was what he would have wanted.
> 
> I understand - I'm about to give Miss Bea back Tiny's little bed we got them for Christmas - and its killing me to think of giving it to her. My hope is that it will comfort her.
> It's funny how our emotions can be so mixed, our head and heart fighting over what we should or shouldn't be feeling, or doing. But it's all normal...it's just a sign that we're still hurting, still missing them deeply.
> 
> I think in some ways you've hit the nail on the head. My head understands he's gone. My heart is like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum "I want him back". My head says that taking in Zeus and loving him for who he is (even if he never becomes a heart bunny) is the right thing to do. My heart says "NO WAY...never....not ever". My head worries about Miss Bea and wants to help her. My heart wants to run away from her needing me - from anyone needing me.
> 
> My head says I'll eventually be ok. My heart says, "let me climb in the hole with Tiny and be away from all this" (no folks - I promise - I won't commit suicide when I say that...).
> 
> Anyway - what I have decided to do (between now and the 23rd most likely) is to put together a scrapbook of Tiny's pictures and stories and stuff. I'll probably post stuff from his blog too.
> 
> Then - after Zeus gets here - I'll focus on keeping the camera battery charged (oh how I wish I had more photos of Tiny) and try to enjoy Zeus while I continue working through my grief.
> 
> The worst part of all this is it comes in waves. I'll be doing ok for an hour or so - then I'm a basket case....then I do ok for a bit more.
> 
> I'm trying so hard to stay functional this time (as opposed to Ginger's passing)....I think maybe that is part of the issue too - I don't know.
Click to expand...


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## TinysMom

Guess what big guy? Eric came down for the night. Robin and Art & Eric and their friend Jennifer have gone to see Sweeny Todd (sp?).....while I stay here and work on your photos. (Sorry - not my type of movie).

As I was working on the photos - cropping them down - trying to capture various looks etc now that I've learned how to crop....I was reminded of Eric's comments about you either the last time he was here or the time before. He said, "Is it just me....or is Tiny more affectionate? He came up to me and nudged me for pets and greeted me...". Makes me smile to think about how you turned around and changed after you lived with us a while....

I'm not done going through all of the photos I have of you - but I found a few I have to share. Some have been on the forum before - but I've cropped them down to try and show expressions on your face. Really....you had the funniest expressions sometimes!






































































I still have so many photos to go through....but it feels good to have cropped all these (and more). I wish you could tell me something - when you were outside that last time - did you know it would be your last time outside? I wish I'd known....

Well - I need to try and pull myself together for a late night supper w/ Art & the kids. Then I'm heading over to Walmart to buy a scrapbook for your photos....I'm going to get a bunch of them ordered tonight so I can start working on this next week.

I miss you big guy. If you were here right now - I'd be reaching down and rubbing that big nose of yours. Instead - I'm gonna go grab part of a banana and talk to your lovely Miss Bea. It shocked me to realize I had photos of you two all the way back to 2005....you little sneak you. Tell me - could you have been faithful to any doe? (I suspect not).

That's ok though - for some reason - Miss Bea always loved you and forgave you.

I love you big guy. Right now I'm doing a bit better....

Mom


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## TinysMom

Hey big guy - I did it!

I got up this morning - didn't cry.

Walked into the office - didn't cry.

Spent about half an hour in the office - didn't cry.

Got ready to go out for breakfast - teared up a bit and didn't cry.

I've still teared up a bit several times - and I couldn't help thinking about how a week ago today we were on our way to the vet - and how brave you were.

But I'm stronger today....I haven't cried yet (today) other than a few tears coming to my eyes.

Oh - and I picked out a scrapbook last night for your photos. I'm ordering them this week and I'm going to do a scrapbook of some of my memorie of you.

I still love you....but I'm starting to heal....and almost willing to really think about loving again.

You can go binky with Ginger now big guy....and chase Puck and flirt with the girls....

I'm almost ready to accept the choice you've made - to send Zeus our way. Still look down on me though sometimes - ok? 

Mom


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## JimD

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Still look down on me though sometimes - ok?
> 
> Mom


I hear a reply that says, "Long and often.....yes.....very long and very often, mama!"


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## TinysMom

I'm working on a collage poster of Tiny - I am going to be redoing it because of other favorite photos I wanted to put in it (allowed up to 30 on walmart.com).

Here is some of what I've been working with so far..


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## TinysMom

I ordered a bunch of photos and I pick them up in a little over an hour....I can hardly wait. In going through photos - I came across some that reminded me of a couple of memories I wanted to share.

You know - and I know - that rabbits don't have a "family structure" like we do...with a mommy and daddy being involved in raising the babies.

The only problem is....nobody told Tiny that. He didn't know that he wasn't supposed to love the little babies. He didn't know that he was supposed to leave them alone.

Miss Bea once had a litter in our closet (we allowed it for a reason)- the only thing is - it had been his closet. She kicked him out and had her babies in there and as their eyes opened - they learned to come crawl all over Tiny and groom him and he was their jungle gym. Oh - I wish I'd taken pictures - he was so cute. He'd look up at me as if to say, "Look mom...see what this one is doing now?" At one point he even had a bald spot from being overgroomed.

These pictures remind me of a day though that I laughed and laughed and laughed. I took Tiny outside to play and I took the babies outside - but put them in a pen. Mind you - I let Tiny have the whole back yard - because I knew I could catch him....the babies were another matter.

But would Tiny enjoy his freedom?













He laid beside them for over an hour before he finally decided to go play....and then he kept coming back to them to check on them.

He truly had a "gentle" soul...

Peg


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## EileenH

Awww, what sweet pictures, and what a sweet memory.

Those pictures really show Tiny's size!


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## maherwoman

Aww...I just love those pictures of him with the babies. There's just nothing like the protection of the Bunfather. 

:hug:


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## TinysMom

*maherwoman wrote: *


> Aww...I just love those pictures of him with the babies. There's just nothing like the protection of the Bunfather.
> 
> :hug:


I can't help wondering if the lionheads are gonna be needing protection from Zeus....vs. getting protection!

:shock:

I just got back from Walmart....I have my Tiny photos! (Some of them I ordered from photobucket and that will be a bit to get those). I'm crying a I look at them - but the tears are of joy at the memories I have and the joy he brought me. So many memories....

Peg


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## LuvaBun

Yes, Tiny really did have a gentle soul. Those pictures are priceless - such a big boy could really have done some damage to those babies, yet Tiny didn't have a hurtfull hair on his big body. Truly, a gentle giant!

Jan


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## TinysMom

Its a week ago right now that you were breathing your last breath - in dad's arms with me petting you. Oh GOD.....I still miss you so much.....

This week I was talking about mailing something to Eric - and I used your name instead. I go to talk about another bunny - only your name is the one on my tongue. (At least I haven't called Art by your name...).

I miss you so much buddy.... I really do. I want you here so much.

But I know you're with Ginger and so many others we've lost....and I suspect you're watching over the babies up there too (are they still leaving a bald spot from grooming you)?

Goodbye my boy.....goodbye....for it is now exactly the time you left me...one week ago....

Mom


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## JimD

:hug2:


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## maisy126

:bigtears:



RIP Tiny (BunFather) We will miss you:rainbow:ink iris::bunnyangel:


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## Georgie

:cry2


**HUGS**

:bunnyhug:


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## TinysMom

I was sent a link to this video presentation (slideshow?) and it is SOOOO good. It takes about three minutes to watch it.

It is about humans and how we live our lives....but I couldn't think about Tiny and how much love he gave us during his 'dash'.

[font="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"]http://www.the-dash-movie-poem.com/2

Its well worth watching....

Peg
[/font]


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## LuvaBun

That was so moving - I have a huge lump in my throat. Beautiful, thanks for sharing, Peg.

Jan


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## TinysMom

I had a dream about Tiny this morning - it was so real - and so moving - yet confusing - I had to share it here.

For some reason - we were at a rabbit show. It wasn't a rabbit show like where the rabbits just get judged on their body. They had to perform and do things. Tiny impressed everyone by winning best in his class and he was going to be competing for best in show later on in the day.

People were talking to me and I was surrounded by folks congratulating us on Tiny's win. He'd grabbed a carrot and some craisins from me and then disappeared. 

After about half an hour or so - I realized that I didn't know where he was. I was frantically looking for him - not so he could "perform" but because I was really worried about where he was and I missed him. I was searching and searching and finally I found him - he'd dug a hole in some dirt and was relaxing and watching a baseball game or something. His beautiful fur that had such a sheen earlier in the day was simply covered in dirt....

I looked at him and went over to sit beside him and we were talking. He apologized for making me get worried but said he was tired and decided to rest for a bit. He started to stretch and say he'd get up for the next competition and I looked in his eyes and realized he wasn't just tired - he was exhausted. This was almost an exhaustion of body and soul - he wasn't used to being surrounded by people and it seemed like everyone wanted to touch him and say they'd "touched" Tiny. They were already betting on the sidelines that he would win the competition and he was the crowd favorite.

He told me he thought he could take home the trophy and he'd give it his best shot. I told him I'd be right back and to nap for a bit - he didn't have to do anything yet. Then I went over and I pulled him from the competition. The people were furious with me - both the people running the contest - and his fans. I didn't care. They told me it meant he couldn't compete again for another 6 months and I said he wasn't going to compete again anyway. He'd just been doing it for me after all.

I went back over beside him and pulled part of him into my lap while I brushed the dirt off his fur and petted him. He told me he was sorry for getting so dirty...he didn't want to let me down. I told him I didn't care about the dirt...I just wanted to feel his soft fur and love on him. I told him that I'd pulled him from the contest and he looked up at me with those big eyes. He said, "I could've done it mom. I would've won for you." And I looked at him and said, "I know big guy. You would've won everything for me....but you're done with competitions. We don't need trophies or titles to know how special you are.....so take a nap here in my lap while we both rest. 

And as he laid his head in my lap, he said, "I love you mom". And I said to him, "I love you big guy...". He closed his eyes...and I awoke with a start.

This dream is as real to me even now - five hours later - as it was when I had it. I can still picture him in my lap - feel his fur under my hand....see his eyes.

Oh Tiny......I miss you so much.......you taught me so much about love and accepting others as they are.

Binky free my buddy....I'll be ok.

Mom


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## lalena2148

*TinysMom wrote: *


> This dream is as real to me even now - five hours later - as it was when I had it. I can still picture him in my lap - feel his fur under my hand....see his eyes.


Many people believe that you can communicate with lost loved ones in dreams. That is supposedly the way they can communicate with you, to let you know it's ok. Maybe that was Tiny's way of telling you he's alright and he loves you. ink iris:What a special gift from a very special bunny.


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## slavetoabunny

I think Tiny just wanted you to know how much you meant to him and that he would do anything for you. He was such a special boy.:hug:


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## JimD

That's quite the dream, Peg!!

I started to reply about what my impressions were....but I keep seeing more and more.

Of course he was in a different kind of show, because you've always seen rabbits as more than just show animals.

Grabbing the crasins, digging a hole, and settling down to watch the game......sounds like something Tiny would do. He had his favorite hole, didn't he?

Everybody wanting to touch Tiny could be a reverse.....Tiny actually being the one that had touched so many.

I think yougive a strong sense that you think Tiny feels as though he's let you down in some way. This is something the "two of you" need to sort out in your own way and time.


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## TinysMom

Oh Tiny - its hard. I keep thinking, "Two weeks ago Tiny was doing this" and "Two weeks ago this was happening right now". The pain has dulled to an ache...that keeps me from wanting to smile or do much.

I contacted Lord Thumps-a-lot's slave and asked him to send me a copy of the stuff Thumps posted when he accused you of giving him a black eye. I have one of the "documents" now - I'm printing it up and putting it in your scrapbook. You were always so funny when I'd sit beside you and tell you what Thumps was up to now....you'd look at me and sorta be like, "Mom ... scratch my ear a bit more...ah..that feels better". You didn't really care about Thumps but you loved the fact it brought us together. So ... with no further ado...







Mom


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## TinysMom

So many of you were touched by the pictures and video of Miss Bea that I thought I would share this with you - I took it less than half an hour ago.

Over the last few days - Miss Bea has started coming to me sometimes and nudging me for pets...like Tiny always used to do (only he'd grab my pant leg and pull if I didn't pet him right away). Today I sat on the floor with her and she let me pet her for over half an hour. 

Robin had craisins a few minutes ago (she'd handed me a couple for New Hope - who she'd been holding earlier) and you can see what happened after Miss Bea grabbed her craisins from Robin - she didn't just run and take off....(I'm sure it helped the she smelled New Hope on Robin).






Peg


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## TinysMom

Oh Tiny....its been almost two weeks....I thought I was doing pretty good....I thought I was gonna make it.

Then someone who cared about you - and who cares about me - sent me a sympathy card and a heartfelt letter. I couldn't help it big guy...I broke down and cried. And I cried. Should I mention that I cried some more? Oh yeah...and all the rest of the day....I cried. I couldn't even make it to work and had to say I was sick...(I couldn't tell them I was sick at heart).

I've received all the pictures of you that I've ordered and I'm starting on your scrapbook. I think I'm also going to write the story of your life (with pictures and the stories) and self-publish it on lulu.com so I can have a hardcover copy for myself...and it will have neater printing than your scrapbook. I think that will be so neat - I'm even going to do it in hardcopy....

I hurt so bad right now - I'm so angry. I'm angry at God (who I've loved all my life) - I'm angry at myself (how could I have missed the fact you were ill?) - I'm angry at you (how dare you hide any signs of illness). I'm angry that the world can continue to go on...when my world is crushed to pieces. Sometimes I think you were the only one in my life who loved me for me - not for who I was supposed to be. 

I want to put my fist through the wall....all over the place. I want to scream...I want to moan and cry. 

The thing is....what I want the most...I can't have. I want you back. Now. Forever....or at least a couple more years.

Someone told me today that its ok - that I'm going through the steps of the grieving process and I'll make it out. 

D*@n it....I don't want to make it out. I can maybe do ok at being "functional" (I'm doing better than I did when GingerSpice died)....but I don't want to be ok. I don't want to "move on". I want to go back...or at least...stay stuck the way I am....in spite of the pain and the grief. Moving on seems like it means forgetting you or letting go of you....and I can't do that. 

I was sharing with someone today that as much as I want Zeus...I don't want Zeus. This is your room - Miss Bea was your woman and I was/am your mom. How dare I think about bringing him here? 

Yet how dare I think about not bringing him here? He needs us and I think we need him. I want him too - but then I feel like I'm being unfaithful to your memory. Why did you have to lay him on my heart so soon after your passing? Why do I have to feel such a heart connection to him? Its you I love....its you I want here in my office...

When I talked to my mom today about you and told her we were getting Zeus, she was like, "Well....you have other rabbits...". I tried to explain that it seemed like with flemish giants...when people lost one - either they went right out and got another one - or they felt like they could never have one again. She still didn't get it...but that's ok. I somehow knew she wouldn't.

I think I've figured out WHY you came into my life....and I think I've figured out why Zeus is coming into my life...

Here is what I shared today with the person who sent me the card...

_Anyway....I'm sorry to write so much. But it helps so much to know others cared for Tiny...that others "got him" so to speak._
[align=left]_
 In the midst of my tears today - I realized that when Tiny entered my life - he started to heal so many hurts and he touched a part of me that no person could ever touch. He truly loved me unconditionally....even if I did get the butt frequently (to teach me a lesson I'm sure). He taught me to love even if the person I was loving - wasn't what I had hoped them to be....and then he turned around and gave me far more love than I've ever seen another animal give.

