# A LONG Tribute to GingerSpice



## TinysMom

Please read the words in blue at the bottom before responding with words of comfort..


4:00 am CST 

Less than 20 minutes ago, my beloved GingerSpice passed away in my arms. She was wrapped in one of "her" towels that had come out of the dryer and we had been snoozing together for a while. I&#39;ve seen this day coming - because GingerSpice had a stroke a few months ago and over the last few days, I&#39;ve seen her become progressively worse. Around 9 pm last night, I realized that it was time to let her go. I didn&#39;t want to do so - I wanted to fight for her life - to get her through one more bout so I could have her with me. But I saw in her eyes that she was tired. She was ready to go - she wanted me to let her go. 

After talking online to a fellow breeder between midngiht and 1:30 am, I realized that it was time to let her go. Her body was shutting down. The signs were there...her ears were getting cooler...she didn&#39;t want to eat or drink. 

They say that you know when it is time to let an animal pass if you look at three things: appetite, alertness, and affection. She had neither appetite nor alertness - and she didn&#39;t have the energy to be affectionate.

But I get ahead of myself - let me share wtih you about her life - and her death. It was like something I&#39;ve never experienced.

So let me start with how Gingerspice came to be with us. As many of you know, I rescued a rabbit from the road and we had it with us for almost a week before the owners were found. I had been suffering from depression (I&#39;ve had it for years) and during the time we had the rabbit, Art said he&#39;d never heard me laugh so much, be so happy or be so "alive". When the rabbit was returned...I went looking for another rabbit.

I wanted a big rabbit because we had cats and a dog....so after doing research, I realized I wanted a flemish giant. You know how on this forum we say you can&#39;t get just one?

Here is what I brought home the day I went for the flemish giant...

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Actually - I brought home TWO dwarves..

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Well - life was grand. I started getting books on bunnies and magazines on bunnies - and I read about this new breed called "lionheads". Wow...they sounded fascinating. So I went online and did some research on them - and found a breeder 150 miles away. To my luck - she had two mismarked rabbits that were pet quality - a boy and a girl. I couldn&#39;t decide...so I got both. GingerSpice - a tortoise - was the shy one. Here are some photos that I just love:

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We later on wound up adding Puck, a Holland Lop - and life was grand....

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But Tiny had developed a favorite rabbit- and GingerSpice became his "baby girl". Puck would want to chase her and play - Tiny would chase Puck away when she ran to him. This is how Tiny got the name "BunFather" because he would protect anyone who ran to him to be protected from another rabbit.

Shortly afterwards, we decided to breed lionheads - I was so in love with them. One of the rabbits I got was Miss Bea - a harlequin lionhead. Well - Ginger and Miss Bea were quite a pair. I swear - Miss Bea would come up to Ginger with an idea:

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Then she would go tell Summer - another doe we had:

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Then Miss Bea would sit back and look on as Ginger and Summer would get into trouble and wind up getting caged (and missing out on playtime) while Miss appeared to be innocent.

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If I have one regret of Ginger&#39;s short life - it is that I bred her to Roary. Here he is:

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I *NEVER *should have done that. It seemed like after that - she just had problems off and on that she&#39;d never had before. It was almost like her immunity system started breaking down or something - right about the time she was starting to wean the litter.

This is why I will NEVER recommend someone breed a pet rabbit- because while most of the time - nothing goes wrong....things still CAN go wrong.

For a while, she was mainly a free roaming house rabbit. She and Tiny were best friends - well - except for Miss Bea. There would be times he&#39;d snooze with Miss Bea and then come back later and lay down near Ginger and you could see her grooming him a bit harder than necessary and lecturing him about "that loose bunny" he was associating with. But he was the BunFather...while she was the woman of his choice...he was not going to leave the other gals alone...

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Last fall, she started having major problems with bloat. We tried and tried and tried to work with her and help her fight through it. We&#39;d just help her get through a bout (thanks to advice from Pam Nock who I&#39;d frequently go to for help).....and she&#39;d be better for a day or two - and then she&#39;d be sick again.

The upside to this - was before she&#39;d always been shy and hated me. She still hated me - but now she was learning to tolerate me - she was seeing that I LOVED her and would help her find relief. But she resented everything I did for her - and she made sure that EVERY TIME I helped her - she would pee on me. I&#39;d hand her to Robin...no pee. If I got near her - she&#39;d pee even if she had to squirt it like a fountain because I wasn&#39;t holding her.

She was quite a rabbit.

Sometime in October - she had a stroke. I worked with her and gave her massages and tried to help her. She could barely stand - although she would try if I pushed her. The benefit of my help? More chances to pee on me of course...

But she stopped rolling her eyes at me. She stopped seeing me as the enemy. She started understanding - I loved her. Dearly. She and I formed a special bond during this time - and we became close.

Oh - she still peed on me - it had become like a game. Art would hold her and sing, "Oh please, oh please.....don&#39;t pee on me...oh please, oh please....don&#39;t pee on me." Then he&#39;d hand her to me - and you&#39;ve got it. She peed.

During this time- GingerSpice went from becoming a rabbit - to becoming my child. She might have had a disability - but she was stronger in her disabilty than she ever was in her strengths. She showed me her love - because we&#39;d finally learned to accept each other.

I bought her enough towels so she could have a fresh towel every day of the week...plus an extra. I&#39;d put her in her box - so that she had to sit and use her muscles - and I&#39;d come back to find her like this:

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We called it "Ginger&#39;s Recliner".

During November, I took the NaNoWriMo challenge (National Novel Writing Month) and wrote a novel - well - most of it. The challenge was to complete 50,000 words - I went over 60,000. But Ginger spent that month on my desk.....as I wrote I&#39;d talk to her. Every few paragraphs - she&#39;d get some food or hay or a drink. We&#39;d "talk" to each other about the story....I knew it was in my mind...but she had sort of a girlish voice and would start out the day with, "Ok mom...today we need to do this on the book..." and go off talking. Yes -they were my thoughts. I&#39;d talk to her just as if she said those things...and she&#39;d wink at me.

These are the moments I will cherish and tresure. 

Sometime in the last couple of weeks, I&#39;ve seen her go downhill. I&#39;ve shared with other mods about what was happening and we&#39;d discuss it. The other day I thought I was going to lose her after a bad bout of diaherrea....but she came through. Looking back, I think she came back to give me time to let her go...to be prepared for her passing. But I think...she wanted to go - and she was ready to go. She just needed me to be ready.

Yesterday, Art said to me something along the lines of how I would handle it if Ginger ever got healthy. My response was, "I want that more than anything....I want her healthy and not suffering." As a Christian, I believe God was using Art to prepare me to let her go.

Shortly before I went to bed, I pm&#39;d Pipp and told her Ginger would be crossing the bridge tonight. As I was completing my chores, I put on of her towels in the dryer to get it warm. I used to do this when we were going to nap together....get her in a warm towel and then snooze with her in my arms. When it came down to pull the towel out of the dryer - I broke down and cried. I offered her water and food - she took a bit of pedialyte but just wanted to sleep. Then I wrapped her in the towel - and she smiled at me and winked. I think she knew she was going - and that I would be ok.

It was almost 2 am...and I laid down and put my arms around her. I kissed her on the nose and I prayed over her. I asked God to let her live if it was His will - otherwise - to let her passing be painfree and not traumatic for either of us.

I&#39;ve been debating back and forth as I write this - do I write this last part? Do I share what happened - how peaceful it was - how God prepared me for it? Will it offend some? Will it comfort those who have loved and lost? What do I do? I&#39;ve never really experienced death - well - I have in some animals who fought death due to some things. It was grusome and it was hard and it was...horrible. I didn&#39;t want that for her.

I knew she would most likely pass in her sleep - quietly and peacefully - and that is what she did.

So I&#39;m going to share what happened - but I want to say this first. As a Christian, I believe God can use dreams to comfort us and help us. I believe that many times they may be "messages" and that while what is said may not be a fact indeed (imagine a dancing cookie that talked..yet we&#39;ve never experienced that)...the message they are meant to give us is that of comfort.

So here is what I shared with Pipp when Ginger passed...

_I will share wtih you what happened here - it is going in her tribute - near the end._

_ I&#39;ve never seen such a passing before. She and I curled up and slept together. Somehow, in my heart of hearts, I think I knew she would be gone by 4 am.

I had finally settled down and was sleeping deeply when I had this dream. Ginger was laying in her recliner and just chatting away with me in a little girl sing-songy voice....about how the rabbits in the rabbitry think this...and that and the other thing. She was telling me her thoughts on Tiny and Miss Bea and how she was glad he still had girls to comfort him. This went on for a few minutes when I realized (I&#39;d had my back to her) that this wasn&#39;t just going on in my mind - Ginger was actually TALKING...

I looked at her and said, "Wait....we have to show this to daddy..." and I grabbed her little basket and took her out to Art. Meanwhile, she&#39;s just chattering away quietly to herself....and Art is distracted on the computer or something and I&#39;m like, "Art you have to hear this....Ginger is self-aware and talking!"

Finally - her chattering has him turn around. She looks at him and she looks at me and goes, "Of COURSE I&#39;m self-aware mom. I&#39;m a BUNNY! Dad knew that all along...didn&#39;t you?"

Then she gave us her wink she sometimes gave...

... and I woke up.

I said her name and she halfway opened an eye and winked at me a bit and I said, "Momma will be right back....I love you." and I ran to the bathroom.

