# Any One With a Sleep Disorder?



## SunnyCait (Apr 27, 2009)

Hey guys! 

I was wondering if maybe you guys could help me out. My GF suffers from night terrors. They are connected to stress for her, and occur in the 4th stage of sleep. They happen more often than not these days since she is a busy student and she works as well. She is very stressed all the time. They started abouta year ago after a traumatic event; she suffered a lot from anxiety and the like, and they put her on Lexapro, which is used to treat anxiety and depression. She's been on that medication for about 6 months. For the most part it does help with anxiety during her waking hours. The real problem comes when she is asleep. 

We've tried a lot of things to mitigate the night terrors, but have not had a lot of success. Lately we've been trying a white noise machine; she can sleep with it on, butI really can't stand the thing! LOL For the most part I can tell when she is about to have one and can head it off before it really starts. Her breathing changes, and if I talk to her and such I can usually make it "go away". Most of the time I can catch them but sometimes if I'm really tired I just don't, and then we have a fun time! A few nights ago the neighbors called the police over because of the noise. >.< That was a fun time trying to explain that! 

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else had any experience with such a thing. 

In case you don't know what night terrors are, here is a link for you: http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/341/main.html They are NOT the same as nightmares or sleep paralyis.


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## Flashy (Apr 27, 2009)

I really feel for you and your girlfriend. She is incredibly lucky to have someone who is standing by her through this. Whilst hard on you both, your support will be making a huge difference, I'm sure.

I personally don't suffer night terrors, although I do have the anxiety and depression.

If something particular triggered them (i.e. the traumatic event), I would be wondering if she has been to a therapist? It might be that she needs to work through the trauma she went through and maybe with the right therapist/therapy then she might be able to move through the trauma that she has suffered which might ease the terrors.

Also, something else to think about is a different medication. There are loads of anti depressant, anti anxiety meds and other types, that could be tried. The fact Lexapro helps during the daytime means it would be a hard decision, but it may be that there is a different med out that that helps her during the night. Has she tried sleeping meds? Or Sedatives or anything like that before bed? I don't know how they treat the symptoms of Night Terrors, so it's possible that those two suggestions are stupif (especially potentially the sleeping med one).

Something else to bear in mind is that some anti depressants can cause horrific dreams as a side effect. Yes, different from night terrors, but equally, potentially something that could exaccerbate them? That's obviously only a factor during the period of time when the body is getting used to the meds though and if she has been stable on them for six months with no increases then that's probably irrelevant now (but maybe worth bearing in mind for the future).

But yes, going back to my original point, I would think for long term combatting of them, some sort of therapy would be beneficial to her, maybe also a support group, depending on what the trauma was. Short term though, I have little to know solutions, sorry.


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## jcottonl02 (Apr 27, 2009)

I'm so sorry she doesn't sleep well.

My bf has the same thing - he suffers from what we think are night terrors, but has no idea what to do about it. I think he's actually developed insomnia too, if that's possible, becuase he's just...well sort of scared to go to sleep really.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to hear him screaming. It's horrible, and I can't seem to help at all. Something traumatic happened to him too when he was young and he has suffered it ever since. 
He has been on antidepressants but they seem to make it worse, so don't try those.
I am really hoping someone can help with this because we have absolutely no idea how to stop it.
You say you have tried a white noise machine- what is that? Does it help at all?

He's been to his doctor's so many times about it but they haven't been helpful in the slightest, and just tell him to 'write his feelings down', which doesn't help at all lol.

I've suggested sleep therapy or counciling etc. but he says he just wouldn't be comfortable with it. I wonder whether it would help though- has your gf tried it?

Jen x


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## SunnyCait (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks for the replies, guys. 