...

 I know that he taught Miss Bea to come to me sometimes....she came up behind me the other day and nudged me like he did and the first words were "Tiny..." and then I remembered....it wasn't Tiny....even if it felt like him.

 Anyway - I'm sorry to dump so much on you. I guess what I'm trying to get at...is thank you for the card. Yes, it opened up a floodgate and the tears are pouring. But I think I was trying to hard to "hold on" and to "be brave". I needed to let go and let loose with a good cry.

 I miss my Tiny so much. I truly believe that somehow, God let me to Zeus and the He used Tiny to do so. Tiny taught me love - somehow I suspect Zeus is gonna teach me joy. 

 I just wish I didn't have to go through this sorrow to get to it..._ 

Oh my big boy....I miss you so much. I wish I could hold you again and cry in your fur like I did so many times....

I better stop - I can barely see the screen through my tears. 

Daddy said tonight that sometimes its ok to break down and cry - that I needed to cry. I just don't know now if I can stop....


 [/align]


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## Saffy




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## TinysMom

I miss you so much tonight my big guy....I really do.

Last night I was crying in my sleep about you - and dad got me the stuffed bunny he got for me to hug - I think I slept in dad's arms - holding the bunny - all night long.

I got up and nothing seemed to go right....my day at work was horrible and you weren't around....

Miss Bea is starting to come to me now - sometimes. She almost jumped up in my lap the other day. I thank you for that - for helping her to learn to .... accept me almost.

To top things off - we just had to separate Piggie and Audrey - they were fighting. Glad I was in here ...now Audrey has her own cage to herself....

I wish I could have you here - just one more night - even for an hour.

But I'm doing better than I was.....and I know I'll continue to get better...

somehow.

Here's Sasha - my "helper" for getting through this grief - dad got her for me 'cause I miss holding you on my lap sometimes and petting you....

















Go binky for me big guy.....I love you.

Mom


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## Flashy

*hugs*

I've stayed away from you Peg because I figured that you wanted me to, but I'm sorry, I couldn't not say this.

I think I said it before, but I'll say it again nonetheless.

Moving forward in your grieving process, or moving through it, does not mean that you are losing Tiny, or letting go or forgetting him. Quite the opposite.

Where you are now, you are filled with pain for him, when remembering good times, it hurts, but mostly you are filled with pain. The more you go through the grieving process, the more that pain lessens. When that pain lessens, you will be able to remember him and laugh, remember his quirks, funny stories and enjoy them again. When you lose the pain, you gainmore of Tiny back, in that you remember him in a good and loving way. Tiny never caused you pain in life, and once he doesn't cause you pain in death, then you have got back as much of him as you can.

If you stay filled with pain, you'll never be able to laugh at the things he did, or appreciate the bunny he was, properly, because it will all hurt far too much. Grieving doesn't mean losing him, it means working through the pain to enable you to get back the memories that grief lost.

You are never going to forget Tiny. You know that deep down. Remember that you have loads of videos of him, loads of pictures, you have memories, you have the scrap book and collage you are making. You have loads of stuff that tells you you are never going to forget him. Let's face it, you'll never look at a picture of him and think 'who's that' because he was far too close to your heart for that, and you loved him so much. Nothing changes that, not life, nor death.

I hope it was ok to reply. Take care


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## TinysMom

I never wanted anyone to stay away....not from me .... not from this thread. In many ways, I feel like our loss of Tiny is also the forum's loss....I never knew till he took ill that so many people loved him so much. In fact, when I called Randy from the vet's office that day - it was one thing he mentioned to me - how often the thread was updating and how much people loved him. I was so touched.

Your post makes a lot of sense and it helps. Sometimes I feel guilty if I'm not grieving that particular day - but then those are the days I can see Tiny's pictures and smile. The days I am grieving - nothing helps - I can't smile - I can't laugh - sometimes I can barely think for missing him so much.

One thing I'm working on ... during the good days.....is going through the photos and getting them in order and putting together a story of his life. Robin has convinced me to use Lulu.com or something like that to put together a hardcover book with photos to remember him by. My goal is to do a 100 page book with color photos of him along with stories, etc. My production costs for my copy will run about $20 or so for a book this size.

I may also make it available for download for like $5 (not sure if you can do it for less) and then donate any "profit" from the sales to help other rabbits (yes - I have something in mind). I don't want to make money off Tiny's life...but if the story of his life can help other rabbits...then I'll gladly tell the story. 

I just need to figure out all the legalities because so much of his story is in his blog here on the forum - and there will be parts I'll want to edit I'm sure too....

I don't have a publication date....it is something I'm still in the process of roughing out (I am halfway expecting Zeus to find a way to eat the first draft too...so I'm expecting production delays).

But I think it will be a nice way to honor Tiny....and that makes me so happy.

Peg


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## Wabbitdad12

I am sorry I had not passed on my condolences earlier, but I am sorry Tiny had to leave. 

Just like special people pass through our lives, Tiny is a special bun that came into your life andother peoples lives and provided laughter to people when they needed something to make them smile. 

Zeus will provide you with a whole new set of adventures and zanienessin your life.


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## LadyBug

oh no:bigtears:! i hadn't heard about his passing(i was off line for about a week and a half because of computer troubles. and it was about then that he passed i guess.) i was just telling mom about him and miss Bea yesterday( Mr and Mrs. Claus:biggrin2. i'm so sorry for you(and miss bea) he was a bit of a celebrity on here if you ask me. he'll be missed by all.

:hug1

Anna


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## TinysMom

Thank you so much folks for your condolances....

Y'all may want to see this thread....

http://www.rabbitsonline.net/view_topic.php?id=33424&forum_id=1

Peg


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## TinysMom

I haven't cried for you since Saturday morning......but I still miss you so much.

I am starting to love Zeus - that is - I love him for being a bunny - but we're starting to build a relationship. I've sort of held myself back from him a bit - scared to love him....at least up close. I wanted to pet him - but I didn't want to pet him...

A little bit ago, I pulled him into my lap and held him. Oh did it bring back memories of holding you - or should I say TRYING to hold you.....back before we learned to love each other?

He watches me many times - like you would watch me before we built our relationship. He lets me pet him - like you did after about a month and a half of laying on the floor with you hours every day. I think in some ways we're wanting to connect to each other - but afraid of connecting.

Speaking of connecting...Miss Bea connected with him last night - to pull out a bit of loose fur. Seems like he wandered too close to her cage and she came dashing out after him. She spit the fur out of her mouth and looked at me and gave me the dirtiest look. Then she went back in her cage and thumped me off.

I thought she would be ready for a friend....but I fear perhaps she has started to bond with me. I know she does NOT want Zeus loose in the room or near her cage. If worse comes to worse - he'll move into our bedroom......but we have plenty of time before we have to face that decision...

Btw -I'm sorry for thinking you were so unfaithful to your women...I mean...you were...but you would only stare at the girls in the rabbitry - Zeus just jumps in there and gets groomed by three or four at a time...and then he winks at me if I suggest I come help him out. The running joke is he should be called Zeus Heffner (thanks Bo) or god of the giggolos (thanks Zin). 

Oh well - I did some collages of you today. I'm want to order 2 collages at the end of this week from snapfish.com 'cause they're going to be 30% off till 2/29. I've decided to go with one that is photos of just you (I almost called it "The Many Faces of Tiny" but it had more than your faces...)...and then "Tiny and Friends". I can hardly wait to get them and decorate the room with them. Here are the ones I was looking at...

































































Well my big buck - I gotta start getting ready for work. I miss you so much...but I'm gonna be ok. I will make it through this. Thanks for sending Zeus my way......I think. 

Mom


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## SOOOSKA

Oh Peg, just seeing the pictures of Tiny with his Easter Bonnet make me smile. I am so glad that I madeit for him. 

Thank you for putting them in your collages.

Hugs

Susan


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## momofmany

I want to say I'm sorry I'm late replying to this thread. Your bun, Tiny, sounds like he was very, very special--not only to you, but to so many others on this forum as well.

I am very sad for your loss of him and hope you will find comfort here at this forum and in your writings.


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## TinysMom

*SOOOSKA wrote: *


> Oh Peg, just seeing the pictures of Tiny with his Easter Bonnet make me smile. I am so glad that I madeit for him.
> 
> Thank you for putting them in your collages.
> 
> Hugs
> 
> Susan


Susan,

A collage of Tiny would not be complete without his Easter Bonnet/hat. I thought he looked so cute in it....even if he himself hated it. 

Receiving that hat allowed me to make a really "special" memory with Tiny - and I'm so thankful you sent that to him.

Peg


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## Zeus

*Yo! Tiny....

You didn't tell me she was the "wicked witch of the West"....you expect me to bond to Miss Bea?

You're CRAZY!

Ain't happening big guy - there are too many beautiful does out in the rabbitry. Your old girl wants to attack me - knock over my feed bowl (so what if I was chasing her at the time) and chin my bed. In addition - our mom tries to put my poops in my bed too...she claims its a "litter box".

So you big brute - you best be having some talks with them to set them straight....

I gotta admit though...this home isn't all bad....

Just don't tell mom yet...I gotta break her in some more....

ZEUS

P.S. Don't go expecting me to wear a hat or tie or whatever without putting up a fight either!
*


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## TinysMom

Oh Tiny....I miss you so much today.

I keep trying to work on collages to design one I really like....but none of them are the same as having you back. I'm gonna work on it some more - but it might take some time.

I did design this today and order it to remember you by...






I used a couple of my favorite photos....I may just keep it on my desk to hold candy so that the dishwasher doesn't make the photos go away...

I love you my big boy. I do so good for a bit and then something happens and I start crying and can't stop. 

I do love Zeus - thank you for sending him to us. Just like you....he LOVES Blueberry yogurt chips (he stole one from Miss Bea - somehow - I pictured you up there laughing your tail off at that) and he'll come to me for a banana too. I'm so glad for the excuse to keep us stocked in bananas again.

Go binky for me now....ok? And give all the bunnies from here an extra hug - even Puck. 

Mom

P.S. If you want to see the mug better - you can just click on it......I put two photos on one mug...


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## RexyRex

I hope that I'm not being too forward by posting on here, since you don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that you posting about Tiny has opened my eyes to really cherish my time with my animals and take lots of pictures because you never know what tomorrow holds. My "heart" dog is Maggie Bear, she's only 7 but she's never been in good health. If I'm blessed to have her until she's 10 I will consider myself very lucky. Since reading about Tiny and feeling your heartache I've been taking pictures of all my babies and spending some real quality time with them. Things that sometimes get pushed to the back burner because work and life gets in the way. Thank you for reminding me of what is important.

I hate that I didn't get to know Tiny while he was here, I've read lots of yours and his posts and I do feel like I know him somewhat! He was just such an incredible rabbit with such personality.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind my "butting" in to your thread for Tiny, but I thought that you might like to know that you unknowingly reached out and touched me and made me truly thankful for the time I have with my bunnies and my dogs. Thank you :rose:


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## TinysMom

*RexyRex wrote: *


> I hope that I'm not being too forward by posting on here, since you don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that you posting about Tiny has opened my eyes to really cherish my time with my animals and take lots of pictures because you never know what tomorrow holds. My "heart" dog is Maggie Bear, she's only 7 but she's never been in good health. If I'm blessed to have her until she's 10 I will consider myself very lucky. Since reading about Tiny and feeling your heartache I've been taking pictures of all my babies and spending some real quality time with them. Things that sometimes get pushed to the back burner because work and life gets in the way. Thank you for reminding me of what is important.
> 
> I hate that I didn't get to know Tiny while he was here, I've read lots of yours and his posts and I do feel like I know him somewhat! He was just such an incredible rabbit with such personality.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you don't mind my "butting" in to your thread for Tiny, but I thought that you might like to know that you unknowingly reached out and touched me and made me truly thankful for the time I have with my bunnies and my dogs. Thank you :rose:


Thank you so much for your post. While I would give anything (almost) to have Tiny back - knowing that our loss encourages others to take photos and make those memories NOW - so they might have less regrets later on....means a lot to me. Somehow, it helps to make the grief more meaningful.

I have almost as many photos of Zeus in the last 6 days as I had of Tiny in 3 years.....losing Tiny at such a young age has impressed upon me the need to keep my camera batteries charged and to try and take pictures of different bunnies all the time.

Peg


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## AngelnSnuffy

Peg,

I just want to say that I somehow know what you're going through, but you have had two hecks of years. So unfair. So, me losing one very important one can't be near as hard as losing what you have. I wish I could hug you. You told us what brought you toadopt Zeus and I think that was a very good decision, he's helping you through. Miss Bea sure is a delight as well (just saw the vid with Robin giving him Craisens-too cute!)

I just want to add that, you have made us all utterly aware that the pictures and videos need to be taken NOW, not in a week or 3, NOW. I have been doing that, thanks to you.

I have a strange one of Snuff-not meaning to hijack, but he's weird. He does this dig, dig, dig, then he rubs his teeth on the flooring, haha. Weirdo.

I am so glad that Zeus is giving you some happiness when you most needed it. You definitely deserve it, hon:hug:.

Tiny? Are you giving me the butt right now? Haha. You have fun sweetheart!

I look forward to hearing much, much more about Zeus and Miss Bea!


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## TinysMom

Thank you for your kind words - and thanks really to all who have responded.

Some who have responded on this thread have already suffered losses (as far as heart bunnies go) - others have yet to suffer a loss (I pray you don't for a LONG LONG TIME).

Although I've had a large number of losses....I want to point out that losing one is not of any less pain than losing a number of buns. The fact is...we still lost a friend - a furry partner - a family member. 

The loss of Tiny was absolutely devastating to me....worse than any other I'd lost. It was so sudden....and it was so unfair. (Death is always unfair).

I think though that somehow - I have more strength this time - part of it comes from the lessons I've learned from my losses thus far - part of it comes from having a purpose now - taking his death and using it to tell people, "TAKE PICTURES NOW. MAKE MEMORIES NOW. WRITE DOWN MEMORIES NOW!"...and of course - Zeus and Miss Bea are helping me also.

Yesterday I was so worried about Zeus - thinking he'd never be happy. Today - its like he's much more comfortable with us - more ready to accept us. Seeing progress in our relationship is helping me - and using the lessons Tiny taught me (to get him to trust me) is helping too.

Anyway - your loss was just as great as mine....so please don't feel like we can compare them.....but we can comfort each other as we work through our grief and somehow find a way to move on.

Right now - creating mugs and collages and books and scrapbooks about Tiny - is helping me to cherish the memories while I continue to move forward.

Peg


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## AngelnSnuffy

*TinysMom wrote: *


> Although I've had a large number of losses....I want to point out that losing one is not of any less pain than losing a number of buns. The fact is...we still lost a friend - a furry partner - a family member.
> 
> 
> I think though that somehow - I have more strength this time - part of it comes from the lessons I've learned from my losses thus far - part of it comes from having a purpose now - taking his death and using it to tell people, "TAKE PICTURES NOW. MAKE MEMORIES NOW. WRITE DOWN MEMORIES NOW!"...and of course - Zeus and Miss Bea are helping me also.
> 
> Anyway - your loss was just as great as mine....so please don't feel like we can compare them.....but we can comfort each other as we work through our grief and somehow find a way to move on.
> 
> 
> Peg



Big points made there. But I always feel with you, Peg, that I cannot imagine, you know? Even though I had a hard one, I have been offering you condolences too much, it's not fair to you, and yes, it's never fair to anyone. God has made you stronger, for others.