I was back less than 90 seconds later and as I wrapped my arms around her, I realized that while she was breathing slowly - she was gone. What had woken me up - was when she peed and pooped in the towel....as part of dying.

I laid there and kissed her on the nose and said, "you little twerp....you peed on me once again.." and I cried. 

And I swear Pipp - in the back of my mind - I heard her say - in a sing-songy voice..."But of course I did mommy. I won!"

And she was gone...

I_ honestly believe that dream was given to me to comfort me. When I kissed her on the nose before running to the bathroom - she opened her eye and looked at me one more time. When I came back - as I wrapped my arms around here, even though she had a couple of breaths...I knew she was gone - the essence of Ginger had passed.

~~~

[color=<WBR>"blue"]Please read this part before trying to comment and comfort me?

Many times I read about a rabbit passing and I read what we say and it feels "empty" to me. I especially feel this way now.

I love the whole Rainbow Bridge thing - but I can not be *sure* that it is true. So please- don&#39;t tell me I&#39;ll see her again. I can&#39;t be 100% sure of that (with my personal beliefs). Don&#39;t tell me not to grieve - I lost the bunny of my heart. As I whispered to her before I fell asleep, "Don&#39;t tell Tiny, but over the last few months, you&#39;ve become my #1 bunny and I&#39;ll always be Ginger&#39;s Mom too". I have to grieve in order to keep on making it through this and moving on. Grief is a part of life. Don&#39;t tell me she&#39;s not in pain. I know she&#39;s not in pain. But now I&#39;m in pain. She is at peace - but I pay the price.

So if you want to comfort me - tell me how much you loved Tiny&#39;s blogs if you followed them and knew about her....or tell me how cute you think she was...or how she was quite a trooper - to pee on me even at the end. Help me celebrate her life...and remember her love. If need be - if you&#39;ve been thinking about breeding a pet and decided not to because of Ginger&#39;s story - tell me that. If her story stops one rabbit from being breed needlessly by someone who&#39;s been thinking, "oh...I&#39;ll claim it was an &#39;accidental breeding&#39;...so I can have babies.."...then maybe...just maybe...I can find a purpose for this pain and a way to alleviate it.

Light a candle for her - or for me. 

If worse comes to worse - just tell me, "I hurt for you because I know you&#39;re hurting".

But I can&#39;t be assured she&#39;s going to Buck&#39;s arms...I can&#39;t be assured I&#39;ll see her again...so those things dont&#39; comfort me.

However - knowing she touched the lives of those in the forum...knowing she touched my life and made me a more patient person because she needed care about 1-2 hours per day....helps me to see the impact she had on my life. If she impated your life - if her story somehow touched you...helped you deal with grief from a rabbit you&#39;ve lost......let me know that.

And so - I&#39;m going to close this with the words I&#39;m always going to think of whenever I look at Ginger&#39;s pictures....because in some way - they do comfort me..
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_*Of course I&#39;m self aware mommy - I&#39;m a BUNNY!

and

I won!!!

Peg


*__
_


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## JadeIcing

I could never say don&#39;t grieve because she was your child. I also feel the same about the rainbow bridge it is a nice idea but goes against what I believe. The blogs did bring her alive, to those who read it.

Your dream was very much a gift and one that will touch us all.


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## JimD

I&#39;m so sorry.
Iwish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better.

.....hope you don&#39;t mind if I grieve a bit, too.

:hug1

~Jim


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## pamnock

Very sorry Peg. It&#39;s a beautiful tribute.

Pam


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## cheryl

Oh Peg,that was a very lovely tribute to such a special girl

I am going to say though,that a few tears rolled down my face

Many comforting hugs Peg :hug2:

cheryl


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## TinysMom

I want to add this. I sent a copy of Ginger&#39;s tribute to my breeder friend who helped me decide it was time to let Ginger go versus continually trying to fight to keep her here even though she was suffering. 

She wrote me a response that touched me - and I&#39;m sharing it here in hopes that it will touch others. I want to add that - she was in a car wreck where she was thrown from the car and it rolled on her. If I remember right - she was pronounced dead - and I know she spent several days...well...she was in ICU and aware of much - but also in a different place sort of?

Here is what she wrote to me...

*Many times those who are passing are able to communicate on a telepathic level to those they are leaving behind. I do not believe this gift is limited to humans. I believe that is what you experienced. * *Ginger wanted you to know that she would be okay and that she would continue to exist. She knew that you would be upset by her passing and that you would be worried about her. This was her wayof letting you know that there is no need to worry. * *I have been where she is now and it is a nice place to be. I have read the rainbow bridge and it is not quite like that, but close. Here is what I believe to be true; Those souls who become so entwined in life cannot be separated by something so trivial as death. * *I think the words that most stand out are, Of course I&#39;m self aware Mommy, I&#39;m a bunny! I hope the people who read this begin to think about their bunnies differently. I have tried to impress upon other breeders that these bunnies do not exist merely to serve our purpose, but that they are their own &#39;people&#39;. Perhaps Miss Ginger had a bigger purpose in her message. She expressed what I have always known, they think! * *Sometimes a life has a bigger purpose that we are not privy to, perhaps this was the case with Ginger Spice, the Spice of your life! *


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## JadeIcing

Wow that is good.


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## naturestee

I&#39;m so sorry Peg. She was such a spunky little girl. I still remember when you first got her and how funny it was to see this teensy fuzzball cuddled up to big Tiny. I&#39;ve shown those pics to James to convince him that big and small bunnies can do well together, because he was nervous about Oberon with Fey and Sprite.

Goodbye, Ginger. I&#39;ll never forget you, and I&#39;m sure your mommy won&#39;t either.


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## Snuggys Mom

I am sitting at work with tears streaming down my face. 

As much as you&#39;re hurting, I know you wouldn&#39;t have traded one minute of your time with her for anything. I feel sorry for those people who don&#39;t feel that kind of love toward their "fur kids". They have missed out on so much joy. 

I haven&#39;t lost a pet for many years now, but I know that when it happens, my heart will be broken, as I&#39;m sure yours is now. 

I know I can&#39;t say anything to make you feel better, but my heart goes out to you.

Hugs,

Laura


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## Haley

Oh Peg, I didnt have time to read this whole tribute earlier and Im just reading it now with tears streaming down my face. Im sorry you&#39;re hurting.

Ginger&#39;s story has touched so many people. I know that there are many days when Max has a very bad day and I would always think of you and Ginger. I remembered what you said before abouthow you knew Ginger wasnt ready to give up if she had an appetite, wasalert, and affectionate. This has always comforted me because no matter how bad his breathing is on any given day, he&#39;s still doing these things and this gives me hope. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. If anything, I hope its a comfort to you that she was able to pass in your arms, peacefully. She sure was a special little girl and I know how much you loved her. God Bless you.

We&#39;re here for you if you need us.


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## Bassetluv

Peg, I&#39;m so sorry for your pain. What a beautiful, sweet little girl Ginger was! I too, am sitting at work with tears in my eyes after reading your tribute to your special girl...gosh, you shared an incredible bond with her. And how immensely loving it was of her to talk to you in your dream...which is truly what I believe in my heart happened. Throughmy tearsfrom readingher story, I&#39;m also smiling as I read that she had her last hurrah...she peed on you and she won. 

Many prayers and hugs to you today, my friend...and what a wonderful tribute you&#39;ve created for GingerSpice.

:rose:


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## NZminilops

I&#39;m not going to presume that I know how you feel, or offer you those empty words of comfort.

I didn&#39;t know your rabbit, I&#39;m not a religious person at all, but your story touched me in a way I can&#39;t explain. I bawled my eyes out reading it, and just knowing that my sadness wasn&#39;t even a drop in the ocean of grief you feel makes me even sadder. Because of reading this, yes you have changed my mind about something that I was feeling. Not to do with breeding, but I&#39;ve made up my mind about something.

I want you to know, that even aaaalllll the way over here in New Zealand, your baby has touched the heart of someone. And I want to say thanks.

Michelle


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## katt

peg, i am so sorry for you loss. . . 

i know what it feels like to lose a special bunny and the blame that a person can caste on themselves for making the choice of breeding a pet, and i hope the your wonderful story will reach people. . .i know that if i would have read it before breeding trixie all those years before, it would have reached me.

herman and winnie send nose nudges and gentle bunny murmurs of comfort to you and you family.

katie


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## Michaela

A beautiful tribute for a beautiful girl. She sure was something special.

Words cannot express my sympathy:tears2:


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## maherwoman

Oh, Peg...

With all you&#39;ve done for me recently, I feel we&#39;ve gotten somewhat close, and I truly do hurt for you, and am crying my own bit of grief for sweet Ginger.

I wish I&#39;d taken more time to read about her, and about your bond together...how sweet and beautiful and special. She was such a sweet little poofy angel...and I&#39;m so happy you guys had that time together to know each other, and help each other. Because, like you said, though you helped her in body, she helped you in spirit (with patience, and such). You guys were a perfect pair.

Oh, Sweetie...I&#39;m crying and hurting for you...I hate knowing you&#39;re in so much pain. It&#39;s the one and only bad thing about having such beautiful animal babies...having to eventually say goodbye is so painful and difficult.

I don&#39;t know when or even if you&#39;ll be able to read these messages from your friends and loved ones here at RO...but when you do, know that we&#39;re all thinking of you, praying for you, sending love your way, and each of us, in one form or another, in our own different ways and abilities, we&#39;re all grieving and hurting with and for you.

Though we&#39;re obviously not close friends, I feel we are friends to some extent...and I truly love each and every single one of my friends...including you. I hope you know that, and I hope you don&#39;t think it&#39;s said with even the tiniest bit of emptiness or shallowness. I mean it very truly. You have my love and friendship unconditionally...I am here for you in whatever possible way that you need me. Let me know if I can help somehow.