She has gone to a therapist, and she really has come a very long way. I remember a night I thought she was at work, come to find out she'd been hiding in a closet, crying. For over 5 hours. She was barely functioning for a good 2 months after, and now she is practically back to "normal". She is able to go to school, to work, have a relatively active social life, and obviously me, haha, though that often brings it's own set of issues. The therapy has helped in her waking hours, and to some extent her sleep problems. She used to have really wicked nightmares all the time, until a few months of therapy and they stopped almost completely once she was on the Lexapro. But the night terrors she's had since day one, even after the Lexapro, albiet far fewer. The thing with nightmares is that they typically occur in the 3rd stage of sleep, while terrors happen in the 4th. So if a med had a side effect of nightmares, it wouldn't do much by the way of night terrors. They aren't linked. 

The only meds she has tried have been Klonopin (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) and Lunesta. The Klonopin made her really, really dopey during the day, which in turn made her dopey all the time so very few night terrors, although she did have them. The Lunesta seemed to aggravate them... She had a lot more "walking" night terrors, and she seemed to be "trapped" in them longer, possibly because it was harder to wake when on a sleeping pill. Needless to say both of those went out the door and she's relatively happy with the Lexapro.

I think it doesn't bother her as much be because she simply doesn't remember them. I mean, sometimes she does, but it's never anything specific, she just remembers being very afraid and having a feeling that someone was after her and wanted to hurt her. Also sometimes she sees snakes or spiders, which for unknown reasons is a very common thread in people with night terrors. I think the fact that I have to deal with them affects her the most. At most I just tell her that she had a night terror, and if she was out of bed and for how long. A few times I've told her in detail what happened, and that just upset her, so now I barely mention it besides the basics. Although sometimes she'll be like "How'd you get that bruise there?" and I'll look at her and she'll go "Oh. I'm sorry..." That's the worst for her, because while she's awake, she's a very gentle, calm person, but the night terrors she gets very physical and sometimes I don't move out of the way fast enough, haha! 

Jen, I'm sorry your boyfriend has them. It is rough some nights, isn't it? Now he remembers his night terrors? I've heard that happens, if they come into full conciousness after one. Could he be having nightmares? It is fully possible to wake up screaming from a nightmare, and since he'd likely remember them it's more possible he'd be scared and not want to go to sleep. 

Yeah, we got the "write down your feelings" thing before, and it didn't help her either. If anything it put her focus more on her feelings, which wasn't nice. 

A whitenoise machine is this little radio like thing, it has different settings like "Ocean", "Summer night", "Rain", "Heartbeat" and plain ol' whitenoise, which is like TV static. This is the one we have: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000FJQYPQ/?tag=skimlinks_replacement-20 It can go either way as far as helping... since night terrors are an arousal disorder, if you sleep with it on the whole night it provides a constant, unchanging noise. However, while you get used to it it could disturb your sleep, resulting in a night terror. So far it's worked 2 out of 6 nights, but I don't think we'll be keeping it except for travel.

There is a lot of conflicting advice out there for what to do to head off night terrors. Some say leave a light on, even a tv, others say wear like a sleep mask and have it totally dark. Some people say that it's better to let the night terror run it's course, but I say it's FAR better if you can catch it and head it off before it starts, or if they are in the middle of one to wake their butts up. The faster it ends, the faster they can go back to sleep. It's not the same as waking a sleepwalker. The only danger there is if your BF is like my GF, and that is he gets physical. The easiest thing to do if that happens is to get low to the ground and gently touch his foot, his leg, typically they will not stoop down to hit or anything like that. Even a touch will help most people, and if you talk really soft and soothing, that can help "bring them down". Though some times she is simply inconsolable and you just have to deal. We've found that keeping it cool in the bedroom has helped, something about body temperature. She has a set bedtime routine (kind of like a young kid, haha) and it helps. We use lavender scented fabric softeners for our sheets, towels, and night clothes, that's supposed to be calming. Bath and Body Works sells this Lavender/Vanilla lotion that is pretty sweet, and if she's nice to me I rub her back or her feet/legs with it. That may just be more of a calming act though, but it does help. Does your BF like that type of thing? 

And this probably sounds silly, but we went for a bit reading Dr. Suess books outloud before bed. They were just so funny, being an adult and reading these books to ourselves, and reading is a good "wind down" activity. We chose Dr. Suess because, well, it's easy to read and doesn't generate a lot of ill feelings, haha. 

