# I am so LIVID.. I wanna kill my daughter.



## GoinBackToCali (Jun 8, 2008)

As many of you all know, I did help raise my stepdaughter. Her mother died when she was 4. She is now 22.

When she 20 she got pregnant with her boyfriends child. We all hated Keith, he was a lay about, no good for nothin, couldn't keep a job, and was always full of excuses. When Tristan was around a month old, Keith and Chandra had a knockdown dragout that I ended up breaking up..they split up after that and child support was arranged through the state. She went back to school and continued to work.

After my grandson Tristan was born, I had to pony up money for meds, diapers, formula and the like, because Chandra was either still on maternity leave, or her WIC hadn't kicked in yet.

Before she ever even got pregnant, we offerred her $5K to put down on a brand new car. Well she informed us that despite the fact she could was still living at home and had no bills, she was not interested in paying full covergae insurance, so we either had to pay for everything or she didn't want it. So she bought a P of S Saturn that I have had to put 2 sets of tires on, have various repairs done to, not to mention put gas in.

ANYWAY, we saw her Christmas, and we saw her Easter, at Easter she wore this very strange Chanel knockoff boucle jacket, all buttoned up, over a shirt that didn't match the jacket. Really did not think too much about. When she calls, she usually only calls when she wants something, so when I answer, well the last 2 times anyway, I have been very matter of fact and to the point, not in the mood for her beating around the bush niceness untill she gets to the point where she tells me what she wants.

At one point, after Jarred died, and I told her why Blake and I would not be attending Tristans birthday party, because it was the same day as Jarred's service. (Christian ended up going with Rick's mom, and we just sent our gifts along with them, and Rick, me and Blake went to the service) Chandra told us that she was sick of it, the she was born BEFORE Blake and Christian, SHE should come first, and we need to stop putting out money on those stupid pigs, and cattle and rabbits and start contributing more to her needs... yeah.. I ended up tellin her how the cow ate the cabbage..

Then we were told she was pregnant, months later we were told she had a misscarriage.

So this past Friday night,Rick and I went to Wal-Mart with Stormy, Blake's girlfriend. Me and Stormy walked up on Rick and he had this look of absolute anger, he pulled me aside, he said he ran into Chandra, and she looked as big as a house, and that if shes pregnant AND hiding it.. that's it for her . He also informed me that Chandra literally ran from him.

So we walk around Wal-Mart looking for her.. can't find her.. so I call her grandmother.. basically she hasnt even admitted it to her grandmother either, she only knows cause she snooped through her papers.. shes having a baby boy due June 18th.. with KEITH.

So I called her and left messages.. no reply.. I used a PI friend of mine and tracked her down to her new apartment, which Keith's car was there... and left notes on both cars. No response.

We are told she is scared of her Daddy.. for what? he has never hit her, or degraded her, whats he going to do? ground her? take away her birthday? I can kinda understand why she isnt talking to me, I was pretty p*ssy when she told me she was more important than my kids with her father. Why she isn't telling her grandmother is beyond me either..

What does she think she is gonna do? send us a graduation announcement for this kid and keep him hidden for the next 18 years? show up at Christmas and say * look what followwed me home, isnt he cute, I think im gonna keep him.*

A friend suggested perhaps she is going to give the baby up for adoption hence why she is keeping it a secret. Well that's been blown out of the water since I noticed the storage building was gone thru while we were gone, and the crib, and strollers and bassinet and bags of newborn clothes are gone now.

So, I ask ya'll, because obviously my judgement is not clear.. what the HECK is going on in her brain?


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## BlueCamasRabbitry (Jun 8, 2008)

All I got to say is why in the WORLD would she think SHE comes first before Blake and Christain!? That's crazy! You guys have already given her help, so she shouldn't of blown off when you didn't go to Tristan's party. It was just one party and there's many more to follow, but you guys lost a close friend; she should of given you guys the break.  

I can't believe she told you that about your kids, and the animals! That's just crazy. 

Anyway, I just wish you loads of good luck. I hope this mess settles out into something good.

Emily


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## pinksalamander (Jun 8, 2008)

Oh god, irritating family.. family that isn't even yours! I just found out my stepmum (who is 29, my Dad is 43) has run off with some other guy after living the lavish life of luxury with my millionaire Dad, buying designed clothes and driving a new car ever week. He never has time for me, i see him once or twice a year and he buys me a new pair of shoes or something, while she runs around viewing million pound country manors and spending hundreds of pounds on new furniture from Laura Ashely. I think its so annoying because you might not like these people, although you still 'love' them because they are 'family'. I think no matter what your own children, regardless if you consider her your own 'child' seeing as you brought her up, are more important than your step-daughter. If she doesn't want to talk to you, why does she have the right to deny money off you?

