# O/T Need Advice



## aurora369 (Nov 14, 2005)

I know this is off topic, but I really need someadvice about how to handle my room mates, and I really value the advicefrom the members on this board.

I moved in with two boys, Andrew and Kevin, in September forschool. I needed to move away from home closer to school, andcouldn't find anyone to live with, and could not afford to live on myown. So when I heard that Andrew, who I knew from work, waslooking for a place to live near school as well, I asked him if I couldjoin him and his friend.

I was the one who went and viewed places, and found the place we arecurrently living in. I made all three of us sign the leasebecause I didn't want just my name on it, making me the sole personresponsible for any damages.

We sat down at the beginning and agreed on some rules, like clean upafter yourselves, rooms can be as messy as you want but common areasare to be kept clean, we will all share house cleaning activities, andI was responsible for the rabbits.

Well, I have kept my side of the agreement. I clean up my dirty dishesas I create them, I am the only one who does any house work, and therabbits cage is impeccably neat. I am reluctant to even dothe amount of cleaning I do, not because I hate house work, I kind ofenjoy it, but because I feel by cleaning up after them I will be makingthe problem worse, I do not want them to think of me as "someone who'sjust there to pick up after them".

So about three weeks ago, I made a list of cleaning that needed doing,two items for each person. And asked them to sign themselvesup to share the cleaning because the house is a sty. Icleaned the bathroom, spent 2 hours trying unsuccessfully to get thesoap scum out of the bathtub, and I also cleaned the kitchen.

That same week end, my b/f came over and was disgusted by the dirtydishes Kevin had left out on the dining room table for over 3days. He said in past room mate situations he has left dishesout only to come home to find them on his pillow. I didn't doit quite as drastically, I piled all Kevin's dishes up and place themon his desk.

Apparently Kevin talked to Andrew about it, but to this day he has notsaid anything to me about it, because Andrew brought it up with me thefollowing day. He got very aggressive and threatening,warning that I should never do that to him. I responded bysaying that as long as you clean up after yourself, like you normallydo, I wont have to. This came before he notice I had piledall the pots full of food and dishes he left out from the night beforein the sink, because I wanted to use the stove. He thennoticed what I had done, and basically had a hissy fit abouthow long the food had taken him to make the day before andhow now he couldnt eat it. In my opinion, if food is left ina pot on the stove over night, besides when making soups and stews, itis not wanted. 

I then went out for a walk to the dollar store to cool my head, and getsome bunny toys. I came back to a very nicely cleaned kitchencounter. All the boxes, papers, and dirty dishes had beencleared away. Andrew had also vacuumed and dusted the livingroom. I thanked him for doing his part in the cleaning; hestormed off in a huff slamming his bedroom door, then lockingit. I then noticed that the litter box in the rabbits cagehad been turned by 90 degrees, one of the babies had a scratch in herear, there was food all over the cage, and the cage itself had beenmoved about 3 inches. I asked Andrew if he know why there wasfood all over the cage, and why one of them had a scratch in her ear,suggesting that they may have started fighting, and if that was thecase I needed to separate them. He then said that they gotfrightened when he started the vacuum, knocking their food dish andgetting food all over the floor too, and would they do this every timehe started the vacuum. This really pissed me off as I knowthe vacuum doesnt scare them that much, Ive vacuumed around themplenty of times, and I know he took his anger towards me out on them byhitting the cage with the vacuum cleaner. The poor guys wherestomping and shaking for over an hour after.


Since that week end I have been doing my best to ignore him.But the things he do still bother me, like complaining about the smellof bleach when I clean the bathroom.

And then today, he wrote a note on the top of an empty box I left inthe bathroom garbage, which was a box for feminine items. Hewrote Put these types of items in the large garbage in thekitchen. Nobody wants to know. This humiliatedme. Its an empty box. I cannot help being afemale, and I take measures to not leave gross things in plainsight. I wouldnt of been so offended if he had approached meand said this type of thing makes him uncomfortable, but he degraded meby writing it on the box in the bathroom, and avoiding me since he didthis. I was so upset I was shaking. I havent doneanything about this and I dont plan on doing anything, just ignoringit.