Oh! Being awakened during the night usually means a guaranteed night terror (for her). And sometimes if I wake her up all the way from a night terror, she will have another later in the night, usually less severe though. So if you can, avoid waking him up unless it's absolutely necessary or it's time to get up.

It's a lot of trial and error and trying to find what works best for you and your BF. Dr. Suess may not be your thing, but maybe the whitenoise machine is, that kind of deal. As you can see we're still trying to find what is the most efficacious for us.


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## jcottonl02 (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks a lot for the info Cait. I don't think he has it nearly as bad as your gf- that sounds just horrible! But you certainly sound like you can handle it well.

I feel so inadequate sometimes because I just don't know what to do or how he wants me to act. Would he want me to completely ignore it or to try and help?

Yeah he remembers all his nightmares- that's not very characteristic of night terrors is it? He doesn't talk about most of them because they are just too horrific. Maybe it's more nightmares...but it happens basically every night. He ends up just falling asleep in the day on his desk etc. sometimes because he is so tired. And he just shakes the whole night. I feel so bad for him.

I think I may suggest that white noise thing to him- thanks for explaining it so well. Hopefully if it is actually night terrors maybe it will help. He's tried sleeping pills lots to try and make him fall deep asleep so he won't dream, but apparently this can make it worse?

That suggestion of reading Dr. Suess before bed is ace. I try to get him to watch things like 'The Office' or something, or to read a good book before bed. But I don't think it works for him at all. 

I take sleep so for granted lol! But if it's disrupted like this then that's just terrible, and most people don't even realise.

That lavender oil calming idea sounds quite good. We've never actually tried it. Sometimes before we go to sleep I try massaging his back or his feet to try and relax him, but I don't think it works very well with him. 

Sometimes it's not bad enough for me to even wake up, and I'm sure sometimes when I think he's slept well its just because he hasn't told me about waking up in the night etc.

Therapy worked for your gf? Maybe I might insist he tries it. Tbh I think the reason he doesn't want to is because i think he would be embarassed to talk about his feelings- you know guys lol. But I might insist that he just gives it a try- anything to help.

Sorry about this! You've started a thread to chat about you and I've totally hijacked it by asking you a million questions!!


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## SunnyCait (Apr 27, 2009)

Oh no, it's not hijacking! It helps me think, too! It's fine. 

I would ask him what he would like you to do, not like right after one, but maybe during the day, like when you're eating or driving somewhere. At first I didn't know how to act either, and it was coming on top of all the other things that she had going on and it was just a lot to take in at one time. One day I just casually asked her while we were driving out to my grandparents' what she'd like for me to do if "it" happened again. For a while she wasn't even aware she was having them!

Normally, no, they don't remember the terrors in detail. Someone once explained a night terror as your body wanting to shift from one cycle of sleep to the next, and something confuses your brain and thus you get a night terror. For most it's feelings of horror and terror and such, but some people when this happens they actually feel euphoric! Wouldn't that be nice, haha!

Sometimes they don't scream or do anything that lets you know that they are having a terror. A few times I've woke up to find her sitting up in bed and just silently crying, looking absolutely scared out of her mind. THOSE are the ones I hate, because I don't know how long she's been like that, you know? Trapped in fear. It's really heartbreaking. 

Therapy did work to a point. Does your BF have a lot of other problems caused by what happened? Or are the night terrors/ nightmares the only "symptom"? I'd definitely look into it, for real. If reminders of the event or just thinking about it during the day causes him to have night problems, then it's worth looking into. If that's the case, then trying to minimize "triggers" is very important, too. I get a dude probably won't want to talk about things that happened or how he feels and stuff. Guys are conditioned that they don't really get to have feelings. But plenty of guys do, and just remind him that any one he talks to has talked to a lot of people before. They're not going to think he's weird or a sissy, and they can't tell anyone or talk to anyone about what he says unless he wants them to and says they can. My girl was apprehensive at first too, but once we got her in there and she saw how it helped, it was easier to get her to go back. If you guys are commited long term, you might want to try couple's therapy also. This is also something we're looking into.