I understand how you feel.

Oh, and my Dad is sueing my Stepmum for adultery, good on him.

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## seniorcats (Jun 8, 2008)

What is going on with her brain... The short answer, she has no brain and thinks with her crotch. She probably doesn't want to face any criticism of her poor choices. If she were giving the child up for adoption, she would not need the crib and baby items. Infants are surrendered at the hospital so the mother doesn't take them home.

I think you and your DH have done way more than most parents would. She is an adult and had chosen her path. Too bad it will affect her kids. I doubt there is a darn thing you can do to help her or to improve her life other than pouring money into a bottomless pit. I say because she is an adult and on her own, of course your children at home come first, middle and last.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 8, 2008)

Seniorcats-

What your saying is prolly right on the money, in EVERY aspect, but here is where my dilemma lies. Everytime I have EVER screwed up in my life, my parents have NEVER abandoned me, ever, Same for my husbands, but ... the diff being, neither me or my husband have NEVER screwed up like this, we are lightweights compared to her.

So I guess I am wrestling with, do I try to help her, AGAIN... or do I just resign myself that I have done what I can, she is an adult, she needs to think about her choices, and let the chips fall where they may.

I have a hard time walking away from things that I care about.. but she is pushing me to the limit of not giving a ****...

But then.. what kind of person does that make me..


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## seniorcats (Jun 8, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> Seniorcats-
> 
> What your saying is prolly right on the money, in EVERY aspect, but here is where my dilemma lies. Everytime I have EVER screwed up in my life, my parents have NEVER abandoned me, ever, Same for my husbands, but ... the diff being, neither me or my husband have NEVER screwed up like this, we are lightweights compared to her.
> 
> ...


You are very, very blessed to have the kind of parents who were always there. I understand now. I have a lot of respect for you for not wanting to abandon her. It sounds like you have made every effort possible to contact her and she should know you are looking for her. I really think it's her turn to make the next move. It doesn't sound like the boyfriend is preventing her from contacting her own family. Maybe once the baby is born she will wake up?


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## slavetoabunny (Jun 8, 2008)

> Maybe once the baby is born she will wake up?


Naw....then she will feel even more entitled. Some people just never wake up and smell the coffee. Hugs to you Zin.


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## bat42072 (Jun 8, 2008)

she needs to grow up... when I had my oldest daughter i was 18 and i had to grow up really fast... my mom helped me some but i did most of it on my own... I ave no idea what could be going thry her mind...


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## Luvmyzoocrew (Jun 8, 2008)

I am so mad this is the second time i am writting this because it timed out on me so here it goes........ again,lol
I think there comes a point in time that you need to let her fend for herself. If you are always there to pick her up, dust her off, and stand her back up how is she going to know how and what to do. I t hi nk by always being there to bail her out is doing her aninjustice god forbid something happen to you and your hubby and you cant help her anymore she is not going to know what to do or how to do it. I think she is 22 and has a second c hild on the way it is high time she take control of herself, and her life and deal with the choices that she has made. I feel for you and know that it will be hard to not do anything. You are not a bad person for not letting her walk all over you, and no one would think less of you, but i think she is too the point that she feels entitled for your help and will always feel entitled until she is told otherwise.

I wish you luck in what ever you decide to do.


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## naturestee (Jun 8, 2008)

Maybe we can get her together with my husband's sister and lock them up together, far away from us. They'd make a lovely pair. Terri is about 35, 4 kids and 4 ex-husbands, and her current boyfriend is moving in with her soon along with his two kids into our grandpa's old house (FIL owns it now) that she essentially is not paying rent on because she can't afford it. Oh, and did I mention that since she met this man she spends more time drinking and smoking pot with him than with her kids, including leaving them alone all weekend with empty cupboards and no money for food. They had to call Grandma for food. Yeah... my MIL nearly called Social Services on her for that one. Pretty much if she does it again we're going to take the kids away and she knows it.

Anyway, from dealing with someone with the same sense of entitlement (she's the oldest and thinks her younger brothers have been taking all her parents' money she was supposed to get... funny cause James paid his own way through college), terrible choice in men, and the need to make lots of babies she can't afford and doesn't want. _Cut her off._ She's an adult, she's not your responsibility any more and she obviously needs to learn to take care of herself on her own. Whether or not that actually happens... well do everything you can to keep track of the kids especially with the abusive boyfriend and call Social Services if you need to.