One point I want to make is that, you, Peg, have given us strength, because God gave YOU the strength. He knew you could do this, I guess.:hug: He's helped you to be one tough cookie, because you are.

I am graced with His presence and Love, I really am.


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## TinysMom

*AngelnSnuffy wrote*


> Big points made there. But I always feel with you, Peg, that I cannot imagine, you know? Even though I had a hard one, I have been offering you condolences too much, it's not fair to you, and yes, it's never fair to anyone. God has made you stronger, for others.
> 
> One point I want to make is that, you, Peg, have given us strength, because God gave YOU the strength. He knew you could do this, I guess.:hug: He's helped you to be one tough cookie, because you are.
> 
> I am graced with His presence and Love, I really am.


As strange as it may sound - I think God used the deaths over the past year to make me stronger for Tiny's passing - and to be able to help others. That doesn't mean I LIKE the fact that we had to go through those deaths. Its just...each one somehow toughened me up. Each one (as I was willing to go through the grieving process) made me stronger.

For those who don't know me - in the spring of 2005 (before I started breeding) - we got six bunnies that became our pets. We started with Tiny & Tio & Kyo (Netherland dwarf brothers). Then we added GingerSpice and SugarBear (lionheads) and finally - Puck.

GingerSpice died of what we think was e cunniculi in Jan of 2007. I was devastated and for months I was practically non-functional around the house (I buried myself in the forum to hide from the pain).

Puck died after fighting wry neck for months...and if I remember right - SugarBear died the same week.

Kyo (Robin's rabbit) had been rehomed in a pet home. This left me with Tiny & Tio.

Then - in the course of a few short weeks - we lost three out of four in a litter - three that were going to go to Rosie (Maherwoman).....Dusty, Drew & Bun Bun. The way they passed led us to believe that maybe they had some sort of a hidden genetic heart defect.

Each loss was devastating....each time I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and never come back out. 

But each loss became "easier" to take. I could go on....I had to go on. I have a family and I had Tiny - and to be honest with you - he gave me so much strength.

One of the things that has greatly comforted me - more than anyone can know - is that I had 48 hours where I knew Tiny was ill and we could lose him. When he passed - it wasn't a total shock....I'd had time to start preparing myself (even though I never wanted it to happen).

I still remember the feel of him laying in my arms on the dog's bed that Friday night when I slept with him. I'd pet him and pet him....and if I stopped- he'd nudge me. If that didn't work - he'd lightly nip me. The memory of that night is just so special. For one thing - he looked so shocked (and pleased) that I'd spend the night laying on the floor with him. Funny....I used to lay on the floor with him when I was trying to get him to trustme - but I didn't do it a lot later on (although these last few months I did sit on the floor with him a lot).

Also - from the time on Sunday when I became more sure we were gonna lose him (about 2 pm) till we lost him - I had almost 6 hours. I spent at least one hour of that on the floor with him - talking to him - telling him I loved him - telling him how much he taught me. I spent it petting him the way he loved and snuggling with him and keeping him warm by holding him close.

Those memories hurt so much - and yet - they bring me such comfort. 

The fact we were with him when he passed (even though I swore he didn't want me there) help too. I still see his head in shoulders cradled in Art's arms as he took his last few gasps....with me rubbing his nose and telling him I loved him. I was able to be there with him - and his crossing was so peaceful....

There is a verse in scripture about how we will comfort others with the comfort we've received (something like that) - and that is true. What I experienced this last year has made me stronger - but also the comfort I received from others.

I think part of what hurt the worst....besides losing Tiny....was knowing how much the forum was hurting. I didn't realize just how beloved he was until he got ill. When he passed - I so hated coming on here - I felt like I'd failed not only him - but the forum.

As I debated about getting another rabbit....two of the things I considered were....Miss Bea.....and the forum.

I really felt the pain of the forum - so many people were hurting so bad. Could bringing another rabbit into our family help us - and others - make it through the pain?

I don't normally like to point out one person or another - but one person who really influenced me - more by her past actions than anything else - was Bassetluv. As y'all may know - I loved her Raph...I followed him everytime she posted. Over time -we'd talked several times as Raph and Ginger both had health issues and we needed to think about their quality of life, etc. 

When she got Yofi, I really felt like it helped not only her - but the forum. I felt like we all had another rabbit to love - one with a huge personality....etc. I know that her addition of Yofi really helped me to heal from the loss of Raph.

Now - as I type this - Zeus is choosing to groom Miss Bea and snuggling with her. (Honestly, I think they're both silently planning their next antics). His stories are helping to make people laugh (I hope) and somehow - I think he's reminding us that life does go on.

This isn't the life I would have chosen....if I'd had my way - Tiny would be here still and I'd have my best bud with me. 

But honestly - I think in the last 24-48 hours, I've come to grips with this is the life God has dealt to me. I've struggled with my faith (which I've had for over 40 years now) more over the loss of Tiny than over anything else. I've yelled at God, I've questioned God - I even tried to make deals with God during Tiny's last 48 hours. 

But I've come to the point that in my beliefs.....either God is God...or He isn't. Either I believe in Him during the rough times....or my belief is nothing at all.

I realized that the only reason He's been feeling silent to me - is that I was shutting Him out. I wasn't willing to listen. 

Now that I've come to that conclusion - I find He's giving me peace....and a measure of acceptance. 

Sorry to get off on my religious soapbox....but my faith is such a major part of who I am and what I am and what I believe. 

Thanks for the encouraging words.....if I can somehow reach folks and get them to continue to take photos - to make memories of their rabbits NOW.....then it does help...it really does.

Peg


----------



## Zeus

*YO TINY!

I admit it - you were right.

She does a good job of grooming....and she is a lot of company.

So I'll take care of your woman while you take care of the does up there....

.....and someday - hopefully a LONG time from now - the three of us can get together and I can kick your *$#@ .... um I mean....

We can binky together.

Yeah...that's it.

ZEUS
*


----------



## Leaf

*Zeus wrote: *


> *YO TINY!
> 
> I admit it - you were right.
> 
> She does a good job of grooming....and she is a lot of company.
> 
> So I'll take care of your woman while you take care of the does up there....
> 
> .....and someday - hopefully a LONG time from now - the three of us can get together and I can kick your *$#@ .... um I mean....
> 
> We can binky together.
> 
> Yeah...that's it.
> 
> ZEUS
> *



Oh Zeus -

For a moment you made my face scrunch and prickles come up behind my eyes. Should I laugh or cry?

You have some bigpawprints to follow behind, but maybe, maybe - they're not to follow but to walk beside instead.

You better keep in line buddy, or Miss Bea will put the smackdown on you!



:bunnyhug:to all of you guys


----------



## TinysMom

*Leaf wrote:*


> You have some bigpawprints to follow behind, but maybe, maybe - they're not to follow but to walk beside instead.


Oh wow - what a beautiful way to express those thoughts.....thank you so much.

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

I used to love the poetry of Helen Steiner Rice when I was growing up - here is one of her poems....it wasn't the one I was thinking of when I went searching for her poems....but it meant a lot to me..

[align=center]_Gods Promise_[/align] _God did not promise sun without rain,
light without darkness,
or joy without pain.

He only promised us strength for the day
when the darkness comes
and we lose our way.

For only through sorrow
do we grow more aware
that God is our refuge
in times of despair.

For when we are happy
and life's bright and fair,
we often forget
to kneel down in prayer.

But God seems much closer
and needed much more
when trouble and sorrow
stand outside our door.

For then we seek shelter
in His wondrous love
and we ask Him to send us
help from above.

And that is the reason
we know it is true
that bright, shining hours
and dark, sad ones, too,
Are part of the plan
God made for each one,
and all we can pray is, "Thy will be done!"
(Helen Steiner Rice)_


----------



## TinysMom

Here is the poem I was thinking of...

What God Has Promised

God hath not promised 
Skies always blue
Flower-strewn pathways 
All our lives through. 

God hath not promised 
Sun without rain 
Joy without sorrow 
Peace without pain. 

But God hath promise 
Strength for the day 
Rest for the labor 
Light for the way; 

Grace for the trials 
Help from above 
Unfailing sympathy 
Undying love. 

By: Annie Johnson Flint


----------



## TinysMom

More...

When I Must Leave You by Helen Steiner Rice

[font="verdana,arial,helvetica"] When I must leave you
for a little while,
Please do not grieve
and shed wild tears
And hug your sorrow
to you through the years,
But start out bravely
with a gallant smile;
And for my sake
and in my name
Live on and do
all things the same
Feed not your lonliness
on empty days
But fill each waking hour
in useful ways
Reach out your hand
in comfort and in cheer
And I in turn will comfort you
and hold you near;
And never, never
Be afraid to die,
For I am waiting
For you in the sky!

[line]
This Too Shall Pass by Helen Steiner Rice

[/font][font="verdana,arial,helvetica"] If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-[/font] [font="verdana,arial,helvetica"]If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-[/font]
[font="verdana,arial,helvetica"]Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near. 
[/font]


[font="verdana,arial,helvetica"][line]
[/font]

[font="verdana,arial,helvetica"]
[/font]


----------



## TinysMom

You made me laugh today Big Guy....even if you weren't here.

I was reading back through old posts on the forum and came across this one....

Here is the toy - after I modified it to take off the heavy things....





And here is the reason why I modified it...from April 5th, 2005....

I found the baby chains in the baby section of Walmart. There were 8 in a package for .99 or I could buy a "quality" brand (forgetthe name) of 20 for something like $3.83. I bought 2 8 packs because I already had one at home.

I'm noticing that he sort of likes the toy - BUT - the toys are so heavy that they keep coming back and hitting him in the head.He's learning to duck....a little but then he gets mad if he gets hit. I'm going to take off the heavy toys and put on the keysI got him (also .99 at Walmart) so that he has better control over it. I'll take a picture as soon as I can - if I can stop laughing.

Of course, it doesn't help that he was running circles around his cage tonight and he ran right into the door and stopped dead in his tracks. I was laughing at the look on his face - so he ignored me for about 15 minutes. I tried to explain that I couldn't help laughing....but you would have thought I'd stepped on his tail or something to hurt him. 

So now I have to learn to giggle quietly.

Tiny's Mom


----------



## maherwoman

Wow...he's so wonderful...I miss that big ol' guy...

He reminds me so much of Teeny with that story, except that with Teeny, when he knocks into furniture (which happens a LOT when he's racing around), he kinda binkies off when he hears me giggle. I think it's him giggling, too...silly boy!

I love that it made Tiny grumpy, though...that's so cute!!


----------



## Zeus

*Yo.....BunFather....

I wanted to let you know I'm taking good care of your woman here. Can't seem to reach your mom yet....I try to make her smile - but I'm not into "snuggles" with humans.....still can't figure out why you liked it so much.

But mom does a good job of giving us cilantro and carrots and stuff and I nudge her now when I don't get them first (I think she deliberately waits to MAKE me nudge her). 

Anyway - back to your woman....I think she's somewhat happy now. We do some photo shoots together sometimes - here's a picture from one....






and here is something that mom said she never ever saw Miss Bea do while you two were together...





Its not the best dead bunny flop she's done....but mom says she never used to do them....so she's learning to relax some more with me around. 

Mom misses you lots - and has days like today when she's sick with the flu and I don't know how to help her. But she's doing better. She only leaks sometimes.....and most of the time she looks at your pictures and smiles or tells stories about things you did.

You know what? I wish we could've met.....we might of even liked each other .... once you realized I was the boss.

Anyway - we're doing good here - and I'm looking out for them for you. So go binky with Samantha and GingerSpice and all the others....and know I've got this covered.

Zeus
*


----------



## Hazel

Peg, I wanted to say thank you as well. I started a quick blog on here and realized I wouldn't be able to keep it up since my internet is so sketchy sometimes. So I bought a scrapbook and some disposable cameras and I take pictures and write things down when the buns do funny things or just do anything really. I took a lot of pics of Hazel recently when I was really worried about her "area" and her health. And I know one day I will have these things to help me remember how much I loved my spoiled brats... I mean my loving furballs,  

And I went out and bought the stuff because of your encouragement and because I saw all of the beautiful memories you had of Tiny and unfortunately how quickly a rabbit can go from sick to the bridge. 

So thank you so much. And this post has been beautiful to read. Tear-inducing, but beautiful. <3


----------



## TinysMom

I miss you so much today big guy.....its been almost 6 weeks since you've left....

I'm gonna be ok though. I really am. I can even see pictures of other black flemish and not get all upset. In fact, I can even enjoy those pictures.

But I still miss you....a lot. 

I love you. I guess I just had to say those words to you again right now....

Mom


----------



## TinysMom

Oh my darling boy - I miss you so much today. Saturday would've been the third anniversary of your "Gotcha" day. Only somehow - I don't think I got you - I think you got me.

I decided to "celebrate" it today....because a website was having a special of 15% off photo gifts (and free shipping) for today only. Since my mug of you means so much to me....I decided to make another one. This company allowed me the option of putting four pictures on the mug - so here is what I chose:







I love the photo of you with GingerSpice and SugarBear eating a salad....its always been one of my favorites. And I love the one with you and Tio (or is it Kyo? I'd have to go back and read old forum posts). 

I've always loved the one of you getting into the snack bucket because of the memory that is attached to it. We hadn't had you long - but we'd had you long enough that you were feeling comfortable getting into things if you found them. But you still weren't used to me a lot.

I was watching The Apprentice and it was the boardroom scene and Donald Trump said, "You're Fired". 

You were in the midst of snacking - and you looked up and looked at the tv. Then you looked around for me - and when you saw me - it was like for the first time - you were reassured that everything was ok....and you went back to snacking. 

Basically - it was the first time you'd ever looked for me - in a good way. 

So those shots of you with the snack bucket are really special to me....and I'll always cherish them.

And of course - the mug wouldn't be complete without a picture from your last day outside with Miss Bea.....

Miss Bea is doing good - sometimes I see her looking off into space as if she's thinking about something. Usually then Zeus will come over by her - or she'll decide to get up and go over and lay beside him. Sometimes I'm angry at her for accepting him so easily - for not being faithful to your memory. Then I remember....she was second fiddle - I was first. I suppose it is easier for her to move on.

Anyway - I miss you. I can't bring myself to bond with Zeus yet. Part of me wants to - but part of me can't. I still enjoy having him here - I laugh at his antics and I love to watch him snuggle. Sometimes I see him watching me and I think he's waiting - that he's finally ready but he knows I'm not. I don't know though - maybe I am confused....I just don't know. 

I'm sure in time - he and I will build our own relationship. 

But I'll never forget you - and I'll always love you.

It's funny - I never realized before you passed just how I could be surrounded by bunnies....yet feel so alone. 

I miss you. Take care my big guy.....

Mom


----------



## TinysMom

Oh Tiny.....its tougher than I thought it would be. Its really hard right now. 

Three years ago now - I was on my way to the breeder's house to pick you up. They had let me know that they did have a pet quality flemish buck....and the woman thought it was a black one but she wasn't sure since her husband bred the flemish. Dad gave me permission to drop him off at work early and he'd get a ride home that night so that I could go get you.

Eric was home on spring break...so he and Robin rode along with me. We drove all the way to Ozona and found the place pretty easily. I wanted to speed the whole trip and I must admit that several times I was going faster than the speed limit....something I normally try to not do.