Ooo, another thing you can try with the lavender stuff is baths. I know, very manly, but everyone could use a good soak in the tub. I know they have bubble bath and salts and stuff scented in lavender.

The Office is a good one! Something light and fun like that, maybe get his mind elsewhere before he goes to sleep. Do you guys sleep with the tv on? Sometimes we do because the voices on the TV are something that helps bring them down to reality. We had The Wizard of Oz on loop for like 3 months one time!  Now we're giving the white noise machine a try, so no Wizard of Oz.


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## jcottonl02 (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks a lot 

I didn't really actually know who else to talk to about this, because I didn't want to sort of...spread his private business round. 
I feel a little bad discussing it on a forum but noone knows who I am or he is so I guess it doesn't matter.

Thing is he remembers everything I think. And that's what makes him scared to sleep.

Well basically someone very close to him died when he was 7, and that's when he started having the nightmares. It affected him so much. But you wouldn't know it if you were just friends. He is such a happy person on the outside- really confident etc. He's a fantastic rugby player and coaches his team and other teams- he is very social- you just wouldn't know.
But on the inside he is so insecure, and basically feels worthless. I don't know whether this contributes to the dreams.

I just don't know what to do. Nothing seems to work. And I so so want to help. Even if we aren't going to be together for the next ten years or w/e, I still want to help, because we are like best friends. We are so close and even if we stopped seeing on another we would never lose touch. So I want to help as much as I can, but whatever I suggest he just brushes aside, like he's given up or something.

 It's so sad.


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## SunnyCait (Apr 28, 2009)

That is sad... Poor guy! I think therapy might actually help him out a lot. Is there any way you could at least get him to try it? He sounds like a really happy guy generally, hopefully he can get some help and feel that way all the time, and kick those nightmares' butts! 

I totally understand wanting to help, it's only natural because you care for them. And it's also natural to feel helpless, because it's really hard seeing someone you love go through something so rough. It's hard on everyone involved. 

I also understand not knowing who to talk to it about... I don't talk to many of our RL friends about it because I don't want them treating her different (we already went through that before, and it was awful). I guess I really only talk to people online about it, because it's more anonymous, I guess... Plus no one I know really even knows what I'm talking about when I say "night terror". It sucks a lot.


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## jcottonl02 (Apr 28, 2009)

Thanks for ur help and advice- it's been really helpful. And tbh I didn't know anyone other than him that actually had night terrors or nightmares like that.

He is such a happy guy, and I just really hope it goes soon.

I talked 2 him last night about therapy, and I think I've made him see that even though he might think the therapist will think he's a nutter- so what. It's confidential, the therapist will help him, and then he never has to see them again. 



I really hope everything gets better with ur gf's night terrors. Sounds like she couldn't have someone better than you to help her out with them, so hopefully they will


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## SunnyCait (Apr 30, 2009)

Hey, no problem!

Apparently from the lack of responses, it must be a pretty uncommon thing! 

We've had a rough couple of nights these past few days, but tonight so far is decent. Of course it's not even 10pm yet!  But hey, it never hurts to be optimistic.

Has your BF decided anything yet? I really do think that therapy might help him, at least a little.


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## jcottonl02 (May 1, 2009)

Oh sorry the last few nights haven't been good 

No he hasn't. I think I'm going to keep trying to convince him to just at least try it.
Tbh if it's really as bad as he says it is when I'm not there, then I don't understand why he won't try anything to get it to stop. 
I don't get what he has to lose by seeing a therapist.....but he is so opinionated and doesn't really like to be told what to do, or what to think.


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## Brandy456 (May 1, 2009)

I used to have very... 'real' ones including Babii and Sparky. Eventually after 2 weeks of going through it they stopped. So I have no better advice though. 
Maybe , does she eat before she goes to bed ? Supposidly thats not good.


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## SunnyCait (May 1, 2009)

White noise machine is definitely out for us. I can't sleep with it on any other settings besides Rain and Heartbeat, and low and behold those are the only two SHE can't stand. Back to square like 5 I think, haha. 