My love and hugs to you,

Rosie urplepansy:


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## TinysMom

Dear dear folks.......thank you for your words of comfort and encouragement. I posted on the forum and stayed up for a little bit - talked to my friend who had been died several times and then been brought back to life and spent three days in what she calls the "land of shadows" while she was in a coma......and then...I went to bed and got some much needed sleep.

I want to take back what I said about not seeing Ginger again. After talking to my breeder friend about her experiences and who and what she saw....I am comforted by Rainbow Bridge. i do not believe it is quite accurate - but it does give me comfort.

Whether God sent me the dream or Ginger sent me the dream or whatever....I believe she left peacefully and she would not want me to spend all my days crying over her. 

Don&#39;t get me wrong - I&#39;m still crying. I miss her and the grief is very fresh and real. 

But I am comforted by the belief that I will see GingerSpice again. It was something I had thought might happen but I wasn&#39;t sure I could believe it would happen. Hearing from one who has died and come back....about her experiences and her belief based upon her experiences that I will see Ginger again...I believe I very well might too.

As I can - I will do a thread on living with a disabled rabbit. Ginger took at least an hour a day of my time and she had special needs the last few months of her life. I want to share that with others - so they can make informed decision if they have a disabled rabbit.

So while I grieve - for myself - for my loss....I am also at peace. I miss my girl so much. Her story was going to be in the 2nd book in the series I&#39;m writing and I had been using that to beg her to stay with me. For one thing, I wasn&#39;t going to let her die in the book.

But there are times when we need to let them cross over the bridge....because they need to go and their bodies just can&#39;t handle life here.

Thank you all for your gracious words. God has comforted me....Ginger has comforted me by passing in the manner she did....and you have comforted me.

Ginger enriched my life - not only by her life...but even in her passing. What a special bunny she was.


Binky free Ginger....you deserve it. Mama misses you more than you know - my arms feel so empty from not holding you anymore. But you&#39;re not in pain.

And baby - you&#39;re right....

You won!


Peg


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## AngelnSnuffy

Peg, I just want to say how sorry I am. 

I read this at work today and like others, I was tearing. Luckily there was no one around at the time. 

You are a very special person and she a very special rabbit. Yes, it did bring back what I went through w/ BunBun, but he died peacefully also, like Ginger, he just couldn&#39;t do it anymore.

I will be lighting a candle for both of you here in a few minutes. I can&#39;t imagine the bond you two had. That is very, very special. She&#39;ll keep an eye on you and her friends, Tiny and Miss Bea. This is a verybeautiful tribute for Ginger and you. I&#39;ll always remember it-forever.

Take care sweetheart. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Binkie free sweet GingerSpice! You will always be loved dearly by your wonderful mommy. :rainbow:

Crystal ink iris:


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## AngelnSnuffy

Peg, this is for you...to remember your baby, GingerSpice...


"You&#39;ll Be In My Heart", by: Elton John


*Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight*

*I will protect you**
from all around you
I will be here
Don&#39;t you cry*

*For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
can&#39;t be broken
I will be here 
Don&#39;t you cry*

*&#39;Cause you&#39;ll be in my heart
Yes, you&#39;ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever long
You&#39;ll be in my heart
No matter what they say*

*You&#39;ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You&#39;ll be here
in my heart always
Always
*
One more to come, as I thought of you, Peg.

You&#39;ll Be Blessed by: Elton John

[size<WBR>=4]*Hey you, you&#39;re a child in my head
You haven&#39;t walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you&#39;ll be blessed
I know you&#39;re still just a dream
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I&#39;ve ever seen
Anyway, you&#39;ll be blessed

And you, you&#39;ll be blessed
You&#39;ll have the best
I promise you that
I&#39;ll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that
Promise you that you&#39;ll be blessed

I need you before I&#39;m too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you&#39;re blessed

And you, you&#39;ll be blessed
You&#39;ll have the best
I promise you that
I&#39;ll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that
You, you&#39;ll be blessed
You&#39;ll have the best
I promise you that
I&#39;ll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that
Promise you that you&#39;ll be blessed

(promise you that, promise you that, promise you that)
You&#39;ll be blessed

(promise you that, promise you that, promise you that)
You&#39;ll be blessed

You&#39;ll be blessed!*[/size][/color<WBR>]

*<WBR>The song itself, is very beautiful, I just thought of you. Hope you don&#39;t mind. (Don&#39;t know why my font didn&#39;t go back---uurrgg.)<WBR>*


----------



## TinysMom

Thank you for the beautiful songs....I appreciate them a lot.

Peg


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

Oh, Peg. I&#39;m really glad you like it.

Thank You.


----------



## grumpybabies

It is hard to know what to say for the best, but i believe that dream was your bond with Ginger telling you how she felt, and i&#39;m sure it is true because she seemed like such a character, a true heart bunny. My thoughts are truly with you Peg.


----------



## Starina

This is the first bunny tribute that has made me openly cry. :cry4:It is very sweet and sentimental. I have a bunny, my first bunny, who peed on me several times when I first got her. I would like to think that she would go out being my TinkleBunny. I am truely sorry for your loss. :hug1It is strange how the dying sometimes give us the gift of preparation. It shows how much she loves you that she found a way to talk to you in your dream, it sounds like that is something that you needed. Shesounded like quite a character. 

~Star~

"My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today." ~Watership Down~


----------



## SOOOSKA

Hi Peg, I will light a candle in memory of GingerSpice, she was such a beautiful girl. You did a really great job with her right to the end. I must say I had a chukle when you wrote about her Pee Peeing on you along with many tears.

Peg the way you express yourself is a real joy to read. I look forward to buying you novel when it is published.

Give a big kiss to that BunFather from me.

Susan:angelandbunny:


----------



## Starina

:yeahthatYes, you do have a way with words. Good luck with your book.

~Star~


----------



## TinysMom

Ginger&#39;s story is actually going to be in book two. It is going to be her stroke that leads Abby to realize she wants to hurt with injured animals (she&#39;s going to wind up with wildlife rehabilitation). 

I wasn&#39;t going to have Ginger die in the book. I wanted it to be happy. But Ginger&#39;s passing has shown me that to be true to the character of Abby - and of Ginger - she has to pass in the book. It will be Ginger&#39;s passing that breaks Abby&#39;s heart but helps her realize that at times you have to let them go if you love them....that you have to set them free.

The one thing I&#39;ve realized from all this is that sometimes we have to love our rabbits enough to let them go. I could have continued to forcefeed her. I could have insisted she drink and I probably could have kept her alive for another 2 days - maybe even a week with the help of a vet giving her fluids.

But she was telling me with her eyes the last few days that while she loved me - she needed to leave me. She wasn&#39;t in pain as in gritting her teeth - but her spirit was in pain...she needed me to be willing to let her go. Art saw it days ago - and was trying to prepare me but I didn&#39;t want to listen to him - and I didn&#39;t want Ginger to tell me it was time to go.

If you ever have a disabled rabbit that takes extended care - you will know when they are ready. I never understood when folks on a disabled rabbit list used to say, "I realized it was time for XX to go". I would storm at the monitor..."No...keep fighting. You ALWAYS keep fighting."

Ginger taught me that there are times when you acknowledge the fight is over and just relax and enjoy the last few moments you have.

When I tucked her in my arms for our nap...we both knew it was the end. She was happy - she was smiling at me and her eyes sparkled. She realized I had accepted it and was willing to let her go. Because of that...her passing was so special to me - to both of us. It was peaceful and it was in my arms. She didn&#39;t appear to be in pain....and I really think that while she didn&#39;t want to leave me - she wanted to cross the bridge.

And I&#39;m sorry to ramble .... really. But in some ways - Ginger taught me more through her passing than she did in her life here with me.

Now I stare at my empty desktop and cry. She was my baby. But ...I&#39;ll always have her in my heart.

Peg


----------



## JadeIcing

Everytime you speak of your story I want to read it so bad. It is so great to see how Ginger continues to inspire you. She has left her mark on you and on all us.


----------



## TinysMom

I wanted to share that while it has been about 2weeks now since I lost GingerSpice...I'm having a really REALLY hardtime dealing with the grief. Sometimes it shows up in my posts - and Ihave to back off - because I find myself angry tha others have theirrabbits and I don't have Ginger. 

Other times I find myself depressed...feeling like a total failure...

Ginger's passing was special in the fact that she wasn't scared and itwas peaceful. For the first day, I think I was numb and that was a goodthing. 

But now it throbs all the time - the ache of "why can't I have her?" and the missing her.

I'm sharing this here because I was browsing in the Bunny101 section ofthe forums and found this thread on dealing with grief. I read it andcried and cried and cried. It explained so well what I am feeling...howconfused and lost I am.

So I'm sharing the link here for anyone who happens to read this....

http://www.rabbitsonline.net/view_topic.php?id=16988&amp;forum_id=17

I also want to add (for anyone who might be reading this) - if I'vebeen short with you or someone else on the forum - I'm so sorry. Itwasn't until recently that I was able to see just how much the griefwas affecting me in ways I couldn't see.

Peg


----------



## Haley

Peg, I cant imagine how hard this is for you. We're here if you need us :hug2:


----------



## TinysMom

Thanks Haley. I just am so confused. I'll bedoing something and burst out into tears because I saw a towel of hersor because I thought of her. 

Since October she had become so much a major part of my life - an hour or more of my day was spent caring for her.

The grief is....overwhelming. The first day I was numb and had a senseof peace - but now....I just want to bury my head and cry .

I've lost animals before - but I've never ever grieved like this. I just can't get over the intensity of the feelings.

Peg
*
Haley wrote: *


> Peg, I cant imagine how hard this is for you. We're here if you need us :hug2:


----------



## maherwoman

Oh, Peg...I wish I could just "stop on over" andgive you a hug...just one more huge reason I wished I still lived inTexas. I would have taken the drive, no matter how long, togive you a hug, and let you cry on my shoulder...for however long itmight be.