And on that note, let me go make sure my basement room is ready for when my non-drinking, non-drug using, generally well behaved 17 year old nephew gets kicked out of the house... we're guessing this summer. We've even heard talk that his mom's boyfriend is going to wait to move his kids in until Patrick is officially kicked out. Lovely. 

If you ever need someone to commiserate with I'm here.


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## polly (Jun 8, 2008)

I think the others have got it spot on Zin my parents have always been like you and your husband have and its great to know you have that type of support. But it can be easy to take advantage of. SOme kids just never realise they have grown up. (my brother comes into that category ! much as I love him and he is 16 years older than me!) 

I think you have done what you can I think its really up to her to come to you now. You are a lot calmer than I would be in your situation!


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## Bo B Bunny (Jun 8, 2008)

She knows you don't or wouldn't approve so she's just hiding it to save herself from the argument. Avoidance, denial.... 

She's a big girl, let her deal with it. If you find they aren't taking care of the kids or he's abusing her or something - then step in..... otherwise.... she's on her own.


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## myheart (Jun 8, 2008)

I agree whole-heartedly with Luvmyzoocrew. It's not like you cannot be there for her to support her, just don't do it financially anymore. Growing up is paying bills on time and providing for the family you make. Offer to babysit for the timeswhen shehas to work at her job, or help provide spiritual support (even though she will laugh at you), or just be there to listen to her. But cut the money off because she sounds irresponsible and unable to manage funds in the first place.

*naturestee wrote: *


> And on that note, let me go make sure my basement room is ready for when my non-drinking, non-drug using, generally well behaved 17 year old nephew gets kicked out of the house... we're guessing this summer. We've even heard talk that his mom's boyfriend is going to wait to move his kids in until Patrick is officially kicked out. Lovely.




Or take this sweet young man in. I met him once, or twice. Nice looking young man with beautiful red hair . Naturestee, how could anyone kick that kid out of all kids. I really don't care for the people who send kids packing when they graduate or turn 18. I have heard of other good kids saying that, and it breaks my heart that those parents don't want to take part in their child's adult life. They are always your babies no matter how old they get. It's all about respect...

myheart


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 8, 2008)

She's a beautiful girl, she could have had such a good life ahead of her, without depending on social services for help supporting her. We would have afforded her every luxury and opportunity the boys have and will have, she just chose to be a jackass.

I did get a snippet of info from somebody else today, and I have pretty much been laying in bed being miserable over it..

His name is gonna be Brendan Cole..

I just wanna slap her..

I am gonna go shower, spangle, spackle and shellac, and swing back by there before we go out for our anniversary..


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## Bo B Bunny (Jun 8, 2008)

What's wrong with Brendon Cole? It's not my choice of names... but why do you want to slap her over that? :huh

I'd want to slap her over so many other things! also..... I love your other grandbaby.... so...... just enjoy that part.


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## naturestee (Jun 8, 2008)

Is it your anniversary? Congrats!

Don't forget the tar and feathers!

Myheart, Patrick already knows he's welcome here and sleeps overnight a lot on weekends. He misses Luna because she was in "his" room and he's never been allowed to have pets before. The house they're moving in to is on the family farm so he'll just be avoiding his mom by doing more (paid) work, LOL. I think his mom thinks he's old enough to go on his own because she was only 17 when she left home, hooked up with a physically abusive drunken con artist, and started making babies. Either that or she wants him to go into the Army as a grunt and go to Iraq, she thinks that's his only use.

*thread hijack over*


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## myheart (Jun 8, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> ...she just chose to be a jackass.




Isn't that the point?She chosecertain things to happen in her life and to behave a certain way.It is the chip on her shoulder and her problem. The day she is willing to get over what ever is bothering her, is the day she will be able to move on and look back only to say, "What was my problem and why did I miss so many opportunities to have a great life?" It is good to forgive, but not be used as a financial source. Maybe she needs help to get to the root of her problems.

myheart


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 8, 2008)

It's not the name Bo.. it's the fact that she obviously put thought in it.. and to me, the only thought she puts in us, is what fundage she can get out of us..

Makes me feel used, makes me feel bad for her daddy and his long face... and therefore, makes me want to slap her.


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## SweetPeasMommie (Jun 8, 2008)

I know how you feel. I see it from my dad's side of the family. All drug addits and drinkers.