I think I'll keep it though and leave it set up in the rat room at the new house. Maybe they will get some use out of it! 

Guys are kind of silly that way. I hope he decides to at least try it, like you said. If it really is bad, you'd think he'd want help. But he has to want it, too, I guess. Ask him if he really likes his nightmares that much  Haha.

Brandy, that is more of a guideline for nightmares, but, it does apply to night terrors too. When your body is digesting you may not sleep as soundly, which creates a great environment for night terrors. But to answer your question, no, she doesn't.  Sometimes we eat dinner late, but she won't eat about 2 hours before bed. That was one of the first things we changed, but it may be more of a myth than actual fact that it causes sleep issues. But we do it anyway.


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## Flashy (May 1, 2009)

Have you tried joining a forum that has people that have night terrors on? I just wonder if maybe people on here don't have them, but ou might find they are more common than you think if you join the 'right' forum. It might also give you more specialist ideas. Sorry, that's the best idea I have right now.


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## SunnyCait (May 1, 2009)

I guess I should have reworded my original post, haha! I guess I don't really need help so much as to just talk about them. I thought maybe someone around here had dealt with them and had some stories or stuff to share. If that makes sense? It's all so individual probably the things we are trying wouldn't even help someone else, and vice versa. Sometimes it's nice just to vent.  

You've been really nice trying to help, and I do appreciate it.  

I did find a forum, but they are REALLY inactive... I need to keep looking though.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 1, 2009)

I'm sorry that your gf doesn't sleep well ( and you too )
I hope everything works out okay.

Best of luck.

- prisca


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## SunnyCait (May 1, 2009)

Thanks, hun. 

I've taken to napping right after work, and that helps with my sleep issues, haha.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 1, 2009)

haha all the times in my life i swear i've only taken like 5 naps, I DONT/CANT do naps! While i was like year one everyone took naps and i was like .... hmm... lets get to trouble 
How has your gf been lately?


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## SunnyCait (May 2, 2009)

I usually can't do naps either, but lately I'm just so flippin' tired I gotta.

She's same ol' same ol'. Last night was terror free! But night before last was horrible. Not sure what, if anything, we're doing that helped yesterday. *shrugs*

She's up in the bath right now and then I think we're watching a movie.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 2, 2009)

a bath sounds good nice! D't watch scary movies!
Wat time is it there?


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## SunnyCait (May 2, 2009)

Haha, no! We're thinking maybe "Knocked Up" or something funny. 

It's 10:10 PM here.  What about for you?


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 2, 2009)

lol its 3:08pm LOL.... what a time difference. Its 2009 here... what bout at yours


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## SunnyCait (May 2, 2009)

Oh, it's 2010, here... I write from the fuuuuutuuuuure! LMAO


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 2, 2009)

LOL... I thought they would have found a cure for the sleeping problem!


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## SunnyCait (May 2, 2009)

You'd think that!! But nope! Turns out we aren't that advanced.


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## MyLOVEABLES!! (May 2, 2009)

you got mail!


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## SunnyCait (May 3, 2009)

Last night was not so bad, only one small terror that wasn't too big of a deal.


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## pinksalamander (May 3, 2009)

I suffer from sleep paralysis which is absolutely horrible. Doesn't happen that often though luckily. Probably once a month and only if I get a lie in.


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## SunnyCait (May 3, 2009)

I am sorry to hear that... I've heard that that is also very scary, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. The intense fear is a common thread in both sleep paralyis and night terrors... Do you experience that?

*pinksalamander wrote: *


> Probably once a month and only if I get a lie in.



What does this mean exactly?


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## pinksalamander (May 3, 2009)

SunnyCait wrote:


> I am sorry to hear that... I've heard that that is also very scary, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. The intense fear is a common thread in both sleep paralyis and night terrors... Do you experience that?
> 
> *pinksalamander wrote: *
> 
> ...



That it only happens when I get a lie in? I don't very often get lie ins so it doesn't happen very often!