I feel like Im constantly fighting a losing battle. I donttrust Andrew, he is so passive aggressive that I feel scared of himsometimes and Kevin is just frustrating because he is so messy andnever home to ask to clean up after himself.. 

Ive already decided to move out. But I cant until January1[sup]st[/sup]. I need advice on how to handle this situationfor the next six weeks until I can move out. 

Sorry this was so long I really needed to get it off my chest.

--Dawn


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## RebeccaUK (Nov 14, 2005)

Oh Dawn - what a terrible situation - I really feel for you,

I hope the bunnies have got over their panic - I know if anyone haddoen anything to frighten my babies I could never forgive them as theyshould understand that animals are always innocent.

I've lived in a shared student house with 2 boys and another girl andthings there got very hard. In the end I kept all my stuff inmy room - I had my own set of pots and they got washed and taken backto my room after I'd cooked - everything else that my flatmates hadused was left until they cleaned it - even if it went mouldy I justrefused to go near it and didn't mention it to them.

The bathroom was hard work - I suppose I just gave it a clean before Iused the toilet or took a shower but I didn't pick up after theothers. 

The feminine items thing sounds like your roommate is being petty withyou - i think if it were me I would just continue to put emptycardboard boxes in the bin or in the recycling caddy and ignore hiscomments.

Are the bunnies yours and is there any way you could move them intoyour own room? I would hate to hear that worse fates had happened tothem as a result of this feud.


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## bluebird (Nov 14, 2005)

I wouldnt push this guy. anyone who would takethings out on innocent animals has issues.I would just try to get alonguntill you find another place.bluebird


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## mygrl2k3 (Nov 14, 2005)

I think whenever people live together its alwaysa risk of stuff like this. I would just try andmake it through without too much conflict. that's really meanto scare the bunnies. 

Cristy


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## ariel (Nov 14, 2005)

If you can move the bunnies into yourroom that'd be good and if you get questioned over it just say youwanted them there so you can watch over them closer, I would just tryand go about your business and do your thing and just go with the flowuntil you can move.
hard I know, I once shared with 4 other people and we all took turns inthe housework mind you the guys were not as good as I was at hygienebut they tried.

If you have a lock, then lock your door when you are out of the houseand as much as it's hard to do just be social but try not to let themget you down hun.

:hug:

I will be thinking of you


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## aurora369 (Nov 14, 2005)

Thanks everyone...

I know I just have to deal with him until I can move out, but I find itreally hard to deal with his passive agressive behaviour.He's so unpredictable...

I would love to move the buns into my room, but unfortunatly, my roomis tiny and the cage won't fit. I tried to get the big roomwhen we moved in, but the other two wanted the person who stayed inthat room to pay almost twice as much as the other two, and I justcouldn't afford it. So I'm thinking of getting a lock to puton the cage so at least he can't get to them. I'm reallyworried that I'm gonna come home to find something bad done to them.

Well, if everyone can pray for me to have patience, and not lose my temper with Andrew... I'm trying very hard.

--Dawn


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## Sarah (Nov 14, 2005)

I've had the misfortune of living with passiveagressive types. I'd steer clear of him for the rest of yourstay. January is only a few months away and hopefully it'll fly by. Forthe next few months maybe just cook your meals, clean your messes andlet the rest go. He'll be free to enjoy hisbacteria-filled-left-over-night-food.You might have tosacrifice and just clean thebathroom so you can live with it.

The fact that he scared your sweet bunnies is disturbing. It takes a real jerk to have no remorse for scaring bunnies. 

But more than that, the feminine item note is the most disturbing part.Sounds a bit misogynisticand extremely immature todeliberately humiliate you about something like that. Wonder what hismother would think about his overtly sexist behavior.


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## nose_twitch (Nov 14, 2005)

My heart goes out to you so much. Ihave had the same situation of bad roommates before. Luckily,I have never had anyone who would want to hurt an animal.Please just get by until you get out. Do whatever you have todo to protect yourself and your animals.


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## aurora369 (Nov 14, 2005)

I'm very confused about his fear of feminine products, he has a mother and a sister, so I don't know what they do at his house.

