# I DON'T WANNA GO SCHOOL



## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

The title says it all.


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## Flashy (Nov 30, 2008)

But you have to, so there is no point moaning about it, just enjoy it the best you can. Sometimes it takes a while to get in the swing of something, but you will and it will be fine. Plus its coming up to one of the best times of year in school, which is Christmas, and so it should be great


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## Happi Bun (Nov 30, 2008)

Going to school and getting a good education is very important if you want to be successful in life. I know it's hard right now but it's worth it.


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## paul2641 (Nov 30, 2008)

*Happi Bun wrote: *


> Going to school and getting a good education is very important if you want to be successful in life. I know it's hard right now but it's worth it.


I totally agree. 100%


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Hey 

Why don't you want to go to school ? 

You know, If you ever need to talk i'm mostly always on msn.. even when i'm out i'm probably logged on , on my phone


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## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

Okay, I'm gonna tell you all thbis becuase I trust you and your my friends....

Basically ever since i was little when it was the christmas holidays i got into the habit of going for a wee loads and usually I got out of that habit but one time when i was like 7 i never got out of the habit and im still stuck in that habit and recenlty its got worse and i keep needing the loo loads and its horrible and i want it to stop but i cant and i just wanna be normal again and I hate it at school becuase we're not allowed to go out of lessons.

Thanks for listening that was really hard to tell you all.


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## mouse_chalk (Nov 30, 2008)

*Becca wrote: *


> Okay, I'm gonna tell you all thbis becuase I trust you and your my friends....
> 
> Basically ever since i was little when it was the christmas holidays i got into the habit of going for a wee loads and usually I got out of that habit but one time when i was like 7 i never got out of the habit and im still stuck in that habit and recenlty its got worse and i keep needing the loo loads and its horrible and i want it to stop but i cant and i just wanna be normal again and I hate it at school becuase we're not allowed to go out of lessons.
> 
> Thanks for listening that was really hard to tell you all.


Becca is that what's been going on this whole time? Is this what makes you feel sick? Have you told your parents? :hug::hug:


Edit: I took out the sub-title because Becca asked me to- she was just upset at the time...


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## NorthernAutumn (Nov 30, 2008)

I just wanted to let you know Becca, that I usually really have to go really bad when I'm feeling anxious. 
If you are feeling anxious these days, I can see why you feel like you have to go often. 
I don't know if you can tell your teacher this or not... if they seem like an understanding person, I'm sure they would know that you aren't just goofing off by going to the loo.
:hug:


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## pinksalamander (Nov 30, 2008)

To be honest, its just one of those things. Habits are hard to get out of. In a way, you are kinda lucky. I mean, in order to stop a habit you need to try and stop yourself doing it. That can be really difficult on its own, but if you go to school, and someone _else _is telling you you can't do it then there is really no way you can get around it. Its like a smoker being locked in a room with no cigarettes. There is physical no way to do it, so its easier to kick the habit.

Also, I know its impossible for me to say, but please please go to school. Its one of those things that people always tell you and you never really believe, but seriously its so much more important than you could ever think and then you get to where I am and get stuck because you made silly mistakes and ignored what everyone said to you, thinking you were invincible.

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## Happi Bun (Nov 30, 2008)

Using the bathroom frequently can actually be a medical problem... bladder infection I believe? However, you can feel the urge to go pee frequently without having an infection. For example, sometimes I get that problem and I'm not sure why. It can be very annoying. I empty my bladder and then a few mins after I get the urge again, but the second time I only go a little bit. So now I ignore it when I get the urge right after and it goes away. I think for me it's a mental thing. 

Heh... sorry if thats too much information.


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## Flashy (Nov 30, 2008)

Like I said, I think it is anxiety based. You don't go regularly during the night, and so if it was a physical need you would be getting up in the night. I do think you need help to tackle these problems though.


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## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

Don't worry Fran, i will go to school - I would be too scared to scive LOL!

I don't think this thing is causing the feeling sick becuase i would of been feeling sick since I was 7 or whatever age it was the habit stopped 'stopping'.

But it has got worse and I just do NOT like it one bit....