We talked about names for a black bunny - "Magic" and "Jack" and other names. But somehow, I thought, "Wouldn't it be funny to name a really huge bunny "Tiny"...?" and that is the name that I chose. (Yeah - I chose it cause you were MINE). 

Good lord - knowing what I know now - you were petrified of me - of us - of the whole thing. In my naivety, I thought you were shaking for excitement at going home....now I realize just how scared you were. I've since realized that you probably were barely handled and when the guy grabbed you by the scruff of the neck - that was probably the ONLY way you were handled. You had no idea what love was.....then again - I'm not sure I did either (love from an animal that is). After all, I'd gone to get a "pet" .... I didn't realize you were a person.

Then his wife started showing us some of her rabbits that she breeds and she pulled out Tio and Kyo and was showing them to us....and mentioned how she was going to sell them at the Duncan show for $10 each. 

They were so cute....and so small. She assured me they wouldn't fight (since they were littermates) and Eric pulled out a $20 bill (I had only brought the money for you) and bought them for Robin & me. 

It was neat to see all the different colors of flemish giants - and to see the various large lops. Robin got to hold a newborn flemish giant that was born that morning if I remember right.....and we even got to see a flemish in a pen that was playing.

You sat in the back seat all during the drive home - with the kids beside you. Tio & Kyo were in the box with you and I kept wondering just how I was gonna tell dad that I didn't bring home ONE rabbit...but I brought home THREE rabbits. I only had one cage!!!!

I remember how happy you seemed to be to get in YOUR cage when we got home. It was like security to you. You didn't want to be petted or touched...you just wanted to relax and feel secure. I was so disappointed....when I was a child I'd had bunnies and I'd been able to cuddle them. However, what I'd forgotten was that some of them took time to warm up to me ... and others had grown up with me around them...so they were used to me. Instead, you were in a home with strange sights and sounds and food and water. Nothing was familiar to you.

I emailed dad and said, "um...I came home with one bunny...for each person on the trip"....and he emailed me back and was like, "Why am I not surprised????" 

He wasn't mad. When he got home and saw you he was like, "Wow...big bunny" and I said, "he's supposed to get even bigger...about three times this size".

You know - when I got you - I didn't know that flemish are known for having shorter life spans. Still yet, I figured that we'd have you for a long time....at least 7 or 8 years or so. 

Instead - I only had you about 1,000 days.....a little under 3 years. 

When I lost GingerSpice - one of the kids said they wondered how I'd handle it if you ever died. To be honest with you - I remember thinking, "Tiny can't die...I can't take it." At that point - we weren't even as close as we were towards the end.

Thinking about it now - I feel like the last 48 hours we had together - you hung in there for me. You wanted to give me the gift of time to prepare for your passing. We snoozed together that Friday night on the dog bed - with you constantly waking me up for more pets....then you tolerated the trip to the vet - and came home. Sunday I knew you were passing. I kept trying to deny it - to say you'd pull out of it - everyone was saying you'd pull out of it. But I knew in my heart - after you drug yourself all that way to be closer to me....that we were going to lose you.

I wish I hadn't gone to the store to get you food to tempt you. I wish I'd stayed home and just held you in my arms.

But I did the right thing later - didn't I? We laid together on the floor for over an hour while I told you how much I loved you - and I petted you - and I told you how much you taught me about love. You seemed to happy to have me touch you...to know I was there. And in a way, I knew I was saying "goodbye". I didn't want to face it....I didn't want to admit it - that you were leaving.

Oh my big guy....if I failed you in any way - forgive me? I have decided I need to forgive myself in order to move on. I probably should have taken you to the vet when you first started to chew on carpet - but I thought it was a behavioral issue - like you having a tantrum - 'cause you only chewed on things when you'd get mad at me for messing with you or giving you meds. I thought you were trying to get my attention 'cause I was too distracted to pet you. Now I wonder.

But I have to move on. I can't keep living in the past and aching for you all the time. I don't think you'd want that either.

I have told Zeus that after today, I will sit on the floor with him and talk to him. I will pay attention to him and try to get to know him better. I can see that he's ready for a relationship - and now that I've forgiven myself - I'm ready for one too.

Will you celebrate your "gotcha" anniversary today for me up there? Maybe sit in Buck's lap and tell him some of your favorite stories of us....or go binky with Ginger and all the others.

But know that I'm going to be ok. I'm a mess right now - but I will be ok.

Thank you for the time we had together.

Mom


----------



## LuvaBun

:bigtears:Miss You, Tiny

Jan


----------



## Atorres61472

Dear Peg 

My heart breaks while I am reading this is this what its like to lovea bunnso much. I am affected each new day with Z and RS and I cant imagine what it will be like to be without them in my life. I am so sorry and know that Tiny is in a wonderful bunny place where he can binky and play and hes watching down here and I dont know you guys but You seem to be a kind and loving bunny mommy and I bet Tiny was aware of how great a bunny mom he has because even if he isnt here in body he is in your heart and I would have loved to have seen more but alas I only recently had my "Gotcha Day" and am just beginning here so Thank You for the beautiful story of your bigguy, The bunfather Thank You Audrey


----------



## angoragrl

Peg, this is the first time I've actually brought myself to read this thread and I have to admit, I've been sitting her crying for the last hour and I don't think I can bring myself to finish reading the whole thing tonight. I'm a horrible sap and Tiny's infirmary blog was hard enough for me. I usually avoid this part of the forum honestly. 

I know I haven't been around here long, but it was Tiny that started my love of Flemmies (I'm determined I will have one eventually) and I always enjoyed reading his blog. I'm terribly sorry for your great loss. You know what though, and this might sound a little wierd since my rabbits are so young right now, but it's comforting to know that whenever one of mine gets called up to the Bridge, Tiny will be there to show them around. I know he really didn't get to know my gang, but I have no doubt he really is up there watching over all the forum buns.


----------



## TinysMom

*Atorres61472 wrote: *


> Dear Peg
> 
> My heart breaks while I am reading this is this what its like to lovea bunnso much. I am affected each new day with Z and RS and I cant imagine what it will be like to be without them in my life. I am so sorry and know that Tiny is in a wonderful bunny place where he can binky and play and hes watching down here and I dont know you guys but You seem to be a kind and loving bunny mommy and I bet Tiny was aware of how great a bunny mom he has because even if he isnt here in body he is in your heart and I would have loved to have seen more but alas I only recently had my "Gotcha Day" and am just beginning here so Thank You for the beautiful story of your bigguy, The bunfather Thank You Audrey


Thanks so much. I haven't really been able to check this thread for a couple of days - I've been missing Tiny so very much. Its hard to believe its only been almost 8 weeks since we lost him.....it feels like forever.

I've had a couple of dreams about Tiny and a couple of times when things have been really bad - times when I would've gone to him and cried into his fur...I've felt his presence. Usually I have to be almost asleep though or just waking up....

My time with him was just so short and I want to scream at the world that it was so unfair....but I have to remember that life goes on. Tiny wouldn't want me to give up....at least that is what I tell myself.

Enjoy every day you have with your beloved bunnies - and I wish you many many many years and thousands of pictures and videos and memories.

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

*angoragrl wrote: *


> Peg, this is the first time I've actually brought myself to read this thread and I have to admit, I've been sitting her crying for the last hour and I don't think I can bring myself to finish reading the whole thing tonight. I'm a horrible sap and Tiny's infirmary blog was hard enough for me. I usually avoid this part of the forum honestly.
> 
> I know I haven't been around here long, but it was Tiny that started my love of Flemmies (I'm determined I will have one eventually) and I always enjoyed reading his blog. I'm terribly sorry for your great loss. You know what though, and this might sound a little wierd since my rabbits are so young right now, but it's comforting to know that whenever one of mine gets called up to the Bridge, Tiny will be there to show them around. I know he really didn't get to know my gang, but I have no doubt he really is up there watching over all the forum buns.


In one of the two very vivid dreams I've had of Tiny - that I remembered upon awakening....Tiny was actually with various forum bunnies and they were gathering at the bridge to welcome new arrivals - from the forum. The dream was so clear when I had it - and there were bunnies in the dream I recognized...not just my own bunnies - but others. 

I truly believe in my heart that Tiny is welcoming the new forum bunnies to the bridge and making them feel welcome. I suspect he might not be as kind to the bucks as he is to the does (he never cared for bucks) - but perhaps his dear GingerSpice helps to welcome them - along with Samantha - a flemmie doe who like Tiny - needed time to learn to love and trust. 

Enjoy every day with your precious buns - take lots of pictures and videos and blog lots of memories...you'll always cherish them.

Peg


----------



## TinysMom

Oh Tiny....things have been happening so much in my private life lately. I told a friend last night that I just wanted to hold you - to cry in your fur - to be near you again. I long for your sweet bunny kisses and I still laugh when I think about you being so happy in my lap one time that you gave the garbage can kisses for like 5 minutes or so.

I don't think that since you've been gone - I've needed you nearly as much as I need you now. I know I'll make it through this tough time.....but it would be so much easier if you were here.

I love you guy...I really do.

Oh - before I forget - you would've loved this....when Eric surprised us with a visit last week he said he almost stopped at Walmart to buy bunny ears and posterboard...he was gonna stand at the front door with a sign that said, "Will binky for craisins"...

I think he missed you too....

Be good my big boy...

Mom


----------



## timetowaste

first of all i love your new icon and i love that you have a bunny named isenstar because my last name is eisen .

secondly, i cry into nemo's fur almost everyday. especially when i am anxious, which is quite often. i can't imagine the pain of not having him there to just cry to.

you are loved, peg. i'm still so sorry for your loss.

tracy


----------



## TinysMom

I really really really hesitate to share some of this with y'all. But there are those who think it is important to be shared - that it needs to be shared.

This is what I shared with a friend today...

[line]I had a dream this morning and I was sleeping and I was laying in this really really vivid green grass by a brook. I kept feeling this nudge on my shoulder and I'd keep sorta pressing it off - till suddenly - it turned into a nip.

I opened my eyes - and there was Tiny. His fur was shiny and dark black and he looked young again. His eyes were sort of sparkly. He let me hold him in my arms and cry into his fur for a long time and he just snuggled there and let me give him ear rubs.

Then he nudged me and he spoke to me and his voice was sort of like Sean Connery (which he'd never had before in a dream)....

I have to go mom. I found my new calling and I can't be here with you and do it. But I love you. You need to go too 'cause I can't do my work if I'm spending all my time with you..."

I held him close again for another minute or two...I think he knew I needed him just a bit more. Then he nudged me for a few more pets...and then he hopped away a bit and stopped.

He looked back at me with such compassion in his eyes -and yet he held himself like he had a sense of purpose. He took a short run - binkied and then - poof - he was gone. Just like that.

I woke up with a start - and my arms felt warm - like I had been holding him in them - and I was laying the same way I would if I was holding him. Yet there was nothing there....

Later on - shortly before I finally woke up today - I had one last dream - almost like a "short" if you watch animated movies and see them. This was very very short...probably 10 seconds or less.

Tiny was sitting at a book and looking at something. He said, "Nope..not that one" and flipped a page and looked at another page...and then flipped again. And the dream was over....all I knew was he was sitting and looking at a book and flipping pages.

[line]
Today I received a pm from someone who had a black bunny visit her in a dream - I'm going to pm her and ask her to share it here. I was so touched by her comments.

Then I shared her comments with Zin - who also told me about a dream in which a black rabbit visited her...I'm asking her to share her dream here also.

[line]
I suspect now that Tiny was given to me here - to teach me many things - but to allow me to give him a voice - to reach out and touch others. Because it sounds like now - that is exactly what he is trying to do....two people - who did not know each other (to my knowledge) have both had their own versions of dreams where Tiny has come to them about rabbits....it makes me wonder if somehow he is going to be continuing this work and if we will hear of more "sightings" of him somehow...

I still miss Tiny more than I can express. It will be 8 weeks tomorrow night that I lost him - and my world still feels empty and gray....but the things I've heard - even if you may think me crazy for believing them (something I never would have done until shortly before Ginger's death) ~ are bringing me a sense of comfort.

Binky free my big boy....binky free. Somehow - I suspect that I know of at least two bunnies who have now been blessed with good homes...thanks to you....

Peg


----------



## angoragrl

I wasn't going to share this story because I thought was crazy, but I did decide to share it with Peg this morning and she has asked me to share it with you all.

Most of you probably remember me posting about Lilly when I first found her on Craigslist. What I didn't share with you all is the dream I had the night before I found her posting. 

This is pretty much what I shared with Peg earlier.

In my dream, I was woken up by a big black bunny jumping on my chest. The bunny then raced around my room before coming back and landing on me again. When he came back, he told me about a fluffy white girl who needed me. He told me that she had too many homes already and that she was afraid no one would love her. He even told me that she was not in the best shape right now (which I didn't fully understand until I got her home) but that she would "blossom" with lots of love. I'm pretty sure I tried to ask him where I would find her, but before I could really say anything, he was gone. 

The next day, I looked at craigslist and Lilly's ad was the first one I saw. When I saw the ad, I imediately knew she was the bunny that my dream was about. I emailed them about her that morning and quickly found out that she had indeed been through several homes already in her short life. 

I woke up thinking that it was Tiny in my dream, but I wasn't sure about that until I started reading this thread. Since I haven't been around here for too long, I was somewhat familar with Tiny and loved his antics, but it wasn't until I read Peg's story about Kate, and Tiny waking her up by bouncing on her chest that I was sure that it was Tiny who came to tell me about my wonderful Lilly. 

Tiny also somewhat gave Lilly her name when he told me she would blossom with love. Since it was so close to Easter, I woke up thinking about Easter lillies and I think I knew before I even found her that her name was going to be Lilly. 

Thank you Tiny, for bringing me my Lilly T Fluffybuns, she really is great just like you said.


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## TinysMom

Tiny - its happening.

I'm finally allowing myself to bond with Zeus.

I can't help it. I've tried to stop it - in the beginning. I couldn't really accept him at first for a bit. I mean - I could love him for loving Miss Bea - but to open myself up to him....there was no way I could do that.

But he's started sleeping behind my chair (I need clean out the area under my desk). He's frequetntly less than 3 feet away.

Now when I read a really happy post - or when I write a really happy post - I tend to turn around and rub his ears and pet his head.

If I read a really sad post....or if something makes me sad....I go to him too. I might rub his head a bit longer and cry (but miss his fur as the teardrops fall).

It doesn't mean that I don't want you here....I do. You'd love it here right now - Zeus has TWO women (I know he'll never hit your record of five....well...I hope he won't) and there are BABIES (well - 7 weeks old) in Cass's cage. You'd love watching them - if you were here I'd have the girls out and let you play with them....(Sorry - I don't trust Zeus to that point yet).

But you're gone....and Zeus is here. 

And somehow - it feels oh so good - to be able to pet flemmie ears again and feel comfort.

This has been an awful horrible week for me. I've missed you so much. But - its given me lots and lots of opportunities to reach down and pet Zeus...

.....and whether he'll admit it or not - I think he loves it...

I miss you big guy....I really do. But I'm gonna make it....I really am.

Mom


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## TinysMom

Thank you so much Angoragrl for sharing - that meant so much to me when you sent it to me privately....and thank you for being willing to share it with the forum.

I know Tiny visited someone else too - they told me the same day I heard from Angoragrl.....

I can hardly wait for them to share...

