# Feeling Totally Used



## Sabine (Aug 29, 2010)

I can't believe I've put myself into this situation again.

A fortnight or so ago I received a phone call from the husband of a friend of mine. They were planning to return to Ireland and were wondering if they could stay with us for a few days "as we have such a nice big house now".
I thought it was somewhat strange as they own a house here and I would have expected they had given their tenants notice long ago. I did ask when their tenants would move out and got a somewhat vague answer that should have set alarm bells off straight away. Foolishly I said yes as it was only for a few days and even worse I didn't consult David on it either.

I should also explain that this is a family with two young kids and the woman isn't even a particularly close friend and I don't even like her husband as he strikes me a bit of a user.

They arrived on Saturday and shortly after their arrival it transpired they hadn't given their tenants notice at all and they were hoping to rent in the suburb we are living but were wondering could they stay with us for the time being. He had TILL THE END OF SEPTEMBER in mind.
I was actually in shock when I heard this!

Being a coward I said I need to consult with David about it althoygh I should have said straight out No. David of course is furious quite understandibly. I am terrified of confrontation and in the meantime they are making themselves at home.

They fridge has been stocked up with weeks supply of food, stuff is spread all over the house and the kids are running riot around the place.

We have decided to confront them tomorrow and I'm so dreading it. I am so angry and frustrated that I am put into this position and actually feel really bad about giving them a deadline. I could have possibly even enjoyed a weekend of their company but the dread of them not leaving spoils it all and every single thing annoys me from the pee spilled over the toilet seat to bikes strewn all over the pavement etc...I consider myself a rather generous person but I feel so mean.

I should also add that we do have a nice big house and I love people around (who I have invited to stay) but we have to worry from one months to the next how to pay the rent at the moment. The family staying with us not only own a house in Ireland but also in Germany and he is the part owner of the family company & has a secure job in Ireland. They spent all Summer traveling on holidays whereas we stayed at home due to lack of funds only being able to afford a scout trip to England for our boys. Yet I would never invite myself into another person's home assuming I could stay as long as I want.

Sorry about the long ramble as I needed to vent.


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## kirbyultra (Aug 29, 2010)

Some folks have no shame, do they?


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## Nela (Aug 30, 2010)

Yikes Sabine, I can imagine that would be very unpleasant! Not only was it rude to assume they could stay as long as they want, but then to run around the house like it's their place... Ugh... Lots of hugs your way and I hope the confrontation won't be too horrible. :expressionless


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## Sabine (Aug 30, 2010)

Thanks for the hugs. I actually managed to have a heart to heart talk to my friend this morning and as I suspected she is totally embarrassed about the situation and is trying to push her husband to find alternative accommodation as soon as possible. He on the other hand thinks that we have such a nice and big house and what's our problem....:? We agreed that David is going to talk to him this afternoon as she doesn't seem to get through to him. They just left to look at a house to rent but just after they left I realized that they left one of their kids (6 years old) behind without even asking us. It isn't really too bad as my daughter (7) is around but still I would like to be asked. In retrospect I wish they weren't looking for a house to rent that close to us as I can imagine in future they'd be hoping they could use us a baby sitters.

I do have quite a few kids myself but that doesn't mean that I like a chaotic house. I am going crazy with them leaving their socks and shoes and other rubbish all over the place. :rant:


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## Sabine (Aug 30, 2010)

Great, my daughter just had an argument with the other little girl and she is back playing with her little sister. The other one has disappeared somewhere and I am so annoyed I couldn't be bothered to look for her. As far as I'm concerned the parents didn't even ask me to mind her:X


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## Nela (Aug 30, 2010)

Yeah... They definitely have to go... I think it's a sad situation in many ways. It's too bad friendships get taken advantage of like that.


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## NorthernAutumn (Aug 30, 2010)

I'm sorry, Sabine. That is disgustingly presumptive of them. If he's so well off, I suggest that they find a quaint little cottage by a lake where their whelps can run free for the summer. 

Really, you are not being mean about this whatsoever. They have multiple homes, for pete's sake! Homeless and on the street, fine, ok. But this is utterly out of line.
:grumpy:

A month of stay = a month's rent $$$. Electricity and hot water aren't free, nor is childcare.
Big hugs to you and yours :hug:.