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## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

*Happi Bun wrote: *


> Using the bathroom frequently can actually be a medical problem... bladder infection I believe? However, you can feel the urge to go pee frequently without having an infection. For example, sometimes I get that problem and I'm not sure why. It can be very annoying. I empty my bladder and then a few mins after I get the urge again, but the second time I only go a little bit. So now I ignore it when I get the urge right after and it goes away. I think for me it's a mental thing.
> 
> Heh... sorry if thats too much information.


Yeah thats what happens most of them time but sometimes i go alot then a couple of mins later I go LOOOAADS again, then another 2 mins later i go LOOOAAADS again, this can go on from half an hour to 2 hours.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

Hey hun, 

Just try talking to you're parents. They can give you a note and the school HAS to let you out when you need to. Their not allowed to say no. 

If you're parents say no to writing the note or you forget. Leave class and tell the administraition what's going on and that you NEED to go to the washroom when you ask and you cannot wait for when their ready to let you.

It worked for me.


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## pinksalamander (Nov 30, 2008)

Maybe you need to train yourself. Do pelvic floor muscles help with all that wee-holding stuff? (Cos you can see I just don't know what to call it). Maybe you could train yourself to have better control over your pelvic floor and that might help you hold it for longer, whilst you tackle the mental part of the problem.

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## bat42072 (Nov 30, 2008)

there are many medical problems it could be... besides other things... If you had not told your parents then you need to ... and maybe they will take you to the doctor so the can find out what is causing it... there is medicines that can help out ..


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## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

But I'd be too embarrased passing round a note like that :?


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## Elf Mommy (Nov 30, 2008)

Actually, I have a relative who is now on some anxiety medication because she needed to use the bathroom when she was nervous. Whenever she went somewhere, she HAD to use the bathroom first, and sometimes she would have to stop at a gas station or someplace to use it if she was unsure about the place she was going toor felt as though she would be lost or not able to use a restroom when she arrived. 

You should definitely speak to your doctor about it. It might be something that can be helped!


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## Flashy (Nov 30, 2008)

But if it helps isn't it worth it?

Teachers see and hear and know so much it will be normal and nothing major for them, they will see far more 'embarassing' things.


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## pinksalamander (Nov 30, 2008)

*Brandy456 wrote: *


> Hey hun,
> 
> Just try talking to you're parents. They can give you a note and the school HAS to let you out when you need to. Their not allowed to say no.
> 
> ...


But then if it is a mental issue (I hate saying that because it sounds rude, but I don't mean it that way) Its not going to help. 

I'd say go to the doctors and find out what the underlying issue is. If its physical, then you will have to let the school know. If its a mental issue then there is no point writing into the school beause then they will let you go and you will never get out of it. And what happens when you get a job? You can't keep going then..

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## Becca (Nov 30, 2008)

*pinksalamander wrote: *


> Maybe you need to train yourself. Do pelvic floor muscles help with all that wee-holding stuff? (Cos you can see I just don't know what to call it). Maybe you could train yourself to have better control over your pelvic floor and that might help you hold it for longer, whilst you tackle the mental part of the problem.
> 
> Fran  :hearts :brownbunny



What are pelvic floor thingymabobs :shock::shock:


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## irishbunny (Nov 30, 2008)

I know how you feel, school sucks


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## Flashy (Nov 30, 2008)

If it's an anxiety based problem, then lifting the anxiety symptom can mean that Becca could get the space to deal with the root cause of her anxiety, so allowing her to go to the toilet could help ease things in that respect and if she had help like a counsellor or someone should could work on the root causes behind the anxiety and the issues with the toilet and feeling sick.

That is if it is related to beign anxious, which obviously it may not.


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## slavetoabunny (Nov 30, 2008)

Using the restroom frequently is also a symptom of diabetes. I would be tested if I were you.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

I used to have to pee every 5 minutes. It was horrible. You need to relax, when you need to pee ( this sounds weird ) flex you're bum muscles and the sensation will go away.. 

My doctor taught me that.


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## NZminilops (Nov 30, 2008)

There is nothing embarassing about peeing, we all have to do it (even teachers ).

Either way, whether it's an axiety issue or a physical one, you have to look past feeling embarassed and tell someone. Feeling sick all the time and needing to pee every 5 minutes isn't something you want to live with forever is it?

Are you SURE you like school? I hated school and pretended to be sick so often that I actually ended up believing I was sick all the time.