Peg


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## TinysMom

Hey handsome....I miss you so much tonight. Ok....I miss you a lot lately - like almost all the time.

I wish you were here now - I wish I could put my head in your fur and cry and cry and cry. I've changed a lot recently - I'm fighting a major battle with depression and while it may have had its start with you - other things have compounded it. I don't trust people anymore....and I barely enjoy some of the bunnies too. 

I'm trying to turn things around.....and I may even go to a counselor again - I don't know. I am at least going to a doctor (aren't you proud of me??)....so maybe that will help.

Anyway - the REAL reason for this post is actually a celebration. Over three years ago - my very first post said...

I'm curious why you want a girl. The breeder I bought Tiny from stressed to me that a male would be easier to get along with (does are more territorial) and several others pointed that out to me before I got him.

Now that he's been here two weeks - I love him to pieces. He is great with our 3 cats, 1 dog and 2 other bunnies (Netherland Dwarfs) that we got the same day as Tiny.

Anyway, I was just curious why you wanted a girl since I've heard they can be more tempermental.

Peg

Mommy to Tiny, Tio & Kyo

Now.....3 years later....this is officially my 8,000th post. And I wanted to use it for something VERY VERY special.

I wanted to use it to say....

[align=center]I love you Tiny.

I will ALWAYS love you...and you will always be in my heart.

Forever.

[align=left]So go binky for me big guy.....to celebrate my 8,000th post....and give Miss GingerSpice some grooming for me too .... ok?


[/align][/align]


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## JimD

:hug1


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## TinysMom

Tiny - you've been on my heart and mind all day today. It is the 1st anniversary of Samantha's passing and I've been praying for her mom and dad and thinking of you.

You know I always wanted you to meet Samantha - just not at the bridge...I wanted to be there to see you two together. 

So would you do me a favor? Give Samantha some extra snuggles today - for me. Somehow I suspect you two and Ginger and some of the others are just having a ball - but sometimes I feel like you go to the bridge and look into the water to make sure I'm ok...and that the other moms and dads are ok. As crazy as it sounds - sometimes its like I can feel your presence near....

Anyway - go run and play with Samantha and tell her that I miss her too - ok? 

Don't forget to tell her she's pretty! (Ginger won't mind this time).

Mom


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## TinysMom

I haven't written for over a month - but that doesn't mean I haven't thought of you Tiny. Every day - I think of you when I walk into my office. I think of you when I look at my coffee mug of you (I have two)....and I think of you - almost all the time.

Last week was really hard - I was so depressed (mainly from being tired) - but I was lonesome for you....and you came to me. Somehow - I feel like I need to share it here.

The first time you came to me- really stands out in my mind. I was sitting and suddenly I saw you out of the corner of my eye. You hopped over to me and then got up into my lap and stood on your hind legs. I hugged you so tight and as I was petting you - I couldn't get over how shiny and beautiful your fur was again. I held you close for at least five minutes and cried and cried and cried into your fur. 

You just stood there - on your hind legs - and let me cry....and I fell asleep (in my dream) - but when I woke up - you were still there and you were staring at me - as if you wanted to memorize what I look like.

Then you gave me one of my favorite looks of yours...







and you left....

The second time I dreamed of you....I woke up to find you looking at me again....only I hadn't known you were there. 

You were giving me what I used to call your "puppy dog" look...






You didn't say anything to me - I reached out to touch you - and you got up - and stretched - looked at me one more time -and then poof...you were gone. 

The third time...you told me you were here on business.....but you just stopped by to check on me. You said to me that there were many times you check in on me and I don't know about it...and that its ok. You also wanted me to know you were ok.

I didn't really see you in that dream - but I felt your fur in my arms as my eyes were closed. Then you kissed my arm....and disappeared again.

Some would say I'm crazy....maybe I am.

But I can't help but think you've been reaching out to me for a reason...

I miss you big guy. I'd give anything to hold you again.....

Mom


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## JimD

:hugsquish:....you know why!

Thank him for me...will you?!?!...even if it's in your dreams!


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## TinysMom

The last 7-10 days I've been missing you like crazy and I've been so ANGRY at you for leaving me - along with grieving for you....

Anyway - I just did up this slideshow - for folks who want to see it...

"The Many Faces of Tiny"

I really need to add a few more to it - but it was what I had handy.

I miss your face big boy..





(Click on the pic to see the slideshow)


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## TinysMom

[align=center][align=left](This is the first draft - it needs to be edited).
[/align]_*

Tiny FINALLY Gets a Job*_
[/align]
âCome on Tinyâ¦.letâs binky!â Tiny opened one eye and glanced at GingerSpice. Then he closed it again and sighed. 

âNo Gingerâ¦not nowâ¦â.

âTiny â youâre at Rainbow Bridgeâ¦you should be able to binky just fine. You donât have any limitations anymore. Come onâ¦letâs go playâ¦â

Tiny opened his other eye and looked at her. He sighed again.

âYouâve been looking in the brook at mama too much Tiny. You need to stop that. It will only make you sad. Come onâ¦letâs go play.â

When Tiny didnât respond â Ginger leaned over and bit Tinyâs butt. He sat up and glared at her.

âLook â leave me alone. I donât want to go binky. I donât want to go play. I donât want to eat grass. So go away and leave me alone.â

Tiny went back to napping and GingerSpice hopped over to see âMr. Buckâ at the bench.

âMr. Buckâ¦Tiny isnât happy. Iâm worried about him.â

The kind gentleman looked down at her. âWhatâs wrong with him sweetie?â

âI think heâs sick.â

âHe canât be sick at Rainbow Bridge Ginger. Maybe he just wants to be alone for a bit.â

âMr. Buck, I think heâs soul-sick. Iâm really really worried about him.â

Buck signed to himself. From the first moment Tiny crossed the bridge, heâd seen that this moment was going to come. He was surprised it had taken this long. 

He stood up and stretched his legs, readjusting some of the bunnies that were snuggled into his bunny carrier he wore. He looked at GingerSpice tenderly and said, âOkâ¦take me to The BunFather.â

GingerSpice hopped as fast as she could and was surprised that at his size and age, Mr. Buck could keep up with her. When he saw Tiny laying under the big oak tree, he thanked Ginger and told her that he needed to talk to Tiny alone. She looked up at him with such worry and fear in her eyes and cried as she said, âYou wonât send him away will you?â that Buck relented and said, âGingerSpiceâ¦you can come and be with us while we talk..â

She binkied so hard and fast â she didnât realize that she was going to land on top of Tinyâs head till she heard him groan.

Buck sat down beside the black bunny and petted him. Tears started coming out of Tinyâs eyes as he leaned into the pettingâ¦and he looked at up Mr. Buck.

âMr Buck. Iâm bored. I know Iâm supposed to be happy here â I know Iâm healthy again and can run and binky and play and eat from any of the grasses and gardens that I want. But I need more than this. A bunny can only play for so long before he gets weary of it.â

GingerSpice gasped. âYouâre BORED? How can you be bored??? Why there are so many bunnies to play with andâ¦â

Mr Buck held up his hand and told her to hush. 

âTiny, do you like it here?â

Tiny sat up and scratched himself while he thought. âWellâ¦its ok. I mean the grass is good and the weather is always nice. But I need more. Its hard to explain Mr. Buck. I thought Iâd be ok once we went through the books and I got to send Zeus to mom. But still yetâ¦I need to do more than just binky and eat.â

Suddenly, a big white bunny came up to Buck. âSir, I had a problem with my last assignment and I think we need to talk. We may need to do a bit of emergency control because the wrong family got theâ¦â

Buck hushed him. âIt will be ok. Weâll talk back at the bench in a few minutes. Why donât you go wait for me there.â

The white bunny stared at Tiny for a minute. âOhâ¦is he gonna join us? I know weâre getting pretty tired and could use more helpers.â

Buck watched as Tinyâs ears perked up. Tiny looked over at Ginger but she was busy watching a bug while she ate some grass.

Buck motioned to the white bunny, âGo wait for me at the benchâ¦Iâll meet you there.â

Tinyâs eyes grew as wide as saucers as the white bunny did one leap in the air and then POOFâ¦he was gone. Under his breath, Buck muttered to himself, âShowoffâ.

Tiny looked at Buck and said, âWhat was that about? Where did he go? How did he disappear like that? Can I do that too?â

Tiny would have kept asking questions â but Mr Buck held up his hand and made the motion for Tiny to be quiet.

âTiny, he is a messenger bunny. He spends part of his time here at Rainbow Bridge and part of it running errands and sending messages to both bunnies and people back home. You just saw him use his transportation jump to go where I asked him to meet me. It is a special jump he is allowed to have for the jobs he does for us here at the bridge.â

âA messenger bunny? How did he get to be that? Can I be one? What do I need to do? You mean â Iâd get to do more than just eat and binky?â

Tiny almost smiled as Buck shook his head yes. Thenâ¦without really tryingâ¦Tiny binkied almost to the top of the tree and came down and landed at Buckâs feet. 

âWow. I didnât realize how happy I was. Waitâ¦itâs a job. That means I need to have an interview. Iâm supposed to groom myself for an interviewâ¦â Tiny kept on muttering to himself as he started grooming but Buck interrupted him.

âTiny, letâs talk. You donât need to groom yourself. Letâs figure out if you even want to be a messenger.â

Tiny sat up and smiled. âOk. Tell me about what messengers do and how soon I can become one.â

Buck motioned for Tiny to come sit in his lap while he talked. Tiny snuggled in and felt Buck rub his ears as he started talking.

âTiny, sometimes we have to send messengers from here to both people and bunnies. Let me give you some examples. When itâs a bunnyâs time to cross the bridge but we know they will want to stay â or that they might be nervous â we send a messenger to let them know to not be afraid.â

Before Buck could go on, Tiny jumped up and looked Buck in the face. âLike that gray bunny I saw that Friday night I got so sick? I havenât seen him since thenâ¦â. 

Buck groaned. âYes, Tiny. Like that bunny. Heâs been demoted to another department for a while so that he can get some retraining. You seeâ¦he was supposed to MAKE you come here and he was sure that he could convince you, so he took the assignment. But then, as you laid in your mamaâs arms, he let you stay there until you were too ill to refuse to cross the bridge. He was supposed to convince you to come across but he let you stay. So because he failed his assignment, he is working elsewhere for now.â

Tiny was obviously troubled by this. He sat and stared at Buck for a minute or two and then said, âThatâs right. I remember telling him I couldnât leave yet and that I loved mama. And mama held me and held me and kept begging me to stay.â

Buck was crying as he looked at Tiny. âDo you remember the pain you went through for the next two days and how you dragged yourself out to be near your mama?â

Tiny looked down at the ground and nodded that he did remember.

âIf you had left when you were supposed to â you would not have suffered so much. But because you tried to hold on for your mama â you had to suffer until you had no choice but to come to us.â

Tiny thumped at Buck. âIâd do it again too you know. Iâd stay again in spite of the pain if it meant I could be with mama.â

Buck said, âMaybe you shouldnât be a messenger bunny thenâ¦â

Tiny interrupted him and said, âArenât there other types of messages?â

Buck smiled and said, âYes â there are lots of types of messages. For instance, there are some bunnies that are sad and long to come to the bridge but we know theyâre going to get well and it is too soon. So we send someone over to tell them that theyâve got to fight. We tell them to hold on and that theyâll cross the bridge later on â¦ when the time is right.â

âI like that job. What other types of messages are there?â

âWe also send messages to encourage shelter bunnies â to know that weâre working on getting them a home. We send messages to people to adopt bunnies. And every shelter bunny that is âput to sleepâ gets an honor escort across the bridge. They come in at a different place where they spend some time destressing with other shelter bunnies and then they come to this area of the bridge and merge with others.â

âOooh. Mr Buck I always wanted a job when I was down there and now I can finally have one. What do I have to do now?â

Buck smiled down at the buck â happy to see that he wasnât moping anymore. He motioned for GingerSpice to come over and he told her, âTiny is going with me for a bit and you wonât see him around for a while. Say goodbye but make it quick.â

Tiny hugged GingerSpice and whispered in her ear, âIâve got a jobâ¦Iâm gonna be a messenger.â

GingerSpice nudged Tinyâs nose. âI love you Tiny. I always did. Come see me again soonâ¦ok? Iâm gonna go see SugarBear.â

GingerSpice hopped off and Tiny said, âIâm ready.â

Buck clapped his hands twiceâ¦and Tiny and Buck were sitting on the bench with the white rabbit Tiny saw before. The two rabbits stared at each other and each started to thump when Buck said, âHarvey, this is Tiny. Heâs going to be your first trainee. Take him with you on your next assignment.â

The two bucks glared at each other.

âTiny. Harvey. I want you two to behave and work together. Now GO.â

Buck clapped his hands again and Tiny was in the air beside Harvey who said, âYou have got to learn to transport binky soonâ¦.come on with me..â

And off they wentâ¦to start *Tinyâs New Grand Adventures*.


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## Elf Mommy

Peg, you are such a talented author! This is a great story and really hits home to me. Thank you for sharing it!


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## TinysMom

Thank you for your kind words. I do have some ideas for future installments - in one of them - Tiny is going to argue with Buck about the rabbit that got demoted and how it isn't fair since some bonds are just too strong for a rabbit to voluntairily break.

I wish I had your gift of drawing to make animals come alive - but I guess I have to stick with writing 'cause I can't even draw stick figures!


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## Elf Mommy

*TinysMom wrote: *


> I added GingerSpice and SugarBear and they got along so well with Tiny...


Peg, which one is Gingerspice and which one is Sugarbear?


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## TinysMom

GingerSpice is the tort (brown) and SugarBear is the white (like processed sugar). They were brother/sister...and both have crossed the bridge far far too young...


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## Elf Mommy

Here are the calendar pages of our dear Tiny:



























May your heart continue to heal!


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## LuvaBun

Oh wow! Elf Mommy, those are amazing 

Jan


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## TinysMom

Oh Tiny - my world feels so empty without you right now....

Elf Mommy did an excellent job capturing you...didn't she? Robin looked at her drawings and said, "Wow - I forgot how young Tiny looked when we first got him.."

I miss you so much - I have so many regrets.

Zin posted this - and while it actually applies to three of you....and I'm posting it on all three threads....it really really REALLY applies to you...

So this is where we part, My Friend,

And you'll run on around the bend, Gone from sight but not from mind,

New pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength,

Life measures quality, not its length.

One long embrace before you leave,

Share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,

But they be they and they aren't you.

And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought

Will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,

The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.

And as you go to your final rest,

Take with you this -- *I loved you best.
*


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## chinmom

I sent this to Peg in a PM, and she asked me to share it with everyone that's following this thread. I got her PM several hours ago, but wanted to think about it. It was kind of personal, but I decided to share it here with you guys. 

Here is the PM:

A few days ago, I was looking through the scrapbook I made for Sophieafter I helped her pass over. That night I fell asleep in tears with the scrapbook on my lap. Suddenly I woke to some mumbling coming from the end of the bed. It was so dark inthe room that I thought Georgie had escaped and was on my bed. But I saw straight ears and knew it wasn't Georgie. I sat up and noticed that the bunny was looking at the scrapbook I had made, and was mumbling something about needing to find this bunny because she was too beautiful to pass up.The big black bunny turned to me and winked...then I woke up.