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## Violet23 (Aug 30, 2010)

exactly what you said Autumn, and it shocks me that anyone can just do that, i would do what you really feel and fly off the handle with the husband, maybe if you yell loud enough he'll get the point, lol

and drop the kids off at some nice expensive daycare, rack up a bill for the parents *evil grin* they didnt ask you to take care of them anyway


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## Sabine (Aug 30, 2010)

David took the husband aside today and set them a deadline for Wednesday. This was after I rang him up in tears as he totally embarrassed me in front of my neighbours.
The lady from across the road kindly invited my 7 year old daughter who is friends with her kids and my little girl (2 years) AND knowing we have visitors the other girl around. My "friends" were going out and decided their little boy was staying with me (no need to ask me of course:X) The little fellow kicked a fuss as he knew his sister had gone off playing across the road so the father decided to drop him off there as well:shock:
I stopped him saying that my neighbour specifically said the three girls were invited and never mentioned the boy and even his wife tried to dissuade him but he went over pretending to pick up his daughter as the little boy was upset. Needless to say he returned without the little boy feeling very smug saying "Sure, one more won't make a difference".. As soon as they had gone around the corner I dashed over apologizing profusely as I am not in the habit of using my neighbours as baby sitters.
My neighbour totally understood and admitted she did think it was a bit odd but felt somewhat under pressure. apparently he just said: "He is very upset could he come in to play!!!!" No word about collecting his daughter. What a total user. I was so disgusted I was shaking and almost in tears. I ended up collecting everyone back after half an hour picking a bunch of flowers for my neighbour who had been so kind. Maybe if i adopted this attitude Id have two houses too and a share of a company


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## Nela (Aug 31, 2010)

Scum. I can only think of that word. So unbelievably disrespectful. Really... Just wow. You are much nicer than I am. I would have kicked them out on the spot. If he can afford so much property, he can afford a hotel. Kudos to you for being better than me I have not an ounce of sympathy left in me tonicely deal with those situations.


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## SnowyShiloh (Aug 31, 2010)

I'm so sorry, what a terrible situation. I would be very unhappy too!


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## JadeIcing (Aug 31, 2010)

Wish I was there....


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## Rabbit Hero (Aug 31, 2010)

Wow! this is absolutely terrible. I can't believe that people would actually impose on you in this way. Clearly David is used to getting what he wants by acting in this aggressive manner. Whether it's a big house or a small house, it's YOUR house. And that is all that matters. 

Good for you for standing up for yourself.Let us know what happens on Wednesday!


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## Nancy McClelland (Aug 31, 2010)

sounds just like most of our family. The only time we hear from any of them is when they want to borrow money--it would be more of a gift since none have ever bothered paying us back. That's why we moved six hundred miles (1000 kilometers) away. When we get a letter we just call them and say no. Not always the easiest thing to do but we've come to abhor being used.


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## Luvmyzoocrew (Sep 1, 2010)

OH MY WORD,lol. I dont envy you in the least, i hope they get on there way real soon.


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## Sabine (Sep 1, 2010)

THEY ARE GONE!!! Hallelujah!! We actually more or less kicked them out (David insists I shouldn't take the credit as he did the dirty work of telling them while I hid in the house:sofa
They left dropping loads of hints as to how bad they are off now having to move into a house that doesn't meet their exacting standards. (It is a nice enough 4 bed roomed house in a good area)
They knew the deadline for moving was today and stupid me wanting to soften the blow said they don't need to rush (Meaning they don't have to be out early in the morning) They ended up hanging around all day cooking their lunch and sprawling out on our lawn with their kids running around the place and packing was going rather slowly.
If it was me and I knew I wasn't welcome in a place I'd be out like a shot. Also they had the keys for their new place and had already started cleaning it.
At this stage David was fuming and I had to keep hushing him up as he was close to yelling at them to **** OFF!! At around 6 o'clock the woman asked me if it would be ok to cook their dinner in our place (Again!) Apparently the kitchen in the new house wasn't all that clean yet (even though they'd had the chance to clean it).
I just couldn't believe it and put the request to David.:biggrin: (whose brain exploded across the kitchen) You can surely guess his reply:no:
They took my bedsheets with them to wash. I'd be quite happy to part with them if I never had to see them again. It's sad really.


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## JadeIcing (Sep 1, 2010)

No loss there.


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## Nancy McClelland (Sep 1, 2010)

alrighty then!