My cousin who is my age now is just like her. She hid her pregnancies 3 times. The last 3 of her 4. She said she miscarried but had the kid, etc etc. She is the oldest like her and she gets like that.

Well her youngest has a disease called Treachers Collins Disease all caused from drugs and booze. She is still living with her mother with the 4 o fher kids also her sister is having her 2nd child and still is living with them. 

They walked all over my aunt. She keeps going back to them, opening her arms, etc and now she is stuck with 2 suicidal kids with 6 yunguns. Sad isnt it. You need to not go to her. She needs to come to you. It is going to be hard, believe me a mother does not want to leave their kids behind of any way. But the way she is, she is going to walk all over you guys if you keep going back to help her.

I would change all the locks to the storage and everything. If she needs to get into your house or storage, she needs to call you so you guys can be there when she comes.

I do hope one day she will realize that you guys have been trying to help them, be there for her and all. Just step back. YOu do not need another delimma in your life at the moment.


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## BlueGiants (Jun 8, 2008)

Ungrateful, selfish, self centered, self servingpeople really get to me. I sympathize. (I think every family has at least one! I have a brother that is in and out of prison, left his wife and kids and family 20 years ago and never looked back. He doesn't even know I have 2 kids! That's 19 years of estrangement. Oh yeah, and he told a shrink that it was all my fault!)

She isn't going to realize what she's got til it's gone. You don't have to abandon her... you can be there, you just don't have to pay for it.


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## Leader of the Pack (Jun 9, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> .. and to me, the only thought she puts in us, is what fundage she can get out of us..
> 
> Makes me feel used, makes me feel bad for her daddy and his long face... and therefore, makes me want to slap her.



Isn't it interesting, that without realizing it as parents, that we can be as selfish as we accuse our grown children of being.

Our son is 26 and single, and an only child. He was given a choice shortly after graduating high school...either respect "our" home, take part in the responsibilities that were "our home" and obey the rules or find some place else to live. He chose to move out. The only time he ever called after that was when he needed something as well. His father and I both felt totally used and abused. Not being able to support him finacially made it easier for us to say "no" when he got himself into jams caused by being irresponsible. We never stopped wanting to help him; we never wanted him to move out in the first place...but there comes a time in the lives of your children when you have to put your foot down and give them as good as they give you.

Our son told us he wanted to be treated like an adult and with respect. The feeling is mutual. Lines of communication work both ways. Andwe havehad our son express jelousy over the care we give our 4 legged family, as oppossed to being able to spend the money on him. But his father and Iraised him to be independent, and at some point, just like my parents expected of me, we expected our son to be able to support himself.We don't ask for money from him, so why should he continue to think that our money is his?

As a MOTHER it is very hard to distance yourself from your child because they, verbally or by their actions, pull away from you. I know to well that sunken feeling that comes from picking up the telephone only to have him ask for money...but it gets easier to change the subject and try to encourage means of support that are on a more "adult" level...which doesn't always mean handing out the green stuff. And our son is slowly beginning to come around. Most important, so am I.

As a mother, I am as guilty as he is of being selfish.He comes to me with his problems, which is something kids do...and I get ticked off because it feels like he's using me. Then he gets angry because he starts feeling like he can never do anything right in my eyes. It becomes a vicious cycle.I don't think your daughter should be "slapped" for the fact that she was able to make a mature decision about a baby name on her own. As a parent, we should try hard to recognize that as an effort AT LEAST at being the adult we keep telling them to "grow up and be". As hard as it may be for the mother in you to keep trying to bridge a gap that your daughter doesn't seem to want to meet you half way over, if it were me, I wouldn't give up trying. Especially when grandchildren are involved.

I was a divorced young mother who relied on her parents for assistance until my son was 3 years old. I remember all to well how hard it was to "tow the line" living both as a child under my parents roof, and a new, single mother. Its a very hard time for all, but you just take each situation that comes day by day and most important, never give up on them.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 9, 2008)

Leader of the pack-

I think while you have made some valid points, I think you also totally missed the mark on one. I don't think she needs to be slapped over the name, she needs to be slapped over her behavior in general.

Mistakes happen.. but she also knows what causes them and how to avoid them, I did not think she would be so stupid as to make such life altering mistakes with the same loser twice in less than a years time. He has beaten her, he doesnt support the baby or her, she argues with him about the court ordered child support on a daily basis, so why take the risk to get pregnant again. I myself have yet to ever see a man so svengali-like goodlooking that it made me take leave of my senses and make my drawers go missing.