It kills me that there's nothing I can do to help...

But, like Haley said, we are all very much here for you to help youthrough this in any way we possibly can. I know words don'thelp much, but please know that there is a lot of love and emotionbehind these words.

We love you...and please let me, or anybody else, know any way we can help, ok?

Love and hugs,

Rosie


----------



## TinysMom

I've had two days of almost not crying - that isgood - and today - I made this poster of GingerSpice - and I'm going toput it here...








I'm beginning to feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is NOTjust the headlights of an oncoming train...like there really is hope.

That is a good thing.

Peg


----------



## JadeIcing

That is a very nice poster. :hug1


----------



## maherwoman

Aww...she looks like a little stuffy...how cute! 

Wonderful poster...

And I'm happy you're seeing a light at the end of the tunnel...


----------



## TinysMom

I would make her up that basket with a towel init and I would set her in it like a rabbit normally sits so that she'duse her muscles to hold herself up.

She'd stay that way till I left my desk to do something - and I'd comeback and she'd be sitting like that. I'd tell her she needed to use hermuscles...that she couldn't just do that...and move her back into asitting position...a few minutes later - she was back in a recliningposition.

I finally gave up. All that mattered was that she was happy (she was) and that she was able to snack while I wrote on my book.

I was tossing a package of batteries we'd bought from Walmart and foundin it a coupon for 10 free pictures at their one-hour photo thing. Itexpires next month.

I realized - I can go through my photos of her now - and still tear up - but not bawl my head off...

So I'm going to get the 10 photos of her and then maybe do them in a little collage or something above my desk. 

That way - she'll still be with me as I write the books she helped inspire and motivate me to write.

Peg


----------



## maherwoman

What a great idea..

Because I'm sure she visits you now and then, and would be happy to seeher memory living on, and to know that she's still there encouragingand inspiring you in your writing. 
*
TinysMom wrote: *


> So I'm going to get the 10 photos of her and then maybe do them in a little collage or something above my desk.
> 
> That way - she'll still be with me as I write the books she helped inspire and motivate me to write.
> 
> Peg


----------



## Bassetluv

> That way - she'll still be with me as I write the books she helped inspire and motivate me to write.


And I'll bet this was just one of so many reasons why Ginger came into your life...

Still thinking of you Peg...and I'm sending more hugs your way...:hug1


----------



## TinysMom

What is amazing - is that since Saturday - I've not bawled my eyes out every day about her.

I've shed tears sometimes.....I've teared up when I look at her photos or think of her.

But the ache isn't so strong. The void isn't filled....I've tried tofill it by having other bunnies on the desk, etc - but I still miss her.

Still yet....I think I'm coming to a level of acceptance....that Ican't bring her back...that she's not in pain now...and that I can goon without her.

I found out this week that my family was seriously worried I'd have abreakdown around week one of when she passed away....and I think - Ialmost got to that point. I was sinking back into the depression thatI've fought most of my adult life.

But I'm doing much better now. I do tear up sometimes - but I also smile. 

Peg


----------



## Bassetluv

You know, I had been reading a book that I'dpurchased recently when I went through that very stressful week withRaph...where I almost lost him, where I almost had him euthanized. Justthe anticipation that something could happen to Raph at any moment wastearing me apart, as was wondering if I was doing the right thing forhim. And when I got to the end of the book I found that it helped megreatly in dealing with the inevitablegrief that accompanieslosing someone so close to you, whether it is a human or an animal.

The book was written by the father of an 11-yr-old boy who'd beendiagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer. They fought the disease fortwo years, but it persisted...every time they'd make progress with onetumor, another would appear. The entire family was suffering immensely,knowing that their son, Taylor, wasn't going to make it...but at thevery end of the book, when it describes his actual passing, the griefand sorrow was greatly overshadowed by something beautiful.

The father sat on his son's bedroom floor, cradling Taylor for 3 daysas he slowly slipped away. During this time Taylor was sometimes lucid,sometimes not, as he was so heavily sedated to try and ward off thephysical pain...but in his lucid moments would talk to his dad. Then onthe third morning the father woke up to hear his son talking to him,and he began to respond...but realized that Taylor wasn't talking tohim. He wasn't concious, but he was having a conversationwith Jesus. I don't recall word for word what was said now, but it wentsomething like this:

'Hi!'

'Okay...I will'

'Then I'll see you soon, right?'

'Alright...goodbye for now'

After this Taylor became silent, and then a few hours later he began having another, more brief, conversation:

'Hi again!'

'Okay'

'Yes, I'm ready'

Then Taylor stopped talking...a smile appeared on his face...and he passed away.

This is how I believe it to be for all of us when our timecomes...animals, humans, good, bad, and otherwise...it is an amazingjourney back to our true home. And while those who cross over leavebehind an enormous wake of grief and pain in their loved ones, it issuch a comfort to know that they are now truly whole again, that theyare enveloped with a blanket of pure love when they go, and that theydo wait for us at the other side of 'the rainbow bridge'. I think ofall the loved ones I've lost over the years, and the pain of course isthere whenever I find myself missing them, but in knowing that theirtransition is so beautiful, I am deeply comforted.

I hope this helps in some way, Peg...and it's so good to hear that you can smile once again...:hug2:


----------



## TinysMom

I just have to share that I made it a whole week without breaking down and weeping over GingerSpice. That is a milestone!

I still tear up when I think about her or when I see herpictures....and I've shed a few tears over her at times. But not theweeping where all I can do is sit and bawl my eyes out.

I am smiling more again - I don't feel the smile in my heart yet...but at least I can smile a bit.

I suspect though - it will be a while before I laugh again....

Still yet - it is nice to see that I am healing....

Peg


----------



## Haley

Peg, Im glad to hear things are getting a little better for you. Ive been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## CrazyMike40

Hi Peg,



I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I know exactly what you aregoing through. Rabbits are such wonderful little pets and they give usso much unconditional love.

I dealt with the loss of 3 bunnies back in 2004 and it took me quitesome time to get over it. I wanted to let you know that you are in mythoughts.



Regards,



Mike


----------



## TinysMom

I know Gingerspie can't read this - and I know it won't bring her back.

But I ache for her so badly now. I have my moments when I think I'mgetting ok - and then I have days like today when all I can do is cryfor her.

Ginger....I miss you so much. I'd give anything for another hour withyou...just to be able to hold you - to feed you by hand - to give you alittle bath and clean you up and to love on you again.

There is this emptiness inside of me and none of the other bunnies even come close to filling it.

Oh Baby...why did you have to leave me so soon? Why didn't I know it would be this hard?

I wish you had fought longer...I wish you could have fought longer.

I just miss you so much tonight - I just want to hold you in my arms and cry...

I hope you're binkying whereever you are.....and knowing that you're loved.

Mama


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

:bigtears:

Peg, I am so sorry you are having a very difficult time. You're in my thoughts.


----------



## nermal71

Peg I feel so bad for you. Ihave been told by many that the Rainbow bridge is just a cute littlestory. And I know it is. But as aChristian I have to believe that the wonderful amazing God who createdus and all creatures would not just let an animal die and go into anonexistance. I believe that as he loves ALL the creatures hemade he has to have a spot in heaven for them too. So nomaybe it's not the rainbow bridge but I think he's got a spot for themtoo. And it does get easier hon. One dayyou will realize that you're able to think of your baby withoutcrying. On Jan 27, 2006 ( 2 days after my birthday)I had to help my beloved Baby Bootsie my disabled kitty togo. And I cried andcried. There were so many things her and I did and time spenttogether. She slept under the covers at my feeteverynight. But she was fixed at 6 weeksold. Way too young and she never had a chance. Shewas awesome. But at just short of 7 years old I hadto let her go. And I held her and cried and gave herpermission to go as the vet gave her the shot. Andfor many days I would cry at just the thought of her, or the site ofthe spot where I found her dying that last day. Or the siteof her fleece remnant that she so loved. But itslowly got better. I still miss her terribly somedays. But I know she is pain free now and that was not thecase for the last 5 months of her life. I am ashamed it tookme that long to let her go. But now as I look at the portraitwe had done of her I can smile. For you see it's my belovedBoo done in oil pastels. There she sits a gorgeous orangetabby with a halo and wings. I know thatshe is in heaven for she is one of God's creatures.


----------



## TinysMom

I just have to share that this week I did something special in GingerSpice's honor.

I submitted to the publisher the book that she helped me write. For 30days during November, the NaNoWriMo project (National Novel WritingMonth), GingerSpice sat on my desk for hours every day in herbasket....keeping me company as I wrote my first novel.

The goal for NaNoWriMo is a 50,000 word novel in a month - GingerSpice and I went over 55,000 words before the month was done.

I'd write a few paragraphs and give her a treat - or give her a drinkfrom her water bottle - or pet her - or move her around in her basket abit. (She'd then move herself right back the way she wanted to be).Then I'd write some more.

When GingerSpice died - I wasn't sure if I could go on...if I couldfinish the story. She will be in book two of the series - when there isa rabbit rescue set up and a specail needs bunny comes in. Of course,she was going to LIVE and survive in the book. (She is actually goingto pass away now in the book and it will be a major life event in thelife of the character).

Last weekend Art &amp; I talked and he said it would be a shame forme to give up this dream just because GingerSpice wasn't here to egg meon. He felt like I should go for it.

So GingerSpice....I did it honey. Mama did it to honor you. 

The book is submitted....the first four chapters...the plot synopsis and the series synopsis. 

Now I need to finish the book - without you here. But I can do it. Imay cry every day at first when I sit down to write - but I'm not goingto give up the dream that you helped inspire in me. For 30 days youkept me company every day and you'd get excited when we'd sit down atmy desk. You knew the fruit loops and other treats were coming alongwith the good food....and you'd smile at me and just love on me.

Thank you Ginger....for keeping me going during November. I'll finishthe book - even if it is never published - I'll finish it - in honor ofyou....my very sweet "heart-bunny".

