# Sweet Bun Bun



## maherwoman (Dec 17, 2007)

I can't handle saying much...but I wanted to let you all know...

Bun Bun, Emily's sweet lionhead bunny, and one of our three little boys that was going to fly home from Peg's today (but didn't, due to a change in plans), crossed the Rainbow Bridge tonight. Bun Bun was Drew's brother...and Drew passed on 21st October.

I'm still so numb, and I wasn't able to tell Emily, because he passed away shortly before her bedtime, and I just didn't have the words or ability to tell her just yet. I will tell her tomorrow...and be there to catch her tears and hug her through her pain.

I really don't know what to think with all this. I can't believe I lost another baby...so soon after losing Drew. 

Peg called as soon as she could to tell me that he was breathing heavily, and that she'd had buns pull out of such difficulties before, but wanted to let me know just in case...so I could pray for him. She called me at 8:32pm PST. Just over an hour later, she called to let me know he had passed (but she'd been updating me on his condition the whole time via Messenger).

At this point, I've decided not to fly Dusty home to us. Today, if we'd gone ahead and flown the boys, Bun Bun would've more than likely died while still on the plane. I just can't handle the thought of Dusty perishing that way...and I really have no confidence of that not happening at this point, as we think the problem might be something genetic. (We will still fly Harley, as he's not related at all...but Dusty is, and I just don't want him to pass all alone...I feel it would be selfish of me to still fly him at this point.)

Please pray for Emily, guys. She's just seven years old...and this is the first baby she's ever lost. I don't know how she'll take it...but I'll be there for and with her the whole time.

I take comfort that he knew he was loved, and was being pet while he passed...my sweet boy...we will miss you...

:bigtears:


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## Bo B Bunny (Dec 17, 2007)

Oh NO! It must be something genetic. I wonder if they had a heart condition or something?

I think leaving Dusty with peg is the best too. Maybe getting the babies tomorrow will help? she's getting her little mini-rex right? She can cuddle that baby all she wants - they love being petted and stuff - they still want playtime, but have her start holding him alot and get him used to that - he should do very well. Just let him down to play or back in his cage when he starts acting wiggly/annoyed.

I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers..... I know how hard this is.


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## Flashy (Dec 17, 2007)

I'm so sorry Rosie.

It's sensible to take a step back and take stock about Dusty, hopefully they were two random circumstances (Drew and Bunbun I mean), but it's sensible what you have decided.

Try to draw comfort from the fact that maybe fate knew he was going to die, and didn't allow him to be flown and that he died with someone who loved him and whom he loved.

As for Emily,try not to worry too much about her. At that age she might not understand mortality. Also, children bounce back quicker, she might be upset for a short while, but she should hopefully not be upset for long.

You know where I am

x



RIP Bunbun, binky free with Drew.


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## TinysMom (Dec 17, 2007)

It seems so hard to be posting on yet another Rainbow Bridge thread about our babies. At this point - there are so many questions....was this genetic? How did we miss it? Is Dusty at risk? Is Lily at risk? (Lily belongs to myLoki and is from the same litter).

Right now it is so hard for both Rosie & I to see pics and videos of Bun Bun on this thread - so I'm sure one of us will post them later. The pain and grief is just so raw and so fresh. 

I'm filled with so many doubts and questions right now - How could I have missed this? Were there signs I didn't see? I'd had him out the day before and played with him a bit....looking back I can see where he was not as active...but it was his normal nap time. He hadn't had any discharge and he didn't give me any sign he was sick.

I guess all I can is to ask that y'all keep Rosie and I in your thoughts and prayers.

Dusty will ALWAYS have a home here with me rather than put his life at risk with an airline flight. He's my "Survivor" buddy and he loves playing on the couch with me and irritating the cat. I hope to start a blog for him and keep updating it for Rosie.

Peg


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## Flashy (Dec 17, 2007)

*TinysMom wrote: *


> I'm filled with so many doubts and questions right now - How could I have missed this? Were there signs I didn't see? I'd had him out the day before and played with him a bit....looking back I can see where he was not as active...but it was his normal nap time. He hadn't had any discharge and he didn't give me any sign he was sick.


*hugs*

I don't see how you could have missed anything. I don't know the situation but I do know you take great care of your buns and know if anything is wrong. 

Bunnies get less active days, could be tiredness, time of day, anything like that and is mostly not an indicator of illness. Thje chances are, even if that was linked, there would not have been much that could have been done, because there were little to no symptoms.