I don't always get the terror bit but have done occasionally. The paralysis on its own is more uncomfortable and slightly worrying than incredibly frightening. The hallucination part has only happened maybe 5 or 6 times but it is horrible, although not as intense as some I have read about. Usually I get a feeling that someone is in the room and I can see a sort of 'figure' in the room and feel pressure on my chest, but I've heard people who can see a person sitting on their chest strangling them or people with a knife or something which is far scarier. Its difficult to tell yourself 'its just sleep paralysis' when its happening though. Also I often get whole sessions of it for about 20 minutes because I drift in and out of consciousness and I can feel myself becoming paralysed, then I move and then I drift into paralysis again because I can't wake myself in time before it happens again.


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## SunnyCait (May 3, 2009)

Lie in = sleep in? LOL That was where my confusion was! 

I think it's worse for those with SP because you are fully aware of what is going on. At least with night terrors they are vaguely remembered if at all. 

I wonder why NT sufferers and SP sufferers all envision someone in the room with them trying to hurt them? I guess it's just a universal fear. Do SP episodes sometimes involve snakes or spiders like they do for NTs?


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## jcottonl02 (May 4, 2009)

God that really sounds horrific 

Guess what Cait. The last two days my bf has slept sound as a bug in a rug! Not only did he manage to sleep the whole night but he didn't have any nightmares/night terrors or whatever he is having. 
I think it is because he has been much happier the last few days. So this means they must be linked with his depression?

Anyway it's been ages since he's actually manage to tell me, or I've actually seen, him sleeping well so had to tell you!!!!!

I hope everything with ur gf is getting better too


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## pinksalamander (May 4, 2009)

I've never had snakes or anything. Only people. (Well a person). I think other people probably can get weird stuff because they say sleep paralysis is probably what alien abductions really are.


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## SunnyCait (May 4, 2009)

Jen that is awesome!!   It could very have well been related to his depression. I am glad to hear he is happier, too.  Yay!!! 

I heard that one time too, Fran, on a documentary about Roswell and that kind of stuff (I love alien crap, haha) about how a lot of people who were "abducted" really suffered from episodes of SP and just didn't realize it. Isn't that odd? I wonder how that works. I watched a sleep special on Discovery Health once about nightmares and SP and all that, but I can't remember any of it. I wonder if I can find it online.

Sorry if I seem obsessive, there's just so much that we don't know about how our brains work, especially during sleep. It's amazing to me!


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## jcottonl02 (May 4, 2009)

Thanks! He is really happy- I just hope it lasts. I'm not convinced it will though...if I am totally honest. He goes through a few weeks of no depression, and then right back to being so low, even lower than before. 

Yes- It is a fascinating subject, one I know so little about. You don't seem obsessive at all! You seem like someone who is really interested in a subject involving every living things, and wants to understand it better. 

Some people just mope through life not caring about anything...not appreciating or bothering to learn about themselves or the world.
Makes me sick lol!


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## SunnyCait (May 4, 2009)

Hmm... I hope it lasts for awhile before it goes back. Is he bi-polar by chance? Just asking, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to! 

I'm glad I'm not coming off as crazy as I think I sound. Haha!

Yeah I'm all about the learning... Right now my big thing is sleep disoders, for obvious reasons, but also I really love the topic of elective mutism especially in children, mind mentality of criminal deviants, and just stuff like that. In a nutshell, psychology and sociology, haha. My major is Sociology. It's fascinating.


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## BethM (May 4, 2009)

I don't have proper night terrors, but I do have some nasty recurring nightmares. I will be fine for long periods of time, then suddenly have these nightmares really frequently. Sometimes I will wake up in the middle of them, absolutely terrified. If I finish the nightmare and wake up a little later, I still wake up frightened, and will spend the whole day feeling unsettled. I will sometimes not have a nightmare for a year, but then have them every night for weeks.

I've had the nightmares, on the same theme, since I was very young.