Mama


----------



## Kala_Bunga

This is a wonderfull tribute to littleGingerSpice.It reminds me alot of when I lost my Paxy.I lost my hollandlop 3 yrs ago and the pain has yet to diminish,but your tribute hassome what comforted me.I my self am not sure what happens when a bun oranything has passed away-I am undescided.Maybe your bun and other bunsthat have passed away are busy hopping around and playing with eachother,maybe its like sleeping or like your at rest.But what everhappens when a bun passes away I do believe that they are out of painand suffering,but it is true-we are not.We will always feel the pain ofthere loss-always.3 yrs later when ever I see a block bunny-especiallya black holland lop I burst out bawling.I dont think that the pain evergoes completly away but at first I think its more grief and sufferingfor the ones that have loved the bun and after a while it turns into acelebration of there life or a collage of all your fondest memorieswith your bun.I am sorry that this has hapened to you and I know mywords cannot comfort you for the amount of pain that you are feeling isvery strong.
Samantha and Buns.


----------



## JimD

ray:


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

Peg, I'm so glad that Ginger's inspiration has helped you to finish this important project.:kiss:


----------



## katt

*If tomorrow starts without me,

And I'm not there to see,*

_*If the sun should rise*_

_*and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;*_

_*I wish so much you wouldn't cry*_

_*the way you did today,*_

_*While thinking of the many things,*_

_*we didn't get to say.*_

_*I know how much you love me,*_

_*As much as I love you! ,*_

_*And each time that you think of me,*_

_*I know you'll miss me too;*_

_*But when tomorrow starts without me,*_

_*Please try to understand,*_

_*That an angel came and called my name,*_

_*And took me by the hand,*_

_*And said my place was ready,*_

_*In heaven far above,*_

_*And that I'd have to leave behind;*_

_*All those I dearly love.*_

_*But as I turned to walk away,*_

_*A tear fell from my eye*_

_*For all my life,*_

_*I'd always thought,*_

_*I didn't want to die.*_

_*I had so much to live for,*_

_*So much left yet to do,*_

_*It seemed almost impossible,*_

_*That I was leaving you.*_

_*I thought of all the yesterdays,*_

_*The good ones and the bad,*_

_*I thought of all the love we shared,*_

_*And all the fun we had.*_

_*If I could relive yesterday,*_

_*Just even for a while,*_

_*I'd say good-bye and kiss you,*_

_*And maybe see you smile.*_

_*But then I fully realized,*_

_*That this could never be,*_

_*For emptiness and memories,*_

_*Would take the place of me.*_

_*And when I thought of worldly things,*_

_*I might miss come tomorrow,*_

_*I thought of you, and when I did,*_

_*My heart was filled with sorrow.*_

_*But when I walked through heaven's gates,*_

_*I felt so much at home.*_

_*When God looked down and smiled at me,*_

_*From His great golden throne,*_

_*He said, "This is eternity,*_

_*And all I've promised you."*_

_*Today your life on earth is past,*_

_*But here life starts anew.*_

_*I promise no tomorrow,*_

_*But today will always last,*_

_*And since each day's the same way,*_

_*There's no longing for the past.*_

_*You have been so faithful,*_

_*So trusting and so true.*_

_*Though there were times you did some things,*_

_*You knew you shouldn't do.*_

_*But you have been forgiven,*_

_*and now at last you're free.*_

_*So won't you come and take my hand,*_

_*and share my life with me?*_

_*So when tomorrow starts without me,*_

_*don't think we're far apart,*_

_*For every time you think of me,*_

_*I'm right here, in your heart*_


----------



## TinysMom

Thanks Katt. I asked her to post the poem here after reading it in Wildfire's thread...

Peg


----------



## SOOOSKA

It's a lovely poem I had tears reading it.

Susan:angelandbunny:


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

Ditto to that Susan. (Didn't wanna hijack) While reading it I kept thinking BunBun, BunBun, BunBun.


----------



## Echo

Hi peg, i'm so sorry for your loss, I've just readyour threadnow.
I dont know if you've ever read this or not, but it always helps me in dealing with loss.

Even if you just read the 'story' the angel tells, and dont reallybelieve in the rainbow bridge part, it is still really touching.

I hope it helps you in your grief in some way.
Just always remember that yourtears are healing ray:

*Choosing Tears:*


[align=left]The little kitten stopped.
Behind him, other kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the
warm sunshine.
It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness
of the pond's water, he could see his mommy.
And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he
jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image
danced away in the ripples.
_"Mommy!"_ he cried.
_"Is something wrong?"_ The little kitten turned around.
A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with
love.
The little kitten sighed and walked out of the water.
_"There's been a mistake,"_ he said. _"I'm not supposed to be here."_
He looked back at the water.
It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back.
_"I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't
supposed to come here yet."_ [/align]

[align=left]The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass.
The little kitten climbed into her lap.
It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he
started to purr.
He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.
_"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy
knows it deep down in her heart,"_ the lady said.
The little kitten sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg.
_"But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."_
_"That I was sick?"_
That surprised the little kitten.
No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was
sleeping.
All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or
how big he was getting.
_"No, not that you were sick,"_ the lady said.
_"But you see, they chose tears."_
_"No, they didn't,"_ the little kitten argued. Who would choose to cry?
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel
safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy.
_"Let me tell you a story,"_ the lady said.
The little kitten looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats, dogs, rabbits, horses and even some smaller pets.
They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:[/align]

[align=left][/align]

[align=left]A long, long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were
lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first
window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys
and sporting events. [/align]

[align=left]"Here are things you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.
But after a time some Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love
them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all
sorts of wild animals.
"Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals.
"You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.


Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal reserves, some just
had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time many came back to the
Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back.
We want to be loved in return."
So the Angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people
walking around, hurrying places.
"Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
"You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.


But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us
and left. They broke our hearts."
The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
"You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and
hurried to look out.
Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and lizards
and hamsters and ferrets.
The other Loving Ones hurried over.
"What about these?" they asked.
But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
"Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
"But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the Angel was very upset.
"You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and
picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the
animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a
warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care.
They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled
with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.[/align]

[align=left][/align]

[align=left]"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time. "They are so
dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to out
live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded.
"That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
"You have chosen Tears," he whispered.


_"So it is,"_ the kind lady told the kitties.
_"And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart,
they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
_The little kitten sat up_. "So why do they take us in?"_ he asked.
_"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh."_ The little kitten got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge
of the pond.
His mommy was still there and still crying.
_"Will she ever stop crying?"_ he asked the kind lady.
She nodded_. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing how
much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them
special."_
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers.
"He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here.
_Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and
shared love.
And the promise of love once again.
As your mommy cries, she is healing. It may take a long while, but the tears
will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile
when she thinks of you.
And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."_
_"But then she will cry again one day,"_ the little kitten said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet.
_"No, she will love again. That is all she will think about." 
"Look,"_ she said. _"The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"_
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little kitten wasn't ready to
leave his mommy.
_"Will I ever get to be with her again?"
_The kind lady nodded.
_"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the purr of
every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit
will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon,
you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for
when it's her turn to come."
"I would like that,"_ the little kitten said and took one long look at
his mommy.
He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered
the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
_"I love you, Mommy,"_ he whispered. _"It's okay if you cry."_
He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing and laughing with the
butterflies.
_"Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."
_Then he turned and raced after the others.[/align]
Auther Unknown.


----------



## TinysMom

Oh sweetie - I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

I don't cry as much. You'd be so pleased.....I am doing better. I still tear up when I talk about you or think about you...but I'm almost able to get on with my life.

I wish you could've met Amy when she came here for a bit. She and I sat and talked about bunnies and stuff and just having her here and having her to talk to - made me realize that the quality of my life had gone downhill since you left - but that it wasn't just affecting me - it was affecting me - and dad - and the other buns. I realized that I was back in "barely functioning" mode again...because I wanted to shut down and stop hurting so badly.

