# does anybody deal with child support ):



## fuzz16 (Sep 11, 2010)

I dont know if he is telling me lies and im afraid of what will happen.

he says he pays 300 a month but that he doesnt have to pay the 8g in backpay cause his attorney said he was absent and didnt know the child was his even though i tried contacting him many times after he skipped town selling his car and giving his phone away. he refused to beleive me and then deleted his myspace that was the only way i could contact him.

now he is saying hos he will take me to court because he is allowed to have custody of her on weekends or three days of the week. i told him she doesnt know him and that i dont trust hhim with her. she is 2...very clingy and he just came into her life and only wants to be cause he has to pay now. 

i am extremely upset and dont know what to do or think. i cant really afford an attorney but i want him gone. out of my life. but i dont think i can have him sign his rights over without loosing the state help with daycare...which those of you who get srs help wit daycare understands...280$ a week is not afforadable on my 1100$ a month income...




ETA: i did tell him that because of his history he would only get supervised visits. he was in jail for drug dealing. has numerous tickets, not reliable as a person to pay bills or anything like that...then he tells me that i am no better cause i used to self mutilate like 5 yers ago. it was a stage. i never went to jail, i have never been arrested, never gotten anything but a speeding ticket. i have my own apartment, a job, a good 9g paid off car. i just think he is trying to scare me but i kinda wonder how much of what he says he could get


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 11, 2010)

It sounds like he is trying to bully you. Can you get any free legal advise from the state. It doesn't sound like he can pay a lawyer either.

My real dad left my mom when I was an infant. Came back into my life at around age 6 - only lasted a few months. He never paid mom any child support except the the few months he was around. When I was an adult, I heard that he had died young - around 40 years of age. Ironically, I got about $4,000 from his estate.


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## Luvmyzoocrew (Sep 11, 2010)

Try to see if there is anywhere you can get free council


i feel for you, my sister is just newly going through a divorce, child support and custody. she has a lawyer, even though he is not worth whatever her retainer was, i think she had to put down like 2,500.00. This month she goes for child support, even though she was getting it off and on from him she wants it to come right out of his pay so she doesnt have to fight with him every month for it. As far as visitations they did have something set up with every other weekend and he comes and gets him during the week sometimes, but of course he only does it when he feels like it. Since he hasnt been in her life, you might be able to get supervised visits but i would think probably not unless you could prove or show that these visits would be detremental to her. In most instances they go with the mother unless there is some kind of danger or other problems that they would have to worry about. Unless you can prove that he would be a detrament to her, or is uncapable of taking care of her then i dont know if you can stop him from seeing her. This is of course my opinion, i have no training, degree, or experience in law or family law, just my opinion.

I wish you luck, my sisters soon to be ex husband is less then desireable "father" but she cant really do anything about it cause he still has the right to see his kids and spend time with them, you know whenever he decides he wants to see his kids, ugh very frustrating , i feel for you , good luck.


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## fuzz16 (Sep 12, 2010)

thank you you too for the comments...makes me feel a bit stable. and i am sure the bullying and threats to take her away from me can help my case. he just doesnt want to pay...not like he wants much to do with her. he still calls her an it sometimes. 

im just worried that if somehow he is allowed to take her from me for a weekend her mental health would crash...she is two and he is a stranger. it took her 6 months to be ok staying home with my bf alone for even a moment...and even now she still isnt ok for long periods of time


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## EileenH (Sep 12, 2010)

I don't have any experience personally with this, but I think if he is entered into a court order to pay child support, there's a good chance he will be given visitation rights. My cousin chose to forgo child support because of this; the father didn't really want to spend time with the child, but said if he had to pay he wanted her on the weekends.

She chose to forget the child support and keep him our of her daughter's life. 
I would get in touch with social services if I were you, just to legally clarify what he is alleging and see if there is something you can do to protect your situation.
Look up your local Family Service League, start with Planned Parenthood, there is help out there.


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## luvthempigs (Sep 12, 2010)

Here in Ohio you pay child support whether or not you see your children (assuming you have a job and can be tracked down) If the father is paying child support he also gets visitation rights per the court.

If you apply for assistance with food, medical, etc. for your child they want to know who the father is and if he is paying support. If not they will go after him and make him pay. They will also go so far as to penalize them (revoke drivers license) if they choose not to pay by not working or reporting work (working under the table)

I guess there are too many fathers out there who ditch their responsibilities. 