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## Brandy456 (Nov 30, 2008)

*NZminilops wrote: *


> There is nothing embarassing about peeing, we all have to do it (even teachers ).
> 
> Either way, whether it's an axiety issue or a physical one, you have to look past feeling embarassed and tell someone. Feeling sick all the time and needing to pee every 5 minutes isn't something you want to live with forever is it?
> 
> Are you SURE you like school? I hated school and pretended to be sick so often that I actually ended up believing I was sick all the time.


Thats how I found outI had school phobia. I made myself think I was sick so i'd stay home. Sometimes it was soo bad where i'd leave school without signing out and just walk home. My mom got fed up and told my doctor and he sent me to see my Psyciatrist.


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

So.. what do I do :shock:


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## irishbunny (Dec 1, 2008)

*Becca wrote: *


> So.. what do I do :shock:


You at home today? Me too the roads were too icy and my bus couldn't come :biggrin2:


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

Yeah, apparently I was coughing loads in the night though I can't remember and my mum said I should get some sleep.


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## Flashy (Dec 1, 2008)

You talk to your mum and tell her the truth, and then she will do what she feels is right for you.


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

This is what mum said:

One thing to remember is that you have just had ur wee tested and it was normal so that rules out infection and diabetes.

I think it is just an anxiety problem, again when you think you aren't able to get to a toilet when you want it bothers u and makes u more anxious but you know you get out of itusually when ur busy and are distracted.

You have to remember you are at an age where there are lots of things going on in your body, I think I was worse about most things when I was your age. You have never not got to the toilet in time when you need to have you? So you have to keep telling yourself that and that you can hold it until you are able to get to the toilet.

You have to try and relax about these sort of things otherwise they will take over your life. That is why I bother about you reading about some of the other problems people have on RO because you just have to deal with how you feel and get on with things.

I understand how you feel as I have felt the same when I was younger but I always just did what I had to do, went to school etc. Learning to overcome fears and anxieties is part of life but something that you have to do otherwise you will miss out on lots of fun things.


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## Flashy (Dec 1, 2008)

How do you feel about that?

I do agree with everything your mum said, but I also think there comes a time where it does get past just being able to get on with things. I'm not saying you are there, just that sometimes its hard to just get on with things.

Your mum knows you best and also knows far more about the situation, and as long as you are communicating as well with her as you do with us, then she always knows best, however, if you don't communicate as well with her, then you need to learn to, because it will stand you in good stead.

Well done for talking to her


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## lemon (Dec 1, 2008)

WOW!!!! I didn't know how lucky i am!!
( I am home schooled.)


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## irishbunny (Dec 1, 2008)

*lemon wrote: *


> WOW!!!! I didn't know how lucky i am!!
> ( I am home schooled.)


I don't think I'd like to be home schooled :?


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## Flashy (Dec 1, 2008)

There are pros and cons to both being schooled in a, well, school, (lol) and being home schooled, so in some cases both are better, in some cases the other is better.


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

I'd LOVE to be homeschooled...


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## irishbunny (Dec 1, 2008)

I don't think I'd like to be home schooled because school is one of the only times you get to see friends you don't live near. Like I live in the countryside and have one close friend (in my avatar, breeds nethies), in school there are 8 people in my friend group so basically I'd have one friend without school.


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## Becca (Dec 1, 2008)

If you were homeschooled you would have to do clubs and stuff you wouldn't just stay at home all the time. You'd go to other clubs and meet friends there


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## irishbunny (Dec 1, 2008)

*Becca wrote: *


> If you were homeschooled you would have to do clubs and stuff you wouldn't just stay at home all the time. You'd go to other clubs and meet friends there


Ya I suppose but I don't like sports or anything and I don't like any clubs near me so I probably wouldn't.


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## lemon (Dec 2, 2008)

Becca wrote:


> If you were homeschooled you would have to do clubs and stuff you wouldn't just stay at home all the time. You'd go to other clubs and meet friends there


Right, we are going to goat club to night!


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## Luv-bunniz (Dec 2, 2008)

Yeah being homeschooled is good but I dont like not seeing friends everyday, usually like every 4-5 days or at clubs.