I'm sure you remember Pow Wow...we call her "Princess Pow Wow" now. Well, she is helping me to deal with the grief....not that it was in her plan I'm sure! She got sick with GI Stasis and wry neck and let me tell you - she is EVERY BIT as stubborn as you are. I almost felt you smiling down on her the day she pee'd on daddy when he was trying to make her take some fluids. She got the same smug smile on her face that you always gave me.....

I know she isn't you - and she NEVER will be you. But I think I'm finally accepting her as a "heart bunny" for now - even if she goes back and forth between hating me and loving me. I hope you don't mind - but somehow - I think I feel your approval at times. Today when I held her and rubbed her ears and stuff and she gave me tooth purrs.....it just felt like you were there - in the room - right at that moment. I almost felt like I heard you saying to me, "its ok mommy....let go of the pain...and love again."

So honey - I'm choosing to love again. I'm scared 'cause I know its gonna hurt too.....

But I'm so tired of feeling numb....I'm tired of aching all the time. I can't bring you back - and I can't join you (yet)...

So go on and keep on binkying with R2 and all the other bunnies from here that have gone on to join you (give Stinky butt extra hugs for me - ok?)....and know that I love you dearly - even if I am willing to try and love again.

Now I must go back....Pow Wow is running laps around my bed to get some energy...she already scared the dog out of the room....now I need to make sure she doesnt' try and destroy the bed or something...

*Mama*


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## TinysMom

Babydoll...you've been gone six months. It seems hard to believe how long it has been since I held you - since you peed on me and then smiled and winked at me. So much has happened.

I still miss you and I still cry...but not as often and not as long.

Sport has babies and one of them is a tort with white on its nose. I almost cried when Robin was playing with it the other day and said, "Look...it looks almost like Ginger!"...and I realized she was right. I never realized just how much I loved your little mismarked nose and your white paws.

I miss you so much - but right now - words just feel so inadequate...I feel so numb at thinking about how long you've been gone.

So I'll close this by saying, "Mama loves you baby....binky free and know I'll see you again someday."

Mama


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## TinysMom

Dear GingerSpice,

I'm not sure I'm going to keep her - but I wanted to share a picture of GingerSnap here. I haven't played with her much to see her personality but she reminds us so much of you with her snip of white on the nose.









I think the test will be to see if she pees on me when I hold her......

I miss you sweetie. I've had so many losses and losing Pow Wow recently hurt so bad. It didn't hurt quite as bad as missing you - partly because I was able to picture you & Pow Wow and R2 all binkying together and sharing stories about how often you got to pee on mama.

Tell Pow Wow mama is sorry I wasn't there for her when she passed. And tell her I love her.....

Give R2 hugs for me as best you can...

and most of all - know mama misses you and you can never be replaced....

and you will always be remembered....

But this little girl sure does make me think of you.....

Mama


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## timetowaste

forgive this for being so late, but i just recently joined the forum. 

what a BEAUTIFUL tribute to your bun!!!!!! i blow a kiss to gingerspice, where ever she may be now. she must have been a bright light in your life, and will continue to be. but, you know that.

i had to tell you how beautiful that was. i teared up. i just got my first bun 2 weeks ago, and i only hope he is to me what gingerspice is to you.


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## TinysMom

Oh Ginger....I'm missing you so badly this weekend. I want to cry and cry - but no matter how much I cry - it doesn't bring you back.

I dreamt about you this afternoon. I dreamt that you were snuggled in my arms while I was napping...and when I woke up - you weren't there. The ache over missing you was so hard...I wanted to bury my head in the pillow and cry.

I think part of my grief and loss is because after talking to Randy last night - I am totally convinced that you had EC....and that we could have extended your life with the right treatment. Of course - I don't know that we could've improved the quality of your life....but I could've (selfishly) still had you here with me.

It looks like Minnie has developed or is developing EC. Compared to her - dealing with you was a piece of cake. She tears me up and fights me whenever I try to do anything with her. Try to get her to sit in a basket on my desk? HA HA HA. Fortunately - she's still too healthy for that and we're just now catching the EC...as in....she's barely shown the symptoms but we're seeing them.

Oh baby girl....I love you so much. I want you HERE....NOW. I want you as part of my life... not part of my memories.

But that would be selfish of me - wouldn't it? To take you away from where you can binky free....to come here and live in a basket...just so I could love on you? 

So mama will close this and go have a cry...and know that you're in a better place. Mama loves you so much.....I hope you know that.

Mama


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## JadeIcing

*hugs*

Oh Peg I want so bad to give you a real hug. To let you cry, scream whatever you need.


----------



## Sealy

*warm gentle hug*
Love to you Peg. 


~Sealy


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## TinysMom

Thanks folks. The "what ifs" are driving me up the wall right now.

What if.....we'd gotten a good diagnosis....

What if....we'd known it was EC....and we could've treated it.

What if....Ginger was still alive...would she be in pain? Or would she have a good quality of life?

My biggest regret is that a vet didn't see her. When I called them to talk to them - both vets felt like she must've had a stroke and felt like there was little they could do for her. When I talked to them about what I was doing for supportive care - they said that they felt that was the best thing for her and offered to put her down for me when the time came.

EC was never mentioned - by them - or by me. I thought that EC = head tilt. I didn't know her symptoms were symptoms of EC.....I don't know if I'm making sense.

I keep thinking, "What if I'd pushed for more information from somewhere..".

My one consolation is that Ginger was not in pain...she just was disabled for the last few months of her life. I'm not sure that extending her life - such as it was - would've been made her happier. Maybe it would have....maybe it wouldn't have.

But now I have Minnie - who hates me (and all others) with a passion and does her best to claw us all up out of fear.....and Minnie appears to have the very very beginning stages of EC.

She might hate me - but I won't give up on her....and we WILL fight this now that we know what it is like.

I want to hold GingerSpice so bad. I want to hear her say (in her rabbit way) that she forgives me for not doing the most for her....that I did what I could as I could. I wish I could understand why the vets didn't suspect EC when I talked to them and I just have so much confusion and anger right now.

Basically - I want my girl back.

Losing Pow Wow and some of the others I've lost - I know I did my best - I know I did the most I could.

But with GingerSpice - I failed her. I let her down. And I don't know if I can really forgive myself for that.

Peg


----------



## JimD

*TinysMom wrote: *


> But with GingerSpice - I failed her. I let her down



no


----------



## Bassetluv

(((Peg)))

You know, and I know, that the *what ifs* will eventually tear you apart. Not long after I had Raph euthanized, someone posted in the disabled bunny forum, something about what they'd been doing with their disabled rabbit, and they claimed it made a world of difference in the quality of the rabbit's life. And of course after reading this, I began filling my thoughts with *what ifs*...what if I'd explored further options with Raph? What if I'd managed to find a vet who knew much more about rabbits than my own did? What if I'd researched more, dug further, kept pushing for better answers....perhaps Raph could have had a better quality of life, perhaps even improved somewhat. And perhaps the pain he'd been experiencing in his shoulders - muscle spasms - could have been controlled. And of course, I began to wonder if I'd quit on him far too soon. In short, I began thinking as you...that I'd failed him somehow.

But I will tell you what I believe. Everything..._everything_...happens for a reason, and everything happens just as it is supposed to, _when_ it is supposed to. Your Gingerspice knew more love in her life than thousands of other rabbits out there. She knew more love than many humans will know in their entire lifetimes. Thedetermination of how good one's life is - be you human, rabbit, or any other sentient being - isnot measured in years, or months, or weeks...it is measured in how well we have loved while we are here. And for Ginger, her cup ran over with it. You gave her that. And I can guarantee you that she would not want you to be suffering, missing her in pain, beating yourself up over *what ifs*. She came here to be with you, and she left when she knew it was time. You provided exactly what she needed, and you were there when she left...you gave her an exquisite gift of being there for her, and of allowing her to leave peacefully. And now, I suspect that she is guiding you to be there for others. You might not feel quite the same *heart pull* to others that you have with Ginger, but I bet if you look closely into their eyes, you will see a glimmer of something special...you will know that she has guided them to you. Just knowing that Ginger was part of your life should tell you something...for she is as much a part of your soul as you are...she was an extremely special, wonderful spirit, and so are you. And she wants you to see that, feel it, and embrace it...don't ever doubt yourself with *what ifs*...instead, acknowledge just how much love you have to share, and know that your love is intertwined with Ginger's...and what a gift that will be to others who will be coming your way.

Bless you both,

~Di - and Raph


----------



## TinysMom

Jim & Di,

Thank you for your comments. They make sense and they sort of help - but to be honest with you - I STILL find myself with a bad case of the "what ifs". I can't help it - I do try to think about other things. But in my heart, I still believe that I let GingerSpice down.

There is a part of me that keeps saying, "You say God is sovereign and you believe He can do anything.....so by questioning this you're basically saying that He wasn't powerful enough to stop her death or He didn't know what He was doing..."....and of course that bothers me.

I think I'm just still struggling over realizing what she did have....and now having another rabbit that has it (ec). 

Its funny - I've lost other rabbits in the last couple of years (since I started breeding)....and there have been some where it was a relief to see them pass since I knew they were so ill. Even with Pow Wow....there is a sense of "I did everything" and while I miss her like crazy....I can handle it.

But in Ginger's case....I don't think I'll ever really "accept" her death. Move on....yes. Love others....yes. 

But when she died - its almost like she took a piece of me that I just can't get back....

I think one thing that hurts the most is to know that EC usually comes on due to stress, etc. and that she started showing the signs of EC after I bred her and when she was about to wean her babies. 

Did I ever mention I still have one of her sons here? He has bad teeth and needs them trimmed a lot....maybe I'll post a picture of him soon. We've started calling him "Ginson" for Ginger's son....