So far it's been pretty easy to ignore him, as he's been trying toavoid me!! I think he's afraid of what I might say to himabout his note. But I have just turned the box over in thegarbage, and have decided to pretend it never happened unless he bringsit up. Then I'm just gonna tell him tough luck, get used toit.

I wish I could leave earlier, but I want to have a good relationshipwith my landlord, and give proper notice and all that goodstuff. I really wish I could just kick my current room matesout, and have my two friends who I will be moving in with take theirplaces. But I can't, so I'm gonna have to move out.

--Dawn


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## Nicky Snow (Nov 14, 2005)

Oh Dawn ((((BIG HUG)))))

i really understand your frustration. i have lived in a house with 5other people and it was a night mare! i recently lived with mysister-in-law, and that was bad too!

i now will never live with another human being again!!!!!

so, here are my 2 cents,

the one guy is obviously a jerk. and people like that will never admittheir own faults, so, without bunnies in common area, i would suggestputting all your belongings in your room and locking your room, tellingthis guy to grow up,

BUT for the sake of your bunnies, i would play nice to this dude. itmay hurt your ego, but people like him are very unpredictable. i don'tmean to scare you, but obviously you are already concerned. you cancall him all the names you wanna AFTER you move out.

Nicole


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## aurora369 (Nov 14, 2005)

Well, I'm doing my best to just ignore him. 

I've now put a pot, frying pan, plates, bowl, cups, and utensils all inmy room. Last time I went out to the kitchen, there was noclean cutlery, so I promptly collected up what I need, cleaned it, andput it in my room. So I'm now all set in that aspect.

I just need to remember to bite my tongue, and not let his barbs stick,cause the last thing I want him to know is how much this actuallyupsets me. I would feel so bad if he took his aggression outon my buns again.


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## ScoobyDoo (Nov 14, 2005)

Wow--I don't think I could ever tolerate someonelike that. Taking out his anger, caused by his own disgustinghabits, on innocent rabbits is just cruel...*grrrrr* If I were you Iwould move every single item of yours into your room and put a lock onthe door(make sure your theonlyone that hasakey) in case you are gone, he gets mad, and decides todestroy something of yours. (never know, it could happen). Asfor your feminine products that he apparently finds irritating, I'dignore it. You can't help that your female and he's gotta getused to it sometime. I mean, any girlfriend he will ever haveis going to do that same thing. This is as much your home ashis and if he wants to make a mess he should clean it up. Myadvice is that you should only clean up after yourself and keep yourrabbit in a safe place(away from him). 

~*~Caitlin~*~


P.S. if he evermakes you extremely mad you can always scarehim away with the "Dreaded Feminine Products" he seems to fear so much!lol, this guy is so weird.


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## aurora369 (Nov 15, 2005)

Well I just went and looked at a beautifulplace. It's a bit more than what I'm paying now, but nottotally out of my price range. The familly upstairs seem veryfriendly, they have two kids who are so cute!! I just have totalk to my friends who are planning on moving in with me aboutit. I should know by the end of the week whether we got theplace or not. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

--Caitlin--
I wish I could pack up everything and keep it all in my room, but myroom is just too tiny. :? I can't even fit the buns cage inmy room, but I am going to get a lock to keep their cage shut till Imove out.
So far, I've only cleaned up after myself for the last month, and the place is disgusting. I can't wait to get out.!!


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## Nicky Snow (Nov 15, 2005)

careful with the kiddies. you may just become a live-in babysitter. (gosh i sound like a miserable old lady) Sorry.

i have my fingers crossed for you too!


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## aurora369 (Nov 15, 2005)

Hehe, don't worry, the basement suite is completely seperate from the upstairs. 

Not that I mind looking after kids, I've done it enough with my babysister, but I do agree, it would be bad to move in somewhere where Iwas expected to watch someone else's kids all the time.

I really appreciate everyones support with this!! At least I know now that I'm not crazy and over sensitive.

--Dawn


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## ruka (Nov 15, 2005)

I'm so sorry you have such a hostile roomie.

About the feminine products: If you can buy a small trash bin with acover to use for just your feminine products, that might help. You canget a "feminine" color like pink or lavender so it's kind of obvious tothe boys, "This is for my personal use, but don't get mad if you take apeek."

