# Binky Free, Totoro



## Bonsai (Aug 27, 2013)

*Totoro*

May 27th, 2013 - August 27th, 2013



























Let me start off by saying that Totoro was the sweetest little thing. He liked snuggling, after he got over his fear of hands, and he went into "bunny trances" very easily. I could just barely turn him on his little back and he's go into a trance - it was pretty funny but all the more endearing. Totoro was like puddy in your hands once you picked him up. I would sit for hours with him in my lap or tucked against my chest. He'd even seek my lap out when I let him out to run and play - it wasn't forced on him, he wanted to be there.

He liked to throw straw - and anything else he could get his little mouth on - and loved to dig. Before I brought him home, I got 2 litterboxes. A pink one and a silver one, thinking the silver one would be his. It was not to be, however, as I was seeing his reaction to the litterbox and I put the pink one in with him. Instantly, he fell in love with it and began digging determinedly in the corner of it. He didn't do that with the silver one. Little Totoro knew right away which litterbox he wanted! So he got the pink one and Heidi was given silver.

Totoro was so endearingly quirky. All the little things he did, like when he'd flick his little paws several times before washing his face. I've never seen another rabbit do that - only him.

I could go on for hours about my little man, really. I didn't have him very long but it was more than long enough to get attached. Very attached. Some of you may know that Thursday of last week, Totoro got a little overheated and began to go into stasis. I immediately brought him inside, cleaned him up, and set to caring for him.

At first there was no improvement and I couldn't take him to the vet due to my circumstances at the time, so I tried to do everything for him that I possibly could. Simethicone, belly rubs, rice sock (which he was afraid of and would only be around if I held him in my lap and put a couple blankets between him and the sock...), and TLC. Sunday he seemed to respond. He was eating hay, he was drinking water, he was pooping and peeing - but then Monday morning he just... Seemed to give up. He stopped eating, he stopped drinking water, and he stopped responding.

I tried everything to bring him back around but nothing was doing any good. I held him for hours and finally told him that if he felt like he needed to let go, he could. Totoro didn't need to suffer to make me happy. I didn't want him to hurt anymore, I didn't want him to be sick.

This morning, it seems he heard me. I had been telling him ever since he got sick that he was going to get better - I cooed to him and I encouraged him. Up until yesterday when he seemed to be giving up. Even if he's a rabbit and can't understand human speech, I do think they can understand the emotions behind our words.

I must be the worst rabbit owner ever. I feel like I failed Totoro, like I caused all of this. I feel gutted but I also feel like I don't have a right to feel that way. Totoro should have lived much longer, he should have been healthy. If I hadn't overslept that day and had taken him his frozen bottles on time, he wouldn't have gotten sick or, if I could have gotten him to the vet, he would have made it. I just... Everything feels like my fault right now. But this post isn't about me, its about the memory and dedication to little Totoro. &#9829;

I'm keeping his papers and going to get them laminated or something. I don't have anything else of "his" to keep other than his bowl. I think I want to bury his litterbox with him since he loved it so much.

RIP and Binky Free, Totoro. &#9829; I wish you could have stayed longer but you stayed long enough to take my heart and hop away with it. &#9829; I hope you're throwing all the straw and digging all the holes you can up there in Bunny Heaven.​


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## Nancy McClelland (Aug 27, 2013)

We're so sorry for your loss. Binky free little man.


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## Kittiebot (Aug 27, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss


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## Ilovemyrabbit (Aug 29, 2013)

I'm so sorry for your loss! Totoro was sooo cute! Binky free lil guy! What breed was he?


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## Bonsai (Aug 31, 2013)

Thank you guys very much. &#9829;

I had to take a break for a few days because I couldn't log on without being overcome with grief again over little Totes.  I miss him so much.

Totoro was a Netherland Dwarf, Elise.


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## Maureen Las (Sep 1, 2013)

I am so very sorry for your loss. He was darling! You are a great bunny owner and Totoro was lucky to have such a loving mom. 
I hope that you decide to bring another little ND into your life again sometime soon 
Rabbits are delicate plain and simple... like I said before many of us have been through similar situations and we can only do our best. Y:hug: you did yours.


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## Bonsai (Sep 1, 2013)

Thank you, Angie! I wish his pictures did him justice, he was the cutest little thing. I wish I had had the chance to get video footage of him playing and such - it was hilarious. He also liked to poke his nose out the mesh at me, haha. It was really silly.  I hope he knew how much I loved him.

I do plan on having another Netherland Dwarf, eventually. Right now I'm kinda wary of any pets, it still hurts too much. I'm going to give myself a few months and see how I feel, but save back my money from my new job so I can spoil my next pet.  My next bun will be inside-only, though! I'm not sure if the heat just exacerbated an already-existent condition or what, but I am not putting another bun outside - no matter what!! I'll have my room smell like a barn before I do that again.

But I do have to say he's the best rabbit I ever had. People say Netherland Dwarfs are "flighty" and "timid" but I don't exactly call it timid when your bun is trying to push things out of your hands so he can sit in your lap and be petted. 

Also thank you for your kind words, it makes me feel a lot better. For the past week, I've felt like I was a terrible bunny mom and that it was all my fault, that I didn't do enough.  You all are helping me realize I did all I could for him, and spent hours upon hours nursing him to attempt and get him better. Got peed on twice for my efforts, too lol


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## Bonsai (Sep 10, 2013)

I can't believe Totoro has been gone for 2 weeks today. Thought about him all day today. I miss you so much, Totoro. &#9829;

I saw some rabbits at the fair yesterday that looked like big versions of Totes. Made me pretty sad. I used to never see Siamese Sable rabbits of any kind and now I'm seeing them everywhere. Kinda feels like a cruel joke sometimes. 

I'm thankful I started a new, and busy, job recently. Its a great distraction from what has happened. I plan to upload some more of Totoro's pictures when I can, I've got a ton on my 3DS and phone!


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## Ilovemyrabbit (Sep 10, 2013)

I have to say again that I'm truly sorry for your loss.  I can tell that Totoro meant a lot to you. Binky fee lil guy!


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## Nancy McClelland (Sep 11, 2013)

Ditto, when they leave, they leave such a gigantic hole in our lives. I almost hate coming here to the bridge as I can't stay dry eyed and it gets me thinking of all we've had depart over the years. But, something that can bring such great joy can also bring out great sorrow. We try to just dwell on the good times and all the great, happy memories.


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## Srecko (Sep 11, 2013)

So sorry for your loss of cute Toroto.  Binky free, sweet lil guy


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