Anyway - I do appreciate the comments. I really try to not post on her much - but sometimes the ache just gets so bad. Its like if I can let it spew over and post....it helps to lessen the pain a bit.

And Di - I so often think of Raph and how hard it was for you. I don't know how many times I've gone to your posts about him and reread them. I loved him from the very first time you posted about him....I miss him so much.

I wonder if he and Ginger binky together sometimes - know what I mean? If she goes..."oh...you're that big eared bunny mama always talked about...".

Peg


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## ellissian

Peg, please don't keep tearing yourself apart with the 'what ifs'. It will not do you any good, and most importantly it cannot bring Ginger back 

I know we all go through the same stage, I will not allow myself to keep going round everything over and over again. Don't get me wrong the thoughts pop in my head every single day but I block them out so I don't keep on hurting myself anymore than I already do. I know its hard......

Ginger was your heart bunny as Milly was mine, he stole a piece of my heart when he left me too. And personally I think it helps to post about how we are feeling, it kind of helpsto work things out. You still have a part of Ginger that lives on in her son, I have nothing left of Milly. I may get a sibling if his mother has more litters, but it wouldnt really be part of him. I don't think I'm making much sense, I hope you understand what I mean.

Take Care.....ink iris:


----------



## PixieMillyMommy

[align=center]










[/align]


----------



## TinysMom

I have tears in my eyes - but I'm not weeping. I'm smiling through my tears.

I was reading an old old thread from shortly after I got you baby....and I read the following story.

I remembered how Tiny got the name "The BunFather" because he would break up potential fights. I remembered how you would run behind him for protection and he would defend you.

However...I didn't remember how you LEARNED to do that...how you got disciplined by Tiny before you learned to run behind him.

Here is the story babygirl...

I want to share a flemish story for those whomay be considering getting a flemish at some point in time (because I know this thread will get bumped for them).

I currently have a Flemish, 2 Netherland Dwarfs, 2 lionheads and a very young Holland Lop. I know that sometimes people may wonder about having a flemish with smaller rabbits.

A few weeks ago, one of the dwarfs was irritating the cat - and she was hissing and growling at the bunny because he'd cornered her.I went to break it up - but before I could get there - Tiny was between the dwarf and the cat...he wouldn't let her near the dwarf and when the dwarf would try to get around him for the cat...he'd put his head on the dwarf and stop him. I really think he was trying to protect the rabbit who was being too idiotic for his own good. (This cat is usually fine - but if she gets cornered..she gets scared).

Today, the female lionhead was upset at the lop because she remembered something he did last night to her (or so I think). She was chasing him when Tiny came over to her and put his head on hers and made her submit and leave the lop alone. She got away from him after a bit and tried to chase the lop again...and once again, Tiny stepped in. I was amazed because twice I watched him stop her....the second time I even told my family! 

Oh Ginger - I had forgotten that. You learned to run BEHIND Tiny because he showed you how to behave and you knew he would defend you too. 

I miss you so much. I miss holding you and talking to you. But I have memories like this and they help me smile - through the tears. 

I love you baby. Binky w/ Puck and BEHAVE YOURSELF till Tiny can get there to make y'all behave...ok?

Mama


----------



## jupiterannette

Your story was very touching. im in tears. forgive me for being late.

I know how you felt. last october, my Ginger a blue flemmie past away, with no warning.
all day at work i had this awefull stomach ache, i was turned over in pain... my boss sent me home.

when i got home my friend who was staying with me at the time, had just gotten home moments before and noticed my girl not moving. she met me at the door and told me. I couldnt believe it, i ran and held her crying, i panicked imediatly tried to revive her with bunny CPR.... (it doesnt work) she was gone, and she had to go alone, and that was the most horrible thing in the world for me. My stomach stoped hurting. she had a blockage. she was trying to tell me. she was my baby. at took me a year to get another flemmie, and even cami, who is her own individual, will never be ginger. but the cuddling helps.

im glad you were able to hold her while she passed. so she wasnt alone, or scared.

i think of my ginger everyday, so belive me when i say.. It hurts.

even now a year later... it hurts.
but smiling on there memory and the good times, is always the best comfort.

im sorry for your pain.
im happy for your love.


----------



## TinysMom

Ginger baby - you have no idea how much I wish you were here right now. I miss you so much.

I'm getting ready for NaNoWriMo again....only this time there is no bunny in a basket to sit on my desk and encourage me. Its just me....and I miss you so much.

You're going to be in book #2 - just like I promised you that you would be. You'd smile up at me and wink while I'd be writing and tell you what I had written....as if you knew that I would go ahead and write book two and you'd be remembered.

But I came to a realization this morning as I was thinking about the book...I can't have you die in it. I don't think I can take your death a second time. It was going to be your death that put Abby over the edge...that made her realize that she needed to go into wildlife rescue (between your death and then trying to rescue cottontails that someone brought her). 

But I just can't do it....I can't have you die. You'll be sick in the book and Abby will take care of you....but you're going to live - at least until book #3. 

Others will pass away in the book - but I think it is going to be your LIFE that inspires Abby...not your death. It is your life that will give her hope and courage to go on....just as the memory of your short life gives me the courage to go on with my writing. 

You'd be proud of me though - SugarBear will be in this buck and Puck is gonna be in this book. Why - Drew will probably even be in this book...and Stan will talk about how she loves to "sneakses". I'm thinking that maybe Stan will fall in love with her spunkiness and want to adopt her...or maybe Craig will adopt her since he knows Abby loves her...I don't know yet.

I'm still working on the details baby...but I want you to know that the memory of our time together last year for NaNoWriMo is inspiring me to go on and continue reaching for my dream....

Mama


----------



## TinysMom

Mama did it baby. You're in book two - in chapter three. I introduce you as Abby's special bunny...and you're staying with Kate right now. Your story will get told...I promise.

I just wish you'd held out until I could write this book..that was SUPPOSED to be our deal.

Oh well...mama loves you anyway and when I go to write about you in the book - I'll be looking at your photos and smiling.

Mama


----------



## TinysMom

Some may say I'm crazy....but baby girl - I could swear you came to me in a dream last night.

Yesterday was an awful, horrible, very bad day. I was alone when I went to bed 'cause dad & Robin went up to help Eric with the car and stuff....and I read for a little bit and then I fell asleep.

In my dream, you were laying in the crook of my arms, napping with me. You chattered away to me again...about how everything would be ok...and you had that sweet sing-song voice of yours. I remember telling you how much I missed you...and Pow Wow and Puck and SugarBear and Drew and as I'd start to say a name, you'd comeplete it and say, "I know mommy...". It seemed like everything I said - you were ready to finish it and tell me you knew.

I was crying and told you I was so tired and you told me to rest.....and I laid my head down.

When I woke up, my arms were in the same position as when I used to wrap them around you when we napped together...and my skin felt warm....as if someone had been there.

Were you with mommy? All I know is I cried for a bit and said, "I miss you GingerSpice....I miss you so much" and I felt like in the back of my mind I heard you say...

..."I know mommy. I know."

Aw baby....what I would give to have you back with me again. I thought it would get easier ...that I wouldn't grieve so bad...and I've gotten to the point where not all my days are bad.

But I miss you so much. Binky free baby....binky free. And know mama loves you.


----------



## AngelnSnuffy

Oh Peg. Your stories are so touching and so very sweet. My thoughts are with you.

I hope I get a dream too.:hug:


----------



## The BUNFATHER

GingerSpice,

Mom said it was ok for me to come into her thread for you and post. So I thought I'd go ahead and write to you today.

I miss you Ginger....I miss you lots. I've gone through a depression this year and mom was worried about me for a bit. 

I'm doing better though. I was really lonely and mom was worried about me and she convinced Miss Bea to move in with me. I'm living in Eric's old bedroom (mom calls it the "office" now). Mom thought about having me move into her bedroom - but that made me so sad because we used to live there together. It seemed like everyplace I looked - I had memories of you and I'd look up at mom with sad eyes and make her miss you too.

So I moved into this room and mom moved her computer into this room and just a bit ago, Miss Bea moved in with me.

I hope you won't be upset - but it was so nice to have someone to groom me again and someone to snuggle with me. I asked Miss Bea to marry me.

I know - you and I were going to be together forever and we made promises to each other. I tried to live without a bondmate after you left...but it just got too lonely.

Miss Bea and I talk about you often. I know you two were best friends and you even agreed to share me at one point because Miss Bea was still a breeder bunny but liked to snuggle sometimes. We talk about the times how the three of us would snuggle together and then break up before mom could get the camera to take pictures of us. Only now....we wish we'd let her get one picture of the three of us together.

Bea hasn't said "yes" yet - but she hasn't said "no" either. She is thinking about it and taking her time to decide. I think she's concerned about a couple of things...like our age difference (she's over 3 and I'll be 2 next month) and I think she knows that you were my first love - and at one time I felt you were my only true love. I think she wants to know I really love her for her beautiful self and not just because I'm lonely.

Last night as we cuddled together, Miss Bea and I talked about you a lot. We overslept and mom kinda walked in on us. When we got back together again - Miss Bea was telling me how she'd dreamed we got married and you were there to binky at our wedding. Funny thing is......mom had told me that she had a dream we were having a celebration and she felt you there - and binkying too. I like it when you come to mom in her dreams 'cause then she snuggles with me and tells them to me.

Well, I better close this - I need to nudge mom and give her a reminder that Bea and I would like some carrots and cilantro this morning for a special breakfast. But I love you GingerSpice. For a while after you left - my heart was broken and I moped all the time. But I'm getting better....and somehow, I think you'd be pleased to know that Miss Bea and I might become married (aka "bondmates" as humans call it). It only seems right since we're such close friends and we both loved you so much.