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## pinksalamander (Dec 2, 2008)

I couldn't stand being homeschooled. I can't imagine those who have been homeschooled for their entire lives have the greatest people skills, especially around strangers. I think you need to be brought up in an environment where you can have your own independence. That is just my opinion though.

Fran  :hearts :brownbunny


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## swanlake (Dec 2, 2008)

this is so ironic, as i just went to my doctor today!

it could be school phobia as some people are saying.

I have severe school phobia. i did not go to class at all the first trimester. this one i am doing school online because i just can't take it. this is my second year dealing with this, and i am a senior.

I am over the panicy feeling, but still don't feel right in school. my doc explained that phobias present themselves in different ways, its not always the panicy feeling. there are many different ways phobias show themselves, and its not always the way you think it would come.

when you see your doc, i would def. bring it up. don't be so embarassed when talking to them, as they have heard it all, and won't point and laugh at you. i have had some pretty deep conversations with my doc, and i and fine with it now.


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## Flashy (Dec 2, 2008)

Becca, I just want to say that even though other people have school phobia, it doesn't mean you do, and you shouldn't think you do, or else you may think yourself into it (this is one of the reasons why self diagnosis is not a good idea). Trust your mum and trust in her choices and decisionsbecause she does what she thinks is best for you


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## swanlake (Dec 2, 2008)

i agree with flashy.

i don't want to talk you into thinking you have school phobia, i just wanted to comment.

your doc would be the best person to tell you wat might be goin on.


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## NZminilops (Dec 2, 2008)

Agreed, the best person to decide is a doctor . It's so easy to self-diagnose these days! If I let my imagination run away with me and google, I must have almost every disorder under the sun .

Edited for atrocious typos!


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## PepnFluff (Dec 2, 2008)

NZminilops wrote:


> Agreed, the best person to decide is a doctor . It's so easy to self-diagnose these days! If I let my imagination run away with me and google, I must have almost every disorder under the sun .
> 
> Edited for atrocious typos!



LOL your like me I've self diagnosed cancer, bone growths and being pregnant :shock: needless to say none of those were true I have correctly self diagnosed a medial meniscus tear though :biggrin2: Think I should be a google DR .


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## Becca (Dec 2, 2008)

I do that, School tomorrow :?


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## Flashy (Dec 2, 2008)

Have a good day


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## Becca (Dec 2, 2008)

Thanks, I'll try!

My best mate is coming round after school, she says she has so much to tell me, I'm quite excited


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## Flashy (Dec 2, 2008)

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gossip!

It will be worthwhile doing the day just for that  And the first day is normally the hardest, so you're onto a winner being excited for after school


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## Becca (Dec 3, 2008)

I was going to school, then my friend texted and said she was ill and couldn't come round. Then I started crying because I didn't want to go to school then mum said she'd take me. So we got to school but then I wouldn't get out of the car and started crying again.

So mum had to bring me home and now she's really mad


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

Why were you crying?


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## Becca (Dec 3, 2008)

Because I didn't want to go to school, mum keeps swearing at me and she never does that.

I've made her really mad


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

Often changes can be scary and hard for us to deal with. I personally need time to prepare for anything and changes and surprised throw me off completely, maybe this just threw you off because you were prepared for something else, and that plan changed.

Maybe you could call the school, explain what's going on and maybe talk to your HoY and see if you can get some work or something e-mailed to you. That would be better than not doing any work and sitting at home and thinking about it all day.

The first day back is the hardest, it always is, so once you force yourself to get through that day it will hopefully get better.

(I also just found your texts, sorry for not replying, I was asleep).


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## Becca (Dec 3, 2008)

My HoY isn't the most understanding man, Mum might ring him but I'mm scared to talk to her at the moment so.

My nan phoned up a min ago and mum started crying again. WHy am I so stupid.:X


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

You're not stupid, you have just allowed yourself to get into a cycle and now you're trapped and it will take strength to get out, and you can do it, but it won't be easy.

Do you think you could go to school now? Like if your mum took you now? Or maybe ask your mum to make you a doctors appointment?

I do also think that whilst talking about things that are going on for you is important, I also think sometimes it can mean it is easier to wallow in those issues and not do anything to try and change what is going on for you especially when you are talking about it on a medium such as the internet, and not with someone who can productively help you move forward from whatever is going on. That's the same for everyone, not just you, but it might be that maybe the attention and sympathy you received from people has allowed this to grow in your head and become more than it might have been had you not spoken about it on the web. I'm not saying you were wrong to talk about it at all, not for a moment, but I have seen similar things happen with other people, and it might be the case here too.