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 2, 2010)

So glad they're gone! I just can't believe they'd act like that. I'll bet you're really enjoying the peace and quiet in your house. And if they ask you to babysit, just say "That won't be possible" or "We already have plans." It doesn't matter if your only plan is to NOT have their children over, it's still a plan!


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## NorthernAutumn (Sep 2, 2010)

Big kudos to you and your hubby for taking the bull by the horns. I don't envy your position at all! What wretched people. You two did sooo well -got them out without a scene!

Yup, you are officially booked for the rest of your life - "So sorry, I have plans" is the best phrase ever.


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## Sabine (Sep 2, 2010)

Thanks to everyone listening to my ranting.
It actually turned out we got away lightly. Today we had to call our landlady as we discovered a leak in the pipes. The guy she sent over to investigate turned out to be her brother..
Now, we are on very good terms with our landlords but if they had got the feeling we were subletting the place the relationship may have changed and it may well have jeopardized our rental agreement. I am so glad we turfed them out yesterday otherwise i would have been worried sick about our landlady thinking we were being dishonest. When our "visitors" were around the place looked a mess and it really did look as if two families were living there full time (Not to mention the guy strutting around in the garden in his underwear).Oh I am so glad to have my house back.:woohoo


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 3, 2010)

Yay  And I'm glad you don't have to worry about the landlady!


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## Sabine (Sep 6, 2010)

It's not over yet!!!!!

I can't believe after virtually chucking these people out they will keep asking us for favours.
This morning I received a text from the woman asking me if she could put my number down as an emergency contact for her kids school and creche. She knows very well I have four kids myself and I don't drive. I straight away had visions of the kids not being collected and the schools ringing me to sort it out.
And I wasn't too far off. She has started sending her six year old girl who has only been in the country for a week on the school bus. The poor little thing still has only limited English. We just found out she told my 12 year old son in the morning that it is his job to collect her girl from the school creche and make sure she gets onto the bus.
I am fuming!!! My son is supposed to look after his sister (7years old)when school is out and put her on the bus and mostly my ex-husband is there to make sure they get on the bus safe.
This is one thing! Next thing I get a phone call from my partner who went down to pick up the kids from the bus stop as it was lashing with rain. He had a car full of kids and also my "friend's" little girl stood there - No idea where she was to meet her mother. She was miles away from her place and of course had no idea how to get home or get in touch with her mother. I did manage to ring her and it turned out she was waiting at the wrong stop. Apparently I hadn't told her where the bus would stop (I remember distinctly saying to her that she needs to talk to the bus driver and maybe ride on the bus with her daughter for a while.)
I just can't believe I am put into this position again after we thought we got rid of them.


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## NorthernAutumn (Sep 6, 2010)

No, you are not the emerg contact. Tell her to get someone with a car.

I feel absolutely terrible for her little girl. It would be great if your son was willing, but she should not have dared to put that responsibility on his shoulders.
:grumpy:

What an incompetent ignoramus... were her parents like this too?


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## Sabine (Sep 6, 2010)

I am just so appalled she put her daughter in this situation. Normally my kids don't even go on the school bus on Mondays as they have after school activities.
What if the little girl had been on the bus all by herself. She had no idea where to get off (just her mom's instruction to get off where my kids get off, which was actually the wrong stop for her) and I'm sure she wouldn't even know her address as they only moved in a few days ago. She could have well ended up with Social Services:shock:


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 6, 2010)

Maybe ending up with Social Services would have given her parents a clue. Then again, they probably would have just been filled with righteous indignation over the poor thing. Poor little girl, that would have been a terrible experience for her. 

What did you tell them about the emergency contact thing? Don't let them do it. Tell them that a) You don't have a vehicle and B) You don't feel comfortable doing it. If they question you, just keep repeating B. You are under no obligation to help these people and it is not rude not to offer more of an explanation.


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## Sabine (Sep 6, 2010)

I actually sent a text back saying that it wouldn't be a good idea as i have no transport and couldn't be called upon in an emergency. I didn't receive a reply but I am actually sure she put my name down anyhow and asked after
Apparently the kid had already left the creche before my son got to her and was waiting in the yard with my daughter. They normally wouldn't be allowed to leave the creche unless a parent or designated contact was there. She must have pointed to my daughter and since my ex-husband was with her (who is well respected in the school) they must have thought it was ok (making me think my name was down as a contact). I warned my ex-husband not to get sucked into taking responsibility as I could just see my kids ending up missing the bus over her messing around.