Don't beat yourself up Peg. I know that's easier said than done, but I know that had there been anything obvious you would have done anything for him. 

I don't know if either of you have read the necropsies thread in the infirmary but it talks about a 'suicide gene'.Maybe, for this litter with the parents it had, it had a self destructive gene and that meant these buns couldn't survive for whatever reason. Sometimes it happens, and I trulyhope it doesn't happen to Dusty or Lily.

We have had two lots of suicde genes over here and there is little to nothing you can do to save them once they start going. All you can do is love them and give them a great life, and I am sure that Drew and Bunbun were/are greatly loved, and that they loved their life.

If either of you need a chat, you know you can always PM me.


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## maherwoman (Dec 17, 2007)

Please pray for Emily today, guys. I'm going to tell her about this...and I don't know how she'll react. I hope that getting our babies tomorrow helps...

She cried for two days when we lost our Drew...and Drew wasn't her baby nearly as much as Bun Bun was. She loves him so much...it's just gonna break her heart.

I won't be on much today or tomorrow...I'll be spending all day comforting her and spending time with her. Then tomorrow, I'll be spending the day getting her excited for her Cuddles' coming home.

Pray that it helps, guys...


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## slavetoabunny (Dec 17, 2007)

{{{HUGS}}} for you and Emily. Fortunately, children are much more resilient than us old folks. Hopefully, having Cuddles will help with her grief over Bun Bun.


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## NZminilops (Dec 17, 2007)

Poor little Bun Bun, I'm so sorry this had to happen .

I hope you're doing ok, Rosie and Peg, and your families. 

Much love to you all.


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## timetowaste (Dec 17, 2007)

oh rosie, i'm so sorry. emily is going to learn at a young age that all good things don't last for long enough. i hope she understands that these things happen and she is not alone in this world.

rip bun bun <3:rainbow:


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## TinysMom (Dec 17, 2007)

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

Art & I had to go for a drive today and we did some talking. We decided against doing a necropsy because we do not feel it would give us enough information. We decided to use our $$ into trying to save the living vs. trying to figure out why Bun Bun died.

This means I'm going to keep an eye on Dusty (he will be staying here for sure) and I am probably going to make a vet appointment for him to see if we can get his heart checked out via. xray or something.

Right now my biggest concern is to weigh the potential stress of a vet visit with the fact we might find out something. I'm going to talk to a couple of folks first to get their opinion on this - especially since a vet visit means a 70+ mile car ride one way.

Dusty loves to watch "Survivor" with me - my hope is that he will become a true Survivor from all this.

Peg

P.S. I have also contacted T. about Lily and I am going to see about helping her pay for a vet check for Lily so she can get an exam.


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom (Dec 17, 2007)

How's Emily doing? I just read this, and am praying for both of you. How horrible to have to face another sadness. Please know that I'm with you in prayer, and that BunBun is healthy, happy, and waiting for you at the Bridge with so many loved ones. {{{HUGS}}}} for Emily and {{{{HUGS}}}} for you, too, Rosie.


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## Michaela (Dec 17, 2007)

[align=center]This is terrible. :tears2: None of you deserve this, if's so unfair, lots of hugs, and love to you Peg, Rosie and Emily. :groupparty:

Binky free at the Bridge with Drew little BunBun, we're all gonna miss you so much little man. :rainbow:
[/align]
_*Michaela & bunnies Madison and Ebony* _


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## cheryl (Dec 17, 2007)

Oh....no...Rosie and Peg...i'm sorry you guys 

This is so sad

hugs to you both :hug:

Cheryl


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## SOOOSKA (Dec 17, 2007)

Oh Rosie, Peg & Emily I'm so sorry to hear about Bun Bun passing to the Rainbow Bridge.

Binky Free "Little One"

Susan:angelandbunny:


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## TinysMom (Dec 17, 2007)

I just had to let everyone know that I spent a delightful time today on the phone with Emily and I know that with time - she will be ok.

Rosie called me to ask if Emily could ask me some questions about Bun Bun - like his favorite treats and stuff. I was so glad to be able to talk to her and share not only his favorite treats but some of his favorite things to do....from there we discussed her new bunny she'll be getting tomorrow and how Teeny will grow up to be as big as their cat...and all sorts of good stuff. 

Emily is a DELIGHTFUL young girl and while I'm so sorry this has happened to HER bunny.....I am sure that she will come through this a much stronger person.

Peg


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom (Dec 17, 2007)

Thanks so much for sharing that news about your conversation with Emily. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree there! I've been wondering how you all are doing. I'm so sorry for all you've had to go through. Take care.