I fell back asleep a few minutes later, andhad a dream about what I can only guess was the Rainbow Bridge.I saw Sophie there binkying in a beautiful field of dandelions-- her favorite treat that shehad a lot of troubleeating because of her malocclussion. Suddenly a huge black bunny hopped over and nudged her nose; she flashed a huge smile at him, and I got to see that her teeth were finally perfect. They were shiny and white, and _straight_. They started binkying and chasing each other, and she seemed so happy. Sophie never binkied here...I think she was in constant pain despite all my efforts to keep her at ease. I was so worried about her; she never seemed to bond with any other bunny here, especially bunnies that were larger than her. I was so worried that she was going to be all alone over the Rainbow Bridge; that she would be as miserable there as I think she was when she washere with me. The black bunny started hopping away and Sophie yelled, "Tiny! Wait for me!" 

After a while of chasing and binkying, Sophie's mood seemed to drop. Tiny asked her what was wrong and she said that she had been watching hermom back homeand that she sawher momwas lonely and crying and wished she could do something to help. Tiny asked her to tell him about her mom and she told him, "I had to go my second mom after the first family couldn't take care of me. I had bad teeth and they couldn't afford to keep me comfortable. I was miserable and in pain every day. As soon as my new mommy got me, she gave me some yummy medicine and it helped a lot. She took me to her vet and had my teeth trimmed. I could finally eat without much pain, and was happy for a few days. But then the pain started again. My new mom kept giving me the yummy medicine every day, and it really helped."

She continued, "Mom would cut up my veggies real small so I could eat them. She would hold out craisins for me and hold them there until I could get them behind my front teeth and chew them. Sometimes it would take me a while to get a hold of the craisin, but she would stay there and hold it. My first family would always give up and just stick it in my bowl...I could never get it behind my front teeth, and just sat there trying and trying and feeling sorry for myself.

"Mom was wonderful to me. After a few months, she explained to me that she knew I was in pain and that she could help but we would both need to have a lot of courage. She told me that I could go to a place where I would never be in pain again, and that I would be happy and binky. One day she gave me some extra pain medicine andlet me out for an entire day. I binkied once and Mom laughed at me. Then she picked me up and wrapped me in my favorite pink fleece blanket. She held me for a long time and said that it was time for me to leave her. I didn't want to and laid there trying to tell her that I didn't want to. I don't remember much else, except that day I went to sleep and woke up here." 

Sophie hadtears in her eyes whenshe stopped talking; she noticed that Tiny was intently watching her. 

"You know how much your mom loved you?" Tiny asked Sophie. 

In a small voice, Sophie said, "yes."

Tiny asked, "Do you want to help her feel happy again?"

In a slightly stronger voice, Sophie replied, "yes."

After her response, Tiny said, "Follow me." They hopped together across the field and towards a big book at the edge of the dandelion field. Tiny explained that the book was filled with pictures of bunnies that needed someone to help them and love them. He told her that she could help choose the bunny to help her mom feel happy again.

He said, "I'll leave you here for a little bit. Look at this book and see if there are any bunnies you think your mom would love." 

Sophie flipped through the pages slowly and when she saw a description of a bunny that didn't have a name, she knew she had found the perfect bunny. She sprinted back through the field calling out, "Tiny! Tiny! Come here!" 

Finally she found him and told him in a high voice that she had found the perfect bunny for her mom. "He doesn't have a name and really needs someone to love him enough to name him." 

Tiny replied, "I'll see what I can do." 

Then, like the end of a movie, everything went black and I woke up. I couldn't help but feel like I had just watched a movie. I knew that Sophie had visited me toletme know that she was okay and happy. The rest of itI didn't take it too seriously, because, after all, it was just a dream. I kept mulling over it, though, because usually once I wake up, I don't remember anything about the dream I just had. Yesterday morning I was thinking about it as I put Sophie's scrapbook back in its place, but kind of put it out of my mind because I had to get ready to go.

Yesterday afternoonI met the grandfather of the guy I've been seeing. We began talking about Georgie, and he said, "I have a bunny I'm trying to find a home for." I told him that Ididn't have room at the moment but could take a look at the bunny so I could describe him whentrying to find him a home. 

When I walked into the garage, the bunny was housed in a cage so small that he couldn't even hop one full body length across the cage. I asked what his name was, and the grandfather said, "He doesn't have one. We just call him "the rabbit."" As soon as he said that, I knew that my dream actually had a meaning, and the rabbit Sophie had found was the one in front of me. I told the grandfather that I would try to get another cage together so I could take in the rabbit. When I came home, I picked up the box that holds Sophie's ashes, and thanked her. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will have the rabbit back here...and his new name is "Ollie." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, Peg, for encouraging me to share this here, and especially for your strength; it has given me the strength to heal as well. I hope this touches someone else as much as it touched me. 

-Annie


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## TinysMom

Thank you so much for sharing this on Tiny's thread. I knew it was very personal - but it was also so touching. It is so neat to think that Ollie will be joining your family and that in some way - perhaps - Tiny helped you to recognize that Ollie was supposed to come to you.

I've had three people so far tell me that they've seen Tiny in their dreams....all three were influenced to get another bun...and while Tiny has been in my dreams - it has been more to comfort me - that there was a purpose for his life - and even his passing. 

I don't know that I really have any strength to encourage others with. I still have days when I cry on the phone to Zin - one day this week I was crying and saying, "I want him back. I still want him back even if I can't have him." I try hard to accept his loss - but I miss him more than words can say.

I do hope you share LOTS of pictures of Ollie with us - and be sure to let us know why you named him that...


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## LuvaBun

Annie, that is awesome - thank you for sharing!

It seems like Tiny is very good at his job . I bet Ollie is very grateful.

Jan


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## TinysMom

Chinmom,

Thank you for posting that - I wrote a long message once and I swear the forum ate it....but I really do appreciate what you posted and what you shared with me.

Tiny - I miss you so much. I thought it would get easier - but it doesn't - it gets harder. 

As I'm sure you know big guy.....I'm getting Ori sometime in the future. I've got to say - you must be mastering your "message sending" .... first of all to get Ori to Zin....then to get the message to her that he was for me....along with the message to me that he was for me. The more I hear about what an attention hog he is - the more I think of you. You big baby.....if you had to - you learned to nip me to get attention (although you didn't do it often). Seems like somehow - Ori has learned the same trick.

I know he's not you at all - but in some ways - as Zin shares about him - and as I look at a photo of him - he reminds me of you. 

For those who are reading this and think I'm crazy....look at these two photos..

My big boy....





My future big boy...





I miss you so much....I'm in tears just looking at your picture. 

I told Zin that I'm afraid of taking Ori - afraid of loving him and losing him. Like I told her....You helped me through GingerSpice's death....New Hope helped me through your death.....now who is there to help me through New Hope's? I won't let Zeus help me....I don't want to risk losing him too.....I love him too much to let him close to me. I feel like I'm jinxed - or cursed. I feel like no matter which one I love the most - it will be the next one to die. 

Sometimes I just want to give away ALL of the bunnies - so it will stop hurting. But I can't....cause then I say, "Well, I can give away everyone but Harry...and Harriet...and Miss Bea (of course)....and ... and .... and....." and before you know it - I can't give away any!

Anyway - I probably should close this 'cause I'm just sitting here crying and missing you so much. 

I loved you - my big boy - my big baby. You taught me so much about love your last few months with us.....thank you so much for being my baby.


----------



## TinysMom

It needs some editing - but here is the next chapter..

[line] Tiny sat back on his haunches and watched Harvey do his stuff. He knew better than to interfere. He was supposed to watch 100 crossings to observe how to help bunnies cross. Then he would do 50 crossings while being observed by his trainer. Its too bad that he had to get stuck with Harvey. Harvey was a jerk. He never thought about the rules â¦he just followed them. It didnât matter who they hurt.

Tiny once told Harvey, âTheyâre not rulesâ¦theyâre more like guidelines really.â That was when he got his first âcoachingâ session with Buck after an escort.

Tiny thought back over the last few weeks. At first, he liked his job. It was fun to help the suffering buns cross and watch them relax as they were whole again. Once he watched a breeder knock a rabbit in the head and it laid there fighting death while Harvey gently coaxed it across. Tiny cried at that but he knew it was best for the rabbit.

The day he watched a shelter bunny get euthanized though was almost his last day as a messenger. He watched the rabbit fight to stay alive even though it didnât have the love of a person. When he got back to the bridge he cried and cried and went off to be alone for a bit. He told Ginger and others that he wasnât going to do this anymoreâ¦that he couldnât.

But then Pow Wow came to him to ask him for a favor. A litter was crossing in a few hours due to an âemergency spayâ. They were going to come to her and she knew they would be afraid. Would he help them cross â as a favor to her? She would be waiting for him at the bridge. Tiny did it as a favor to Pow Wow, even though it was hard. However, when he saw the look on their faces when they saw Pow Wow, and he watched how they jumped into her hugâ¦he was glad he had helped.

Then he found out it had been GingerSpiceâs idea. She knew that the babies were hard on Tiny and heâd snapped at Ginger for days the last time he helped a litter cross. But Ginger and Pow Wow hatched the plan to get him to help this litter cross too. She knew Tiny had to help bunnies cross. He was meant for this job. He figured out later that Ginger was behind the plot to have him helpâ¦after Ginger confessed it. She said it was because she knew he was meant to be a messenger and they had to get him back at work.

But this time was different. This was going to be his last time. He knew it. He couldnât handle this anymore and this case had made him realize it. For two hours, Harvey had been arguing with ______ that he needed to cross the bridge. Harvey gave all the usual reasonsâ¦the ones the bunnies fell for. A place to relax and play in. All the grass and carrots and stuff you could eat. He even talked about how you could look into the water and watch your person.

Then ____ lifted his eyes to Tiny and said, âWould you do it? Would you cross if you were loved?â

Tiny looked at the bunny â cradled in his mamaâs arms as she cried and wept and rocked him back and forth. He watched the tears slip down the mamaâs cheeks. Heâd already seen her give Sub-Q fluids and painkillers â heâd watched her syringe pedialyte into the bunny. 

It broke his heart to see what this human was going through â to see her suffering. 

Tiny felt a thump as Harvey sent him a message. He knew what the message was, âAgree with me. Get him to crossâ¦â

Tiny looked at the human one more time. âNo. Iâd stay. Iâd stay and fight to be here.â

Harvey thumped louder and said to ____, âDonât do it. Youâll only suffer. Youâll be in pain and youâll hurt and youâll make your human hurt.â

He could remain silent not a moment longer. Tiny said, âI know you hurt but your mom is giving you stuff to help with the pain. The longer you remain â the more time she has to say goodbye and get ready for you to cross. Iâd stay.â

The next thing he knew â Tiny and Harvey were at the bench. Tiny knew what was coming â another âcoaching sessionâ with Buck Jones. It seemed like he couldnât go for more than five crossings without having to get âcoachingâ from Buck.

Buck sighed as he saw Tiny and Harvey sitting beside him. He knew Harvey had been gone an awful long time with this crossing and from the look on Harveyâs face and the way he was thumping the bench, he knew that he was in for a long session with Tiny. Perhaps he ought to find another job for the BunFather?

Harvey started to report when Tiny turned around and kicked him in the mouth. âShut up!â he yelled. âIâve had enough of you. Iâll tell the story this time.â

The two started to scuffle on the ground â both bucks running at each other and kicking with all their might. Buck looked on and decided to give them a few minutes to get things settled this way. He had seen the tension building for weeks.

Finally, Buck clapped his hands and said, âENOUGH. Both of you get on the bench. NOW.â

Harvey sat first and he thumped as Tiny sat down. Tiny thumped back and they continued thumping at each other until Buck said, âBoys. Stop it now. Youâre setting a bad example for the others.â

Both boys looked and found that they were surrounded by bunnies. Some were saying, âTinyâs gonna get itâ and others were going, âUh uhâ¦Harveyâs in trouble this time.â Many of the bunnies had been escorted across by Harvey but they all had come to know the BunFather too. Buck shooâed all the bunnies away and told them he needed to be alone with the two bucks for a bit.

Both bucks spoke and Buck said, âTiny. Tell me your side first.â

âHarvey was trying to get a bun to cross. But ____ was loved by his mom and he was getting pain killers and he wanted to stay. Harvey used every argument in the training manual and when ____ asked me if he should stay, I said I would.â

Harvey pointed at Tiny and said, âBuck â heâs an idiot. He canât be trained to follow the manual. He wonât follow the rules.â

Tiny replied with, âThe rules are STUPID. You need to think for yourself but you donât have enough of a brain to do that.â

Buck asked Harvey to leave so he could speak to Tiny alone. âTiny, the rules are made for a reason. We donât want to have bunnies suffer if they donât have to. We donât want them to be alone when they cross and if they donât cross when they are supposed to â if they hold on for a humanâ¦then they might have to cross alone. That can be scary and traumatic. So the rules are in place for a reason â to help every bunny have an escort. â

Tiny looked at Buck. âThe rule are wrong. They donât allow for love. They donât allow for the fact that sometimes a soul is so intertwined with another that it is like one soul sharing two bodies. In those cases, you need more time to break the bond so the human isnât hurt.â

Buck looked at Tiny for a minute. âBut Tiny, most bunnies donât understand that concept. We donât have enough escorts to waste time waiting around for a human to be willing to let go. Many of the really good humans want to NEVER let goâ¦not even at the last second.â

Tiny thumped at Buck. Then he thumped again. He thought for a minute and said, âThatâs the problem. Youâre only thinking of the bunny that is crossing. Youâre not thinking of the human. Somebun has got to think about the human too you know.â

Buck sighed as he looked at Tiny. It hurt him to do this but he had to formally reprimand the BunFather. With tears in his eyes, Buck said, âTiny, Iâm sorry. But it looks like youâre not going to work out with this program. Iâll give you two weeks to think about this and if youâre willing to accept the rules or not. If youâre willing to come back after that time and obey the rules, you can rejoin the service but weâll give you a different trainer.â

Tiny hopped off and sat under a tree. He liked being a messenger and he really liked the few times he got to take messages to humans. But he knew in his heart that the rules were wrong. He knew that when encouraging a rabbit to cross the bridge, one had to consider the bond with their human. Sudden deaths could be hard on the human and they needed the humans to be ok so that other bunnies could get rescued and adopted. There had to be some way to work through this.


Everywhere that he went for the next two weeks, Tiny heard the murmurings behind his back. 

âThe BunFather doesnât believe in rules.â
âThe BunFather got kicked out of the program.â
âHarvey was right and The BunFather was wrong.â
âBunFather is in trouble with Buck.â

It was all Tiny could do to stay silent. He knew the truth about the matter. It wasnât that he didnât believe in rules because he saw a purpose for them. However, he saw them more as guidelines because he felt in his heart that humans needed some rules to protect them too. Losing a bunny was hard on a human and he knew humans were frail and needed protecting.

Several times Tiny went back to the bench and argued his point with Buck. He liked Buck and respected him but he couldnât help himself and as the âdiscussionsâ got more heated, Tiny would thump at Buck several times and finally leave, flicking Buck off the whole way back to his favorite tree. 

He discussed the whole problem with GingerSpice after she wiggled her tail and agreed to secrecy. In many things Ginger agreed with Tiny but she reminded him of how much she had suffered those last few weeks. When he asked her if she would go through the suffering again, she got very silent and said, âI donât know Tiny. You suffered for two days. I was sick for a long time. I loved mama and I still miss her but I donât know if I really helped her by holding on so long. â

The two buns hopped over to the water and peered in it and watched Mama as she played with Miss Bea and took care of New Hope. Before he knew it, Tinyâs tears were hitting the water. He missed mama so much.