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## Korr_and_Sophie (Sep 6, 2010)

It might be a good idea to contact the school about the emergency contact thing. Hopefully you can get them to remove you as a contact (if she put you as one). It might require you to go to the school, but would be worth it. 

You might need to actually to this person face to face about it. She needs to understand that you and your children are not responsible for her kids. You do not have a car, and cannot be there in an emergency. Your kids have their own activities and will not take on the extra responsibility of her kids. The fact that they use different bus stops makes it pointless to have your kids look out for hers. Make it clear that your kids will not wait for her and will not be there to help her if something does happen. 
You could also tell her that you will charge an obscene amount to watch out for her child. If she gets off at the wrong stop and has to be looked after by you, then charge by the hour and only charge full hours. If she does keep you as an emergency contact, charge double the other fee and a fee to be listed. If you can't reason with her, hit her where it hurts, in the wallet. 

Some people just suck. You need to make it 110% clear that you will not tolerate this.


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 6, 2010)

I definitely agree with Kate about calling the school in regards to the emergency contact thing. I'm sure they would take it quite seriously if they got a phone call from the emergency contact saying you cannot be their emergency contact!


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## Nela (Sep 7, 2010)

I would definitely contact the school and have yourself removed. I would also make sure that none of your kids are looking after theirs. It's bad enough now, but what if something really did happen? 

To be honest,I would cut contact with them until they learn a little respect. They are putting you between a rock and a hard place and it may end up costing you. Friends don't do that. They simply aren't friends. 

It would probably be best for their kids as well that they have no one else to depend on or rather take advantage of. That might MAKE them step up. If not, well the school can handle that...


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## NorthernAutumn (Sep 7, 2010)

Nela wrote:


> I would definitely contact the school and have yourself removed. I would also make sure that none of your kids are looking after theirs. It's bad enough now, but what if something really did happen?



Very true, I'd hate for you or your family to wind up liable...


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## Sabine (Sep 7, 2010)

My ex-husband had a word with the staff in the school creche today. Apparently the principal of the school had personally called into the creche to let them know that the Amanns (my family) were taking care of the new kid!
I am totally horrified. My name was already put down last week without my knowledge. That explains why the creche was happy to accept the arrangement.
So far four of my kids went through this school and with it being a rather small school we are well known. I am so disgusted to find out that this family is bringing us into disrepute. How dare they!
My ex-husband is going to go down tomorrow to clarify the situation and I may have to make the trip to the local play school to find out if I am down there as the emergency contact as well. I am beginning to feel totally paranoid at this stage. I feel like in one of those horror movies where someone latches onto you and wont let go...


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 7, 2010)

I absolutely agree that you should make it well known that you are NOT an emergency contact. I feel very sorry for the children, but you are not responsible for them. Let the parents deal.


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## Sabine (Sep 7, 2010)

It is so bizarre. When they were here I could sense their disapproval that my kids didn't get two cooked meals a day and that my two year old daughter ran around the garden bare foot ( as she kicks of her shoes somewhere around the place)
Yet when it comes to the really important things like making sure their kids are safe they totally rely on the good will of strangers. I just don't get some people's priorities.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 7, 2010)

My mom says to even make a police report, that it's getting creepy.


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 7, 2010)

Agh! I'd be so angry! You need to cut ties with them.


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## Sabine (Sep 8, 2010)

My ex-husband had a meeting with the principal of the school today and explained the situation. Apparently they had told the school last week that my 12-year-old son was going to look after their girl on the school bus. This was before they even told him. I wasn't consulted at all. We made it clear to the school that we don't want our son to take any responsibility for the kid and the principal totally agreed of course.
The thing we have to do now is to have a word with the family.


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## Brandy456 (Sep 8, 2010)

Awe 
They're beyond weird now, i think. it's more like creepy stalker ish.


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## Sabine (Sep 8, 2010)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> Awe
> They're beyond weird now, i think. it's more like creepy stalker ish.


I think you hit the nail on the head. I've started feeling totally paranoid now. Even when I talk loudly in the house and the front door is open i feel they may have come back and are listening and whenever my phone rings I think it's them.
For some reason they have latched onto our life and seem to think we are the key to their new start in Ireland.
Did I mention that part of the reason for their coming back here is that his father fired the husband from his job in the family company....