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## seniorcats (Dec 18, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss. All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ann


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## myLoki (Dec 18, 2007)

Life is so beautiful and terrible and strange. 

Beautiful that we are allowed to love. 

Terrible that they are ripped from our hearts. 

And strange that we do it over and over again.


Rest in peace darling BunBun and Drew. Your sister misses you all. I'll never let her forget you both.


t. :bigtears:


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## Phinnsmommy (Dec 19, 2007)

Oh Rosie. Im so sorry. Even though you never met Bun Bun, im sure it felt like you knew him, just threw his pictures and stories.

He was so adorable. I was so excited for you. Maybe this is just destiny, though. Maybe he knew there were other rabbits in the world that needed you.

Im so sorry Rosie, and pass my condolences to Emily. This must be so hard for her.

RIP handsome Bun Bun.


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## maherwoman (Dec 19, 2007)

I also posted this in Peg's lionhead thread, but thought it appropriate to post it here, too...

First, before I put what I said: thank you so much for all your sweet words, guys...they mean so much to me. 

Last night was the first time I've been able to confront this, losing my three babies. And, honestly, I feel like my dream has died. I'm not mourning just the loss of Bun Bun and Drew...but also the loss of Dusty, as (unless I can hop a plane to ya) I will never actually meet my baby boy face-to-face. And even with how much it hurts to let go of the dream of meeting my baby, it would have hurt so much worse to go ahead and fly him, go pick him up, and find that he'd passed during or shortly after the flight. I honestly don't know how horribly that would've affected us and you, Peg...not to mention how horrifying it would have been for him.

I can't describe accurately how all this has me feeling. To lose three in so short a time has been quite devastating to me...my heart is just completely broken, yet I feel numb all over, too. And I can't even confront it all completely, or I'll cry for days, and right now, Em is still so sad over losing her baby that I have to be able to be there for her. But I have to be honest...I feel like crawling into a hole and just crying for days.

I'm sorry to be so negative, but I kinda feel a bit alone. I'm just not able to TALK about it just yet. I can talk about how it makes me feel, a bit...but much more than that, and I fear I will completely break down...and Em's not ready for that quite yet, to see me that upset.

Not to mention, my stress is starting to affect Maisie...she's chewed the fur on her tail shorter than it should be, and I know it's a reaction to my stress, since she's so closely bonded with me. I think this is the most stress and grief I've felt in a very long time, and at the very least the most since I've had her in my life. I'm sure she doesn't know what to do in response...so I'm keeping an even keel for her, too, as I'm sure she'll go into stasis in response if I break down.

I talked to Danny a bit last night about things, but tuned it down, as I looked over and saw the stressed look on Maisie's face. My sweet bondmate...she's bonded with me, and prefers to stay that way, as opposed to bonding with bunnies...so I have to be careful.

Just pray for us...that's the best thing anybody can do.

But I will say...the babies coming home last night did help quite a lot. We really needed some of the joy they bring into the house. (And it was so cute, too...they all kept stealing hay out of Maisie's cage...but she didn't seem upset about it at all, just kinda reacted maternally, and watched and sniffed...but didn't rush over or anything.)

Hugs,

Rosie*


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## Flashy (Dec 19, 2007)

Iknow I don't spring to mind, but I lost Flash in Dec 05, Oz Jun 06, Tub and Boof Feb 07 and Moon at the start of March this year, not to mention the 15 babies in around those times too. I'm just telling you that because I can relate to losing so many in such a short period of time, especially Tub, Boof and Moon (plus 4 kits), in the space of 6 weeks.

I've been in that dark placeand I can relate to how it feels. If you do want to chat, when you feel able, then I'm more than happy to listen.


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## maherwoman (Dec 19, 2007)

Thank you so much, Tracy...the only reason you didn't spring to mind is that somehow I didn't realize you'd lost so many in so short a period of time. 

I just am not sure how to handle the loss, really...my heart hurts.

I will probably take you up on your offer to talk about it...but not for a bit...it's just too hard right now (which I know you understand).

Hugs to you,

Rosie*


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## Flashy (Dec 19, 2007)

I wasn't on here when it happened, and I'm not really one to talk about stuff like that.

I'm not going to pressure you to talk, I'll leave the ball in your court. You can PM me, or e-mail me ([email protected] is probably the best addy for that).