Boys are so insensitive sometimes.


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## KatyG (Nov 15, 2005)

Hi Dawn 

Really sorry to hear about your situation. I am a student tooand I know so many people with nightmare stories like this.My best friend who I live with now was in a flat before this with agirl who was very aggressive to her, she lived there with her boyfriendand all the stress and taking sidesled them to breakup. 

All I can say is just remember it will be oversoon. Stay out of the other boys way, don't claer up afterhim, just do what you need to do to be there. I can fully understandhow distresing his mess is as I am very tidy and could not cope withliving with someone so disgusting. I think any normal personwould have assumed food left sitting on the stove overnight was nolonger edible! I suggest ignoring the rest of the house andkeeping your own room really nice. Get someincense andcushions and make it your own little sanctuary, howeversmall. Take your bunnies in there to playwith them so that you can relax a bit when you are at home.This guy is obviously a total ***hole as I don't know why anyone wouldtake out their anger on poor little bunnies. I hope you findsomewhere really nice to move to and don't worry, not all people arelike this guy, you just got unlucky this time. 

Best wishes Katy


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## aurora369 (Nov 15, 2005)

Katy,
I'm so sorry to hear about your friends situation and I'm glad she wasable to leave, even if she lost a boyfriend in the process.

I have to say that my boyfriend has been very supportive, to the pointwhere I almost have to tell him to stay out of it. He sobadly wants to stand up for me, but I know that will only make thesituation worse, so I haven't let him. He's my knight inshining armer, and it makes me feel better just knowing he supports meand would jump in in a heart beat if something serious ever happened.

Ruka,
The little garbage can is a good idea, but at the moment I'm justleaving everything as is, because I refuse to reward negativebehaviour, and I don't want Andrew to believe he can manipulate me intodoing things. If he grows up and approaches me like an adultand talks to me about it, instead of leaving nasty notes and trying toavoid me, I will bring up this solution!! 

Thank you all for your support and ideas, it's making the time I have to deal with them easier.

--Dawn


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## BunnyMom (Nov 15, 2005)

Dawn, I am so sorry to hear all ofthis! That's one of the reasons I don't live in NYC like mostof my co-workers. Besides paying the same rent I do now forsomething the size of a postage stamp, I would need to have a roommatein order to afford it. Had enough of that horror show incollege, thanks!

I agree with everyone else here - steer clear of this loser as much aspossible until you move out. Anyone who would take theiranger out on innocent animals isn't playing with a full deck and shouldnot be trusted. Just keep your eye on the light at the end ofthe tunnel - that great new CLEAN FREAKLESS apartment - and it'll behere before you know it.

And remember: Be nice to your enemies - it messes with their heads!

Good luck!


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## FreddysMom (Nov 15, 2005)

*BunnyMom wrote: *


> And remember: Be nice to your enemies - it messes with their heads!
> 
> Good luck!


That's right! "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer!"

definately stay on the passive path youre on now....id say this guy hasa pretty psycho complex if he's taking things out on rabbits (the quietones are always the bad ones lol) ..

to be honest .. sounds like hes gotta some power/dominance issues..kinda like a bad boss...

so just yes him to death and beat around the bush all that kinda niceystuff and youll get thru this torture with no skin off your back..

...normally id say blow up on the jerk! ..but for the bunnies sake i dont think that would work this time 'round..

GOODLUCK ....this too shall pass


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## aurora369 (Nov 15, 2005)

Well so far I haven't really had to work onbeing nice to him, because he's been doing everything he can to aviodme. I'm just going about my business like they don'texist. But if I do talk to them, I'm gonna be sweet as pie.

I would totally blow up at him if my bunnies weren'tinvolved. They will be the first thing I move out.And once I've moved them, I think I'm gonna give him a piece of mymind. Grrrr....

I talked to my landlord, and he said basically as soon as I get someoneto sign a sublet, I can move out. I'm so excited!!I could end up moving before Jan 1.

--Dawn


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## KatyG (Nov 22, 2005)

Hi, just wondered how things were going. Have you found anyone to take your room yet?