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 8, 2010)

Run as fast as you can from these people! You may have to enter a witness protection program, LOL!


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## Sabine (Sep 8, 2010)

Yes, good idea. I think I move to the States. Florida sounds just fine. Patti, can I stay with you for a MONTH OR TWO. We are two adults and five children and 15 rabbits.:biggrin:


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## slavetoabunny (Sep 8, 2010)

*Sabine wrote: *


> Yes, good idea. I think I move to the States. Florida sounds just fine. Patti, can I stay with you for a MONTH OR TWO. We are two adults and five children and 15 rabbits.:biggrin:


Let me know when you are arriving so I can move in time, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!


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## SnowyShiloh (Sep 8, 2010)

Okay, Sabine's last post and Patti's reply made me laugh and laugh  Sabine, you're handling this really well. All you need to do is have a chat with the other couple and DO NOT HOLD BACK. I mean, you don't need to yell or anything of course, but don't try to tiptoe around for the sake of politeness. It is entirely possible to be very polite and very direct at the same time.


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## jcl_24 (Oct 4, 2010)

How did things end up with that family Sabine? Are they out of your life now? *I strongly hope so

Jo xx


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## Sabine (Oct 4, 2010)

*jcl_24 wrote: *


> How did things end up with that family Sabine? Are they out of your life now? *I strongly hope so
> 
> Jo x


This is strange to find a reply to this topic when just a few minutes ago I got a text from the man (after not hearing from him for a months)
When they moved out they took our bed sheets with them apparently to wash. I wasn't happy with it but they had already packed them and I didn't want to kick a fuss. Needless to say I didn't get those sheets back for weeks until I sent her a text. I ended up calling around and telling her how I felt. Apparently the couple is going through a separation right now. Anyhow she must have told him how I felt and in his text he apologizes profusely and wants to patch up things when he gets back from Germany. To be honest I'd rather never see him again and am trying to figure out how to say this politely:?


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## jcl_24 (Oct 4, 2010)

Hmm, maybe say his text made things very clear and there's really no need for him to call round. If his wife has explained things, he might justquietly take the hint.

It's like him coming around would be an excuse for them to open the communication or "favour" barriers again.

I know we haven't talked before Sabine, but I wish this couple would leave you alone!


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## Sabine (Oct 4, 2010)

Thanks for the support. I told the wife I utterly disliked the man and always have. If someone felt like this about me I would never want to see them again. What is he hoping to achieve:?


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## AquaticRex (Oct 7, 2010)

i'd have gotten a restraining order a looonnnggg time ago lol, and would have strated picking up my kids from school every day so the woman would have to take responsibility and never answered any texts or the phone when it has their name and if they call from a blocked number, talk until they say "i need a favor" as soon as they say that i'd hang up. i find with those kind of people, the best and easiest way to say no, is to just walk away from them. you dont even need to confront them, just close the mouth and walk away and dont listen to their next words. btw when it does get around to where they just drop their kids at your door, bring them to a really expensive child care place, then leave an address on your door for the child place where they can get their kids, and go out for the day and let them pick up the bill.


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## jcottonl02 (Oct 7, 2010)

My God Sabine! This felt like I was reading some creepy novel! Honestly it's weird. I wouldn't have been surprised if then the parents had disappeared and suddenly legally you were the carer for their children or something and there's nothing you can do but add them to your family and have to financially support them for months or something. Lol!

I think ignore any texts or calls from them again. They are WEIRD with a capital W. They are scroungers. They don't listen to you. Sounds like they will just suck you dry and leave you to become parasitic to another innocent victim.

Funny how when the guy's life suddenly turns a bit upside down, NOW he wants to be pleasant to you etc. and a decent human being. I say ignore him. You have no ties to him. 

Good luck with it all

Jen


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## Sabine (Oct 7, 2010)

I haven't responded to the text by the guy. I really really don't feel I want to talk to him. No matter of explanation will make me feel better about the things that happened. I can only imagine a conversation will lead to me feeling pressurized to be pleasant and say it's all fine now. I just do hope he doesn't suddenly appear on the doorstep:scared:


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## jcottonl02 (Oct 7, 2010)

Isn't it such a shame that this is what you get for being nice to people?

That's just wrong on so many levels lol.

Jen


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