What's done is done, can't change that. But I am done now as well. I went looking for her 4 times, wasted my gas and ticked her Daddy off. I called and left numerous messages on her cell... yanno the one I pay for, I left notes on her car and his. She can't even have the common decency to call me back and tell me to go you know what myself.. I am done.. It is NOT my job to chase her down, I am not her keeper.

Like I told her on the last message I will EVER leave that girl.. *when you decide to get over whatever wrong you think has been done to you, open your mouth, speak, and get your head out of your a**, then you know my number. I am tired of coddling you and getting nothing but disrespect in return*

I also told her grandmother that to her face.. so next time it hits the fan, and invariably it will.. there best not be no *Go ask your daddy for the money* or *go see if Carroll-Marie' will ask him for you*

She wants to be like this, fine, but don't come crying to me when it all goes south. I made my effort.. so did her father. There is only so much we can be expected to put up with.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 9, 2008)

I just reread this.. did I get called selfish?

That's a new one...


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## SweetPeasMommie (Jun 9, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> I just reread this.. did I get called selfish?
> 
> That's a new one...


I think she meant your daughter not you. By bluegiants right


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## BlueGiants (Jun 9, 2008)

OMG! Not you Zin! I called your daughter selfish and ungrateful! (Please don't EVER think I'dcall you that!) Kids are so ungrateful! And they seem to takeselfish to new levels!

Around here they seem to expect their parents to give them everything. ....."Why can't I have a Lexus... I don't want to drive a Chevy... I need a new cellphone, this one is so last year, I need a laptop so I can update my MYSPACE from my room... I need a new Victoria Secret Bathing suit... evn though it's $125.00.... Need money for gas, need money for insurance, need money for...." There are2 Juniors and3 Seniors in our High School that drive Hummers to School... a $60,000 auto and with gas at $4.25/gal here. But there is also a couple of Lexus, a Mercedes and a slew of Caddy's. What's gonna happen when these kids hit the real world? I guess they do expect Daddy to be there to support them for the rest of their life.

I'm so sorry you thought I was refering to you... never in a million years!


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## Luv-bunniz (Jun 9, 2008)

I think you have done all you can...infact! No! scratch that..I think you have done more then you should have. If she wants to act like a little spoiled brat, let her. And if/when she opens here eyes, then you can sit back and think what YOU went through. I would just leave her be, I feel for you though. After all when you stop searching for her or even trying to talk to her, and she dosent even see you and it all comes tumbling down on her then she will realise how selfish she has been.
As for kids being selfish - I completely agree. Some kids do and some kids dont take advantage of it. Unfortunatly, she is one of the ones that does!


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 9, 2008)

Blue Giants-LOL.. not you... Leader of the Pack called me selfish in her first sentence, at least thats the way we all read it here.

I will say.. look at it from my husbands point of view, his baby girl, he has all these hopes and aspirations for, he tries his best with her, and she ends up pregnant AGAIN, and he doesnt even get told properly, with the proper respect, he has to find out by accident, when the baby is almost due, by runnning across her in a store, then she runs from him, and won't even have the common courtesy to return his calls.


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## Luv-bunniz (Jun 9, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> . Leader of the Pack called me selfish in her first sentence, at least thats the way we all read it here.


Excuse me if I am mistaken, but I think what Leader of the pack meant was that, although grown parents can call they're kids selfish, the parents are also sometimes selfish but I kinda read it as if she WAS calling you selfish.


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## Leader of the Pack (Jun 9, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> Blue Giants-LOL.. not you... Leader of the Pack called me selfish in her first sentence, at least thats the way we all read it here.






I'm sorry...To You and all the "we's" that misinterpreted my comment. The situation you are in is very complicated and heart wrenching. I have been inboth your daughters shoes, andyour shoes so I see things from both sides.

"Parents", not just you, can become selfish...in the manner that I assumed you meant the use of the word......when it comes to dealingwith our supposed "grown" children. Sometimesits one deep seededemotionthat reflects in our actions, andbehavior that makes it even MORE difficult for us to see our children as "adults" and stops us fromfeelingso extremely guilty over backing off and letting them make their own mistakes.

I appologiseagain for any misunderstandings and do wish your family well.