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## bunsforlife (Nov 22, 2005)

believe me... I was in a similiar situation not too long ago...

Moved in with my now husband, who was living in the basement of acoworker friend. before I moved in I would spend the night acouple nights a week and cook a big meal for hubby, roommate,roommate's Girlfriend and myself. Heck I'd even bake specialdoggie treats for her dog.

When Iw as staying a couple nights a week I would leave $100 a month as my 'rent' to help pay for heating and electricity.

When I graduated college, I asked hubby's roommate if I could move inwith him and was told yes, so the two of us (who lived in the basement,had no storage space, no heat during the winter) were paying 2/3 of therent. Wasnt a problem really, but when roommates GF went tomove in things went REALLY sour. 

Was accused of breaking the dryer and the washer, trashing the kitchen,never asking to move in, never paying rent, etc etc. it gotso bad, I never left the bedroom. I had a chamberpot (gross Iknow...b ut I didnt want to go upstairs to use the bathroom and haveall the hostilites assualt me) we went to a friends house to shower, weused the George Foreman Grill and a hotpot to cook all our meals in thebasement and we snuck in and out of the apt through the basementsliding door.

When we got ourselves our own apartment, I felt threatened physicallyso I had a friend come up from New Jersey to help me move since myhubby was working at the time. I was terrified she would trysomething... (she was a violent person when drinking or off her meds...tried to kill her girlfriend one night by throwing her down the stairswhich Shawn and I intercepted and stopped) I was tempted to get apolice escort.

Which is why I refuse to have roommates again heh. 

However... dont lock yourself in your room... becaus ethat will messwith yourself. Just do what your doing and refuse to clean upafter them, do what you need to do and show them you arent intimidated(hard to do I know) 

Get out of there asap =) you will be so much happier!


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## FlopsnWills (Nov 22, 2005)

Wow, I just want to let you know that I feel foryou. I can't believe this guy, he sounds like a real )(#*$ Just keepyour eye out for any differences in their condo and count down the daysuntil you get the heck out of there.

The feminine products thing also shows how weird he is.. just keep youreye out, there isn't anyway to get your rabbits to your parents houseor a friends house until January 1st?


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## RebeccaUK (Nov 22, 2005)

Hi Dawn - keep hanging in there and when thingsget too much you can always log on the forum and chat to your bunny madfriends. I think we can all vouch for you that you're notoverreacting and that this is a bad situation but you will get throughit and come out of the other end.


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## aurora369 (Nov 22, 2005)

Well I have some good news!!

I'm moving out December 1st, yeah!! And I've already hadsomeone offer to sublet from me. She sounds like she'll dobetter as she mountain bikes and so does Andrew, so they'll at leasthave something in common to talk about. I told her I washaving problems with him, but she and her father talked and they stillwant the place. And I have two more people coming tonight tosee the place, and then my room mates will choose which one they want.

I really hope that who ever moves in does not have the same problems Idid, but even if they do, Andrew is only staying till April, then hegoes home for the summer.

Bunsforlife, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you!! My situation is not nearly as bad, but it still stinks.


Again, thank you every one for your support!!

--Dawn


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## Stephanie (Nov 22, 2005)

What great news! You must be SO relieved.

I've had roommate situations like that before and it's just not fun. Nooffense, but a lot of younger guys are just slobs, I had one roomie whowas just impossible. It was really bad actually and I was so glad tomove out. I'm a tidy person too, and know how stressful it can get tolive in filth like that. I know he's doing it on purpose too. 

Even though it was tough financially, I finally rented a small placefor myself and lived alone. I haven't had a roommate since I was about22 (I'm 30 now), although I have lived with a long term boyfriend,which doesn't really count as a roommate situation in my book. 

I'm happy that you're moving out. You must be very excited about thattoo! Yeah, moving is no fun, but in a situation like yours, I'll betyou were praying for it!


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## Nicky Snow (Nov 22, 2005)

:elephant:I'm glad for you. the less time there, the better. :bunnydance:


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## aurora369 (Nov 22, 2005)

I am so excited, less than two weeks now.

The roommate has now officialy stated that he is not talking tome... I honestly feel like I'm living with a spoiled rottensix year old.