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## Bo B Bunny (Dec 3, 2008)

My son was diagnosed with high functioning ADHD in 3rd grade. He's not on any medications or anything now and does VERY well in school. His issues relate to him wanting tobe perfect. He gets frustrated if he can't be perfect andused to "shut down" and say "I can't" - he wasn't hyper - the "H"is for impulsivity in his case.

During his first few years of school, he would get anxiousbefore a test and have to go to the bathroom after. His teachers figured it out and just knew to allow it. We learned that going to the bathroom is common with test anxiety and things like that. He would relax when it was done and need to pee. He also gets nervous and has IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). 

Another consideration is not so much allergies, but what are you eating? If I eat a lot of brocolli - I gotta pee! Do you drink lots of water? if it's your bowels, maybe they need to look at some other medical issues like Celiac disease, or an intolerance to Lactose.

I have to say that if my children are home from school, they aren't allowed to be on the computer, phone, or attend any lessons/club meetings/events for that day. School is way too important and I encourage them to go unless they are truly ill.


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## TinysMom (Dec 3, 2008)

*Bo B Bunny wrote: *


> I have to say that if my children are home from school, they aren't allowed to be on the computer, phone, or attend any lessons/club meetings/events for that day. School is way too important and I encourage them to go unless they are truly ill.


:yeahthat:

Our rule was if you're too sick for school (and we homeschooled) - then you're too sick for computer, tv, etc. You could read quietly in bed...but that was it.

Becca - do you have to pee every 5 minutes while you're on RO? I suspect not....unless you're taking the computer to the restroom with you.

I know - I'm going to seem hard or harsh or whatever. But the fact is - the mind can convince us that we can't function and keep us from doing what we need to do. I know - I lived in "that place" fora long time...convinced that I was unable to work, etc. I still have mornings when I get up and don't want to face work...feeling like I just don't feel that great, etc.

But for me - work is a fact of life...just like school is a fact of life for you.

Your body is going through changes 'cause you're in the teen years - mine is going through changes cause I'm in the "middle age" years....and for both of us - the changes can be traumatic.

But I've learned that if I set my mind to it - I can do almost anything. (I do know my limitations - that I can't lift was much as I used to). 

A lesson I think we all need to learn is that there are times when we need to MAKE ourselves do what we don't want to do. Its a hard lesson - one I am still learning at times.

But you can do it....you can go to school and make it through.


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## irishbunny (Dec 3, 2008)

Maybe your mam should make an appointment with a pyschologist, they might be able to help you and if you have regular sessions with him it might help alot. The whole feeling sick and not wanting to go to school could be a mental thing. My sister is training as a pyschologist and volunteers at one of those helpline things that people can phone if they need help, I know you have a children's helpline in the UK maybe you could ring them and they will give you some excellent advice on how to deal with what your going through, it's totally confidental. 

Pyschologists are great too, I can ask my sister anything and she always has great advice. If your gp can't find anything physically wrong with you then a pyschologist is defo the best way to go.


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

^That would be Childline. http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/default.aspx

To see a proper psychologist Becca would have to go private, or be referred to them via CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service), and they are very hard to come by. A regular counsellor could be just as effective, or a psych if they feel it is a mental health illness, but most likely a counsellor would be the easiest and possibly most effective to see. 


Also, just to add, Peg is right about forcing yourself to do things. We can't always have what we want, and sometimes we have to force ourselves through those hard times, because it does get easier.


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## Flashy (Dec 3, 2008)

Thinking about it, Connexions Direct might also be of help.


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## irishbunny (Dec 3, 2008)

Oh ya, well, if you can't afford to go to a pyschologist then defo try go see a counsellor, and I would also defo try ringing childline. If you don't feel comfortable ringing them I know some places offer an e-mail service, not sure about childline but there are other places you could e-mail. You should defo try and get some sort of help if at all possible, have you a school counsellor? What do you think you want to stay home for? I know you said the peeing thing but that could becausedby another issue. Is there a reason you can think of why you don't want to go to school? Or a reason why you want to be at home?


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