Terri


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## spoh (Jun 9, 2008)

Ihave a hard time figuring out kids in general these days. What happened to them, why to they feel so entitled? You would think that I would have raised my girls (13 1/2 and 20) in a similar way that I was raised but the things that they do! OMG my Mom would have knocked my head off. I never talked back to my Mom, we just knew that it was something that you didn't do. I took the big a-- suberban that I was given and drove it to high school back in the 80's and appreciated it ( boy I hated that car, suberbans weren't cool back then). I never complained about it being not good enough, I wouldn't have dared because it would have not been in the driveway the next time I needed it.When I got something different at 17, I made the payments. I worked while I went to school and full time when I wasn't in school and enjoyed being able to buy myself things so that I didn't have to ask my parents.Sometimes I look at my girls and there " where did you come from?"

Anyway I think you have done more than enough, you have let her know that you are there and would like to talk to her. The ball is in her court. Hopefully she will get over herself and come around.

Joy


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## juliew19673 (Jun 9, 2008)

Hey Zin, I can tell you what my Parents told me at 27; I had moved to LA when I was 24 and for the first 3 years I called home quarterly for rent money, bill money - it was ALWAYS an emergency (to me at least - had no clue how to budget).. 

Finally one time My Mothers tell me - nope were not sending any more money, but your more than welcome to come home.. They stuck to it and I learned how to budget very quickly. Now that I'm all grown up - looking back I think they made a very smart decision and appreciate the lesson.

Don't take it personally - she sounds like she is acting like a spoiled child of 5, gets into trouble to get attention and/or is equating have another child with that guy will equate to "love".. Perhaps when you daughter comes around you can both sit down for a good heart-to-heart.

Good luck!!!!


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## Aina (Jun 9, 2008)

I applaud you for letting your daughter find out what real life is.
I have an aunt who still hasen't figured out how to live on her own and she is almost 50. She isn't as bad as your daughter, but she is 50, she should be a grown up by now. However, my grandmother continues to give her money when she "needs" it. Because of this my aunt has never learned how to fend for herself. She is a very smart woman with great people skills, but she has never had to use them. She could easilly be making enough money to live in a nice house and have a nice car, but she would rather take handout from grandmother so she lives in a crappy small house and has a crappy car, but she doesn't have to work for it. I think my grandmother is enabling her to do this stuff.
Now, you would think that as my grandmother is giving her all this money, my aunt would love her, call all the time, and tell everyone how wonderful she is. Wrong. She hates her, and shows her no respect. My grandmother is disabled and my aunt did such a childish thing as to hide her cane from her. While my mother calls every week to check up on my grandmother and make sure she is alright, the only time grandmother gets a call from poor aunt is when she wants something.
It is really sad. And it has caused dissention among the sisters because one is given so much more than the others.

But it isn't entirely my aunts fault. My grandmother is keeping her in bondage by making her dependant on her. My grandmother needs someone to need her so badly that she is ruining my aunts life. Either of them could easilly stop this, but it is a vicious cycle.
I am really glad you have stopped this cycle before it gained momentum. I have seen what it has done and it is not pretty. When your daughted comes and wants actual help (which means taking ADVICE, not just money) then you can give it to her, but until then, I think you are doing the right thing.


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## SweetPeasMommie (Jun 9, 2008)

I don't have a problem with parents buying their kids cars, but be more realistic with them. Kids do NOT need Mercedies, Hummies, caddies etc. Come on now.

If my parents bought me a Dodge Calibur I'd be so happy with it any color and all.

I saw a video awhile ago. This young teen's parents bought her a beautiful car and decided to surprize her with it. She opens her eyes, the very first thing she said was I don't like the color and she sounded like a bratty b*&*&h. HEr dad was like what color do you want and I will get it for you. Her brother who did the video said I'll take it any color car you name it. He kept telling her be happy at least they got you a car. She went on a rampage. I need to find that. I tried finding it and I can't.


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## JenniferCameron (Jun 9, 2008)

GoinBackToCali wrote:


> Chandra told us that she was sick of it, the she was born BEFORE Blake and Christian, SHE should come first, and we need to stop putting out money on those stupid pigs, and cattle and rabbits and start contributing more to her needs... yeah.. I ended up tellin her how the cow ate the cabbage..



I just had a thought about her saying what she did in regards to your other two children. She might have said that because she feels as if she is not important compared to your two Children with her father. You're not her real mother, as much as you might feel you are, she may be insecure because she feels that because you're not her biological mother that you don't love her as much as your two biological children. 

As for hiding the pregnancy thing, I have seen one of my best friends try to do that because she feel like she had been screw up her whole life, and don't want to see it in her mothers eyes again. 

This friend from high school went through a similar situation when she got pregnant, and she acted horribly to her mother (her father died a few years before). She was acting that way because she was scared and knew that she had screwed up. I wish I could say she straightened up but unfortunately it's gotten worse.