It was while Tiny was at the water on Thursday that he got a message. Buck needed to see him and he needed him NOW. Tiny turned around and looked at mama one more time and then took off for Buckâs bench.

Tiny landed on the bench and looked Buck right in the eye. He started to sputter at him and Buck said, âTiny. I know you were on break and thinking things through. But we need your services. Now.â He handed Tiny a folder and said, âWeâve tried for months to bring this rabbit but he keeps refusing. Weâve used every messenger to escort this one across but they just wonât come. Please help us this one more time.â

Tiny looked at the folder and he looked at Buck. âNo. I wonât do it. I refuse.â

Buck looked at Tiny again. âTiny, Iâve never asked you for a favor. But I need this from you. Just this one time. PLEASE go escort this bunny across. I think heâll come for you.â

Tiny shouted âNOâ at Buck and took off for the water again. He was crying and almost panting as he stared down into the water.

He wanted a job â he needed something to keep him busy. But taking bunnies from their people? He couldnât do it anymore. Not when they were loved and especially when they were soulmates. 

He heard footsteps behind him and he turned to look at Buck. âI wonât do it. I wonât take a beloved rabbit from their soul-mate. I refuse.â

Buck shook his head and cried as he sat down beside BunFather. âTiny, weâve had our words and youâve made some good points. We need you to do this. I need you to do this. Weâre modifying the rules so that no messenger ever has to escort a bunny they donât want to escort. Weâre making the rules guidelines and weâre going to give our messengers the right of refusal. But this bunny needs to cross and he needs to cross now. Look in the river."

How GingerSpice got beside him â Tiny never knew. It must have been something Buck didâ¦to get her there. But she looked into the river with him. She saw his tears and heard his gasp. âTinyâ¦you have to help.â

âNo. I wonât help. I canât help.â

She pleaded with him, âTiny, theyâre both sufferingâ¦.human and bunny. You HAVE to help.â

Tiny wiped at his eyes and watched as the bunny laid in its momâs lap. He heard her cry out, âGodâ¦if heâs gotta goâ¦take him now and take him quickly.â

He didnât even look at Buck or GingerSpice. He wept silently for 10 seconds and took off. It was time for him to do his job even if he hated it. He had to do the right thing.

He landed beside the sick bunny with a thump and the sick bunnyâs eyes grew large as he looked at him. The bunny wearily replied, âIâm not leaving. Iâve told them allâ¦..every timeâ¦.Iâm not leaving mama.â

The bunny could see Tinyâs tears as Tiny replied, âI know how you feel. I really do. But trust me â weâll take care of your mama for you. I promise weâll send her messages of comfort and sheâll be ok. But you need to go and sheâs ready to let you go. Come on New Hope, take my paw and letâs cross the bridge together.â


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## juliew19673

OK seriously - I'm sitting here crying my little eyes out.. I know its supposed to inspire hope and a different way of thinking of letting your bun go, but I side with Tiny on this one.. a little giggle through the tears..

Great story/chapter.. Hard to read when your crying though..


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## GoinBackToCali

I got to read it before it was posted..

Mucho mucho optical leakage...



I must go hold Ori now..


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## RexyRex

You have a wonderful ability as a storyteller, I'm crying as I type this. Beautiful story, Tiny was one in a million.


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## LuvaBun

Oh goodness, like the others I am sitting here in tears. That is so moving, so well written.

Jan


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## chinmom

That was beautiful, Peg...made me bawl like crazy, but beautiful. 

Oliver Twist was one of my favorite stories growing up, so I've always loved the name Oliver. Georgie's original name was going to be Oliver, called "Ollie" for short. When I went to visit the new bunny, it wouldn't let me sex it, so I decided that Ollie was perfect...it can be the nickname for either Oliver or Olivia, so whichever sex the bunny is, it works! Just like the Oliver in the story, this little one doesn't really have a home, and is pretty much all alone in the world. 

I went to visitOllie on Friday...I haven't been able to bring him home yet because of the influx of chinchillas that needed rescued. But I've gone over to see him/her and the conditions are worse than I originally noticed. The cage floor is covered by about two inches of feces and reeks of ammonia. Ollie is living on dried leaves and eating crackers and nasty-looking veggies. I feel so bad for him/her, but for right now he has shelter. I took some of Georgie's pellets out to himand askedthe guyto feed the bunny those for now. The chinchillas were on death row...I had to take them in. I feel bad that I left him there, but the death row animals seemed a little more important right then. 

I hope I don't seem like a terrible person for leaving Ollie in those conditions; I just had to think of all the animals instead of just him. But anyway, some of the chins are going to another rescue sometime this week, so hopefully Ollie will be coming home after that. I'll try to get some pics of the little one when I go to visit next time. 

-Annie


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## TinysMom

Its been six months since you've been gone. It feels like forever....or longer.

I did ok yesterday - even though it was the 6 month anniversary.

But today?

Not so good. Not at all. I can't even work today - I'm just really struggling to keep from crying this morning. The grief is back again in overwhelming waves.

I don't know what else to say - except I love you. I miss you. 

I thought time would make things better....but it isn't. Not really.

I think my heart will always having this gaping empty hole. I just have to live with it.


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom

Peg...I'm so sorry that things are hard right now. Tiny was such a part of you....I love your stories about him.....please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

I had a class several semesters ago that was a "lifespan" class. One of the most important things I took away from it was that mourning can last up to 10 years for some. That magical statement that after a year it's better just doesn't seem to hold up. 

May Tiny visit you and comfort you today....you are loved much, and thought of often!


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## LuvaBun

6 months? 

I hate it when you get days when the sadness and pain catches up with you. Thinking of you.

Jan


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## TinysMom

For those who don't know it from the main forum- today I contacted the artist who did Tiny & Miss Bea's painting - to commission another one. I'm hoping he'll do the words on it - to say "My Three Sons".

Its going to have Tiny in the middle - with Zeus on one side and Ori on the other.

I'm so excited.....(I'm having New Hope done first).

I still miss Tiny a lot - not a day goes by that I don't look at his painting and think of him. Six months....it seems like its been forever...not just six months.

Anyway - I'll be ok. I will survive.

After all - if nothing else - Miss Bea still needs me and is sorta bonded to me....


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## LadyBug

*TinysMom wrote: *


> For those who don't know it from the main forum- today I contacted the artist who did Tiny & Miss Bea's painting - to commission another one. I'm hoping he'll do the words on it - to say "My Three Sons".
> 
> Its going to have Tiny in the middle - with Zeus on one side and Ori on the other.
> 
> I'm so excited.....(I'm having New Hope done first).



it sounds really cool! i can't wait to see it:biggrin2:

i was just telling some one new who is getting a few flemmies about him.........lemme see if i can find the post.................here it is!it's Blumagic's intro thread
any way, i've been thinking about him(and trying to make sure every new flemmie owner hears about our RO cleb flemmie.....)


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## TinysMom

Oh Tiny - I miss you so much today. It's a gorgeous day out - the type of day when you LOVED to go outside and play. 

I took Zeus out and thought I'd be ok - but I wound up breaking down and crying when I was done taking pictures.

All I could think was, "it should be Tiny here...Tiny loved it outside..." and "Tiny loved this spot" or "I remember taking photos of Tiny over there...".

It so d*mn unfair that you're gone - you weren't supposed to die - or at least not so soon. We had so little time together.

I need to pull myself together - right now the grief is just so raw and fresh all over again.

I want you back so bad. I know I'll never find another "Tiny"....I may have other bunnies that steal my heart - but they will never be you.

But it hurts so much on days like today - when I have the time that I could spend with you (if you were here) and its so nice outside.

Art said, "At least you can make memories with Zeus and give another bunny a chance to play outside" and I know he was right - and he was trying to comfort me...

But I want YOU....and knowing I'll never have you back again is just tearing me up.

I miss you my big boy.

So to remember you on a beautiful day like today....here's one of my pics that I love of you..







Binky free my buddy....binky free.


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom

Peg...I'm so sorry that today has been especially painful for you. Tiny is a beautiful soul, and though he's not with you in body, he is always with you in spirit. I love that photo....thanks for sharing it! Thinking of you...g


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## LuvaBun

:hug:
Jan


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## JimD

:hug2:


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## TinysMom

This is the *first draft of the next chapter.*...as you may remember - Tiny is unhappy making bunnies cross the bridge and leaving a human soulmate behind...and is about to leave the messenger division - till Buck asks him to escort one more bunny across...his mom's "New Hope". 

This next chapter takes place shortly after...

[line] Tiny sat under his favorite tree while he stared into the water. He had a lot of thinking to do and some decisions to make. Earlier, heâd asked GingerSpice to give him some time alone and while he appreciated the silenceâ¦it was almost too quiet. He had to decide whether he could bring himself to work as a messenger bunny or whether he had to just live a carefree life that was without purpose. It was a tough decision.

He heard the footsteps before he felt Buck reach down and pet him. He looked up at Buck and saw that the man heâd grown to care about so much had tears in his eyes.

âNo. Iâm not helping another one of mamaâs bunnies cross. You canât convince me.â

Buck smiled and sat down beside the BunFather. He rubbed Tinyâs ears â just the way mama used to do it to help him relax.

âTiny, Iâm not here to ask you about helping a bunny cross. I just got done talking to a bunny that had crossed recently and I think you and I need to talk.â

Tiny thumped. âNow what did I do wrong? I havenât been going anywhere - you canât blame anything on me.â

Buck reached out and rubbed Tinyâs ears again.

âYouâre right BunFather. You havenât done anything wrong . But as I talked to this bunny about how hard it was to leave his soulmate human, I realized that I have the perfect job for you. I think you will like it.â

âA job? One that doesnât require me making bunnies leave their soulmates before theyâre ready?â

âSort of. Why donât you hear me out?â

Tiny sat up and listened to Mr. Buck talk for the next few minutes. He started smiling from ear to ear and when GingerSpice and Puck snuck up behind him to nip at him, he turned around and invited them into the conversation. 

âGinger, Puckâ¦.you have to hear this. Mr. Buck wants me to start a new division of the messenger service. Itâs the âSoulmateâ division and I will get to handpick rabbits to work with me on helping certain bunnies cross.â

âReally?â Ginger asked.

Puck binkied for joy. âTinyâ¦that would be perfect for you. Youâre so bored here and almost as uptight as you were back with mama.â

Buck laughed as Tiny charged at Puck and knocked him over. The two were playfully fighting and Buck was so relieved to see that Tiny was happy, he didnât interrupt them for two whole minutes. 

Then he cleared his throat and said, âTinyâ¦I really do need your attention. We still have plans to discuss.â

Tiny stood up straight and groomed himself for a moment before sitting by Buck. âCan you tell them about the idea?â

Buck looked at Tiny and said, âWhy donât you do it Tiny?â

Tiny couldnât help himselfâ¦he jumped up and then forced himself to settle down. 

âI get to start the Soulmate Crossing division. I am going to put together a team of rabbits who have been soulmates with humans and weâre going to work as teams to help certain bunnies cross.â

Before Tiny could continue, Puck said, âYou mean bunnies like you that share a soul with a human?â

Ginger thumped, âOf course you dummy. DUH! Thatâs what the soulmate part is about.â

She snuggled up to Tiny and said, âSo how does it work? Will you be gone very much? I miss you when youâre gone but I love seeing you when youâre happy like this.â

Tiny looked at Buck and said, âI donât understand all of it. But from what I understand â I get to pick the team and team leads and then we will spend time helping both bunnies and their soulmates prepare for their crossing. Is that right Mr. Buck?â

Buck smiled to himself. The BunFather almost always understood him right away and this was no exception. âThat is right Tiny. One messenger will work with the sick bunny to help them prepare to leave and to show them how to send signals. The other messenger will help prepare the human. Each bunny that is preparing to cross will have a team of 4 to 6 bunnies assigned to it so that it never has to be alone during its final time on Earth. The team will work together to decide when it is right for the bunny to cross and help the bunny prepare for the crossing. But it will be done with both the human and the bunny in mind so that when their souls are separated by time and spaceâ¦they wonât suffer as much as they do with our current system.â

Ginger groomed Tiny and said, âThatâs wonderful Tiny. Youâll be so much happier that way. And since youâll have some sort of a shift to take turns with â you can come back here and rest and not be so tired.â

Buck turned to GingerSpice and petted her head to get her attention.

âGingerSpiceâ¦you and Puck are an important part of the team.â

Puck gasped. âI donât wanna help bunnies cross. I donât wanna see bunnies that struggle. Ijust want to binky now that I donât have wry neck.â

Buck laughed and said, âPuckâ¦you and Ginger will stay here. But you will work with Tiny and the team to help them explain how a disabled bunny thinks and feels after theyâbeen ill for a time. Sometimes you will be asked to look at case files and give your suggestions for bunnies that have EC or wry neck.â

Tinyâs mouth dropped open. âReally? They can help?â

Buck loved it when he could surprise the BunFather. âYes Tiny. Samantha is going to help your team when there is a bunny with heart problems and we have some other bunnies in mind to help with other health issues.â

Gingerspice thought for a moment and stared at Tiny. âMr. Buckâ¦is there a rule book for this program?â

Buck knew what the doe was really trying to askâ¦would rabbits HAVE to follow certain rules and make other bunnies cross. He knew that when Tiny had suffered from trying to follow this rule, Ginger had suffered too. 

âNo Sweetpeaâ¦there will be guidelines and suggestions and the majority of bunnies on a team must agree on a decision before it is final. But even then, there is the appeals process and Tiny will be on the appeals team to hear all cases.â

Tiny looked at Puck and Ginger. âWellâ¦what do you think? Should I do it?â
Puck pondered for a moment and said, âWhat about the weekly forum bunnies meeting you started? Will you keep it up? I like getting together will all the forum bunnies and reading the forum together and sending encouraging thoughts to the infirmary bunnies.â

Tiny nodded his head. âYes, that was one of the first questions I asked Mr. Buck. He said that I could work my schedule around that and that if I was delayed on a message someone else could lead the meeting for me.â

Buck stood up and brushed off his pants. âTiny, I have to go meet someone at the bench now. Iâll talk to you later.â

Within the blink of an eye, Buck was gone. Tiny looked at GingerSpice and Puck. 

âCan you believe it? A job I can like! I even get to help make the decisions and help write the manual. No messenger in my department will ever be forced to make another bunny cross if they have a soulmate connection.â

Ginger started grooming Tiny and Puck said, âTiny, that sounds funâ¦.but for nowâ¦letâs celebrate. Letâs go binky and play.â

Tiny looked at Ginger and she nodded her head. âYes Tinyâ¦you will have an important job â¦ but you need to play too.â

Tiny nodded his head and both his friends hopped away. 

However, Tiny stood for a moment and looked into the water as he watched his mama go about her business. She loved Zeus and he loved being thereâ¦but mama didnât have a soulmate anymore. He sighed as he thought about her being all alone in her heart. Suddenlyâ¦an idea for a new division for the Soulmate department was born. Heâd talk to Buck about the âSoulmate Replacementâ division. 

He thought about the white bunny heâd been eyeing for mamaâ¦.a buck named Ori. 

Tiny opened another window in the water â watching Ori on the left and mama on the right. Then he took his paws and pushed the two images together. They looked good - especially when the image of Ori wound up in the image of mama's arms. It was time Tiny let mama have another soulmate. He knew now he would not be forgotten.