Good luck


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## fuzz16 (Sep 12, 2010)

well i would love for him to sign his rights over...just dont know how that wil effect my govt assistance. i need to call and talk to someone at srs about it but no one i have talked to in the past knows anything about anything.

and he is suppodely having the money taken from his checks and the first payment was supposed to be the first but i have not seen anything.


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## Jashaira (Sep 12, 2010)

I just went to court to get the divorce final and we talked about visits but not support. He has been paying child support for years $380 biweekly. Then I got a copy of the divorce papers and he lowered the support to $166 biweekly and we got 3 kids. I am going crazy so I feel you pain. Then he get the kids every weekend but one is mine and sence court (it was 4 weeks ago) he had the kids one weekend. He made a fuss he wanted to see the kids more and no he don't grrrrr


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## fuzz16 (Sep 13, 2010)

i am kinda hoping that he just doesnt want anything to do with her after awhile or finds that hes to busy with bars and girls for her. that is a bad situation though and truly unfair that the changed it that much...


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## Brandy456 (Sep 13, 2010)

Maybe he's changed? 
I'm just saying.. What if he isn't like that anymore, and can help you out more. 
But then again, it's only been 2 years.. 
I think i'm just confusing myself. But you see my point?


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## NorthernAutumn (Sep 13, 2010)

I encourage you to see if recorded conversations are admissable as court evidence. 
Then, don't speak without recording the conversation. Tell him upfront that the conversation will be recorded, and he needs to agree in order to continue the conversation. 
Or, do it all by letter/email. 
If doing face - to -face conversations, be sure to always have a witness.

I know that sounds dramatic etc., but documentation is so very necessary in order to get the most appropriate outcome. Someone I know got an unfair settlement in a child custody case because his word couldn't stand against a false affidavit. He said - she said cases don't go as well as recorded cases.

Here is a listing for free legal aid assistance in Kansas - you may qualify for help. If nothing else, I'm sure they could direct you to some resources in your area.
http://www.usattorneylegalservices.com/free-legal-aid-Kansas.html
http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/freehelp.cfm?id=KS
http://www.hud.gov/local/ks/homeless/legalaid.cfm

You can't negotiate the custody order between the two of you - better to have it legally binding. Get the order changed that will keep your child secure and safe. He'll probably lose interest over time, so it may not be a long-term issue. (then again, he might turn his life around... who knows). But right now, it doesn't sound like an appropriate situation for your child. I think you really need a good lawyer.


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## fuzz16 (Sep 13, 2010)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> Maybe he's changed?
> I'm just saying.. What if he isn't like that anymore, and can help you out more.
> But then again, it's only been 2 years..
> I think i'm just confusing myself. But you see my point?


i only let him into her life to meet her because i was going to see if he did change...turns out after he found out how much he had to pay he didnt wanna see her and bugged me constantly about signing his rights away


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## fuzz16 (Sep 13, 2010)

thank you, Autumn for putting your time into looking those up. I just found out he does not even have an attorney. I am going to check out those addresses and start doing my research on what needs to be done and try to take it one day at a time.


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## Sabine (Sep 13, 2010)

I wouldn't know much about the Law in the States but over here Maintenance and Visitation Rights are two separate issues as far as I'm aware. If the court decides a reluctant father has to pay maintainance for his child that doesn't automatically entitle him to visits but he may have to fight for them in Court if he is not the legal guardian.


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 13, 2010)

*Sabine wrote: *


> I wouldn't know much about the Law in the States but over here Maintenance and Visitation Rights are two separate issues as far as I'm aware. If the court decides a reluctant father has to pay maintainance for his child that doesn't automatically entitle him to visits but he may have to fight for them in Court if he is not the legal guardian.


In the US, if the father has to pay support he pretty much automotically gets visitation rights. Sad, but true. It may or may not be supervised.


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## Luvmyzoocrew (Sep 14, 2010)

The only thing i can think of as far as getting supervised visits is to bring up his record, the fact that he was in jail and what it was for, might help you out in getting supervised visits.


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## Sabine (Sep 14, 2010)

I can't imagine a judge looking kindly upon a guy who has not bothered about his child for two years and had to be coerced into paying maintainance. I would certainly bring up the record and claim that you have serious grounds to fear that he'd be a danger to your child.