Anyways, that just my ideas from the very little I know of the situation. I hope you work it all out and I hope she straightens her life out.

People are more likely to change for the better if they feel the people who care for them believe they will.


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## Bo B Bunny (Jun 9, 2008)

so funny - right now, Montel is on and talking about these kids that are so selfish and unruly.

My kids have so much but can sometimes not see what we give up so they can have this or that. 

I worked when I was 12, 13, 14, and 15 as a babysitter........ I had a fulltime, summer job of babysitting when I was 12. I also babysat some nights, and when I couldn't, I contracted the job out for a percent of the profit from the friend I handed it to.... Oh yeah, I was good! LOL! 

The DAY I turned 16 I started working at a grocery. When they scheduled me that day and I didn't say anything, didn't complain, just did my job and left..... they paid me double. 

I got a car for graduation......... it was as 1971 army green and _bondo_ Ford Maverick.ISTILL love that car! it took a lot of crap from me and all my friends! LOL! 

My son's truck is mine right now because I had to have a car and we are trying to pay off some bills before we get into a payment. It's really my truck anyhow, but it will be his todrive daily. The cost ofgas and everything else has been hard on us...... he knows this..... he has to deal with it.

We've also said he needs a job. He's 17 and free for the summer. He's a good student..... excellent really..... and he will not work much during the school year cause he's a senior now....... I want him to concentrate on that... but I want him to have some cash for college..... we aren't handing it to him.

It's hard, it breaks my heart sometimes to say no, or not be able to do everything for them - but in the long run - it's going to hurt_ them_ if I do.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 9, 2008)

Lemmie clarify something. When Chandra was 12 , we attempted to get custody of her. She readily agreed to come live with us, and signed the papers. Her grandmother caught wind of it, and basically brainwashed her.

What was required of her if she lived under our roof? Studies,after schoolactivities, classes going toward college credit.Staying out of trouble,No drinking, no smoking. No premarital sex.In return the rewards would be monitored freedom, such as vehicles, trips abroad (overseas), cell phones, checking accounts with debit cards. Basically the same freedom my oldest son enjoys now. In a few weeks he will be leaving for a 3 weektrip,a week in Florida then on to Italy for some Italian racecarwatching and fishing with Dad and grandpa. He just got his reward for a job well done of no grade less than a 95 for the entire year, which was a Yamaha Grizzly 4 Wheeler. 

I really think what was asked of Chandra was not to much, and no more than any one of you would want for your own child. What she elected to do was stay with her grandmother, who's track record of raising children is dubious to say the least, absolutely no supervision,run the roads with the local riff raff, be out till all hours of the night with her child, and I won't even go into the things she thinks I DON'T know about..

Basically, Chandra made her choice, she was offerred the same things the boys were, I felt a bond to Chandra because she was a girl, and I wanted one so badly. Honestly, and I would never say this where my boys could ever catch wind of it, but there was many a time I put Chandra's needs and want's ahead of the boys, even though she was not living with us, and what she wanted was really kinda trivial. In many respects, I think I over compensated for her. I think when she utterred the whole *I was born first* BS.. it was just another plea for attention on her part because I have pretty much ceased being wrapped around her finger.

All of this is just heartbreaking.. because the bottomline is, my big tough husband who goes to work at 5 am and gets off 4pm, came home at 10 am, upset over Chandra, and at 2:52pm, he is still in bed..

Gary Allen song.. *When tough little boys grow up to be dads, they turn into babies again.*


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## pumpkinandwhiskersmom (Jun 9, 2008)

It sure sounds like a heartache....and you have been there for all 3 of your children in the way that they've needed in each of their circumstances. I watched my parents "take it" from my older brother for years, and they kept going back for more....I never understood it, and still don't. While you can love them and support them in all ways possible, sometimes the best way is to let them find out what the world is really like without that safety net that you've given. Chandra has made her choices as an adult, and imho, she has to live with the consequences. No matter what we think of how we've been raised and treated, or what we deserve or didn't deserve, there comes a time when we must take responsibility for who we are and the choices we've made. Sometimes, we have to force our kids into that position, and it truly does hurt us more than it hurts them, but it's the best thing for them in the long run. You've done your best for her, and now I believe it's time for her to take her place in the adult world, just like you have done. I'm so sorry that you've had so very much to deal with, and we'll keep this situation in our prayers....Grace


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## NZminilops (Jun 9, 2008)

I'm 25, and I definetly feel I'm part of the selfish, greedy generation. I don't know what really started it, but other people my age really do think their parents owe them everything. People my age are petulent, jealous, greedy types for sure.