âSoon mamaâ¦.soon. Youâll stop hurting.â

Then he turned and binkied off to follow his friendsâ¦with a heart full of joy and new purpose.


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## LuvaBun

:in tears:So sweet. Oh man, you write so well, it's almost like painting a picture - I can actually 'see' them. Can't wait for the next episode

Jan


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## TinysMom

I'd say I did this today for Tiny - but the truth is - I did it for me.

I've come to realize that one of the reasons I'm struggling so much with losing Tiny - is that he loved me unconditionally. He saw me at my worst - and chose to love me anyway. 

Realizing why its so hard - is helping me to feel better.

So...to Tiny...the Giant who loved me..


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## LuvaBun

I love it 

Jan


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom

What a lovely tribute to a spectacular guy! Unconditional love is so rare....a gift to be cherished and remembered. 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. This time of year is especially challenging, I think.


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## TinysMom

I couldn't do it Tiny- I couldn't post in your thread yesterday even though it would've been your 4th birthday.

I'm sorry - but I could barely see the screen to read - let alone put thoughts together to express my anger and grief.

Anger? Yep - I'm angry that you're gone. Not overly anger - not filled with rage like before. But I'm angry I can't spend this Christmas with you - I have no holiday spirit this year.

Grief...yeah...that's probably always going to be a part of my life.

Last night I dreamt about you though. I think it was partly from Ali saying you probably were surrounded by does - and Flashy asking me if I was having a birthday party for you even though you weren't here.

In my dream - you were surrounded by does...and you were happy and you were healthy again. You didn't see me peeking in at you on the dream...you just were getting groomed and giving grooming and you were preening for the girls.

I do believe I'll see you again someday....when that happens...don't forget to preen for mama....and let me groom you.

I love you big guy. I really do. I don't know that I'll ever be fully over losing you.....

but no matter what - Happy Belated Birthday you big brat. If you were here - I'd have craisins and yogurt chips and cheerios for you....

I love you. I can't say it enough. I love you.

Mama


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## LuvaBun

:bigtears:
Happy Birthday, Tiny

Jan


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## TinysMom

52 Sundays ago - at this very moment almost - you were in my arms for the last time - gasping for breath.

I've made it 52 weeks....but I don't know how much longer I can hold on big guy...I really miss you so much.

RIP.


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## wabbitmom12

:hug2:He'll always be with you, Peg.


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## Flashy

Hey Big Guy, we love you and we miss you. I hope you know how special you are.

x

Peg, I'm about if you need a chat, or want to share Tiny stories, or anything, ok?


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## LuvaBun

:bigtears:A whole year???

Still miss you, Tiny. Look after all our Rainbow Bunnies!

How are you doing, Peg?

Jan


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## TinysMom

I'm cross-posting this in Miss Bea's RB thread ....and I'm seriously trying to think if I should do them as a book. (I wish I had even a hint of artistic talent like Minda or others on here...).

~~~~~~

Miss Bea laid on the bed - trying to be quiet. Mama just fell asleep a few minutes ago after trying to take care of her and watch over her...she needed to be quiet and let mama sleep.

But she heard that voice again, "Cross over Miss Bea....cross the bridge and come to me. Let go and you won't hurt any more...".

Miss Bea couldn't cross yet - mama needed her. She tried to lay still...then she fell out of New Hope's basket and it hurt so bad - even though she was laying on her most favorite place - mama's bed. She started to cry - she couldn't stay silent anymore.

Mama sat up and came near for her - yelling - no - screaming really for Robin to come as quickly as possible.

Miss Bea opened her eyes once more and looked up. In between her cries she said, 'You....you came for me? It was your voice I heard..."

"Yes Miss Bea....come cross the bridge and let's binky together...."

Miss Bea looked at mama one more time and headed for the light - her new life was about to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

24 hours earlier

Samantha sat under Tiny's favorite tree while she watched him pace back and forth in the grass. Every few steps, he'd stop and thump. He'd look off in the distance and then thump again. Then he'd start pacing.

She loved this rabbit - she really did. She'd heard all about him during her time on earth - heard how he was called the BunFather....and was privileged to not only meet him - but become one of his inner circle of confidants once he adjusted to crossing the bridge.

She knew she wasn't his favorite - and she knew she'd always have to share him with GingerSpice and that there would be others who would come to join them. She still laughed whenever she heard Ginger nagging him about hanging out those "bimbo bunnies". She knew those binbos weren't Ginger's real threat...and she knew that someday GingerSpice would have to lay aside her role of "first love" and share Tiny once again.

But still yet - Samantha cherished every minute she spent with Tiny. In their talks - she'd learned so much - about love - about life - about people. She'd also taught him a lot - about how there was a season and a place for everything. She shared with him the things her mama had always said - about how people (and bunnies) enter our lives for a season and that there are times when we need to be willing to let go and move on.

Samantha was pleased that the others had let her in on this day - although she knew that the BunFather would be angry with her later on. Still yet, she cared for him and she knew that what must be done...must be done. So her job was to keep him busy ... until the right moment. She was to be near him - to listen to him - and to keep him away from the stream. She also knew - when the time came - she would need to be ready for his wrath...but even then - she knew he could never stay angry for long.

"Tiny...come sit beside me for a bit. You're wearing a path in the grass."

"Samantha...I'm not going to sit - I'm not going to stay here. I've got to figure out what is happening. Why did Buck take me off the team for 2 days? Why did Puck mess up my work area and run off with some sort of pictures and where has GingerSpice taken off to? The last I saw her - she was crying - and then she went to see Buck - and I haven't seen her since. I promised to give up the bimbettes for a week...surely she's not still jealous about the other night?"


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## LuvaBun

Waiting anxiously - with tissues at the ready :cry2

Jan


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## TinysMom

I may not have posted yesterday - but you were on my heart and mind all day Tiny. It is hard to believe it has been two years since you have passed away. I miss you so much. I still think of you often and have found myself waking up in tears after dreaming of you visiting me and then leaving.

I am a far different person than I was when you left. I'm stronger now - more sure of myself. I can fight depression on my own (although I don't always win without the help of friends). I'm generally happier too. 

I try to take life as "new" every day - I am trying to learn to not waste it - so that when someone else passes away - I have regrets. Losing you taught me a lot about how short life can be - and how precious it is.

It hit me the other day how many of you are up there - all of my "first" rabbits pretty much. You...GingerSpice...Miss Bea...SugarBear...Puck...even Roary and Tio. I wonder - do you still have to break up disputes between Puck & GingerSpice? Are you still "The BunFather" up there too?

Life is good here. As I'm sure you know if you can look down on us - our love for you also gave us a love of flemish giants....to the point that we're now breeding them. The rabbitry is named "Tiny's Texas Legends" and it is one way your name and your legacy will always live on.

Well - its time to end this - for now - and continue to move forward. Happy second anniversary of your "Graduation" day - for I do believe that all bunnies go to heaven - or someplace God has created - even if we call it "The Rainbow Bridge".

I'll always love you & miss you & carry you in my heart - even if you stole part of it and took it with you.

Mom


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## TinysMom

First of all - three years ago tonight - my handsome black "BunFather" crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. Its been a very hard couple of days - yesterday I couldn't help but remember our frantic drive to San Antonio to find a vet who could save his life. I spent most of the day in bed - daydreaming about him (it doesn't help that it was REALLY COLD outside and our heat hadn't been turned on yet). Fortunately - those daydreams (and dreams I had during the night) - gave me more stories to put here....I now have the rest of Miss Bea's story, Sophia's crossing-over story, and a love story between Schioppi (who CHOSE to cross over early to be with his soulmate) and another forum bunny who crossed a long time ago. I hope to get those stories written in the next few days.

I woke up in tears missing Tiny - but then - I made myself take the time to love on Zeus.

It amazes me how different these two are - and yet how I love them both so much.

Tiny loved all rabbits - Zeus hates all rabbits.

Tiny didn't mind sharing me- he knew he was loved - Zeus refuses to share me and gets angry if he smells another rabbit on my clothes.

Tiny gave me kisses - Zeus grooms my bed but won't kiss me when I pet him.

I miss Tiny today - and he will always be a part of me - and a part of the forum members who "knew" him when he was alive.

Binky free my big boy.....today I bought some carrots for the bunnies and they're all going to have a carrot tonight in celebration of your life here with us.

Mama loves you....and always will.


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom

We'll be giving Pumpkin and Whiskers extra treats today in Tiny's memory. You're in our thoughts and prayers today, Peg!


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## LuvaBun

I, personally, will never forget Tiny - he will always be the 'Bunfather' to me.

You made his personality so vivid, I'm sure we all thought that we 'knew' him. It may have been 3 years, but it seems like no time at all.

Thinking of you, Peg, and hoping Tiny is behaving himself at The Bridge!

Jan


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## JimD

I missed this, Peg.

I not only knew Tiny....but I believe that I was honored with visits from him after he crossed.

I'm sure he met my S'more at the Bridge, and I find great comfort in that.
After all....that's what he does better than any other bun!

I haven't "seen" him lately, but I'm sure he'll be there in my times of need.

When you're in that world between dream and waking....and you think or feel that he's visited you....rest assured that he has.

We'll be keeping you and Tiny in our thoughts and prayers.


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## TinysMom

Oh Buddy - it's been four years today since you left us. I comfort myself in thinking that heaven has an angel bunny like you - even though in my selfishness I still want to keep you to myself.

I haven't been able to bring myself to write the rest of your stories from my dreams - I guess I will make that my goal for this year. I still remember them quite vividly and know that you wanted me to remember them.

I was thinking about you last week and laughing about a story that very few people know. When you were still with us, another forum member had sent me a package and in it - was some cranberry scented shower gel. I remember taking a shower in it and coming out - only to have you attack me. I couldn't figure out why you were so ornery and trying to nip at me because that was unusual. That happened very time I used the gel for two or three times and then it dawned on me - you thought I was a craisin or had craisins and wasn't sharing them. I had to stop using that shower gel and I think I actually tossed it a week or so before you passed away cause I thought I'd never be able to use it. 

I was reminded of that story because I was wearing some banana chocolate lip balm and woke up to find Zeus trying to lip my lips and then nip at them. Yes - that's how good the banana and chocolate smelled. I could almost picture you doing something like that - you big brat.

I keep thinking about the differences between you and Zeus and between who I was when you joined us and who I am now. 

I needed you - desperately. I needed to be loved by someone who would understand my depression and my loneliness and my anger at life. I needed someone who wouldn't criticize me or condemn me. 

You did all that - even the time I got mad at you and shook you and wound up having Carolyn call to warn me how bad that was for you and how I could've caused you to go into stasis or have worse problems. (You had attacked another bunny - but looking back on it - you were only defending yourself against being mounted by a buck that got loose). 

You forgave me for that and came to me and let me cry into your fur as I begged your forgiveness and you were never scared of me - even after that.

You loved other bunnies as long as they were babies or does and you didn't mind sharing me with them. You especially loved Miss Bea and GingerSpice - and of course - me.

When you died - I wanted to crawl in the hole with your body. I didn't know if I could love again (other than Art & the kids). 

Then you sent me Zeus and I'm thoroughly convinced that somehow YOU were behind that. 

He is so unlike you - it is funny. He's selfish and wants to be around NO OTHER rabbit. He wants me and only me and sometimes is jealous of dad. 

I couldn't have had two bunnies that were more different - including the fact that you're black and he's white.

I realized this year that Zeus has shown me just how special and unique and original you were. 

I have two bucks now that remind me of you sometimes. "Tiny Tim" is a black flemish giant buck from Nyx. He has your old soul and loves to have me rub his shoulders - much like you did. He has the sweetest personality and yet is a silly guy when he gets playtime on the floor.

His brother, Smithy, is a steel buck from Nyx. He loves to flirt and he is such a big flirt. He reminds me of you when you were younger. When he gets his playtime, he will get so happy and involved in binkying - that he binkes right into the back door and goes "THUD".

I once called out and said "Tiny...stop that"....and then started crying. I realized then that I will never forget you.

I love you big boy. You'll always be in my heart. You've been in heaven longer than you've been part of my life...but that's ok. You'll always be in my heart.

Thanks for being here with me for over 2 years - thanks for being "*the bunfather*". 

You're missed a lot - but I've decided to rejoice in the days I had with you rather than mourn the days I won't have with you.

Somehow - I think you'd like that.

Give nose rubs to GingerSpice and Miss Bea and all the other bunnies there. Tell them mama loves them too and knows that they're safe if they're with you.

Will you do me one other thing? Give Sophia an extra special nose rub for me. If you were the bunfather - she was pretty close to being the "bunmother" - at least in my heart.

Loving you from here...

Mom


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## fuzz16

i cant read this all because the babys crying for breakfast...but tiny and his antics were what made me want a flemish. i am so sorry...he was sucha great rabbit, and one of the ones that give flemish the great name of being more than just a rabbit.


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## Nancy McClelland

:in tears: Memories help but nothing can fill the void. Binky free big boy.


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## JimD

I cried all the way through this.

I can only hope that Tiny is looking after my buns that have journeyed to the Bridge.

I've got this picture in my mind of Tiny sitting on a bench next to Buck....and Buck is rubbing Tiny's shoulders.

:hug1


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## TinysMom

Jim - whenever I've had dreams of Tiny - he is either with his "harem" of Miss Bea and GignerSpice with Samantha sitting off to the sidelines in her regal pose (until I had a dream of her with Schioppi) - or he's sitting on the bench talking to Buck and whenever he gets stressed or upset - Buck is rubbing his shoulders. 

So it's funny that's the way you picture Tiny and Buck.


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## Flashy

I had one of Tiny's photos pop up on my screen saver yesterday. Ironically. I didn't even realise it was his anniversary. I ahdn't seen one for ages but it was the one of him and a massive tub of food. I smile when I think of him, but, whilst my head knows it's four years, it doesn't feel like four years since he left.

Thinking of you Peg, and also thinking of Tiny too


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## LuvaBun

Wow, 4 years!!!

Tiny was an icon of a bunny. His personality was amazing - I always remember how good he was with the baby bunnies that came along. And how he loved his ladies 

He was very special to me, as I see Shadow as a 'mini' version of a Tiny, and I am having lots of problems with him at the moment, so I hope Tiny can keep a watchful eye on him.

I really hope you do continue his stories, Peg. I found them very moving and also very positive and hopeful.

Thinking of you.

Jan


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## TinysMom

Thanks Jan - he was an icon of a bunny....wasn't he? 

Thanks to everyone else for your kind comments. I always hate to come in here and post on the anniversary of his becoming an angel - but I just can't resist.


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## TinysMom

It is so hard to believe it has been four years. I think of you so often and miss you so much....

In the last year - Zeus and so many others have crossed the bridge to join you....I wish I could see you & Zeus together - especially when you add in Puck and Miss Bea and Nyx and GingerSpice...I bet y'all sure know how to party.

Words fail me right now and my eyes are filled with tears - so I'll close this...for now and maybe write more later.

I miss you baby boy....I always will.


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## Nancy McClelland

Time flies. It will be 5 years soon since our Commander Bun-Bun left us. We still have a big hole in our heart too.


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## fuzz16

It doesnt seem like it has been so long since you were talking about Tiny's antics...hard to beleive it's been so long


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## Ilovemyrabbit

Aww Tiny was such a sweet bun. You must miss him a lot.


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