There is no right way to handle this, just try to focus each day at a time. If you feel like crying, then cry, you will stop eventually, and it might hlep Emily to see it's not just her feeling sad, if you want to be angry and shout and scream, then do (but obivously that might be best away from Emily). The most important thing is to be true to yourself about how you feel and not block it out because that will cause more pain and hurt later.

Thinking of you all

x


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## Haley (Dec 19, 2007)

Rosie and Peg, I just wanted to add that Im so sorry for you both. I saw this Monday but just couldnt bring myself to post.

Its just not fair that so much bad can happen to two such wonderful people. Its not right. 

At least both Drew and BunBun were so loved by so many- not many bunnies have that.

Rosie, please give Emily a hug from me. Shes a strong little girl. 

Rest in peace sweet BunBun. You will be missed by all of us. I hope youre up there sneaking around with Drew.


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## TinysMom (Dec 19, 2007)

The worst part about all this for me now is everytime I see Dusty or go by his cage, I start freaking out. In my mind, he's breathing heavy...or he looks sick or he looks like he's uncomfortable. I call Robin over and she looks and goes, "Mom...he's breathing just like he always does.." or "Mom...he's just woken up from napping of course he's going to look that way.." etc. etc.

Part of me expects us to lose him at any time....and the rational, logical part of me says that doesn't HAVE to happen - that he could still go on to live a long full life.

But there is part of me that freaks out - even to just look at him. I'm so scared to lose him. I don't know how many more losses I can take right now. 

We did have him out today to see how stressed he would be if he was handled and stuff and how he would do....and he was like, 'bout time I get to play some more...".

I'm just so scared. Like Rosie, I feel like a dream has been shattered - of her having these three bunnies....and I wonder "WHY?" and "What went wrong with THIS litter?"

I just hope we don't lose Dusty too.....

Peg


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## TinysMom (Dec 20, 2007)

*maherwoman wrote: *


> I can't describe accurately how all this has me feeling. To lose three in so short a time has been quite devastating to me...my heart is just completely broken, yet I feel numb all over, too. And I can't even confront it all completely, or I'll cry for days, and right now, Em is still so sad over losing her baby that I have to be able to be there for her. But I have to be honest...I feel like crawling into a hole and just crying for days.
> 
> I'm sorry to be so negative, but I kinda feel a bit alone. I'm just not able to TALK about it just yet. I can talk about how it makes me feel, a bit...but much more than that, and I fear I will completely break down...and Em's not ready for that quite yet, to see me that upset.


I was thinking about this just a bit ago Rosie.

I lost it tonight for a bit and started crying a little. I've been depressed all day - for the last two days really - and I just want to bury my head and cry or sleep. I find myself sinking back into depression and *almost* not having the energy to pull myself back out....but I'm very lucky. Art & Robin know the signs and they know how to help me and that really does help.

There is a big difference between me and you in the fact that my daughter is 23 and can help me through the grief - and your daughter is so much younger and you have to be careful. I think this is why you're going to have to be careful to nurture yourself and take care of yourself - and that might include locking yourself in the bathroom sometimes and crying and maybe taking a shower to cover the tears and the sobs.

Each of us that you mentioned have had significant losses this year - as has Flashy and others. I'm sure there are many that may not have posted on the thread that have also felt the pain of a loss.

In your case - I think this is harder for you because it is not only the death of a beloved bunny - but the death of a *dream*. I held Drew...I held Bun Bun. You never did.

It reminds me of my weeping the other day when my does had their babies and Kiwi's whole litter was dead on arrival and Girly Girl's litter had two dead and only one made it (and I wasn't sure it would make it). Yes - they were deaths - but they were deaths of what I had dreamed of...and the death of the dream of those litters hurt more than had the babies lived and then I lost them a few days later. Its hard to explain ... but sometimes I think *almost* having something and then having it taken away from you...just hurts.

I think that is why I think this is harder on you than it is on me. And I'm sorry for that. I so much wish now we'd sent the trio on to you earlier. Last week when you were telling me that you were afraid you'd never get to see your two boys and I sort of said, "Sure you will...", I must admit that I panicked afterwards. What if we did lose another bunny? And when it became obvious that we were going to lose Bun Bun....contacting you was the hardest thing I could have had to do. 

I know you've been grieving over Drew since October...I thought I'd share with you some things that I've been learning since losing GingerSpice in January.