I'll come in here and post on my wedding day and share it with you. It should've been you & me....if only I'd known how to be faithful. But you'll always be in my heart and in Bea's heart and you'll always be a part of both of us.

Till I write to you again....:missyou

_*The BunFather*_


----------



## TinysMom

Oh Ginger...I've missed you so much lately. I keep thinking....how much I would give to have you back just for one more feeding...one more hug...even getting peed on one more time.

New Hope isn't doing well...you didn't really know him but his condition reminds me of yours in the fact that no matter what we do - he isn't getting better. Last night Robin and I made him your "smash" as I used to call it...the pellets mixed with other stuff to make them softer. I sat here feeding him today much like I used to feed you...and I cried and cried and cried. It made me all the more lonesome for you. You used to take up at least 2 hours of my day just feeding you and caring for you....and I would give anything to have even 5 minutes of that back to spend time with you.

Anyway - as I sat there holding him tonight and crying...I made up a little song...about you sort of. It's VERY loosely based on the song "Lean on me when you're not strong"...but its based on what I know my girl would've done if you'd been in my arms instead of New Hope.

"Pee on me..
...when you're not strong.
And I'll be your mom
I'll help you carry on.

For ... it won't be long
Till you'll be gone
and then there won't be anyone
to pee on mom..."

It continues on with...

"You gotta pee on your mama...
when you get a chance.
We all know that mama
Needs to be peed on.

You gotta pee on your mama
Make it look like a dance
Cause we love to see mama
Get peed on.."

Oh sweetie - I miss you. I cry even as I laugh when I think of you - but at least I can laugh now.

I had a dream the other night - it was before Bun Bun left us. I was out in a field and I felt a nudge behind me - and there you were with Drew. The two of you girls looked at me and I swear you were laughing. I reached down to pet Drew (you got out of my way) and the next thing I knew - I was sitting on the ground and you were in my lap....long enough to pee on me one more time. Then you two girls took off hopping and I saw Drew dash under a bush and you acted like you were looking for her.

I so wanted to go with you....yes....life is getting "better" than it was when you first left. But daddy doesn't understand my grief at times and he doesn't understand why he'll walk into the office and find me in tears or tearing up. Its usually because I'm looking at your pictures.

Anyway baby girl - I miss you. I love you dearly and I think of you often.

Mama


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## TinysMom

Oh babydoll...I made it through Christmas without you. I thought of you so much.

Somehow, I feel like you came and talked to New Hope darlin. He's taken a MAJOR turn for the better. I didn't think he'd make it till Christmas - but since Christmas, I can tell he's starting to gain weight and he's starting to sit up again. He was in your basket today in my bedroom and he kept trying to get out of the basket. 

Did you tell him mama needed him a bit longer? I don't really know - all I know is that now he has the will to live....and I'm so happy about that. He's eating like a little piggie.....I can't believe how much he eats. He even is starting to sit up on his own more and he's really looking like he's getting healthier. 

If you talked to him - thank you baby. He started changing the day after I posted to you....I'd been afraid he was going to give up...instead - he started fighting for his life and we're fighting with him.

I miss you baby girl. Sometimes you still come to me in my dreams....and sometimes - when things are just right - it is almost like I can feel you near me....like I sense that you are just sort of checking in on me and making sure I'm ok.

I'm going to be ok baby. I will. And someday....we'll see each other again.

Happy New Years baby....do a few binkies for me too....ok?

Mama


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## TinysMom

Today was a really hard day for me. I dreamt about you early this morning - right before I woke up. You were in my arms chattering away to me about how you hated your butt baths and how much you loved your baby food and how funny it was that Dusty had peed on me and New Hope had peed on me recently - and wasn't I proud of them for following in your footsteps?

Then I awoke - and instead of having you cradled in my arms....daddy's pillow was there...empty.

I cried - no - I wept (silently so dad wouldn't think I was crazy).

I don't know - sometimes I want you to visit me in my dreams so badly - but then when you do - the ache starts all over again and my arms feel so empty. Oh baby....I want you back so badly.

And you stinker - I swear you taught those boys to pee on me...they never did that before - now New Hope pees on me and smiles - and Dusty peed on me and then looked at me like, "I wasn't supposed to do that???".

Twerp.

Be good baby....and continue coming to me in my dreams even if it means I wind up weeping when I wake up. At least I feel your presence for a short while....

Mama


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## TinysMom

A year ago right about now - I was crying my eyes out and taking a nice warm towel out of the dryer for our last nap together. I gave you something to drink - and laid down with you in my arms. I knew it would be our last nap together - I knew you would be leaving me. I remember crying and thinking that I couldn't do it....I couldn't let you go. I couldn't lose you. At times this year, I honestly thought I couldn't go on....you were so much a part of my life.

I was thinking the other day - I think I spent a minimum of 3 hours per day feeding you, giving you butt baths, brushing you, and just plain old holding you. You spent about 8 hours per day in your basket on my bed with me or on my desk. Other than using the restroom - you were my first thought every morning and my last thought every night. In the afternoons, we'd take a nice nap together and you'd doze snuggled up in my arms.

And then you left me. I know you didn't leave me because your spirit wore out. I know you didn't leave me because you wanted to leave me. You left me because your body simply could not go on any longer....and even though you tried to hold on for me - and indeed - you managed to hold on until I gave you permission to leave....I don't know that you wanted to leave me. I think you knew how much I needed you - how much you made me smile - in spite of my tears at your condition.

I'm sure my family and people on this forum would say I'm crazy - what they hay - sometimes I think I'm crazy - when I think about all the times this year when I'd take a nap and dream of you - and wake up to find myself holding a pillow in my arms - the exact way I would cuddle with you. How many times have I woken up and my arm felt warm...almost as if you WERE there with me....just like before? 

I started out by telling myself I could make it through a day....then another day...then a week. Eventually I congratulated myself that I made it a month without you. Then six weeks. A couple of times I wanted to join you - I missed you so badly and I felt so guilty for how ill you were. 

But I made it through the first year. I'm still sane....although at times some might question it. Yes, I went through a bad time. Yes - I went through one of my worst depressions and became almost non-functional for three months. But I pulled through it....and I'm here.

I still look at your pictures - I still laugh at many memories - and cry at others. I'm trying to let go of the hurt - to let go of the pain of the grieving and move on with my life. I've healed somewhat - I just have a lot further to go.

Anyway baby - happy anniversary of your "birth" into another life - that of being at Rainbow Bridge. You've gone on before me....and now you have some of your favorite playmates....Puck and SugarBear....Pow Wow ... and so many others. I bet you guys just have a blast now playing together...sometimes I picture you all hopping across the lawn like you all did when we moved here and y'all were still young. You were so full of life.

I love you baby girl. I don't know if I can ever truly let go of you ~ somehow ~ our souls just connected in such a way...you knew my secrets that I couldn't tell anyone else. 

I miss you....I want to find some good words to close this with....but I can't think of any. So I'll close with the lesson you left in my life...

"Of course you were self-aware you silly....you were a bunny! I should've known it all along...but I know it now.."

Binky free my dollbaby. Binky free.

Mama


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## TinysMom

Baby girl.....I know its been months since I've posted here - but you've been in my heart and on my mind so many times. When BunFather left - one of my thoughts was, "He's with his Ginger girl again..". 

Last night you came to me in a dream. I swear you knew I was struggling with things and Tiny told you to come send me a message. In the dream you and New Hope were playing and chasing each other and binkying. Suddenly - you were aware of my presence and you turned and looked at me and in that sing-songy voice went, "Look mommy...we're healed! We can BINKY now." 

Then you nipped New Hope on the butt - said, "Show mom how you can binky" and the two of you binkied...together...in harmony. It was beautiful. Then the dream was over.

Zin posted this today here on the bridge and it so describes my relationship with you, Tiny & New Hope....I have to post it.

[line] So this is where we part, My Friend,

And you'll run on around the bend, Gone from sight but not from mind,

New pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength,

Life measures quality, not its length.

One long embrace before you leave,

Share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,

But they be they and they aren't you.

And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought

Will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,

The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.

And as you go to your final rest,

Take with you this -- I loved you best.

[line]
Continue to binky free baby - I'll see you again someday.

Mama


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## TinysMom

I feel so stupid bumping a thread that is over a year old....when others have lost so recently. 

But I'm hurting so bad right now - I just miss you so much. My arms feel so empty - I have so much time on my hands. 

For the first time in a long while I don't have a really "handicapped" bunny to take care of - someone who needs me for at least an hour a day. 

It feels so strange...so empty.

Sure - I have all these bunnies surrounding me - but none of them NEED me - not like you did - or New Hope did or Puck - or so many others. 

Its lonely. If I sit to watch a movie or tv show - I'm all alone. I have no one to sit with me and watch it....

I get up in the morning and there is no one who needs extra attention...extra love. 

I know you're not in pain anymore and I know you're no longer suffering. But right now I'm in pain - I'm suffering at the memory of my first heart bunny that I lost.

You took a piece of me with you that I'll never get back till we meet again. 

I guess I just needed to tell you that - to acknowledge it. I needed to sit here and reread the thread - and cry once more.

Binky free my girl....binky free. 

And know that I love you (and loved you) more than I can ever express.

Oh - and give Tiny a snuggle for me - I sense the next chapter in his story coming along.


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## Striker

:rip:. It's sad when a loved one is gone, but always remember it's ok to cry.


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