I don't have a clue why this has happened. My best friend just turned 26, and he still lives at home. That in itself is ok I guess, but his mother still cooks all his meals, makes his bed, washes his clothes...and he only JUST started paying some board this year. But, he's been working since he was a teenager. I don't get that. And when he talks about his parents, it's in this snotty way, that he thinks they should be doing MORE for him.

In our family, it's actually backwards in that it's my parents who are the childish ones, who can't look after themselves. I swear, the next time that my mum rings me and ask to borrow money for smokes, I'm gonna blow. I'm not even going to get started on my dad, who owes my mum thousands apon thousands $$$ worth of child support from when we were younger. This same dad, who the minute I moved into a place with my partner, suddenly decided he loved me again and just turned up on the doorstep one Christmas and tried to move in! This dad who left us when I was 2, who never turned up on the weekend that he was supposed to have me and my brother, who couldn't understand that when I was 17 that I was focused on school and boyfriends etc and screamed at me that I was a ho with no future :?.


I'm not sure exactly what my point is, but I know how frustrating selfish greedy people are. Especially ones who think that you've only been put on this earth to serve them. Children especially have a hard time I think, because they see you as a parent before they see you as a person. They think your whole focus should be on them.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 9, 2008)

Chandra pulled another doozy, I just found out about it, and I have tried to post it twice and it's been eaten..

I need to calm down..

Selfish, lying little brat.. thinks of no one but herself..

And no. she did not do this one to me or Rick.. she pulled this one on someone who has little to no money but gives all she can.. Ricks mom.. Connie.


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## TinysMom (Jun 9, 2008)

*GoinBackToCali wrote: *


> What was required of her if she lived under our roof? Studies,after schoolactivities, classes going toward college credit.Staying out of trouble,No drinking, no smoking. No premarital sex.In return the rewards would be monitored freedom, such as vehicles, trips abroad (overseas), cell phones, checking accounts with debit cards. Basically the same freedom my oldest son enjoys now. In a few weeks he will be leaving for a 3 weektrip,a week in Florida then on to Italy for some Italian racecarwatching and fishing with Dad and grandpa. He just got his reward for a job well done of no grade less than a 95 for the entire year, which was a Yamaha Grizzly 4 Wheeler.



I don't suppose y'all wanna adopt me???

Seriously- this is horrible...I'd be livid if I was y'all. I feel so bad for Rick - sounds like he's taking this pretty hard (Art would take something like this pretty hard too).

Wish I knew what to say....want me to come help you strangle her???

Oh wait...I'm allergic to jail time!


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## bat42072 (Jun 9, 2008)

I am sorry that you are going thru this...I hope it all works out and that she will straighten up soon


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## BSAR (Jun 10, 2008)

WOW!! I hope you get thru this okay! You are sure in a tight situation. I hope that Chandra can clean up her act for you guys.


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## GoinBackToCali (Jun 10, 2008)

Alright, let's give this another whirl.

Basically, the long and the short of it is, Rick's mom works part time to provide niceties for her and Rick's stepdad. She makes around $10 an hour and works 20 hours a week. Rick's stepdad is retired and gets SSI. So they very much are on a fixed income. During the month of May there is Chandra and her son Tristan's birthday, and in June there is mine, and my sons birthday, and me and Rick's wedding anniversary. Connie will spend all of her checks on her kids and grandkids, even if we forbid it.

Chandra went to lunch with her granny on her birthday, then she went so far as to carry out her lie by going to Dillard's, picking out clothes in her normal size 7, taking them to the dressing room, and we can only assuming pretending to try them on. She told her they fit, and she let her half blind grandmother spend $150-$200 on clothes she can't even fit her pregnant fluffy in. Given the after birth spread most women get, she may not even be able to fit in them afterwards. Just to perpetuate her lie, she let her grandmother spend money she really did not have, money that was hard earned, money that could have been better spent on things for the other baby, had she only told the danged truth.

How, you may ask.. did my mother in law not notice Chandra was pregnant? Trapeze dress, leggings and flats... very chic...

Yeah.. I am so miffed at Chandra right now


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## SweetPeasMommie (Jun 10, 2008)

Oh my goodness. I know what it is like to be on fixed income. I can not believe she did that. How stupid is that. Ooh makes me want to slap her for you.

I really really hope she really cleans up her acts when this baby is born.


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