Grief makes people say and do strange things....at the strangest times. I've broken down and wept in a grocery store while buying baby food for the bunnies - because of losing a bun who loved a particular flavor. For about 10 seconds I thought about driving off a bridge because the pain was so bad (then I thought about the groceries I had in the car for Eric and what a waste it would be of good food ... so I kept on driving).
Grief makes you feel strange ways. Would you believe that a few days after Ginger died - I found myself saying to someone (who loved me and understood), "I almost wish I'd lost Art and could have Ginger." Mind you...Art & I have been married for 27 years now and we've had our rough times...but I wouldn't REALLY wish him gone. Its just...I would have traded anything for GingerSpice at that time....even Tiny or Miss Bea or .... yep....Art. (I wouldn't do that now).
Grief comes and goes. Just about the time you think you're getting better...you'll have a bad day and wind up feeling like its all hopeless. I'm finding that the bad days are getting further and further apart and I'm able to smile and laugh again...even when I talk about Ginger. 
Not everyone understands grief nor do they grieve in the same way. Some people lash out with anger - some withdraw and pull inward - others keep busy to keep their mind off it. We each handle it differently and that's ok. Art doesn't grieve over my bunnies passing (he did grieve a bit over Puck - that was hard for him)...and he doesn't understand my deep grief at times. But that's ok....I know he can't understand it and he doesn't feel what I feel. I love him for who he is and what he is and I handle my grief as best I can. 
You WILL make it through this. There are others of us who have walked this path - some you've named - others you may not have. But we'll be here for you.

I love the Vulcan phrase (watch me screw it up) from one of the Star Trek movies or episodes... "I grieve with thee." Sometimes - those are the only words a person can say.

Peg


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## maherwoman (Dec 20, 2007)

Thank you for posting that, Peg...it really touched my heart. :hug:

I'm going to be leaving the forum for a while, guys. I just can't handle being here right now.

But many, many hugs to each of you.


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## JimD (Dec 20, 2007)

:cry4:


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## TinysMom (Dec 20, 2007)

*TinysMom wrote*


> In your case - I think this is harder for you because it is not only the death of a beloved bunny - but the death of a *dream*. I held Drew...I held Bun Bun. You never did.


I just wanted to add something here after some PMs I received...and I'm probably going to not say this right. I'm going to try to say it anyway.

I'm not trying to say that we can compare grief and that what Rosie has experienced is harder than someone else who lost a bunny that they lived with and loved. I'm not trying to say that others haven't lost more or that others haven't grieved more.

I don't think we can compare grief nor can we compare situations...they are all different. We all experience different things and we experience them differently. It would be unfair and impossible to compare my grief over a bunny to someone else's grief over losing their bunny. You can't do it ~ we're all different and the situations are all different. 

However, as I grieve Bun Bun and Drew...I do have the memories of holding them to comfort me and help me make it through. I have memories of Drew escaping or of Bun Bun watching tv with me. I can hold onto those memories and cherish them and smile when times get tough.

Rosie had 8 months of _looking forward_ to the day when her babies would arrive. During that time we talked about them many many times...planned for them and for how to houseproof the house from Drew...etc. etc. She does not have the memories of holding Drew or watching Bun Bun binky to help her through the grief. I think this is making it harder FOR HER to grieve over the loss because she does not have those memories to help her....whereby I do. This doesn't mean that it makes it harder for her than for others...it means it makes it harder for her than it might have been had she at least held them once or been able to watch them at play, etc.

I've decided that I will try to not post on this thread anymore and I will just share my grief privately with a few who understand. I think it is better if I just take my grief to a few friends privately.

I'm sorry if I hurt folks as I never meant to do so.....

Love ya all.

Peg


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## Flashy (Dec 20, 2007)

Totally editted because me and Peg posted at the same time.

I'm sorry, I did not mean to stop you grieving in public.

I will leave you all alone.

Thinking of you still though.


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## maherwoman (Dec 20, 2007)

I probably won't be posting in this thread anymore...but I see your condolences and thank you very much, everyone for your kind words.


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## gentle giants (Dec 21, 2007)

I am so sorry about you losing your babies, Rosie. I am jsut now seeing this, I'm really, really sorry I bothered you with my questions about one of my threads. I don't come into this section very much, cause I jsut sit here and cry for people who have lost their babies, just like I'm crying for you right now. :cry1:I wish I could give you a big hug and make you feel better, but this is the best I can do for now. :hug2:

:bigtears::rainbow:ink iris:


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## JadeIcing (Dec 21, 2007)

I can't say much. To much pain in me right now. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QJse82M6BM]I'll Be Missing You.[/ame]


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## ~BunBuns~ (Dec 21, 2007)

Rest in peace sweet Bun bun you'll be greatly missed by everyone:bigtears:

a :hug: for you Rosie..:cry4:


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