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## Mrs. PBJ (Sep 14, 2010)

If he does not pay he does not see at least in Texas it works like that.


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## EileenH (Sep 19, 2010)

http://www.supportcollectors.com/resources_kansas.php
"Custody and Visitation Issues
Child support and visitation rights are separate issues. The court determines both and will usually order the non-custodial parent to pay support and the custodial parent to make the child available for visits.

*The custodial parent must obey the court order for visitation, even if the non-custodial parent cannot or will not pay child support. The court can enforce any of its orders against either parent*.

============================================================


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## GoinBackToCali (Sep 21, 2010)

Kat- actually your wrong about Texas.. case in point.

My kids dad.. my ex my current..my whatever he is now that we dont identify.. when we were married..his daughter lived with his ex wife. His child support was automatically deducted from his check and he never saw it. Well she went off to live her crackhead life and dumped the kid on her mom, but kept the child support checks.

Now Loretta tried to keep Rick from seeing Chandra, claiming he wasnt paying child support, (because Denise was keeping the checks) and the AG's office told her it is illegal to keep the child from the non custodial parent due to non payment. When we took her to court to get custody, that was even written in, clearly spelled out, on our new paperwork..

So for the 4 years we battled in court and Chandra remained with her grandmother,Denise kept her checks, Loretta still needed support. So she went and filed for TANF which is monetary assistance provided by the state for kids who dont get support..well its other things as well, but thats primarily what Loretta used it for.

In the state of texas, TANF benefits have to be paid back.. so we paid child supporet twice. It came out of his check every week, they took our IRS return for 3 years, then garnished his wages for arrears on the TANF.

What Denise did was so illegal.. and had she not been killed accidentally, she would have faced jail time. As of now, we will never see our thousands of dollars we were robbed of, again.

Loretta has told Chandra that her father didnt even love her enough to pay child support..she had to file with the state.

Chandra hates her father.


He is an excellent father and has always tried to do right by her..


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## Mrs. PBJ (Oct 2, 2010)

Wow did not know that Zin Shena needs to let daddy see the kids then her lawyer told her other wise. 

The state should have looked into that situation further also. I feel sorry for you and your ex.


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## GoinBackToCali (Oct 5, 2010)

Ugh.. I KNOW..
His ex wife is dead though now..
Karma..

I still have your stuff..ima message you on facebook.


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## Flirtycuddle (Oct 6, 2010)

Most times if a parent is absent from a young child they will not give over nights right away for the fact the absentee parent is a stranger. Usually it will be some kind of supervised visitation starting off slow and working from there as long as the formerly absentee parent does what is requested it might progress to over nights but not for a while. 
I have 2 children and every time he talks to me he complains that the state wants him to pay child support even though he isn't working. He hasn't ever paid and is over 5k in rears and supposed to be paying $220 a month for 2 children and since he hasn't paid they finally suspended his license this past month.
He also threatens to take me to court to take custody from me but it would never happen since he's been so absent in their lives and he has no basis to take me to court either but he threatens me about 2x a week to do. 2 yrs later and he has never done more then threaten. Most times they threaten just to scare you and freak you out. You can call any attnery in your area and get at least a free consultation usually if you want more sound advice and cannot find some legal help.


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## AquaticRex (Oct 6, 2010)

i was a child agency kid and unless he can prove to be a good host he cant take her in even on weekends. he needs to have transport and has to have a house that is clean and has a second bedroom just for her and he has to have the right amount of each food group and so on. you can ask for those things as compensation. yes he avoided you in the beginning, but there is little you can do to get rid of him now if he don't want to be gone. he will have to have supervised visiting and such cause of his past. and try to save all e-mails he sends you and show them to the person. you can also get a restraining order if you tell him to leave you alone. which will stop him from coming near you, your family, and especially your child. you will have to be or feel threatened by him, which personally i would if he kept messaging me and stuff telling you what he will and wont do when it comes to your child. my aunt did it. she went through the same thing you are, and she got a restraining order saying the x hubby was in jail and it intimidates her and she messaged him saying to leave her and her kids alone and he messaged back saying he would not, and she got the order just like that.


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## AngelnSnuffy (Oct 18, 2010)

Yeah, I mean, it has to be in writing from the court, otherwise he isn't entitled to any visitation. Doesn't matter if he's paying or not. If it's not in writing from a court, he's entitled to nothing. That's how it is here anyway.


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