I don't have the money to live on my own right now. But, nextyear, I might own an apartment. My mother and grandmothersold an apartment in my home town, and are willing to use that money asa down payment towards a little bachelor pad for me inVancouver. I really hope we can find something in time fornext year.

That would be the best solution, no roomies ever!!



--Dawn


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## Nicky Snow (Nov 22, 2005)

Dawn, once you live alone, trust me, you will always want to live alone


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## aurora369 (Nov 26, 2005)

Arg!! My room mate is just infuriating. 

Now he's accusing me of stealing...

I have started keeping all of my dishes, glasses, and cooking stuff inmy room, which includes my frying pan. I bought this copperbottomed frying pan off my friends mom, about two years ago, when theyhad a garage sale. It's an old one, my mother has somepots/pans from the same set that she inherited from my greatgrandmother, but it works quite nicely.

So, my room mate asked me if I knew where HIS silver frying panwas. I said no, I have MY copper bottomed one. Andhe then tried to tell me that his mother brought him that one fromhome, and that it's his. I told him it was mine, and I'venever seen his frying pan, there never has been one.

Well, he took that news rather badly. He told me that if I was going to start stealing stuff, I should just leave now.

After that incident, I took his advice. I called up my newland lady, and asked her if I could move in this week end and she saidyes!! So bright and early tomorrow morning, I will be leavingthis place forever.

So, bad experience led to good outcome.

I can't wait.

--Dawn


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## Pet_Bunny (Nov 27, 2005)

While you're moving, he will be too occupied with the football game. 

Hope things turn out fine.

Rainbows!


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## ariel (Nov 27, 2005)

Dawn, that's great you can move early! I bet you are so happy, good riddens to bad stuff.

Start fresh and enjoy your new home

:bouquet:

Just remember to set the boundaries about babysitting and you will be fine

Goodluck and welcome to your hopefully new and happier life!


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## Nicky Snow (Jan 4, 2006)

Dawn how's it going, i'm guessing you are in your new place? and how are the bunnies?

Nicole


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## aurora369 (Jan 4, 2006)

Hi,

Thanks for asking. I'm all moved in with my new roommates and it is so much better!!

It's completely different. I'm no longer hiding in my room toaviod my roomies, I now socialize with them in the common areas, sharemeals together. And my boyfriend gets along famously withthem too.

It was my birthday on Monday, and my boyfriend and new roommate Travisconspired and totally surprised me!! When I came home fromshopping with my boyfriend, Travis had set the table with a nice tablecloth, candles, the whole works. He served me and myboyfriend a wonderful dinner. It was a wonderful way to end abirthday.

Wildfire loves the new place too, my bedroom has almost twice the runaround space. She now lives in a "high rise" bunnycondo. Travis and I built a stand for the cage so I could fitall the food, litter, and hay under the cage for easystorage. The stand makes it so much easier to visit with her,I don't have to bend down at all to pet her, I can just reach my arm inthe cage.

Both room mates really like Wildfire. Although she's nolonger aloud on the couch, because something must smell like a potty toher on it, she pees everytime!! 

But everything is awsome so far.

--Dawn


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## Nicky Snow (Jan 4, 2006)

That's really good news and i'm glad everything has worked out. Happy belated B-Day.

:groupparty:


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## aurora369 (Jan 4, 2006)

Thank you.

--Dawn


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## cheryl (Jan 4, 2006)

Dawn,that is great news,now you can finallyrelax and know that your bunny will be safe,i wish you much happinesswith your new appartment,anyway the guy your sharing with now soundsmuch better than the other loser.geez it sounded like he had someissues,maybe hes missing his mummy



good luck



cheryl.....


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## AmberNBuns (Jan 4, 2006)

Dawn, sorry I missed all this in November - Ihave been there with the passive-aggressive freakroommante.Good job keeping your head through it all. I knowit is hard being the ONLY mature attitude in the house. Congrats onyour new safe place for you and your buns!

Don't hesitate to come here to vent if you have any other issues (which *fingers crossed* doesn't sound likely...)

Cheers!

Oh yeah, and Happy Birthday!


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