I also have some anxiety issues, especially at night-time. I often have problems falling asleep, because random noises frighten me. I am usually worse when I'm very tired, and of course once I start being frightened, I can't sleep, and get more tired, and it just gets worse. Sometimes, I also have visual hallucinations, I will see flashing lights or shadows appear to be moving.

I have problems with white noise, because that makes me anxious that there's something going on that I can't hear. 

I do love naps, and seem to sleep better when I'm napping than I do at night. I sort of suspect that it's because it's usually light outside when I nap, and that is more comforting to me. Safe.


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## SunnyCait (May 5, 2009)

Shnikes... I can now say that I am thankful that she at least will fall asleep. 0.0 That must be awful... And to think the later you stay up afraid the worse it gets... That's got to be really hard! Have you tried anything to help with your night time anxiety? 

I totally get the white noise thing... It can be unnerving, because it's point is to block out other sounds. Well what if you want to HEAR the other sounds? 

Her anxiety has more to do with being in crowded places with unfamiliar people, walking about alone, going places by herself, guys she doesn't know. She can get pretty awkward in social situations with men, she prefers not to talk to any, haha.


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## BethM (May 5, 2009)

*SunnyCait wrote: *


> Shnikes... I can now say that I am thankful that she at least will fall asleep. 0.0 That must be awful... And to think the later you stay up afraid the worse it gets... That's got to be really hard! Have you tried anything to help with your night time anxiety?
> 
> I totally get the white noise thing... It can be unnerving, because it's point is to block out other sounds. Well what if you want to HEAR the other sounds?
> 
> Her anxiety has more to do with being in crowded places with unfamiliar people, walking about alone, going places by herself, guys she doesn't know. She can get pretty awkward in social situations with men, she prefers not to talk to any, haha.



I will go through periods when I can fall asleep just fine, and not even be bothered with the noises. Other times, even just normal creaking of the wind makes me jump. When I'm going through a rough phase, sometimes I will take some Benadryl a little while before bed, and that helps to make me sleepy enough to not notice. It also helps if I go to bed before my husband does, but he has a really annoying habit of only wanting to go to bed at the same time I do. (Even if he's really exhausted, he'll stay up until I go to bed, and then be grouchy the next day because "we" went to bed late.) Sometimes the "bad times" will only last a few days, so the Benadryl trick works. I have considered trying some anti-anxiety medications, but I already take so many things for my allergies, the thought of taking one more medication is a real turn-off.

I've had these fears/anxieties as long as I can remember. Same with the nightmares.

I also don't care to be alone around men I don't know, due to a bad experience I had in college. I don't like crowds, and I get really grumpy sometimes when I'm someplace crowded, but I think that's more an annoyance than anxiety.


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## SunnyCait (May 6, 2009)

Hmm. That stinks that the hubby is a butt about bedtimes, but I suppose on the other hand it's sweet that he wants to go to bed the same time as you do.

I wonder why some people's nightmares and such have a clear trigger/reason, and some people just have them and that's all there is to that. Like what part of the brain decides that you will have them regardless of stimulis and triggers, and I wonder if it is something that can actually be fixed... Something to think about.

Yeah her anxiety is from a college experience she had too. This while shebang, all her issues, stem from this one thing. Go figure. Although I've met plenty of ladies who have had no bad experiences and don't like to be around strange men.


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## jcottonl02 (May 13, 2009)

Wow Sunnycait that picture is jst gorgeous! Tell me that's not u lol......you look like a mix of Charlize Theron and Marylin Monroe.

The envy

I just thought I'd let you know I split up with my bf. 
I'm not going to go through the reasons why; only he and I could (and should) understand that, but it's to do with the depression he has. I couldn't stand the clinginess, the threatened by all other men, the anxiety and depression I had to deal with 24/7, especially around the most important exams of mine.

We are still the best of friends though, and I'm still trying to get him to see a therapist. I still care about him deeply and want him to sort this out. We are going on holiday together (see we are still v good friends) and he needs to get a good nights sleep otherwise the holiday could be ruined for him.

Thanks for all ur help with it though- I feel I understand it much more now. And I hope ur gf is okay (and you!) and hope everything continues to get better


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## jcottonl02 (May 13, 2009)

And yes (soz I hadn't replied earlier) he could well have been bipolar.
Bless him. I feel for him so much, and I feel like such an awful person for not being able to deal with his problems like someone so close to him should.

It was just more stressful being his gf that not, and I'm still helping him through- any good mate would. But being his gf rather than his good friend meant a whole new load of problems that could never be solved: I could never revise- he would just ring and ring with different, unimportant questions even though I asked him to leave me for an hour to revise. If we didnt speak for a day he would be so so down and depressed. 
I could never get a good night's sleep when I was alone because he would just ring all night (as he doesn't sleep much) and keep ringing and babble to keep me on the phone.
If a guy so much as looked at me, or tell me (or my bf) he thought I was beautiful, if would ruin his night, and he would be depressed for the whole evening. 

He is such a good person, with such a good heart, but he was driving me insane for about 4 months solid. We'd talked and talked about it, but it just wouldn't go in.

I just feel so awful and selfish, but you can't understand unless you've experienced it.


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## SunnyCait (May 13, 2009)

Haha, no that's not me! I'm a wee shorter and not blonde, nor as stunning, LOL. That's the love of my life, Katherine Heigl. Don't let the GF hear that though, haha. 

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. But I totally understand the decision. It might actually be better for you two this way; at least you can remain really good friends! Which is awesome, because he sounds like he really does need a good friend. 

Don't feel guilty. There were a few times in the beginning of our relationship where I was like "I can't do this, I can't be this person" and it was really scary. Well it's scary to think about now, seeing what we have now and all that. That's not meant to make you feel bad, I just meant to show you that I get it. It doesn't make you a bad person at ALL. As you said, you're still really good friends! That's probably even better. 

My parents have been married for some 20 years, and they are divorcing this year. My mom is bi-polar and a whole host of other things, and my dad finally buckled. Which, good for him, he shouldn't have to live this way. But it was a really hard choice for him to make because he does love her. But when you're with the person you love you shouldn't be hurting all the time.


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## jcottonl02 (May 13, 2009)

I was gonna say- thats not fair. Really not fair at all. Bet u r v beautiful tho- ur just being modest.

Thanks. I do think we are better as friends.

But it just hurt him so much for me to do it. He had no idea......he really didn't know how on the rocks our relationship was. Which was even worse.

But considering what a terrible few days they were when we broke up, we are on surpisingly good and close terms.
I thought id lost him forever- he's...well this doesn't make him sound to good but he really is- he's been with a lot of girls, but he's never had a proper relationship. And I was worried that if we broke up he wouldn't...know how to be around me or something.

Thank god we are okay becuase he really is one of my best friends.

I can't help feeling terrible. Like a selfish person who doesn't care what troubles someone else is going through, and is just in life for themselves.

I know this isn't true. I keep telling myself it. But it's hard when ur the one to hurt someone else so badly.
Everyone kept telling me it wasn't fair on me, and I am finally starting to believe them.

Thanks for ur comfort. It's nice to know u can understand without really knowing the full story- which would take a while to really convey how I feel lol. And that's a thread hijacker lol!!

Thanks x


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## SunnyCait (May 13, 2009)

Yeah I'm all kinds of modest.  JK. I'm okay but I'm no KH! Haha!

I'm glad you're starting to believe them, because it's so true! Anyone who says otherwise has either never gone through it and had to make that decision or never been around it.

I'm also glad you guys are cool now... And that you can be friends despite the fact that you guys are broken up.
Maybe this will help him see that what is going on with him isn't just affecting himself and he needs help.

If you ever want to PM me, feel free to! I won't mind and I'm a decent listener, haha.


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## jcottonl02 (May 13, 2009)

Thanks Cait I really appreciate that. You are a good listener and a good advice-giver etc. 

He needs 2 sort this out- he won't be able 2 hold down a relationship like this.
I'm really hoping some of his qualities etc. will go with age (I haven't really spoken about them).
I might pm u when I have a free moment to babble lol. Thanks for the offer.
Jenx


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